Morning Announcements

9:45

Tuesday, May 26th, 2026 - Tulsi Gabbard Resigns, Iran...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/26

Today's Headlines: Trump announced the US and Iran were near "finalization" of a deal on Saturday, then posted less than 24 hours later that he's "not in a rush" — with the reported framework giving Iran $25 billion in unfrozen assets in exchange for disposing of enriched uranium and temporarily reopening the Strait of Hormuz, while Iranian officials claim American diplomats have been privately telling them to ignore Trump's posts because they're "primarily for media consumption," which is either

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11:11

Friday, May 22nd, 2026 - Trump's Traitor Fund Is...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/22

Today's Headlines: The Department of Homeland Security is threatening to cut customs staffing at major international airports in sanctuary cities like New York, LA, Chicago, and DC — which would affect not just tourism but cargo shipments and the broader economy — because DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin apparently thinks international trade can just reroute to Florida. Trump, meanwhile, said he's "in no hurry" to end the Iran war while also telling reporters he might skip his own son's destination

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10:59

Thursday, May 21st, 2026 - Trump's Slush Fund Gets...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/21

Today's Headlines: Two January 6th police officers — Harry Dunn and Daniel Hodges — filed a lawsuit to block Trump's $1.776 billion slush fund, naming Trump, Todd Blanche, and Scott Bessent, while exactly one Republican congressman, Brian Fitzpatrick, called it out publicly — prompting Trump to immediately shitpost about Fitzpatrick's wife. On the primaries, Tuesday's results confirmed that Trump owns the GOP completely: Mitch McConnell lost his Senate primary to a Trump-endorsed challenger, Georgia

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11:58

Wednesday, May 20th, 2026 - Trump's Insurrectionist...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/20

Today's Headlines: Thomas Massie lost his primary to Trump-backed Ed Gallrein, and Trump followed up by endorsing Ken Paxton over sitting Senator John Cornyn in Texas — picking the very crazy over the more traditional crazy, as is on-brand. Speaking of people who can't stop themselves, Trump demanded a DOJ investigation into Maryland's mail-in ballots over a completely routine reissuing error, because Maryland didn't vote for him and apparently that requires a federal explanation. On organized

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9:57

Tuesday, May 19th, 2026 - Mosque Shooting; Trump’s J6...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/19

Today's Headlines: Three people were killed in a shooting at the Islamic Center of San Diego — the city's largest mosque — by two teenage gunmen who died of self-inflicted wounds, with a security guard preventing the attack from being significantly worse. Notably, one shooter's mother had called police two hours earlier as a runaway juvenile report, telling them her son might be suicidal and had taken three of her weapons and her car. On the grift beat, the DOJ officially created the

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13:30

Monday, May 18th, 2026 - Trump Extorting the IRS,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/18

Today's Headlines: Trump is reportedly willing to drop his $10 billion IRS lawsuit in exchange for a $1.7 billion government slush fund to pay out political allies — including $230 million for himself, a waiver on all family tax audits, and a public IRS apology — totally extortion. Meanwhile, Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy, one of the only Republicans who voted to convict Trump after January 6th, lost his primary and became the first senator in 12 years to lose one, because minimal backbone has a

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13:39

Friday, May 15th, 2026 - Trump's Human Printer, Kash...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/15

Today's Headlines: Trump's personal aide Natalie Harp — dubbed the "Human Printer" by the Wall Street Journal — follows the president around with a printer for his Truth Social posts and is responsible for his midnight rage posting, including the Obama monkeys video, because no one else on his comms team has any visibility into what goes out at 2am. Trump returned from China having spent most of his time complimenting Xi Jinping's height, claiming Xi promised to stop arming Iran while continuing to

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11:26

Thursday, May 14th, 2026 - Trump In China, FBI...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/14

Today's Headlines: Trump touched down in Beijing for his Xi Jinping summit — greeted by a military band and hundreds of children waving flags — while Elon Musk technically skipped his own OpenAI trial to attend as emotional support, despite the judge explicitly not excusing him. On the Iran war, US intelligence assessed that Iran still has operational access to 30 of its 33 missile sites and about 70% of its prewar missile stockpile, which is not what "totally obliterated" means, and for the seventh

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11:28

Wednesday, May 13th, 2026 - Trump's Doesn’t Think...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/13

Today's Headlines: Trump had a full episode between 1am and sunrise Tuesday, posting dozens of times about the 2020 election, the reflecting pool, and Barack Obama — before waking up and telling reporters he doesn't think about Americans' financial situations "at all." He also disowned his favorite pool guy after the reflecting pool paint job came out bubbly, uneven, and full of holes, despite having previously bragged about this being the greatest pool contractor in history — he then flew to China

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9:40

Tuesday, May 12th, 2026 - Iran Ceasefire Dead,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/12

Today's Headlines: The Iran ceasefire is on "massive life support" per Trump, while Iran's foreign minister insists their latest proposal was reasonable — and the administration responded by sanctioning 12 companies helping ship Iranian oil to China, days before Trump flies to Beijing to meet Xi Jinping, where that will definitely not be awkward. This is further complicated by reports that China was preparing to deliver new air defense systems to Iran last month, meaning both China and Russia are

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12:21

Monday, May 11th, 2026 - Iran Peace Deal Rejected,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/11

Today's Headlines: Trump kicked off the week rejecting Iran's latest peace proposal with "I don't like it — totally unacceptable," while a confidential Economist document reveals Russia offered Iran 5,000 advanced drones and training for 10,000 soldiers to use them against American troops. Iran's new supreme leader Mojtaba Khamenei hasn't been seen publicly since being severely injured in the airstrike that killed most of his family, complicating Iran's ability to negotiate. Someone also unveiled a

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9:08

Friday, May 8th, 2026 - Trump's Iran "Love Tap," Gas...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/08

Today's Headlines: The Iran war is very much back on — Trump threatened Iran with "one big glow," called the exchange of fire "just a love tap," and bragged about sinking small boats, while US intelligence confirmed Iran still has about 70% of its missiles intact despite Trump claiming it's down to 18-19%. Gas prices have hit $4.50 a gallon — up over 50% since the war started — with CEOs warning that consumer spending is collapsing and everyone is borrowing to get by. Shell, meanwhile, posted $7

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10:04

Thursday, May 7th, 2026 - Epstein's Suicide Note,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/07

Today's Headlines: A federal judge unsealed what the DOJ claims is Jeffrey Epstein's suicide note yesterday — found tucked inside a graphic novel by his former cellmate. On related Epstein news, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick testified behind closed doors at the House Oversight Committee about his relationship with Epstein, his former next-door neighbor whom he claimed to find "disgusting," and yet somehow visited Epstein's island for lunch with his family and several nannies after Epstein's 2008

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11:58

Wednesday, May 6th, 2026 - Trump Rants And Snoozes,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/06

Today's Headlines: Trump hosted kids at the White House for a Presidential Fitness Award ceremony, fell asleep while RFK Jr. spoke, and used the occasion to rant about Iran to a room full of children — meanwhile, Pete Hegseth was simultaneously insisting the ceasefire was still intact while missiles were actively flying over the Strait of Hormuz, and Marco Rubio filled in at the press briefing to tout US humanitarian aid for Cuba, a country we are currently blockading. In other news, over a quarter

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8:47

Tuesday, May 5th, 2026 - Iran Ceasefire Dead, SCOTUS...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/05

Today's Headlines: The ceasefire is officially dead — Iran fired on multiple ships in the Strait of Hormuz after Trump said escorting vessels through the strait would be totally chill and Iran said that would be a ceasefire violation, and then Iran fired anyway. The UAE is also reporting missile attacks on a fuel facility and ships off its coast. Trump responded by holding remarks at the White House where he bragged about the economy, called it a "mini war," and mentioned he scored well on a

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10:31

Monday, May 4th, 2026 - Spirit Airlines Is Dead, Iran...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/04

Today's Headlines: Spirit Airlines quietly ceased to exist overnight Saturday — no warning, no functioning customer service, just stranded pilots, crew members, and passengers. The real culprit is fuel costs, which are also why you're paying $4.45/gallon nationally and Californians are staring down $6+ at the pump — up over a dollar from a year ago. Speaking of costs, Trump's war with Iran rolls on: he told Congress Friday that hostilities are officially "terminated" thanks to an April ceasefire,

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10:57

Friday, May 1st, 2026 - Louisiana Gov Suspends...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/05/01

Today's Headlines: Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry suspended the state's congressional primary elections — which were supposed to start tomorrow — citing the Supreme Court's redistricting ruling as cover to let the Republican-controlled legislature redraw the map first and set a new election date, which will conveniently be a jungle primary where Republicans could theoretically sweep all six of Louisiana's House seats without a single Democrat winning anything. Speaking of elections being quietly

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9:13

Thursday, April 30th, 2026 - SCOTUS Guts Voting...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/04/30

Today's Headlines: The Supreme Court ruled 6-3 to gut Louisiana's congressional map on racial gerrymandering grounds, but the real headline is what the decision does to the 1965 Voting Rights Act — essentially making it easier for Republican-controlled legislatures to draw racially discriminatory districts going forward. Republican states wasted exactly zero time responding: Louisiana is already redrawing its map, Florida is moving forward with DeSantis's new 24-to-4 Republican-favoring map, and

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11:38

Wednesday, April 29th, 2026 - Hegseth Lying To Trump...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/04/29

Today's Headlines: The Atlantic reported that Pete Hegseth has been feeding Trump a sanitized version of the Iran war while JD Vance and actual military brass warn about depleted missile stockpiles and the reality that Iran isn't opening the Strait of Hormuz over a social media post. Trump responded by posting that Iran told him they're "in a state of collapse" — a claim that appears to have originated entirely in his own head. Iran's actual proposal — a long-term ceasefire with toll collection on

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11:33

Tuesday, April 28th, 2026 - WHCD Shooter Charged,...

Morning Announcements ·

2026/04/28

Today's Headlines: Cole Tomas Allen was charged in federal court with attempting to assassinate President Trump plus two gun charges — more charges may be coming, and conviction alone could mean life in prison. Trump, meanwhile, has pivoted from brief media civility straight back to ballroom obsession, with Lindsey Graham leading the charge to get Congress to approve $400 million in taxpayer money for a White House ballroom-and-bunker — never mind that it wouldn't hold half as many people as the

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