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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

comedy entertainment news

All Episodes

00:01:29

Discount AI

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/10/14

You’ve got your good AI and you’ve got your discount AI. How do you know which one you’re getting? Two tin cans and a piece of string? “Hello – can you hear me.” And the string has a knot in it! That’s discount AI. Never leave any AI alone and unsupervised. It could register you to vote in Baltimore and you’d never know it. Hell the people in Baltimore never knew it either. So before you let AI in the front door, you better find out who’s been feeding it first. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

How To Pick a Husband part 1

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/10/08

Half of everywhere is infested with men. So finding a husband isn’t that hard. Finding the right one is. As an international man of mystery I can help with that, since you’re gonna need to know what you’re dealing with. Now remember, men are naturally stinky and have no visible means of support. And they can sleep standing up. Only a widow knows where her husband is at all times, so don’t expect too much at first. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Shrinkage

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/10/07

Have you heard about shrinkage? Everybody’s talking about it. Used to be called stealing, but that was way too honest and could be offensive to simple organisms. They don’t have shrinkage in China or Mexico or even LotaVodka, mainly because they just cut off your hands if you’re caught shrinking something into your bag. Junk Culture tells us that "shrinkage" helps people feel better about themselves, but they probably still won’t want to go RV-ing. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Do The Math

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/09/30

If you’re thinking about hiring little Johnny from the local high school to come work at your store and sell tube socks, here are some things you need to know. First, don’t expect too much because Johnny can’t read and damn sure can't add. But to be fair, neither can any of the other “graduates.” But yes, Johnny would love to come work at your store, and thanks for asking, as long as you’re paying $42 an hour! He can do that much math. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Expired Beer

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/09/10

Did you know that beer has an expiration date? After a certain date you’re supposed to throw it out because it may not taste like what you'd expect. But, it’s beer right? You’re expecting what exactly? So beer gets thrown out if it’s too old, but Joey gets to keep his job and doesn't get thrown out? Isn’t President Joey expired too? What’s the difference between Joey and old beer? Both get checked for worms, right? And both smell like cat pee.” Otis explains in this new Advisory. Hear

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00:01:29

2 Beer Limit

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/09/02

Here’s something you’ll want to know about first before signing up for the New America. The Donkey people have decided your beer thermostat should be set at 2 beers per week. Not 2 per drive home now, that’s 2 beers per week - total. If you’re still having Bud Light, where it takes 9 beers to get the job done, you’re in even worse shape! We wanted to know if those little kid-sized bottles of liquor they give you on the airplane count or not? Otis investigates. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

9 to 9

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/08/25

Chicago’s upper management has now asked the local gang leaders if they would please cooperate and not shoot people in the daytime. "It’s scaring the customers," cried Governor Soros! Just hold off on shooting from 9 in the morning until 9 at night. Then at 9pm hell get after it. Clock in for a good 12-hours taking care of whoever needs taking care of. Just promise you’ll finish up before 9 in the morning and leave time to clean up the mess. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:34

Threat of Country Music

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/08/25

Country music is a threat to democracy, say the donkey people! How did that happen? Complaining about country music and how it makes you grow hair in your ears has always been out there, When you think about it, you’re a lot more likely to be a victim of wife supremacy than have country music get between you and your misery index or fancy golf pants. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Mrs Hunter

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/08/11

Did you know that Hunter is married! Yes, there's a Mrs. Hunter alright, and sources close to the bone report that she might even own a TV and may have seen what’s on the news. So before the boy comes home again with his tail dragging the gravy, ask yourself this: what is in it for Mrs. Hunter? Somewhere there has to be paper on this saying, "Honey, you behave and stick this out for a couple more years, and you getting your own beach house!" Take the bait girl! Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:33

Puddle Dance for Hunter

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/08/06

Nothing’s going right for Lil Hunter. On his last trip to get a quick puddle dance at the misogynist parlor, Hunter learned that his best friend just went in and told the truth! Seems both the boys were over in LotaVodka together helping to make China great again when somebody accidentally wrote Joey a big check. Ooops! Big problem. Lots of explaining. Now it’s a federal beef. Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Etiquette Director

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/08/06

Who’s the skunk at the lawn party? Companies are now having to hire something called an Etiquette Director to help the new kids at the office learn how to smell check. But smell check isn’t the only thing the Etiquette Director does – tying your shoes, dealing with white winter itch and knowing how to pass a little air in church without making noise is also on the good manners list. Otis investigates. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:33

Sharks On Coke

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/07/23

It's like global warming only this one has long pointy teeth. Sharks have been really cranky this year biting you and the kids down at the beach, and now we know why. The little buggers have been getting into the bales of coke dumped off the smuggling boats before the heat pulls them over. Sharks on coke! With whales washing up from the offshore windmills and crabs that won’t stay in the bucket. what is going on? Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:30

The Modern Man 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/07/08

The salty scholars of the D'Otis Discount Think Tank & Bait Camp deliver this profile in courage on The Modern Man. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

From Beyond The Rip Tide

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/06/30

Yes, there are aliens from outer space, wherever that is, and we have a whole warehouse full of them. Didn’t you expect this would be a bigger deal? But nobody cares. "Outer space – not my problem! I gotta get my nails done!" Some guy who looks like a big oyster comes out, you would think HR wants to get involved. You want diversity, hell, here it is right here! Ancient Southern philosopher Testicleese joins Otis in this new Advisory. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

9 Volt

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/06/24

Everybody knows how much fun it is licking the top of a nine-volt battery. Kids would line up after school and pass around a fresh Eveready to see who could hold out the longest. My friend ShortStack always won since he would just swallow one whole and wash it down with some water for a good connection. Game over. Nobody ever messed with ShortStack after that. Fast forward to the Hunter Laptop. It's been passed around too for everybody to have a lick. Shocking! See what happens next! Hear

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00:01:29

Glitter2

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/06/17

Nothing is harder to explain than coming home with glitter stuck all over you. “Where have you been this time Uncle Otis?” What if you were just picking out the perfect thank you card for her and the glitter came off and got into everything. Party of Two becomes "First Available." It gets worse in a swing state. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Paying Is For Losers

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/06/12

Don’t pay when you go to the store. Save your money. When you’re through shopping just say, “no thanks, I’m good” and walk with whatever you want. It’s all free - limit $1,000 per visit though, just to keep it fair. You’ll say, “put it on the insurance tab” as you smile and head for the parking lot. That’s about it. Remind the store clerk that those cash registers are just there for decoration. “Don’t stop for that red light, equity will pay your ticket!” Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Magic Johnson

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/06/02

Next time you're in Target, ask the lady to show you where they keep the Magic Johnson display – now you see it, now you don’t. Probably over with the shrunken heads next to the Well of Souls. This might be what happens when you’re too woke to sleep and the sewer backs up! But, for now, it might be a good time to put the inflatable ape up on top of the building to give people something else to think about. Change the mood until the swelling goes down. Hear Podcast. Wash Hands.

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00:01:34

Satan Drawers at Target

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/05/28

Now you see it – now you don’t. It’s a miracle! Those special Satan drawers they sell at Target might hurt a bit pulling on, but the fashion statement you’ll make is immeasurable. If you like to keep your business in a junk drawer just to the south, this is definitely for you. We control the horizontal, but you control the vertical. And you’ll stay like that until somebody comes around to check you for worms. Hear this special Magic Johnson Advisory - then wash hands, twice.

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00:01:29

De-nutification of Harry

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/05/22

This just in from Otis Special Ops on the continuing de-nutification of Harry, formally known as Prince. It all came to a head in Nueva York when Harry must have broke a nail at the big dance and, along with his co-morbidity Megan suddenly left in a Checker Manhattan that smelled like Rat Pizza. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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