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PODCAST

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain"s involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you

education self-improvement

All Episodes

8:51

"SHAME on you" - are particularly triggering, toxic &...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/10/11

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep.The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism.SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTIONShame is the painful feeling of being unacceptable. It is a feeling of being inferior. It is “a wound made from the inside by an unseen hand”. There is something about “Attachment” issues and what happened

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6:54

Scapegoating can go on for only so long - folks with...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/10/04

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreScapegoating can go on for only so long. Then a need to accept responsibility for adult choices.The Kairos Centre do an extensive History Taking to build a profile understanding of the adult, impacted by childhood development issues. The feedback hypothesis can cause your brain (which initially, is not your best friend during the early stages of attempts at recovery) to blame others for what happened to you back there in the

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7:05

Don't forget the partner - in the Sex Addiction...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/09/27

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHe “caused” our problems and yet once again the focus and everyone’s attention is on him. The family income is being used by him again for his benefit, on top of the spend he has already enjoyed on his addiction. It’s just not fair. I am left here with his stuff and don’t know where to go or turn for help for me. That just is not right and is not fair. I feel so.....This is an understandable reframe don’t you think? But there

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10:41

It isn't all about me - this thing of Sex Addiction...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/09/20

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIf you are in a partnered relationship, re-build integrity with yourself by signing a 'Couples Recovery Plan'. Recovery - in a partnered relationship - is about the partnership, not only about your recovery at all.Your signature on the 'Couples Recovery Plan' can bolster your commitment to be faithful to your word/your signature - to use 'best endeavours' to achieve the outcomes in the Couples

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8:02

Some replacement positive self-soothing Hamster wheel...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/09/06

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThey are called the 4 Elements tools - which I teach my EMDR ("trauma") clients. These self-soothing - much more healthy and positive impacting (but still are hamster wheel/repetitive/habit/neural pathway activities) - become the new "go-to" practices.In other words, instead of defaulting to the previous negative hamster wheel behaviours, you learn to default to these positive ones - that are used

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8:14

Enhance sobriety by knowing which "Stage(s) of...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/08/30

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIf you understand The Stages of Change, may be you will not be so hard on yourself and be liberated! May be you are not defective, weak, a worse case, a hopeless case or an unfixable case.Stop beating yourself up, since you are facing the same Relapses as those trying to quit smoking, stop binge eating & other eating disorders, gambling, drugs, gaming and many other compulsive behaviours. You are not being weak.Yes, you

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11:19

Sex & Tech - Slippery slope that ends badly for those...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/08/23

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreI need only a few words to summary this episode. The slippery slope of mis-using Technology, will always cost you more than you had bargained, in many aspects of life.The world of AI, VR, Silicone full size sex dolls (childlike or sex slave like), will take you down at some point. It may not be for 20 years before doing a look back to count the cost of the severe adverse consequences of chasing the ultimate experience.Get off

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10:32

Porn & Sex Addicts re-wire their brain - a little at...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/08/16

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Sticks & stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me". That's not true! words do hurt. That means positive words can heal wounds.Hence, the basis for reciting "Pillars" - which are words that are spoken over yourself three times a day, every day. They can re-set you throughout the day, as a distraction technique; distraction from the objectified images which are being replayed in the

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9:16

Why those with Sex Addiction are willing to risk such...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/08/09

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFor example, the highest download of porn is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. What are those hours? Where are most people, during those hours? What do most contracts say about being caught having downloaded such material at work? What consequences flow from exposure? Then why take that level of risk?Don't use logic when considering these questions. The part of the brain that does logic, is the Frontal Lobes - the Frontal

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10:44

"Objectification" is not (for Porn Addicts) about...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/08/02

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre"Objectification" is not that you noticed the person. It is, that you linker longer or go back for a second or third look. "I am just appreciating God's creating", doesn't cut it!What a nightmare then, for Porn Addicts, are these Paris Olympics (and the holiday abroad in the sun (not in England!) - by the poolside and the beach.On the theme of the Olympics, here is a snippet of my recent article

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8:09

Porn-Blockers won't stop Porn Addiction viewing, but...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/07/26

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePorn-Blockers won't stop those who are determined to act out. Their use is, however, essential for those serious about achieving sobriety. It buys you time. It might get you through that day and enable you to add one more day to your sobriety count. Here are some Porn-Blockers:Chrome BlockX/Blocker X,Safe Surfer,Covenant Eyes,Qustodio,Famisafe Ourpast,Norton Online Family,Xblock,AdGuard,Tech

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9:17

Psychosexual issues set up for those with Sex, Porn,...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/07/19

Snippet of an interview with Caroline Brown of “This Crazy over 40s Life”: Sex with no strings attached - Part 5- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWorth listening to “Sexual Intelligence: More Science stuff” episodes – to recognise that there are consequence for Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of behaviours. Watch out for the psychosexual problems in the individual and couple’s sexual relationship.Sex, Porn, Love Addiction gets passed on to your next

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9:15

Many women (worldwide) became addicted to Sex & Porn...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/07/12

(Snippets from an Interview by Caroline Brown of "This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast") - Part 4- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSomething shifted during Covid-19 lockdown. Many women enticed to use phones, computers and tablets during lockdown, crossed their own "values" boundaries, as it seemed reasonable to do so (in the unusual circumstances of lockdown). The problem: Once crossed and their brain experienced the novelty,

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9:33

"Pinches & Crunches" in Relationships trigger escape...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/07/05

(Snippets from an Interview by Caroline Brown of "This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast") - Part 3- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSameness and/or difference attracts and are bonded together; but something shifted somewhere along the journey. Falling out of love visited the couple,Something about Core Emotional Needs being met, then stopped being met. Also, how it is we trash out Values and become unshackled. Core Emotional Needs and (separately)

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10:10

Couples Counselling at the right stage in the Sex,...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/06/28

(Interviewed by Caroline Brown of This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast) - Part 2- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNavigating life is challenging. Navigating partnered/couple relationship is even more challenging. Add Sex, Porn, Love Addiction to the mix - when you are still trying to understand self.What are the things hindering you from being the best that you can be. Sex, Porn, Love Addiction is the self-soother escape and avoidance and so that isn't

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8:46

A female client’s "Goodbye letter" to Porn, Sex (or...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/06/21

(Interviewed by Caroline Brown of This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast)- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou can break free of the (perhaps) generational baton of inherited compulsive behaviours and decide - "it stops with me" Here is one such past Kairos Centre client's description of her journey:"A client’s Goodbye letter to porn, sex & love Addiction A goodbye to sex and love addiction letter, written by a woman after 9 months

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12:56

Society has a view about those identified with Sex,...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/06/14

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreInterview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (10)What do you want from Therapy? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a “hand me down”? Therapy won’t work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active. The preference is to be proactive. Make

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6:49

Sex, Porn, Love Addiction individuals have enough...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/06/07

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreInterview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (9)Take your eyes off others and do your own battles and fights….then, after sorting self, maybe you will have more energy to pick up other things and fulfil your best potential in that area, as you become the best that you can be and leave your positive deposit on this earth. The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to see what you cannot see; then you can

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9:40

Sex, Porn, Love Addiction keeps you in a loop - with...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/05/31

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (8)"What! I no longer need to do traditional 'Talk Therapy', to address my past impactful stuff of life? Tell me more!"Call it a little “t” trauma – that I cannot even see in my lovely family upbringing or big "T". Trauma isn’t only what happens in the Middle East or Afghanistan. It can be the 6 years old whose action man was taken by the boy down the road and when he went to get it, the boys dad

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