JIMMY KIMMEL uses his newfound ability to time shift (not time travel, persay, but to alter many parallels of a given time) to undo joining a college fraternity. Also in the present nothing appears altered. This invisibly and almost even silently skews several multidimensional parallels into disarray. Unknowing st all of this, he seems content with his decision. Then again, he always seems sort of... JIMMY KIMMEL is quietly enjoying his fishing trip. Basking in the wonderful allone

It was surreal, I was off the grid and in airplane mode, and completely lost without giving a care I was so frustrated that I just kept waking. Just when I started to seriously consider suicide, with the exact timing of my thoughts reaching the logistical point that ‘there was really nothing let in the world for me'— then it appeared right before my eyes; as if it had just sprung up in my path. I wasn't worried that I was lost, or even panicking in a suicidal spiral, I just

I feel like that would be a– coincidence? No, I don't think so THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES. THATS A CHALLENGE. CUNTFACE. 0.0 WHAT DID YOUJUST CALL ME. FUNTCASE. WHAT. IT'S A DJ– WHAT! GROUP–OR WHATEVER. Harvard; How'd I do that? I wonder what else I can get If I just ask I thought watch my thoughts I been bad I'm a dog (ruff) I should watch my process I been good, nothing lost I been bad, I'm a dog. I been bad I'm a dog Woof woof I'm dog I been bad I'm a

Suddenly, as I looked up from my makeshift workspace, where I had been toiling away for hours at seemingly nothing—I realized the world was full of everything I'd ever wanted to fuck; something primal and ancient had been awakening within me and I was left in a dangerous volitile position, drifting somewhere between reckless promiscuity in a sexual escapade—and the pseudo-conservative now-only partially celibate maiden form of fantasy—there wasn't anything I could do but wait

425 I don't know which bridge is the Brooklyn one, I won't lie It's frequency too famous for suicide I think about it every time Is this my stop? I want to die And meanwhile, On the four to five I caught the four right on time But only because I've run a mile You can't take anything from me, I already have nothing If you want more than what I'm made of, Then hold on and let me grab something Take all the waste and the filth And the days I've lost, The guilt Take the birthdays,

“The Golden Rule” I finally did it. I finally set my house on fire. You don't know. I've lived there two years; I just now did it. This amazes me that just how. Here's how it happened. So I'm in my kitchen, cooking. I just worked out for like, three hours so I'm cooking everything. Everything. I put the soup on, but by the end of the workout, I'm not sure the soup is going to be enough. So, I thought to myself, “You know what, I'm going to make some tortilla chips”

It's like spraying for ants, But they keep coming back The colonies are alarming in number Really harmless but lawful annoying A roach infestation Left to fester; The gutter is the environment No matter what you try to put over it Still, you don't want the pests In your place of rest, And it's hard to acknowledge The infestation It's just a lesson A garbage can is a garbage can And the lesson is, Just don't get too close to it Why I don't love rap music And black men Cause depending

Scratching my third eye and inching away from my phone as if it would make this day any less cruel than it was, and I wondered why it became a– Shipwreck – Stream of consciousness almost as if out of nowhere after a hellish enough writer's block that I thought i'd never write again, but maybe, just maybe, With the lack of motorcycles and having run something like three miles and working out for two hours, and crying and crying meant I was somehow closer to heaven, Even though it felt

SHOW TITLE: FR3AKY FRÏDAYS! with -Ū. IG HANDLE: @iamu.guru DJ NAMES: -Ū. | Happy Accidents! [H∆!], c o l o r s, Uptown A GENRE TAGS: ACID, ELECTRONIC, EXPERIMENTAL, DANCE, DUBSTEP DESCRIPTION: Prepare for sonic seismic activity! "Freaky Fridays" with the enigmatic -Ū. is about to detonate on the airwaves, bringing you the biggest bass explosion since the Big Bang itself! Climb aboard the mothership every Friday from 11 AM to 1 PM and launch your weekend into orbit with a

SHOW TITLE: FR3AKY FRÏDAYS! with -Ū. IG HANDLE: @iamu.guru DJ NAMES: -Ū. | Happy Accidents! [H∆!], c o l o r s, Uptown A GENRE TAGS: ACID, ELECTRONIC, EXPERIMENTAL, DANCE, DUBSTEP DESCRIPTION: Prepare for sonic seismic activity! "Freaky Fridays" with the enigmatic -Ū. is about to detonate on the airwaves, bringing you the biggest bass explosion since the Big Bang itself! Climb aboard the mothership every Friday from 11 AM to 1 PM and launch your weekend into orbit with a

SHOW TITLE: FR3AKY FRÏDAYS! with -Ū. IG HANDLE: @iamu.guru DJ NAMES: -Ū. | Happy Accidents! [H∆!], c o l o r s, Uptown A GENRE TAGS: ACID, ELECTRONIC, EXPERIMENTAL, DANCE, DUBSTEP DESCRIPTION: Prepare for sonic seismic activity! "Freaky Fridays" with the enigmatic -Ū. is about to detonate on the airwaves, bringing you the biggest bass explosion since the Big Bang itself! Climb aboard the mothership every Friday from 11 AM to 1 PM and launch your weekend into orbit with a

SHOW TITLE: FR3AKY FRÏDAYS! with -Ū. DJ NAMES: -Ū. | Happy Accidents! [H∆!], c o l o r s, Uptown A GENRE TAGS: ACID, ELECTRONIC, EXPERIMENTAL, DANCE, DUBSTEP DESCRIPTION: Prepare for sonic seismic activity! "Freaky Fridays" with the enigmatic -Ū. is about to detonate on the airwaves, bringing you the biggest bass explosion since the Big Bang itself! Climb aboard the mothership every Friday from 11 AM to 1 PM and launch your weekend into orbit with a mind-bending blend of clever

Moo. Moo… Moo. Moo, sir. I'll kill you. You promise? I want to. Don't get me excited over nothing; If this isn't the exit, please take this tease To the left, dear Moo, cow My honor Level one, and brother, you've got nothing Flip the coin and landed on your headache Betting on your helmet Standing on my cock, i'm taller (Not a rooster) But my ops are rooting for you, No informants, Dont you know I was a collar, all along? I was a shot calling, Cop calling Kiss-and-tell all as

I just found out the President doesn't drink and this is something we have in common. I don't drink; but i found out he didn't and it made me want to start. I'm like “Oh, I can't be associated with this dude” I started shopping for lime-a-ritas. Spritzers and shit, something fruity. I'm like “I think i just became an alcoholic.” I started to get worried. I watch a lot of late night TV; I'm like, obsessed with those guys– right? [oppotunity for crowdwork:

Rob Lowe: True, or False? What's the question? You have access to a hidden realm and/or an open portal. And/ Or? True or False, Rob Lowe. And, or “or”? Distinctively either, actually. ___ Oh, fuck, oh fuck–fuck! You look lost. Look less lost. How am I supposed to know how I look? Look in a mirror. I was told not to do that. No, you should do that. But what if I backshift. You won't backshift, it's impossible. Oh, FUCK. FUCK. Dude,

Television Series Concept: "Tales of a Superstar DJ" Premise: "Tales of a Superstar DJ" exists within the sprawling multiverse of "Enter The Multiverse," revealing the deeply personal, often painful, and ultimately triumphant journey of Blū Tha Gürū. Born of ascended dimensions and gifted with unparalleled creative genius, Blū faces the paradox of her destiny: to become the world's greatest DJ and healer through sound, while navigating profound earthly challenges like body dysmorphia, the scars

For awhile I thought I wanted to be on SNL. I really thought “maybe I could do that.” Especially after all the 50th anniversary specials and documentaries and stuff, I was like “This is speaking to me.” “I should do this” “I've done stand up exactly five times!” “I should be on SNL. Yes.” So i started to think about it; I got really into it, actually, I'm like “Yeah, i just gotta be really good st stand up, I'll climb the

I'm a size extra small, What are you all on? I lost all of ya'll And then some Sitting on the wall, But I went over once And once and for all I went over up I'll take breakfast At Jimmy and Molly's At Jimmy and Molly's. I'm a mom. I'll take dinner at Jimmy and Molly's A bottle of law for the shrubs and a handful of Molly. I'm in love and a little bit fucked up I don't know what you want, I'm a extra small, bruh I'm a mom And a model I'll have brunch over Jimmy and Molly's Jimmy and

TROUBLEMAKER enters through the foyer. Troublemaker— I never though I'd see you again. — you won't. Yo what do I owe the displeasure? Fascinatingly inept. Ahem, excuse me— to what do I owe the nauseating discomfort? Better, but still no dice. What are you going here, exiler? “Exiler” well now, here we are making up words after a rusty start. What do you want? Where are they? Who do you mean? Birdsong and Hawkeye? I'm supposed to know?

In THE BEFORE TIME, SETH ROGEN is PUSHED down the JEW PORTAL to an unknown realm across infinity; this ultimately leads to his villainey in our current web of multidimentional-fuck-plots. Why are they “fuck-plots” Fuck. Watch it— Ugh! Plot hole— Fuck— plot hole— Dammit. You lose. Yo fuck you. I had to Jew this the old fashioned way, alright. How'd you get in? Through the eyes. Are you serious. What. This guy. Why! What!