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PODCAST

Mistakes Were Made

Non monogamy for imperfect people. Hosted by a queer therapist and her husband of 15 years. Sarah & Alex share their experiences opening their marriage, and interview guests about the struggles & rewards of doing relationships your own way. Mistakes Were Made is part advice, part confession, part culture critique. But it"s all about learning from our missteps and stumbling toward liberation. Follow us on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/. Logo design by roy franklin of the Whatever

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

01:12:41

Ep 61: Trauma-Informed Poly ~ Season 5 Premiere!

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/10/31

Has a relationship ever made you feel like a scared little kid? You might be resurfacing trauma from an earlier life stage. In the Season 5 premiere Sarah and Alex welcome spooky season with a deep dive into the many ways unexplored trauma could be what's messing up our relationships. Eek! 👻👻👻 Mentioned in the episode: Erikson's Stages of Development | True adolescence disrupted by Queer phobic context | Performative Male | Extended Adolescence | Parts Work | Dr. Gabor Maté | DARVO | SCFRE

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01:20:58

Ep 60: Holding Boundaries, Meeting Needs | Season 4...

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/09/26

What are my boundaries? What are my needs? How do I share them with my partners? Sarah and Alex try to understand the differences between rules and boundaries, needs and desires. Mentioned in the episode: Glitter & Greed: The Lisa Frank Story mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links.

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01:04:58

Ep 56: Splitsville Instant Reaction

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/09/05

Hollywood made a movie about open relationships (sort of). We watched it so you don't have to! Mentioned in the episode: Splitsville | Together | Together’s free couples therapy gimmick | mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:19:25

Ep 56: Parents Fast for Gaza + Poly-tics (Encore)

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/08/15

Sarah and Jessica are fasting this week, so we’re sharing an episode that first aired in the spring of 2024. Is polyamory inherently apolitical? Is it just an excuse for rich people to avoid thinking about climate change? Did Sarah accidentally make out with a Trump supporter at the ferry dock??? Tune in to find out! Mentioned in the episode: Parents Fast for Gaza | @parentsfast4gaza on instagram | @stute on instagram | The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class’s Latest Fad | Time Magazine -

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01:26:40

Ep 57: How to fail at sex with Calvin Burnap

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/07/25

Sarah and Alex talk with therapist and ‘Crush Coach’ (it’s not what you think), Calvin Burnap, about mindfulness, queerness and the gift of bad sex. Mentioned in the episode: The Crush Coach | The Crush Coach on Instagram | All About Love | Esther Perel | The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin | Jenny Hayo | Dan Savage mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org LInks to bookshop.org are affiliate links.

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01:18:07

Ep 56: Poly Hot Tub Time Machine

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/07/04

A mysterious green tupperware offers a portal to the past. Sarah and Alex talk about how their feelings about hierarchy, sleepovers, vetoes and more have changed over five years of being polyamorous. mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:07:12

Ep 55: That Good Sex

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/06/13

Sarah and Alex investigate mind-blowing, legendary, earth-moving sex, to find out if such a thing actually exists, and if so, how to have it. Mentioned in the episode: Sexucation for Men Podcast | “Take my Breath Away” Scene from Top Gun | Partner-Specific Learning mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:20:50

Ep 54: Are Het Relationships Hopeless?

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/05/23

Sarah and Alex unpack the mournful refrain: “if only I was into girls,” and question whether modern relationships between men and women are fundamentally doomed. Mentioned in the episode: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward | Midsommar (film) | The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood | If Hetero Relationships Are So Bad, Why Do Women Go Back For More? On The Cut mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to

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01:12:17

Ep 53: Good Grief with Queer Chaplain Kam

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/05/02

How does death, loss and grief impact our relationships? After a year filled with loss, Sarah and Alex talk to a trauma-informed spiritual care provider about the taboos around death, and what happens to our desire when people around us die. Mentioned in the episode: Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz | Without: Poems by Donald Hall | Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Women, and Queer Radicals by Saidiya

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01:15:55

Ep 52: How (Not to) Break up

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/04/11

Is it you? Is it me? Are you moving to Antarctica?? In this episode we talk about how and how not to end a relationship. Mentioned in the episode: @karamintheworld on Instagram mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:13:54

Ep 51: Love in a F*cked Up World with Dean Spade

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/03/21

Are the same dynamics screwing up our relationships also hampering our social movements? Sarah and Alex talk to activist and law professor Dean Spade about the romance myth, capitalism and love in this f*cked up world. Mentioned in the episode: Love in a F*cked Up World | DeanSpade.net | The Death Panel | Movement Memos Also by Dean Spade: Mutual Aid | Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

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01:18:05

Ep 50: Romance and Polyamory (Encore)

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/02/28

Encore episode Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! This episode first aired in August 2024. Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) | The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) | Wayne’s World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) | John Mahoney | Limerence on Wikipedia | In Your

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01:20:14

Ep 49: Dating Across Race with Ramsey

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/02/07

Last episode we started to talk about race in dating, and tbh…mistakes were made. So this episode we’re doubling down! Ramsey shares his experience dating as a Black polyamorous man in Seattle, offers advice for white people dating other races, and asks us “taboo” questions about our own experiences. Mentioned in the episode: Pacific Northwest BIPOC Polyamory group TV Shows & Movies Recommended by Ramsey: Atlanta Insecure A Million Little Things Moonlight I Am MLK Jr. The

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29:29

Ep 48: BONUS episode: Why you need a dating strategy...

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/01/24

We had such an interesting side conversation with Reagan about her experience working with a dating coach that we had to make a bonus episode all about it. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Anwar White, Dating and Relationship Coach Get Your Guy Podcast with Anwar White mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this

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01:37:03

Ep 47: The Monogamous Skeptic Returns! Special Guest...

Mistakes Were Made ·

2025/01/17

Sarah and Alex's skeptical monogamous friend Reagan Jackson is back to grill them about sex, jealousy, and whether they’re just dating other versions of each other over and over. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Sarah’s interview in Psychology Today: Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love. bell hooks Queer and Questioning Men of Seattle Meetup Group mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

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01:11:13

Ep 47: Swinging and Sex Parties

Mistakes Were Made ·

2024/12/27

Lissa joins the podcast to help us parse out the difference between polyamory and swinging. And Alex opens up about his not-so-hot sex party experience. Mentioned in the episode: https://seattle-inclusive-matchmaking.square.site/ Reach out to Lissa: weekdaypineapple@gmail.com mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:11:19

Ep 45: How much should you tell your partners?

Mistakes Were Made ·

2024/12/06

TMI time! Sarah and Alex work on healthy habits for disclosing info about sex and feelings in their other relationships. What’s an overshare? When is it hiding or deception? And what is the nature of truth anyway? Mentioned in the episode: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter Disclosure (Michael Crichton) mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

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01:01:49

Ep44: Fascism and Feelings

Mistakes Were Made ·

2024/11/15

Sarah and Alex make sense of the election results by talking about developmental stages, anti-social behavior, and oh yeah and also polyamory. Mentioned in the episode: Voting patterns by income Thoughts vs Feelings Polywise Polysecure More about Kegan and “The Evolving Self” Winnicott on the Psychology of Democracy More about Winnicott (and the ideas he stole from his wife) People with more privilege have less empathy mistakescast@gmail.com *

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01:25:44

Ep 43: Conflict and how to fight better - Season 4...

Mistakes Were Made ·

2024/11/01

Welcome to season 4 of Mistakes Were Made! Today we're asking: How much conflict should you expect in a healthy relationship? In this episode Sarah, Jessica and Alex explore how to fight better (rather than avoiding fights altogether) by understanding our internal patterns and reaction styles. Logo design by Roy Franklin: http://whateverfactory.org. Mentioned in the episode: The Waterline Model Talk to us: mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast

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01:20:35

Ep 42: Season 3 FINALE - Poly Etiquette

Mistakes Were Made ·

2024/08/30

Which fork should you use on a first polyamorous date? Do you have to let your partner be the little spoon all the time? We pondered these and other burning questions in the Finale episode of Season Three. Srsly though, here's the etiquette and advice we gathered for this episode, if you don't want to listen to 80 mins of our charming banter: Let your partners consent into information about your interactions with other partners (esp sexy stuff) Be careful of collecting too many partners/spreading

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