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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

02:25:26

Final Fantasy IV Part 5 - The Moon is For Boys

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/12/11

Square Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watching This? - Sing the Song In Your Heart - Do Prayers Rhyme? - Do airships go up? - Sqwale? This Week:

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01:22:49

Final Fantasy IV Part 4 - Everyone Loves a...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/12/04

Square Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time! This Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV! Our Patreon:

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02:17:08

Final Fantasy IV Part 3 - Let Baigans Be Baigans

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/11/27

Square Roots - Episode 390 Much to Jim's delight things take a tragic turn in this dramatic chunker of Final Fantasy IV! There's self-sacrifice, double bump amnesia, betrayals, de-trayals, and even a fantastic journey to the center of the earth! Also: - Women Love Men Who Jump - Lussy - The Under a Dark Influence Defense - Long Flowing Jareth Hair - A Water Plane - The Watermelon Cagnazzo This Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld! Next Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Our Patreon:

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52:27

Would You Eat This Bird 2023

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/11/20

Happy American Thanksgiving! Or, if you live elsewhere, the second to last week of November! In celebration of this holiday, and due to all of us travelling this week, please enjoy Johnny asks Matthew, Jim, Vanessa and Doctor Steven Stone: Would You Eat This Bird? Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter:

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01:49:39

Final Fantasy IV Part 2 - The Pasta Elemental

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/11/13

Square Roots - Episode 389 On this second chunker of Final Fantasy IV, Cecil drops the dark sword for something a little lamer. And the Square Roots crew, minus Vanessa who is spiralling into the air due to a malady, delights in the change and in the introduction of Milon / Scarmiglione. Oh, and there's the adorable twins Palom and Porum! Also: - Congrats Gen-Z For "Mid" - Chuck E Cheese, Child Casino - I Got Zucked! - The Office of Relief - Karate Man This Week: Cecil does his class change! Next

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01:35:30

Final Fantasy IV Part 1 - All Nut November

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/11/06

Square Roots - Episode 388 Anything could happen on Halloween! Silent Hill could turn into a show. We could all start playing Final Fantasy, the fourth just so you know. Number Five has its butts! Number six destroys the world! But on Halloween, your BLOOD begins to CURL. Something spooky's going on! Also: - Is This The First Good Final Fantasy?! - That's Why They Call It Default! - Is That A Tampon Joke? - Tellah Says the Line! - Vanessa's on-location research! This Week: We retrieve the sand

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02:25:33

Fallout: New Vegas Part 9 - He Died Doing What He Loved

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/10/30

Square Roots - Episode 387 We did it! We finished Fallout: New Vegas! Matthew fades in and out of consciousness throughout this epic journey, but in this chunker we play through the DLC "Lonesome Road" as well as finishing the main campaign! There's radio negging, stopping (or helping) an assassination, nuclear whoopsies, and maybe even a robot throwing someone off of a tower! Also: - Grandma Dry Eyes - Vault Suit Barbie - Wizards of the Coast's Basement - A Thoughtful Discussion of Patriotism

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02:32:42

Fallout: New Vegas Part 8 - Wing House Versus Wings...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/10/23

Square Roots - Episode 386 It's time for the silly, Portal Inspired companion piece of DLC, Old World Blues, on this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas. Sure, we meet some robots terrified of our disgusting erect hand penises and Johnny kills more dogs, but that's just how Fallout is. Also: - Turn Them Off From Behind - Juu'ls Van in Alaska - Accidental Sondheim - Switch or Phone! - Is Horny an Emotion? This Week: We Finish Old World Blues! Next Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas! Our Patreon:

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02:41:05

Fallout: New Vegas Part 7 - Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/10/16

Square Roots - Episode 385 Finally wrapping up Dead Money we tackle the most important quest in Fallout: New Vegas: becoming Best Friends with Best Friend Tabitha! Or not, depending on how things play out for you. Also: RAUL! Also: - Anti-Circumcision Pokemon Stickers - A Human Head Shaped Lamp - Taskmaster Heckling - Playing Persona on Stage - Vanessa's Fly Updates - Dean: Alive or Undead - I'm Going to Kill Father Elijah - Matthew's Jojo Siwa Defense Squad - Jim Cheats Death This Week: Finish Dead

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02:44:40

Fallout: New Vegas Part 6 - Fat Bear Weak

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/10/09

Square Roots - Episode 384 We put off meeting Best Friend Tabitha for another week and instead learn all about the casino of the Sierra Madre, where a real Andrew Ryan takes us through the BioShockiest chunker of Fallout yet. Oh yeah, and Johnny gets a whole lot of people killed by the Brotherhood of Steel because he failed some speech checks. Also: - Why Wouldn't Dommy Mommy Want to Look Like a Dinosaur? - Jim Makes a Lateral Move - Doctor Edward Crane - Terminal Betrayal - Is BioShock a First

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02:07:05

Fallout: New Vegas Part 5 - Liza with a P

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/10/02

Square Roots - Episode 383 Okay, we didn't hit our goal for this chunker again - we'll save dealing with the Brotherhood until next time. But this time on Square Roots we explore different methods of dealing with the Boomers and the Great Khans and continually tease how great Vault 34 is without actually getting there. Also: - Vanessa Describes the Best Scene from Retribution - Matthew's Origin Story - You're Legally Allowed to Kiss Them Whenever You Want - 2 Jacks at the Same Time - The Scrap

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02:29:29

Fallout: New Vegas Part 4 - Google, Where is Ouch Ditch?

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/09/25

Square Roots - Episode 382 Hey, jazz cats. It's time to meet some ring-a-ding broads and bears for a swinging time on the strip! We explore the White Glove Society's very secret secret that you'll never guess, the Rat Pack era Chaimen at the Tops, and Vegas's naughtiest casino, the Gamorrean Guards. You'll note we didn't end up making friends with the Boomers, so there are no Boomer jokes this episode. Also: - Johnny'z Orbeez Tangent - More Sexy Options - The Homestuck Gem - Becoming the Queen of

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02:16:45

Fallout: New Vegas Part 3 - A Lady Never Fists and Tells

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/09/18

Square Roots - Episode 381 Okay, let's get this out of the way first: in this chunker Johnny mixes up Doc Mitchell and Doc Bailey. One is voiced by Michael Hogan and is the doctor in Good Springs, who came from a vault, and the other is the doctor from Vault 22. Michael Hogan played Commander Bailey in Mass Effect, so it's a simple mistake anyone could make. Right? RIGHT?!? Also in this chunker we figure out the best way to get inside New Vegas. Also: - Matthew Hates The King - Everyone Lies to

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02:27:06

Fallout: New Vegas Part 2 - Five Ways To Be Brought...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/09/11

Square Roots - Episode 380 On this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas, the Square Roots gang get a fourth member in the posse, and triple the number of Vanessas possible. We also meet Caesar's Legion and may or may not end up on bad terms with them, get spooked by a dinosaur, make friends with some ghouls and nightkin and turn on the power! Also: East Nippletown Not All Lesbians Are Snipers But All Snipers Are Lesbians A Real Treasjie A Metafloorical Gaythrough Just Fantastic This Week:

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02:22:13

Fallout: New Vegas Part 1 - Difficult Pete

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/09/04

Square Roots - Episode 379 It’s been seven years in the making but now we finally, finally shake the dust out of our boots and get on the long road to New Vegas. That’s right, the Fallout game that uses the Bethesda engine but has Obsidian developing. Is it the best of both worlds? Also: Gambling Puns! The Johnny Guitar bit Air Bud 3: The Chess Muttster Jim watches Scary Movie 2 The Canadian Vault Cuck George Jetson This Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New

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01:55:09

Lunar: Silver Star Part 7 - Talk For Your Vanessa For...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/08/28

Square Roots - Episode 378 Finally! We’ve worked through Lunar in admittedly probably one too many episodes. But hey, we finished it! And we get to see just what happens when your moon girlfriend actually is a goddess. Like. A real one. Not metaphorical. Also: - The Grandia Pile - I’m Gonna Digest All Your Clothes - Offishul - PlayStation Porthole - Jeopardy! Untucked - Sheryl Kyle This Week: We finish Lunar! Next Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Vegas! Our Patreon:

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02:13:11

Lunar: Silver Star Part 6 - Downtown Brown

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/08/21

Square Roots - Episode 377 UPDATE: Johnny’s computer got dead enough that it is being fixed by the Geek Squad! Yay! On this Jimless episode of Square Roots Johnny, Vanessa and Matthew get frequently derailed by asides to the point where they forget what they’re supposed to be doing, but what they’re doing is recording the penultimate episode of our book club style playthrough of Lunar! That’s right, there’s every kind of reveal. Was Matthew correct? Also: - Johnny and Vanessa Fail Astronomy - Big

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02:09:48

Lunar: Silver Star Part 5 - Peenomorph

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/08/14

Square Roots - Episode 376 It's a Jim Edit, so you know what that means: NOTHING GETS CUT OUT. This is Square Roots the way THE MAN won't let us do it: RAW and UNCUT. No one's diffusing these TRUTH BOMBS as we play through a seemingly uncontroversial chunk of Game Arts's pleasant RPG Lunar: The Silver Star. In this chunk we're heading through a couple of lost woods, talking to a dragon who may already be dead, engaging in tricky relationship dilemmas, and experiencing the taste of betrayal once

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01:46:44

Lunar: Silver Star Part 4 - I Would Simply Say No...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/08/07

Square Roots - Episode 375 Oh boy! We get to meet so many dragons, and yet... not in time? Yeah, we get a lot of very brief dragon encounters, but not the Bad Dragon kind, in this chunker of Game Arts's Lunar. Sadly no Matthew's game because we were on a tight time schedule. Also: - A Campaign of Terror Against My Friends and Family - I Was A Drunk Six Year Old - The Secret Origin of Duran Duran's A View To A Kill - We Don't Like Slapping Music - He Smiled To Make Vanessa Melt - You Gotta Tag Your

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48:12

This is Squoopardy!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/07/31

We're running a bonus episode from last year as a confluence of events stopped us from recording, so please: enjoy a Johnny's Stupid Game from 2022! Squoopardy is the hottest new game show craze! Play along with our hosts in the bonus episode using these three boards: Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/squoopardy Double Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/double-squoopardy Final Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/final-squoopardy

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