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1:24:43

200 M.P.H. - Not so fast

2022/06/27

When the only way to get revenge for your brother's death is to drive at 200 MPH, don't. Because apparently you don't need to, or can't, or it really wasn't anybody's fault except your brothers. I mean the list goes on and on. So this is an Asylum movie, which we tend to steer very clear of because of the complete lack of writing that takes place and their usually horrible visuals. Well this makes no exception. The writing is incredibly terrible and the visuals are horrendous. What is hard to

1:26:50

The Legend of Billie Jean - She ain't anybody's lover

2022/06/20

Billie Jean leads a movement of oppressed 80's kids against.....adults? Because she wants that damn $608 and FAIR IS FAIR! So once upon a hot summer in Corpus Christi, a 14 year old guy named Binx gets his sweet scooter trashed by some older d-bags. His older sister goes to the dad of said punk and demands he repay for the damages. Instead that guy tries to put her on a rape-repayment plan and gets shot by Binx. The kids bolt and become defacto Bonnie and Clyde figures of the day's youth. That's

1:35:40

Gleaming the Cube - Thrashing the Room

2022/06/14

Christian Slater is a skateboarding detective who will stop at nothing to solve the murder of his adopted brother, including using his dead bro's ex, complicity in manslaughter and traffic violations. Traffic violations!!! So Brian (Christian Slater) is a teenage punk whose only outlet in life is some serious thrashing on his skateboard. When his brother gets fired from his video store job for looking into his boss's medical supply business invoices, he ends up accidentally murdered by a guy

1:25:43

Volcano: Fire on the Moutain - Cortano!

2022/06/07

The 90's most Xtreme dude finds himself on an erupting ski slope. We're gonna shred some gnar over that volcano right? Well....no. What we've got here is anotherZombeavers. You want to talk about a great premise and setup for a fun disaster film that you won't ever forget? This is it. Dan Cortese in the late 90's on the slopes. A volcano surrounded by snow ready to blow. A deadbeat dad that doesn't care if his son is dead. A character named Stan in a volcano movie!!! Yet, Dan doesn't shred the

52:40

Moving NOT Movies Episode 8 - The last duel

2022/05/20

In our final not movies episode before we get back to normal shenanigans with Jackie, we discuss Matrix Resurrections, The Man in the High Castle, Philip K Dick, NBA and some followups to our top 10 list from last episode.

58:01

Moving not Movies Episode 7 - Black Bolt should shut up

2022/05/13

Sam and Justin rake Doc Strange over the coals, Moon Knight gets a spoiler-free review, Antlers and Forever Purge fail to impress.

1:50:29

Moving NOT Movies Episode 6 - The best of the last 10...

2022/05/06

In this week's show, we get a request for the best movies of the last ten years. Sam and Justin do a deep dive of the last decade in cinema with a few surprises.

1:34:17

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent - Broke my brain

2022/04/28

Nic Cage plays Nick Cage and that's about all the trailer tells you about this. Its so much more than you think it is. If ogres are like onions, UWOMT is the state fair winner of onions stuffed inside of the Earth's core. Even a hardcore Nic Cage fan (hello!) will have to watch this three or four times to peel away each layer of self awareness and subtle statements and meta, meta, meta. Its too deep to even get into without ruining it in a silly blog review. Yet, somehow it breaks all the rules of

49:35

Moving NOT Movies Episode 5 - We inch closer

2022/04/22

Sam and Justin take on Don't Look Up, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Spooky Spaceships, changing the name of the Midwest, and actual bad teaching methods (not talking to you, Florida)

1:14:47

Moving NOT Movies Episode 4 - Its Showtime, Dammit

2022/04/15

This episode Sam and Justin discuss Winning Time, giant ice cubes, Justin fixes his audio, the Snyder Cut, HBO, and the greatest art thief in the history of world.

57:42

Moving NOT Movies Episode 3 - Tyler Durden is a...

2022/04/07

This week Justin and Sam discuss Coda, The Bear, STAG beer for dinner, Chunky Brunch, Hawkeye, The Witcher, Reba and TBS ruining TV for everyone, Zach Snyder and a sad story about Fight Club in space.

50:04

Moving Not Movies Episode 2 - Sam hates Wheels of Time

2022/04/05

As a special bonus episode Sam and Tucker go on a tirade about The Wheels of Time and how much life sucks now that Justin and Jackie are MIA.

48:01

Moving NOT Movies Episode 1 - Don't Go to Wyoming

2022/03/31

In our first episode of our weird moving hiatus, Justin and Sam discuss exposed butts but not faces, living in Illinois, why Wyoming blows, the Oscars and wheeled hard-ons.

1:07:49

Lifeguard - Not Baywatch

2022/03/15

Ex-Surfer and shirtless hunk Rick struggles with whether to continue on doing the thing he's too old for but loves or to not have sex with the 17 year old. See what I did there? Welcome to the Baywatch Prequel. I mean seriously, this is just Baywatch right or the other way around? The story follows Mitch, I mean Rick, who is now 32 and still a beach bum lifeguard. So he has to make a choice: enter the suit-and-tie world of schmucks or keep on guarding and facing ridicule from society. Along the

1:06:54

Rage and Honor 2: Koi'rate

2022/03/07

Kris and Preston find themselves having to work with Patrick Muldoon's hair to break up a diamond heist in Jakarta. Do they ever realize their unstated attraction? Does the US government see rewards for sending a high school teacher as a double agent? Can Richard Norton get his pants higher? No to all. WhileRage and Honor was a bit of a disappointment for its under utilized shenanigans, the sequel manages to go all in. Its not that they turned the amps to 11 because this feels like its own

1:26:42

Rage and Honor - Sister Justice?

2022/02/28

Its a cornball karate team-up in a hunt for a video tape that can clear the name of an Aussie cop who has no reason for being there in the first place. Will they fall in love? Will they save the life of their friend? Can anyone explain Brian Thompson's hair? The answer is no to all. So things are fairly typical for a DTV karate movie of this era. You've got your standard karate revenge plot. You've got a female/male will they/won't they standard. You've got shirtless dudes punching it out. The

1:45:51

Gator - Ballad of Bones and Smiley

2022/02/23

Gator McClusky is back to punch dudes and kiss ladies. This time he's gotta bust his buddy Roy from the first movie. Oh that's not Roy? That's Jerry Reed? Huh. So as discussed the primary problem with the first film,White Lightning, is its tonally all over the place. Its a goofy car chase movie. Its a murder revenge against a corrupt elected official. Its a sexy time in the swamp.Gator doesn't suffer from that. Thematically, its much more focused. Jerry Reed's Bama McCall is a bit of a goofy

1:26:22

White Lightning - Drunk Vengeance

2022/02/15

Burt Reynolds faces off against Ned Beatty as the most frightening and real villain one can imagine. His method of vengeance? Crashing cars and banging ladies! White Lightning is a cornerstone of what would happen for the rest of the 70's. Mostly Burt Reynolds in cars and doing his silly laugh. But really its influence goes so much farther than that. It sprinkles into trucking movies,Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, Walking Tall,and anything that involves cars and bayous moving forward. Some of that is Hal

1:39:01

Moonfall - So where's Adele and James Bond?

2022/02/08

The moon is falling! Deploy Operation: Duck and Poo Yourself. Roland Emmerich takes us on another destroy Earth roller coaster, but does he capture the any of his past or is this just anotherMidway? So the moon is a big space base and because of rogue nanobotic AI trying to destroy mankind, it sucks up all the moons power supply like a Tesla's battery going uphill and causes it to plummet towards Earth. So with what minimal resources can be mustered, a disgraced astronaut, the director of NASA and

1:38:04

51st State - POS 51 is right

2022/01/26

Samuel L and Robert Carlyle team up in this drug/money caper/heist that looks like a Ritchie/Boyle knock-off/bandwagon romp/joint. We'll be leaving/running away now. Uh......it sucks. I would love to say that this is an undiscovered gem that the critics harpooned because it was ahead of its time (much in the same manner as they treatedSnatch)and that this will become your new favorite movie. I can't say that. The critics got it right. Its vapid, cloney and drivel. Look, I can't fault anyone here

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