x

75% of people globally want unbiased news (Pew Research) but are concerned they're not getting that.

Get balanced coverage with Symby. See how stories are covered across diverse outlets and spot when one side covers a story the other skips.

PODCAST

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes

Welcome to If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

comedy improv

All Episodes

1:16:31

Sorry You Missed Me

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2024/01/26

With Jordan back at the helm, LB, John and Niki discuss the density of psychics in southern California, an interesting van LB saw on the street recently, John's very normal Tiktok comment (and its implications for his general mental health situation), Scary Spice's lesbian power, the Oscars, 10 minutes of undocumented conversation where Jordan was using the bathroom, and somehow, so much more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of

en

1:09:49

Movies Tagged ‘Hole’

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2024/01/19

John, Niki and LB record without their producer, Jordan, who is sick this week. He's also the one who usually takes notes and writes these summaries, but again, he's sick, so, that's not happening. Genuinely no idea what's in this one folks, it could be our funniest episode to date and/or our most offensive -- there's only one way to find out.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our

en

57:28

Baby Deodorant

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2024/01/12

To help with the enormous legal fees we expect this year, LB, John and Niki present three new multi-level marketing programs that can help empower YOU while empowering us. They also discuss street marshmallows, the lawyer that rocks, going psycho mode on bevs in the disco, babe x wilbur AO3, making June a week shorter, and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our

en

53:38

Mouseketeers, Alive and Dead

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2024/01/05

John, Niki and LB return from their long winter's nap, rejuvenated and ready to tackle the ongoing missing persons case involving Darth Maul and a few dozen children left in their care. On the way, they also discuss who has the sweetest sweat on the Clippers roster, John's word for the new year, going to Turkey for a hair transplant, whose death we'll will this year (allegedly (in Minecraft)), and if you can believe it, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast

en

1:20:10

From Your Friends at Mc.P.P

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/12/15

In what might be considered a Reverse Christmas Miracle, LB, Niki and John and have lost all 30-65 children that reportedly attend Drivey's Ed., our montessori school for babies with rich parents. Since you can't have a Christmas Pageant without adorable kids, we instead initiate a last-minute pivot to the next best thing, which is buying gifts for each other and ourselves on Temu. We also learn that Jesus died in Boulder, CO, and that large mesh holes refuse to be stuffy. Happy holidays! Welcome to

en

1:09:02

Drivey's Ed. (UNLOCKED 2022 PATREON HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!)

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/12/08

Last year's Patreon-only Holiday special is now available to all! It's an eyes-closed miracle!! John, Niki and LB organize the upcoming children's holiday pageant at the charter school they've opened, If You're Driving Academy, also known affectionately to students as "Drivey's Ed." Hope you used the bathroom before you got here!Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try

en

1:05:26

Toys for Men Mastabator

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/12/01

LB, John and Niki celebrate the long-awaited death of one of history's greatest monsters before moving on to a series of adjacent topics, including grammar rules for sports team names; who's on our Oceans 11 team; getting what you need; the psyop involving "these cups;" the nude figurines LB was talking about earlier; uncovering juicy secrets; the sexy poop scene from Jurassic World; and bros, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty,

en

1:06:37

Gamblit Drinks His Own Juice

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/11/24

John, LB and Niki set aside their shared turkey sandwich long enough to digest a whole new buffet of controversial topics, including humidity in the city of New Orleans, what languages the owl knows, Gambit's custom turtleneck guy, items left behind on planes, the best place to get locally-grown tobacco in America, LB's growing concerns about Lyme disease, going to the doctor to reallocate your points, and my festive holiday shoppers, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes,

en

1:08:42

Brad's Drink

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/11/17

With LB gone to perform important research aboard a haunted submersible, honorary fourth chair merritt k rejoins John and Niki to discuss a number of pressing topics, including crustacean-themed pornography; Bicentennial Man, various Brads (famous), the oldest thing(s) we would drink, "chicken of the forest" mushrooms, Todd Howard fanfic, and implausibly, so much more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world

en

1:04:59

The Ballad of Chevy Chase

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/11/10

LB, Niki and John hit the paint and field a volley of incoming three-pointer discussion topics [Editor's note: idk basketball sorry], including Niki's theme song phase, the small lanky white men of 70s basketball, being big enough to survive being hit by Shaq, the very small group of people who write slash fiction about basketball players, Michael Jordan's Neverland, and I promise if you just hang in there, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating

en

1:01:17

Jigsaw’s Throat Spa

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/11/03

John, LB and Niki square off in the quartered octagon or w/e for a no holds barred showdown with colossal consequences, which is mostly just the same sort of lively discussion you've come to know and tolerate, including such topics as the Invisible Man, latex allergies, AI-generated salsa websites, experiencing true darkness in the bowels of the Earth, Niki Dip™, the delicious flavors you can get out of wood, and incredibly, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a

en

1:08:14

Digimon: Digital Monkey

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/10/27

Niki, John and LB leave the Digital World long enough to dissect a new slate of issues facings today's DigiDestined, including sneeze gooning; the unique allure of certain digivolutions; if anyone thinks the body is "made out of metal;" mutants; the latest basketball shirts; how Benjamin Button came out of the pussy; and if you can believe it, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki,

en

1:00:43

EXCLUSIVE: Normal Dick!

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/10/20

LB, Niki and John return to discuss a great number of the "many cool ideas out there," including lemonade mouth, Thelema, snowman fucking logistics, dogs hanging out with ghosts and vice versa, mpreg, Jenny Lewis, and despite the short description this week, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects

en

1:05:00

Here’s a Question I Have About Steroids

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/10/13

While attempting to buy steroids, John, Niki and LB uncover a new kind of crime enabled by Jeff's Big Store. The gang also discusses New Zealand's JPEG license plates, LB's usual Taco Bell order, which TV shows dogs like, velvet paintings, how people feel too safe on the streets these days, what's on the menu at your local A&W, and homie, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John,

en

1:08:01

11 Biting Incidents

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/10/06

LB, Niki and John head back to debate club to relitigate an important argument regarding the Property Brothers and their dicks, in addition to more general discussions regarding our general cultural fear of having our dick pop out during a video call, who lays the best/worst pipe; recycling pool noodles for Halloween costumes; costumes for husbands who are not "down;" President Biden's ACAB dogs; and homie, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating

en

1:24:37

Jeff Daniels the Whole Time

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/09/29

Despite ongoing technical and psychological issues, Niki, LB and John push through the podcasting morass to deliver what is undoubtedly one of the podcast episodes of all time, including discussions of Svengoolie; Niki's wooden dog (not Barley); what happens if you bring anime figures to the Antiques Roadshow; what counts as an orb; the latest Taylor Swift psyop; the top three most famous people in America as of Q2 2023; and because Jordan forced them to keep going, somehow even more. Welcome to If

en

1:00:10

Uber Driver with Bubonic Plague Sucked Me Off????!!?!

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/09/22

LB, John and Niki celebrate one whole year of the show by completely ignoring the milestone, instead focusing on getting the bubonic plague, getting the new vaccy, getting Big Bad Beetlepilled, getting the rats out of LB's car, getting a limb cut off in the Star Wars universe, getting breast implants in high-school, getting a low score on The IQ Test 2, and king, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our

en

1:06:25

Niki Sends a Deranged Email to an Accomplished Visual...

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/09/15

John presents Niki and LB with his new plan for monetizing the podcast before topics diverge to other tangential matters, including the dangers of gambling, the idea of a verbal coupon code, the Sealab 2021 theme song, Dildo 101, whether Cathy (comics) and Daria (television) are the same, Niki's groundbreaking new Roku competitor, and by the grace of God, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying

en

56:07

Lost My Vape

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/09/08

50 episodes, baby!! To celebrate our big milestone Niki, John and LB do exactly the same thing as always and discuss multiple issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, including (but not limited to) the major design flaw with couches, putting their hands in garbage disposals, getting the dog washed, overhearing conversations about astrology and the societal disorder said conversations represent, LB's new headband, and somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about

en

1:12:20

Tunnels Is the Vibe When Funerals Is the Vibe

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2023/09/01

Niki, LB and John reconvene for more of what you have unfortunately come to expect, including discussions on the most relaxing types of crimes; LB's floofy new dragon; everyone's favorite cancelled musical artist; getting a boner during the atomic bomb movie; corn and corn-related topics; stealing sperm; and dude, you have no idea, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and

en

169 results

Similar Podcasts

射後不理＃爽就好了

咪咪 & 淳淳

Therapy Gecko

iHeartPodcasts

百靈果 News

Bailingguo News

Old Time Radio Comedy

solgoodmedia.com

The Hard Yarns Podcast

Cameron Branch and Daniel Delby