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PODCAST

Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:26:47

Blaine Donais on the meaning of “conflict”

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/05/23

Blaine Donais joins me to talk about a different definition of “conflict”. Blaine suggests that conflict is a perceived injurious event. We break down the three parts of that phrase and what they mean in practice, particularly in the workplace. Blaine mentions some excellent resources that inform his work:“The Emergence and Transformation of Disputes: Naming, Blaming, Claiming”, article by Bill Felstiner, Rick Abel, and Austin Sarat"Social Conflict: Escalation, Stalemate, and Settlement", book by

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00:04:23

Choosing inaction

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/05/16

When we are faced with a situation – one that isn’t a problem at all but easily could become one, or is simmering, or volcanic, or somewhere on that spectrum – we may choose to do nothing about it. That’s a choice. Denial – refusal to admit that conflict is possible or currently exists – is not the same. It’s hard to see any circumstance in which denial is a good plan. Why choose to do nothing? Maybe it’s not worth it to me to act because – on balance – the cost of doing something outweighs the

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00:05:25

Judging other people’s tough choices

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/05/09

My most recent guest was Khara Croswaite Brindle. We talked about her book, Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships: Guiding the Adult Daughter’s Healing Journey Through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. One point that came up was the ease with which we can judge other people’s choices. This can happen in various situations, including estrangements, estate planning decisions, and succession planning in a family business. They share common pitfalls. First, so often, nothing good comes from

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00:25:53

Khara Croswaite Brindle on Understanding Ruptured...

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/05/02

Khara Croswaite Brindle joins me to talk about her book, Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships: Guiding the Adult Daughter’s Healing Journey Through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. One point Khara stresses is the concept of Acknowledgement, followed by Apology, and then Action.You can learn more about her work and the book here: https://croswaitecounselingpllc.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict

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00:04:21

Easing in instead of jumping in

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/04/25

When getting into a cold pool, lake, river, or ocean, some people want to jump in and some want to ease in. It’s a personal preference and it would be hard to say that one is genuinely better than the other. Challenging conversations may be different. Easing into a tough conversation is more likely to lead to a productive talk. If someone comes at me full steam ahead, my defensive mechanisms will jump up just as fast as the other person jumps in, talking. I can avoid assumptions. I can avoid

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00:03:36

Giving away the things that don’t matter

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/04/18

My most recent guest, Michael Phillips, talked with me about his book, The Naked Negotiator. The book’s title comes from its focus on the basics: the principles that apply across the board to all sorts of negotiations. One idea Mike shared is “giving away the things that don’t matter.” If we think like problem solvers, and not like warriors, when we are engaged in a negotiation, we can more easily give away the things that don’t matter to us. If the other person cares a great deal about where or

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00:24:47

Michael W. Phillips on “The Naked Negotiator”

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/04/11

Michael W. Phillips joins me to talk about his book, The Naked Negotiator. Mike chose that catchy title to capture the idea that when you strip away the specifics of a particular challenge you find the bare bones – the basic principles of negotiation. To find Mike online, search for “naked negotiator”. On X or twitter: @negotiationguru. On LinkedIn: “Michael Phillips naked negotiator” will take you to his profile.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about

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00:04:32

Let’s talk about gossip

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/04/04

Can gossip have a good side? According to social scientists, even more fundamental than answering that question is accepting that we all do it and we have for many generations. Gossip can be good. Apparently, it depends on the context. Here are some ideas from an online article posted on NBC Better by Today: Psychologists say gossiping is a social skill. Here's how to know if you're doing it

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00:04:51

WAIT: Why Am I Talking?

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/03/28

Terry Teale, my most recent guest, mentioned a useful concept: the WAIT idea. That’s W. A. I. T. A very handy and easy to understand acronym. It stands for Why Am I Talking? We can take a little time, be comfortable with silence – even if only briefly – and think before speaking. Will my contribution to a discussion be relevant? Helpful? Is now the right time? Am I the right person? Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or

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00:26:06

Terry Teale on “The Art of Mediation”

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/03/21

Terry Teale visits the show this week. Terry is the co-author, along with Michael Fraidenburg, of "The Art of Mediation, Key Skills for New Mediators: Exploring Challenges, Growth, and Success in Mediation". We talk about viewing mediation as charting the course to positive change, golden questions, and understanding risk. You can learn more about their work and the book here: https://www.theartofmediation.org/ You will also find free access to a chapter!Do you have comments or suggestions about a

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00:04:11

Practicing pause behaviors

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/03/14

In our conversation about dealing with mercurial people, especially bosses, John Volturo (my most recent guest) shared insights about what to do to regulate yourself when you realize that you should take a pause before you are entangled in disagreement, or once you are. Pause behaviors can engage different parts of the body and different senses: eyes, ears, lungs, hands, and scents. It’s important to find what works for you, not someone else. Try out a few possibilities and then practice them, so

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00:03:55

Revisiting vs. ruminating

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/03/07

When we have been involved in an unpleasant conflict with a person or people important to us, it’s not surprising if our thoughts return to a specific event or time period. Ruminating is running the same negative thoughts through your mind over and over. You don’t serve yourself well by ruminating and you don’t help the relationship, either. The same persistent negative thoughts, often self-critical, do nothing to address the conflict. By revisiting the situation in your mind, you could focus on

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00:26:31

John Volturo on dealing with mercurial people

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/02/29

John Volturo, an executive coach, joins me to talk about dealing with mercurial people, especially bosses. John also offers insights on pause behaviors, empathy and why gossip is not always a bad thing. To learn more about his work and to contact John send him a message through LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnvolturo/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com

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00:04:55

Applying the Johari Window model

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/02/22

Last week, I talked about the general idea of the Johari Window Model. How do the four quadrants of the Open Area, the Blind Area, the Hidden Area, and the Unknown Area work? Full credit here to a website called HelpfulProfessor.com.: https://helpfulprofessor.com/johari-window-examples/ I encourage listeners to check out their Harry Potter example – better than any that I could create. With that small bit of explanation, you can consider how the Johari Window Model could serve you.If you are

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00:04:47

Understanding the Johari Window model

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/02/15

The Johari Window model is a visual framework, with four quadrants. Its goal is to improve self-awareness, including understanding your conscious and unconscious biases. The model is typically used in some sort of team setting. The workplace is the most obvious application. Extended families, too, often work together in some sense – to share time and resources. Next time a focus on putting the model into use. These websites offer particularly helpful information on the

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00:25:45

David Gage on partnership charters

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/02/08

David Gage visits the show to talk about the work that flows from the concept spelled out in his book, The Partnership Charter: How to Start Out Right With Your New Business Partnership (or Fix the One You’re In). The Charter goes beyond legal themes to help partners discover, discuss, and document just how they want their partnership to work. You can learn more about the book and the process that David and his associates use to assist partners here: https://www.PartnershipCharter.com . David also

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00:03:45

Doing what you can and then moving on

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/02/01

It’s a two-step process. And the second part might be the more important. Before you move on, do what you can to improve the situation. Resolve the conflict, on your own or with professional help. Or, if that is not possible, perhaps you can mitigate it. Or perhaps just open some eyes and minds. Then, know you did what you could. And move on with your life. Not slamming doors and also not getting stuck in the doorway. My most recent guest talked about moving on as part of a specific process to

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00:04:37

The power of cumulative effect

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/01/25

The power of the cumulative effect is often overlooked and underestimated. Microaggressions are an excellent example of the power of the cumulative effect: the ongoing repetition of the indignities has an impact greater than one or two. My most recent guest mentioned them when discussing unconscious bias. https://bit.ly/3vDo04G “Buki Mosaku on navigating unconscious bias” I previously talked about understanding what microaggressions are and what to do about them.https://bit.ly/3e4u7QW “What are

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00:30:00

Buki Mosaku on navigating unconscious bias

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/01/18

Buki Mosaku is the author of “I Don’t Understand: Navigating Unconscious Bias in the Workplace”. We discuss the inevitability of unconscious bias in the workplace and recognizing that it isn’t always a one-way street. We talk about simple and complex unconscious bias: how to think about bias and concrete steps for each of us to take to address it. Most specifically: using the simple phrase, “I don’t understand?”, delivered as a question, to start a conversation about bias.You can learn more about

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00:05:50

Applying The Platinum Rule in end-of life situations

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/01/11

The well-known Golden Rule can fall short when applied in end-of-life situations. A research article makes the case for The Platinum Rule. The Platinum Rule: A New Standard for Person-Centered Care, by Harvey Max Chochinov, OC, PhD, MD, FRCPC : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9145569/ “The Platinum Rule, which would have us consider—doing unto patients as they would want done unto themselves—offers a standard that is more likely to result in treatment decisions that are consistent with

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