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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

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All Episodes

00:01:30

Mayonnaise for President

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/21

Mayo Pete only comes in white and whiter, so do not use before Easter. There’s nothing to remember with Mayo Pete, no mixing, no meetings - it’s all baked in. Mayo Pete may contain bull corn. Has no wow factor. Plant-based fruit-forward backwash contains no menthol and never will. May cause white winter itch. Not for day drinking in Dallas. Foreign ingredients are inert, for now. Otis has a full report. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands.

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00:01:30

Pavement Narrows

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/14

Biden Inc has always been run out of Delaware. The family likes to vacation up at Pavement Narrows where Joey, Jill and the consigliere gather in private, out of reach of the other families – like yours. There Delaware tough, which doesn’t sound like much when you’re in Texas, but you feel the sting just the same at the end of the month. Somebody could use some cowboy therapy before finding themselves sitting in the dark waiting for their food to come in the mail. It’s embarrassing. Hear

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00:01:30

Red Trial Balloon

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/09

Looks like we got kicked in the colonies again on this Chinese spy balloon business. Joe’s cone of uncertainty lasted nearly a week while a floating spy ship hung up there like a loose tooth taking pictures of everything – like your wife out there in the back yard. But China Joe took care of it once he got word they had finished taking all their pictures. Don’t want to interrupt. D'Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:31

Be My Guest 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/07

Thanks to a new government program, your spare bedroom can help welcome the rest of the world to your house, right here in the New America! (ding dong) “Hi, Miss Jones, we’re with the Donkey gubmint and according to TicTok you’ve got 3 living here at the house, is that correct?" Yes that’s right. "And looks like you’ve got 4 bedrooms, is that correct?" Well yes. "Great, then meet the Chachkes from South America! The oldest has already volunteered to take your daughter to the park for a little

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00:01:30

Hunter Secret Letter 4

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/07

Just released from the Otis files - Hunter secret letter to Papa #4 – proving again that while little Hunter may have the itch, he’ll never have the scratch. D'Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:30

Lose Skin

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/02/07

Maybe Joe’s problem is lose skin. Anybody think of that? Lose skin gets in the way and can puddle around all over the place when you try to sit down to read something. That might explain why Joey didn’t notice where it said Top-Secret up at the top. Lose skin is serious. It can get caught in things like a car door when you’re in the garage next to your box of important papers. Lose skin can get away from you. It just needs to ramble, and then you can't find it - even with the FBI. D'Otis explains

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00:01:31

Hunter's Letter to Papa 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/01/15

Just dropped from The Otis Files, double-secret Hunter letter to he Papa #2. In this dramatic reading of newly-discovered letter to Papa, we learn that when young Hunter hears Penal System, he's not thinking what you're thinking. Oh the larceny! Otis has the whole story. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:30

Panty Hose

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/01/03

In the time before bottled water there was a device called panty hose. Birthing people would pay money for this and then try to wear the device to work. Pantyhose were uncomfortable and served no useful purpose but were still expected anyway in polite company. No one knows why. Eventually the more free-range birthing people said NO MORE and peeled away the offending hose for dryer pastures. Otis explains how marketing stepped in to reengineer and put the squeeze play back in business. HEAR

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00:01:29

Double Whammy

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/12/29

Objects in mirror are more dangerous than they appear. Say hello to the Double Whammy - citizen Sam, Crypto Child King of Bait Coin and Uncle Fester of Pennsylvania, two snappy dressers with a thing for cash – yours! Both Sam the Bait Coin banker and Fester the Terrible happened in plain sight. Did no one see this coming? Have you had the water at Camp Lejeune? All here in the latest Otis Advisory. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:33

Red Nose Reindeer Guy 2022

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/12/13

Here's the real story of Red Nose Reindeer guy who got jacked around by a bunch of snotty, two-faced reindeer who gave him a hard time about having the wrong color nose. Privileged little social elites laughed and called him names until Santa put a boot up some reindeer butt and shut down all the “wrong color nose” business when he picked red nose guy to run point on the flying sleigh. Hear Podcast ~ Get Otis ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Gain of Fauci

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/12/10

America’s medical sweetheart has now gone the way of the buffalo and the gag order has finally been lifted. No more gagging on Anthony Fauchi! All that chin boogie about “follow the science and put on your eating pants,” was just some bumper sticker at a wet market. Remember, an aged steak just means it’s one step closer to rotten. D'Otis has the story. Hear Podcast - Wash Hands.

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00:01:29

Bait Coin

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/11/29

The gooey cheese in the mouse trap was just Bait Coin the whole time! Billions washed away while the bed-wetting fake money king orders his Taylor Swift tickets, the ones that cost more than your car. Blood splatter analysis has Bad Donkey all over it. If you had a donkey in your pants, you got your share! Otis tells what took down the whole bait coin slaughterhouse and how Congressman lady Maxine California helped count it all. HEAR PODCAST ~ Wash Hands.

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00:01:30

Twitter Clocks Out

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/11/18

Twitter’s new Prince of Darkness cut his pajama-wearing payroll in half. The Honor Snacks cash box came up light, which means turn in your gun and badge. But at House of Twitter it’s more like pack up your Zen toothpicks, your Woopie moisturizer and your Keyser Soze lunch box and take your big wheels back to the house. Hear Podcast. Wash Hands.

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00:01:30

Bad Donkey

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/11/07

Smash Mouth politics pops when there’s another hot mic moment. It’s your best chance to get a good snootful of what you’re not supposed to see. Like catching them in knee-high black socks and open-toe sandals trying to validate their parking ticket. It might be uncomfortable, but when its Bad Donkey getting caught, they just have another hit of laughing gas and remind you that you’re the problem. It’s like a Bad Donkey miracle! Hear Podcast. Wash Hands.

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00:01:30

Off Color

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/31

If you’re ever filling out some job application and you come to the race question, this might help if you’re in the unfortunate situation of needing to check the White box. Sorry pal, but here’s how you make the most of it. Just draw in that little sad-face symbol right there next to the offensive word White to declare your shame, remorse and instability for having to be that way, ‘ya pig. And whatever you do, don’t even think about writing in “not my fault” or some jive ass deal like that. It

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00:01:30

Packed In His Own Juice

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/22

Lawyers are saying that Little Hunter was just too drunk and high to pay his taxes. Go ahead, try that out yourself next Tax Day. Washington already knows that Hunter is a lot like cat pee – you can never get the smell out. “Hey, even a hurricane has a dirty side.” But don’t worry Little Hunter, you can still use your arrest warrant as a floatation device. Oh the larceny! Hear podcast. Wash hands.

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00:01:31

High Octane Meat

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/08

Just about everywhere you go is half infested with men. Your rulers aren’t so happy about it since men usually like meat and high octane - both bad. They know that men are naturally stinky and have no visible means of support. This leaves them open to becoming victims of Wife Supremacy, which means they’re “SOL” – Flemish for “somewhat out of luck.” There’s no cure for wife supremacy and the chances of it happening to you increase with age. Otis Advisory has the whole story from behind the razor

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00:01:31

Eat Bugs

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/08

Meatless Monday is really not that different from finding out you live in a dry county. Same deal - you just have to move. But to make it worse, you are supposed to want to eat bugs so you can be more like Bill Gates. But what if you don’t want to be like Bill Gates? Can't you just go back to a T-bone and a vodka tonic? Otis Advisory has the whole story from behind the razor wire.

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00:01:31

Seasonal Color

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/01

Just in time for fall, Florida’s boss cat has surgically deposited a rolling assortment of extra-grateful migrating people, formerly Illegal Aliens, to an over-priced vineyard some 900 miles due north - as the bar flies. The local bed wetters of Sanctuary Vineyard were eager to please until it was time for soldiers to scoop up the whole batch and send them to "camp" to be cared for properly - and in the dark. Here's the whole story. Get Happy. Get Otis.

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00:01:30

Betos Flushless Toilet

The Otis Advisory ·

2022/10/01

Introducing BetoFrancis' new Flushless Toilet. “Look how much water we’ll save,” cried Beto. “We’re running out because Republicans are using it all." Beto's Flushless Toilet comes with 1 flush per week (if you’ve turned in your guns.) Don't miss this story. Get Happy. Get Otis.

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