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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

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All Episodes

00:01:29

War on Women

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/04/08

Remember the War on Women? Is that still a thing? Do women still go off to finishing school? What goes on there? Let’s say your name is still Debbie and you’re still developmentally optimistic, then you’ve probably missed the short squeeze altogether. And that’s good. Bring Your Wife to Work Day is only once a year, so honey, when opportunity knocks, don’t complain about the noise! Get after it. You can still Wang Chung when you need to. Even before the War on Women, you knew a Pop Tart from a

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00:01:30

Airplane Feet 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/03/26

Why is it that some still need to take their shoes off on an airplane ride? It’s just wrong. Still or sparkling, that’s gotta hurt. The guy next to you will never order another chicken fried steak again after seeing your airplane feet all fileted out in the walkway. It’s just too triggering! Looking at those hooves you walk around on, all laid out in the middle of the aisle like that, could give anybody bone loss. Nothing else can survive once you see airplane feet with the toenails shaped like

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00:01:29

Southern Apology 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/03/21

Your Uncle Otis is back with a real Southern apology for China, since they may not have one of those yet. And until you’ve had a good southern apology, honey you don’t know sorry. So here goes. China, here in the South, we kinda stole YOUR intellectual property too!! That’s right, we stole you blind on Chinese Checkers. Here’s the way it works: if you’re not smart enough to pay Chess, then you play Checkers. But if you’re not smart enough to play Checkers, you play Chinese Checkers. That’s

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00:01:30

Count of Monty Crypto

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/02/04

Today we’re bringing in the Count of Monty Crypto to help explain the US economy in a way even Jasmine can understand it. Step one, if you want to save big money, don’t buy anything. Next: Hide your stuff! Go out in the backyard, dig a hole and put your stuff down there, then cover it up. If the Zohan people can’t find it, they can’t tax it or give it to the aliens. Then, don’t buy anything that says DISPOSABLE. What’s the point? Let somebody else buy it and when they throw it away you go back

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00:01:29

BIG BAD BUNNY

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/01/13

Big Bad Bunny is now hiring. He’s about to do the half time SuperBowl show and still needs a few good men to hold up his scarf for the big game. It’s a ballsey move, but since Super Bowl is copyrighted, we’re not allowed to talk about what a dumb NFL idea this really is. They just need you to lower your expectations for game day and accept Mr. Bunny for who he or they really is. Just give him a little time to get his roots done! Now since the Bunny man always seems to turn up third and long,

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00:01:30

The Jasmine Report part 2

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/01/11

At night when Jasmine Crockett lies there waiting for the sandman to come take her away, she likes to dream of how important she’s gonna feel once we make her a US Senator from Texas. Commander Otis here - back on Crockett Watch where we’ve brought in Oppo the research loving clown to find out what makes Ms. Crockett so entertaining. What is it Oppo? Why so sad? Awwww, is it because Jasmine’s spirit animal is an oyster? Jasmine’s going to need an edge to win in Texas and that’s where the mail

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00:01:30

The Jasmine Report part 1

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/01/07

You’ve landed on the Jasmine Report – the weekly national tracker that chronicles the latest bull corn leaking out of Jasmine’s campaign for Senate. Now sometimes Jasmine’s mind plays tricks on her when she dreams of winning the rural vote. “Should I go campaign at the Cracker Barrel or the Waffle House,” thought Jasmine. I wouldn’t get too worked up with that one honey. You’ve got a lot more apologizing to do before you land any of the Billy Jack vote. So it’s no surprise that hurricane

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00:01:34

APOLOGY REQUEST FORM

The Otis Advisory ·

2026/01/01

APOLOGY REQUEST FORM Here at the Discount Think Tank and Bait Camp, we can sometimes hit a little too close to the bone. And that’s when the lawyers make us apologize. With so many wanting an apology from your Uncle Otis, we’re starting to fall behind. If I need to be sorrier faster, and get you back a personalized Certificate of Apology for all this stuff, you’re gonna have to use the Apology Request Form. Just contact this station and tell them to send you an official Uncle Otis Apology Request

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00:01:29

Wash Your Hands

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/12/18

Back in the time before filtered water, things weren't as convenient as they are now. Like, did you know there wasn’t always a little trash can sitting by the door of the men’s room so when you’re leaving, you’d have somewhere to toss your wadded up wet paper towel. Now this is just the men’s room we’re talking about. Nobody knows what goes on in the lady’s room since nice people don’t ask about such things. But we do know that over on the men’s side, you used to be left standing there at the

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00:01:30

CHANGE THE BABY

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/12/14

Let’s say you’re a victim of wife supremacy and you’ve just accidentally stumbled into a child infested area. Suddenly, someone suggests that you change baby’s diaper. Well first you need to know that the correct people have new rules for you to follow. That’s right, before you go floundering around in all that you’re gonna need to ask the little guy for permission first – just to be sure dry pants would be OK with him. Goes like this: “Hey Lil Padna, I see you’ve got a preexisting condition down

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00:01:29

HAPPY TALK

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/11/14

HAPPY TALKThe holidays are a great time to remember some of the jacked-up ideas your mom would lay on you when you were growing up. Stuff you were supposed to believe no matter how whacked it was. Like this one: “Little Otis, you keep making that face and next time it’s gonna stick like that. Yes Mamma!” Or this: “Don’t eat those cookies little Otis, they’ll make you pee the bed!” Then there were the ones you didn’t see coming, like “Someday, little Uncle Otis, you’ll have a socialist mayor in

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00:01:30

HUSKEY SOLDIERS

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/10/29

Let’s say you’re in the Army and the husky-sized pants is all you can fit into. Well, Mr. Huskey size, you may be looking for another line of work after the new war on chunky soldiers. There's even an end to whiskers and beards - back to high and tight for army men, including the girls! No more bearded 260 pounders trying to climb the rope over the little training pond. You won’t be able to hide anymore by lining up behind Beefy Sue. She doesn’t work here anymore either. And if you’re

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00:01:30

MUTE BUTTON

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/10/29

There you sit, watching the world wake up from history. So many great things to see, or so you’d think. Well sorry pal, all you get this time is Jasmine Crockett, the cold sore on American politics. Not where you thought evolution might be taking us, but there it is anyway. Miss Jasmine, still proud to be the only botanical in congress, has no apparent mute button. We’ve looked – it’s not there! So after some initial complaining about her bunions, the unmuted congressman lady let loose with

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00:01:29

Smashed Potatoes

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/10/12

Hope you didn’t throw away the box your Mr. Potato Head came in. He’s going to be worth something once we wake up from this trash compactor we’ve been living in! Remember how Mr. Potato Head had a little trap door in his behind where you’d keep all his parts. You could give him a pipe and a newspaper or even have him holding a little fan belt like he just came back from the auto parts store. Then there was Mrs. Potato Head – she had a little handbag and a hat with a flower on it, and even a

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00:01:30

Taillight Out

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/10/11

Ladies, if you’ve been thinking about having some extra padding implanted in your behind, I’ve got great news. The makers of Spanx, with the street name Spanky Pants, now sell some special new drawers with the butt implants built right in. Maybe it’s just the Shitegeist of the times. The extra bulk you’ve been wanting on the south end now comes pre-stuffed and sewn right into the Spanky Pants package - ready to go to work to thicken up those pop tarts as soon as you slip ‘em over whatever you got

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00:01:30

Sock Hat in August

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/09/02

Must be hot wearing that wool sock hat in ninety degrees. We don’t see much of the Seattle look here at the bait camp, especially in August. A sock hat in summer is cute and all but is WOKE really worth it to find purpose in an otherwise unremarkable life? There you are, hanging like a lose tooth, packing all your animal magnetism under a cozy wool knit hat before heading out to your Hate America First rally in beautiful downtown Baltimore. Off you go then with your pronouns pinned to your shirt

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00:01:29

Blue Genes by D'Otis

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/08/28

We didn't used to get worked up over a cute girl on TV in three-hundred-dollar jeans. It just wasn’t a thing. But now, itching for a leg up, the donkey people believe this time, in a TV spot, they’ve finally found the Nazi in your shorts. Oh stars! A blond, blue eyed girl on TV – not queen size, just regular size. “Not consistent with our values,” said the lunatic fringe. The full body deodorant crowd is convinced that this is the white winter itch we’ve been warned about. Brought to you by a

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00:01:29

Jasmine's Escalade

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/08/20

Jasmine really likes riding in her Escalade. “Either ride me in an Escalade or I’m staying home.” The staff had their orders so Escalade it is, with the extra base boost for that Crown Royal authenticity! “Now I need to go to lunch, and I don’t mean Cracker Barrell.” Yes Mama! “I’ll go in somewhere civilized and pick out some bacon cheesecake. You stand outside the car like you’re waiting for somebody important.” But the staff had an enthusiasm gap building, and when they saw Ms. Crockett using

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00:01:30

HUNTER FOR PRESIDENT

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/08/02

Hunter started out with nothing and still has most of it left. Like when he’d get in trouble for peeing in the pool at the Best Western. "Hunter you get out of there right now. Your daddy’s gonna wear you out when he gets back from Epstein's. I'm telling him what you did in that pool.” Sometimes, what's left of his mind plays tricks on him. Now Hunter thinks he wants to be president to finish raiding the little honey pot Joe left for him over in China. But wait – did you know there’s a Mrs

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00:01:30

ZOHAN THE CONQUEROR

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/07/25

Say hello to Zohan the Conqueror, the latest fanboy of the lunatic fringe, now running for mayor of New York City. It’s obvious, Zohan only has a beatnik-level view of what makes the world work, but he’s still planning to run this con on YOU and the coalition of the unhappy next election day. He’s the shiny new locomotive pulling the Hate America First Train into Bankruptcy Station. Zohan the Conqueror (as his mamma calls him) is on board for anyone who’s lost their appetite for work. “Chicks dig

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