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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

31:19

My Addict Still Acts Out. Should We Get Back Together?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/07/29

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener. Should you get back with your partner that continues to act out? A relationship is a two-way street, if he is not putting in the effort to be a better husband and father, then you need to start taking care of yourself and do what’s best for your children. An addict will always find an excuse to “put it off.” It’s painful and tragic, but Dr. Rob and Tami have a support group for betrayed spouses who need to heal from the pain their addict

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32:42

Addiction Is a Disease of Disconnection. The Cure is...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/07/21

Dr. Rob and Tami bust a common lie addicts often tell themselves; that they can go through the recovery process “by themselves.” Think again! Addiction is a disease of disconnection. The only way out of it is learning how to connect, that is the essence of what recovery is. Addicts have to learn how to be vulnerable, learn empathy, and uncouple the narrative that they’re terrible people. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My betrayed girlfriend of 10-plus years will not participate in the recovery process. Is there

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29:42

He’s Sober, but Still So Emotionally Walled Off. Will...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/07/14

Dr. Rob and Tami help define what the definition of true recovery is in this week’s episode. If you or a spouse is ‘sober’ that doesn’t always mean they’re on a path of recovery. Dr. Rob shares some signs that show you’re actually making progress towards becoming a better person. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can take so long for a sober addict to actually ‘be’ a good person that can connect empathically with their spouse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is remorse necessary for recovery and healing

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33:03

I Feel Hopeless and Defeated with My Addict

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/07/07

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about some of the warning signs when an addict is trying to manipulate you in their recovery. If he is threatening suicide, if he is not listening to your boundaries, it, unfortunately, might mean it’s time to take drastic measures and kick him out of the house. Many addicts use the suicide word to purely manipulate, and often don’t have intentions of doing the act. You might feel hopeless, but it’s time to take care of yourself. TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] I don’t think my addict has

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29:00

Three Months of Sobriety Means Nothing to Your...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/07/04

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about a common mistake sex addicts often do not consider and that’s the recovery of your betrayed spouse. You might be in recovery and doing all the work, but your spouse is going to feel the ripple effects of your addiction long after D-day. Showering your partner with gifts and affection is not what’s going to cut it, and it takes much more to build the trust back up in the relationship. In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami share how you can work on your recovery and be a better

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31:00

Are You Bad or Are You Just Broken?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/06/24

Dr. Rob and Tami answer your questions around cravings and how to progress in a healthy way in this healing journey as a betrayed spouse, and Rob dives deeper into why someone becomes an addict in the first place. Most addicts are not bad people, they're just deeply broken people who weren’t able to get their needs met when they were growing up. Many caregivers tried their best but did not give you what you needed to thrive as a healthy child.

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27:02

You Had Extramarital Affairs In Our Bed!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/06/20

Dr. Rob and Tami open today's conversation about what psychological abuse really is. Many people in recovery do not realize that their form of persuasion can be incredibly abusive until they’ve been educated on it. Unfortunately, the spouses can receive the blunt of that abuse if they're not actively working on it and setting boundaries. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the deep betrayal a spouse can feel when they find out their addict brought sexual partners into their home. TAKEAWAYS: [:30]

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32:32

I’m Sick of Feeling Like My SA Partner’s Mom. Should...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/06/10

Dr. Rob and Tami first take a question from a listener looking to fast-track their ability to gain intimacy and closeness with others. They then hear from someone whose husband has been in recovery for five months but still operates in a manipulative way, and another whose partner betrayed them in the same manner that was done to them. This leads to a conversation on healthy boundaries and self-care. Dr. Rob explains Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and we hear from a listener that wants to see more

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28:30

I’m Trying To Get Some Empathy, But Feel Like a...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/06/02

Dr. Rob and Tami first address a wife whose SA husband has trouble comforting her when she’s upset or showing emotion, and she feels like a circus freak when asking for her emotional needs to be met. They discuss how empathy is both practiced and learned and how addiction recovery can help you learn to cope with your feelings and seek out true connections. They then take questions about building trust back up with your partner once you’ve broken it, why someone that is an SA may retract their

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27:47

Without Accountability, There is No Recovery

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/05/26

Dr. Rob and Tami address several partners of addicts who are projecting blame onto them and advise them on what to do to protect themselves. A spouse who is deflecting or getting angry is not taking on accountability and could be damaging your family in many ways. Dr. Rob and Tami also emphasize the importance of treating your addiction like any other dire health condition; you HAVE to carve out the time for recovery and find the right professional help. Plus, a listener writes in with a raw and

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34:39

How Can I Reintegrate Healthy Sex After My Addiction...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/05/17

Dr. Rob and Tami offer some helpful resources for those in recovery who want to reintegrate and reengage in healthy sex. They also focus on betrayed partners and give them permission to put up boundaries. For both addicts and their partners, it’s important to understand that support is key to healing. There are many places and resources to seek help, and you don’t have to go it alone. TAKEAWAYS: [:24] How do you reintegrate healthy sex after porn addiction treatment? And what are some books to

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31:35

I Have Relapsed. I Feel Terrible. What Do I Do Now?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/05/06

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your questions on this week’s episode. One listener had relapsed over the weekend and doesn’t know where to go from here. Dr. Rob has some helpful and encouraging advice to help you contusion on this path of sobriety and recovery. Dr. Rob and Tami also answer the question of how trauma and abuse relate to addiction, and if it’s truly possible to recover from multiple addictions at once. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How do you create safety and intimacy? [2:25] Addicts need to

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31:08

I’m so Freaking Angry at Him. How Could My Addict...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/04/29

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you can process your hurt and anger after you’ve found out about your spouse’s infidelity and addiction. When Tami began her recovery journey, she also had to process a lot of angry emotions and she discovered that it was triggering hidden abandonment wounds. Your initial emotions might not be what they seem, and Tami offers advice on how you can dive deeper within yourself to help process the pain. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] The cheating is now just gone to porn

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26:20

When You Put in the Work, You Will See the Benefits

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/04/28

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how betrayed spouses can take care of themselves, especially if their addict is not showing up in a way that they need to. They also answer a question from an emotional man, who has been in recovery for the last two years, and use it as a showcase on why recovery really does work when you put in the work. When you commit 100%, you will see the results. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My SA husband never wants to have sex. What gives? [6:10] As a betrayed partner, you need to do

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27:17

I Don’t Trust My Addict Husband

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/04/28

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what to do when you’ve caught your addict watching some really uncomfortable and ethically questionable porn. They also discuss how betrayed spouses can move through grief and forgiveness in a healthy way without holding on to resentment. All this and more in this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [:35] Caught my husband watching incest porn. What do I do? [2:15] You need to find a specialist in this field and not a general therapist. [3:40] I’ve lost a lot. As the betrayed

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29:10

Why Do Addicts Have Attachment Issues?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/04/19

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about attachment theory and why understanding how this affects addicts differently than a “normally” attached person. Tami also explains what the FANOS acronym is and how you can incorporate it with your partner to be better in tune with your needs and their needs. All this and more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [:45] Can you please help me understand attachment theory? [1:55] Addicts lack trust. Why call somebody for help when I can just drink? [2:55] Dr. Rob learned

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30:42

My Recovery Is the Priority For Us to Have a...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/30

Dr. Rob answers today’s questions on disclosures, setting up healthy boundaries, and the impact of trauma in addiction. He describes the difference between bottom-line and middle-circle behaviors and what to do to heal your relationship. He shares that Seeking Integrity exists to help addicts go to the underlying issues that drive their addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My addiction is MB with porn and fantasy. At the disclosure, can you tell how much detail to disclose and when and where? [:55] Dr. Rob

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29:36

Addicts Are Deeply Troubled People

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/30

Dr. Rob answers today’s questions without Tami as she is off making snow angels with her grandkids. He talks about how addicts do what they do, not because of their feelings towards their partners or loved ones but as a way for them to escape their reality and have control over their deep troubles. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] I’m having a very hard time believing that my sex addict husband can love me and do these things. Can you tell me your view on this? [1:00] If the person knew how to stop their

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33:57

What to Disclose to Family Members About Your Addiction

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/18

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about what to disclose to family members, what dissociations are, and how to get to telling the truth faster. They also highlight that despite the fact that they enjoy answering these questions, their treatment programs can really help someone in active addiction get unstuck. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] I’m in the early hypersexual stage of my journey. Am I postponing his recovery by continuing to have regular sex with my SA husband? [1:30] Dr. Rob has a

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30:21

Intimacy Is Not Only About Sex, It’s About Connection

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/11

Dr. Rob and Tami talk in this week’s episode about dealing with your addiction first before being able to get into a successful relationship that you want and deserve. They also talk about how integrity from your partner is important and why you need to set up healthy boundaries for yourself as your partner goes through recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Do you treat addiction to sexual fantasy like addiction to porn? What are the recommended next steps to achieving real-life romance and/or sex? [1:10]

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