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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

01:00:28

Stop Doomscrolling and Start Hopescrolling

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/11/20

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters. TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you. [7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead. [8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT

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01:00:43

Help! I Miss My Betraying Partner

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/11/20

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner? [6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships. [7:58] What treatment options are available to a

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01:02:05

Is Therapeutic Separation Right For My Relationship?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/11/14

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses therapeutic separation as an effective intervention for couples struggling with the impact of betrayal and addiction. She highlights the structure of therapeutic separation as a compassionate approach to help both individuals regain safety, clarity and hope in the relationship. She and Tami then answer participant questions about therapeutic separation, when it's the right next move, and what to do when it didn't resolve your

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54:30

Understanding Disenfranchised Grief and Betrayal Trauma

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/11/14

Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Intro. [2:58] Defining ambiguous loss – am I

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58:39

Why Men Struggle to Show Empathy

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/10/07

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Eddie Capparucci addresses the struggle of many men to show empathy, especially those who have dealt with childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He warns of the dangers of labels and offers insights into the biological and neurological factors that affect empathy. Then he and Tami answer participant questions about empathy in relationships, with strangers, and in and out of the home. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] The link between problematic sexual behaviors and a lack

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01:01:56

5 Practices to Build Resiliency and Healthy Coping...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/10/07

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone. [3:16] 5 practices to build resilience, from happiness to obstacle immunity and staying present. [11:20] Tools that can help with

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55:22

How Long Does Recovery Really Take?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/10/07

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about cheating, betrayal, sex and more. They address recovery, disclosure, and setting healthy boundaries throughout the recovery process, and offer a realistic timeline for partners to move from betrayal to intimacy and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My wife is using my body for sex. Is this just a libido mismatch? [9:30] Setting boundaries after hearing sex threats. [12:09] My partner and I are doing everything right. When

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01:05:27

Building Thriving Connection Post Betrayal

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/10/07

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith, and Joanna Raabsmith present "Building True Intimacy: A Roadmap to Relational Restoration After Sexual Betrayal." Together they consider how couples can effectively and efficiently move from betrayal and discovery to healing and connection, based on their book Building True Intimacy. They then answer participant questions about recovery, disclosure, and lasting healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Introducing Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith and

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01:01:49

Navigating Carried Shame

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/08/22

Licensed marriage and family therapist Kristin Snowden discusses carried shame and the danger of absorbing a betraying partner’s shame-filled life. She offers hope and tools for resiliency so that a betrayed partner can move through their own healing and get their lives and self-worth back again. She and Tami then answer participant questions about shame, addiction, and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Understanding the terms associated with trauma healing, addiction recovery, and carried shame.

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01:09:47

Betrayal Induced Existential Crisis

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/08/22

Angela Spearman, CSAT describes “globalized mistrust” as the tsunami of impact on betrayed partners after discovery. But what are the core thoughts and fears underlying and maintaining that tsunami once it gets going? Together with Tami she addresses strategies for dealing with uncertainty, then answers participant questions about betrayal, boundaries, and triggers and more. TAKEAWAYS: [2:09] The catalyst for the existential experience and global mistrust. [5:20] Common questions from the

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01:02:09

Why Doesn’t My Betraying Partner Hate Himself?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/08/07

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow and Tami consider the reasons that a betraying partner may refuse to admit their shame, whether it’s worth waiting a few more days to see if a partner is going to start respecting boundaries, and how to respond to a partner’s enmeshment, lying, and childhood trauma. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How can we get the recovery support we need two years after disclosure? [6:19] What is too soon for couples therapy? [9:30] Why does

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58:05

Choosing Recovery Every Day

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/08/07

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about sex, cheating, intimacy, betrayal and more. They explore chronic lying, the power of mindset, the difference between firm boundaries and abuse, and more of the common but painful issues that betrayed partners face. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I don’t want my betraying partner to touch me. How can I show empathy? [5:42] How can I address our lack of emotional and physical intimacy? [12:08] Is separation the right next step in

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01:01:58

Counteractive Change Vs. Transformational Change

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/07/25

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and The Shoeless Therapist Matt Wheeler discuss two types of change – counteractive change and transformational change – and how each one impacts healing. They also consider honesty, manipulation, and lying; and warn listeners of the danger of a partner claiming that they’ll never hurt you again. TAKEAWAYS: [1:57] Defining counteractive change and transformational change. [4:08] Early recovery almost always includes counteractive change. [5:33] Honesty

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55:51

Early Recovery Slogans and Mantras

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/07/25

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and CSAT Jon Taylor consider the implications of two-person psychology and how cheating and betrayal never affect just one person. Jon shares common early recovery mantras as they apply to the two-person psychology filter, then answers listener questions about lying, sobriety, and disclosure. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Mantras for early recovery in the two-person psychology filter. [3:06] “Focus on your side of the street.” [6:01] Living with uncertainty in your

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01:03:54

Are You Volunteering Yourself for Pain?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/06/28

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address participant questions about sex, intimacy, betrayal, and addiction. They answer questions about finding peace with yourself in the midst of rage and repulsion, choosing recovery and allowing the process of forgiveness to play out, and how to find hope in the midst of betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] Forgiveness is a process and recovery is a choice. [7:01] Are you taking care of your spouse while you’re dying inside? [12:26] Is in-house

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01:04:16

Does Forgiveness Equal Trust?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/06/28

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob and Tami address the facts about forgiveness, trust, connection and peace, both in the early days of recovery as well as years down the road. They offer strategies for effective in-house separation, call out the warning signs of gaslighting, and get serious about setting feelings aside to start facing the facts. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] How can I find an accountability partner for filtering software? [7:20] Is it a slip or a relapse? [9:20] What are

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56:31

Is He an Addict or Just an A**hole?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/05/15

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal? [3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole? [7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex

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52:56

Regaining Trust After Relapse

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/05/08

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners. TAKEAWAYS: [:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about his past? [4:28] What resources are available for communication building in the later stages of recovery

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51:56

Healing Attachment Wounds with Troy Love

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/05/01

Troy Love and Tami answer participant questions about attachment wounds, shame, healthy boundaries, and the reality that an addict is always going to be an addict. It’s only how they chose to move forward in recovery that will change their life for better. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My partner betrayed me and now we live like roommates. How can I refine myself whether I stay or go? [6:27] How can I stop judging myself for staying? [10:01] My wife doesn’t think I’m working hard enough in recovery. Is

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58:35

Rebuilding Trust Through Connection

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/04/24

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about rebuilding trust through intimate conversations, ideas for setting healthy boundaries after betrayal, and the danger of an addict swearing that they’re done acting out for the rest of their life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] Current and upcoming resources at Seeking Integrity. [3:20] Do sponsees pay upfront or make monthly payments? [4:45] Are there agnostic 12 Step programs? [8:22] Ideas for connection activities that rebuild trust? [16:01] My husband

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