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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

52:49

Spinosaurus, the Spined Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2023/08/22

(image source: “Spinosaurus Through the Decades” by Mario Lanzas)Happy 200 episodes! Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Spinosaurus, a creature with so many different updates changing it up constantly it’s practically a modern video game. Was it a biped or a quadruped? Was it terrestrial or aquatic? Did it have a sail or a fin? Did it have a trunk like an elephant seal? Okay, that last one I made up, but hey, you never know. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 50-foot theropod

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26:26

Perucetus, the Peruvian Whale

Paleo Bites ·

2023/08/15

(image source: Alberto Gennari/Nature via AP) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Perucetus, potentially the biggest animal ever because prehistory needs to one-up the modern day at every opportunity. Those blue whales really thought their crown was safe, didn’t they? Pity. From the Late Eocene, this 65-foot basilosaurid whale was discovered just a few weeks before this episode’s release, so we cranked this episode out fast because by golly, it’s cool. It’s big. I like big

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26:13

Thrinaxodon, the Trident Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2023/08/08

(image source: https://ideas.fandom.com/wiki/Thrinaxodon_(SciiFii)) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Thrinaxodon, a stem mammal that did not have little pitchforks or sea-ruling weapons in their mouths, so they’re very inaccurately named. I question these so-called scientists sometimes. From the Early Triassic, this 3-foot cynodont was one of the survivors of the Great Dying, AKA the Permian Extinction, AKA the worst time to be on Earth in all of its history other than last

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17:30

Haikouichthys, the Fish from Haikou District, in...

Paleo Bites ·

2023/08/01

(image source: https://prehistoric-life.fandom.com/wiki/Haikouichthys) Host Matthew Donald, and guest Natasha Krech talk, Haikouichthys. An early chordate, or perhaps something weirder, we just don’t know yet. From the Cambrian, this 1-inch backboned fish-thing, lived early in time. As you’ve surely learned, this whole flippin’ episode, is all Haiku form. Even the title fits, and the description itself, and the written stats. Yet this is Chinese, not Japanese like Haikus, so it’s wrong and dumb. But

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21:43

Cryolophosaurus, the Cold Crested Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2023/07/25

(image source: https://bit.ly/3OtbH1P) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Cryolophosaurus, the first dinosaur described and named from Antarctica. That’s pretty cool. Haha, geddit? GEDDIT?! You get it. From the Early Jurassic, this 22-foot neotheropod lived when the continent was still kind of nice and full of trees and ferns, kind of like Alaska in the summer. Ugh, can you imagine the mosquitoes though?! John Hammond should have searched for them in Antarctica; I’m sure

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22:02

Rhabdodon, the Fluted Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2023/07/18

(image source: https://bit.ly/44PPyQG) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Cici Eilert discuss Rhabdodon, the Iguanodon equivalent of the Maastrichtian age and an archetypal example of insular gigantism. None of that statement made any sense to dinosaur or biology normies, I’m sure. From the Late Cretaceous, this 20-foot ornithopod lived in the European islands around the Hateg basin and had to deal with giant azhdarchid pterosaurs plucking its young off the ground on occasion. Sounds like one of

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29:53

Mononykus, the Single-Clawed One

Paleo Bites ·

2023/07/11

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Mononykus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Mononykus, a dinosaur that was really good at poking and pretty much nothing else with those singular claws of theirs. They could point, poke, and pork. That’s it. Good night, everyone. From the Late Cretaceous, this 3-foot alvarezsaurid probably lived like an anteater picking bugs out of logs with its claws and its long tongue. Its tongue didn’t fossilize though, so that’s pure

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28:18

Ophthalmosaurus, the Eye Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2023/07/04

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophthalmosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Ophthalmosaurus, an eye-catcher of a creature that sees the seas with optimal precision, and other eye-related jokes. From the Late Jurassic, this 16-foot ichthyosaur probably used its massive eyes to catch schools of fish in deep waters, meaning it used its pupils to catch pupils! Geddit?! Yeah, that one was a stretch. Required some real yoga to work. Have you seen me do yoga

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26:23

Lagosuchus, the Rabbit Crocodile

Paleo Bites ·

2023/06/27

(image source: https://www.sciencephoto.com/contributor/jsi/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Lagosuchus, a long-legged little lunatic that was named like a crocodile but is actually closer related to dinosaurs… then again dinosaurs are often named like they’re lizards when they’re patently not. From the Early Triassic, this 2-foot archosaur was not related to rabbits either despite the name, nor does it look like one. And it also wasn’t found near the city of Lagos,

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19:03

Transylvanosaurus, the Lizard from Across the Forest

Paleo Bites ·

2023/06/20

(image source: https://www.sci.news/paleontology/transylvanosaurus-platycephalus-11423.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Cici Eilert discuss Transylvanosaurus, a dinosaur with a name far scarier than this cute little critter would suggest, but I suppose Romanian means vampires, am I right? From the Late Cretaceous, this 6-foot rhabdodontid lived in an island paradise alongside some other miniaturized dinosaurs with their only fear being the giant pterosaurs that would swoop in from above

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22:27

Tsaagan, the White Monster

Paleo Bites ·

2023/06/13

(image source: Beasts of the Mesozoic action figure line) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Tsaagan, a raptor from Mongolia that is decidedly not Velociraptor for some reason isn’t due to some minor differences in the skull or whatever. And yet Dracorex… ugh, forget it. From the Late Cretaceous, this 5-foot dromaeosaur got its name from a local Mongolian term for “white monster,” which would be a pretty accurate term if this thing was found in Europe with a ship full of

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22:22

Dacentrurus, the One with the Tail Full of Points

Paleo Bites ·

2023/06/06

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Dacentrurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Dacentrurus, a dinosaur from Europe that had a bunch of points at its end and a set of symmetrical plates on its front, kind of like if a dinner table was a dinosaur. From the Late Jurassic, this 30-foot stegosaur is one of the best known of its family from Europe, and also is incredibly awkward to say. No word should ever have “ruru” in it. Except for the Kanohi Ruru, the Mask

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21:15

Peltephilus, the Armor Lover

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/30

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Peltephilus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Cici Eilert discuss Peltephilus, a large armadillo with the squarest ass you’ve ever seen. Seriously, there’s just flesh and fur one inch and then none the next. From the Oligocene epoch, this 6-foot xenathran mammal was thought to be a predator at first until they realized it was like regular armadillos and ate bugs or whatever. Or rolled into balls. Except this one couldn’t; look at its big square

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23:50

Diplodocus, the Double-Beamed One

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/23

(image source: https://a-z-animals.com/animals/diplodocus/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Diplodocus, the longest of long boys and the absorber of the awesome but sadly now dubious genus Seismosaurus. Earthquake lizard go kaput. Sad. From the Late Jurassic, this 100-foot sauropod lived in the golden age of its family with so many damn longneck dinosaurs that it’s hard to keep them all straight. Why is Supersaurus still valid if Seismo isn’t? Sorry, it’s a bit of a sore

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28:57

Mammut, the Mastodon

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/16

(image source: https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2208044119) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Mammut, also known as the American mastodon because this is one of those creatures that has a generic name as well as a scientific name, like why we called lions lions instead of P. leo like we do T. rex. From the Late Pliocene, this 10-foot-tall mammutid isn’t really closely related to mammoths but gets confused with them a bunch, which makes sense as they look really similar

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19:20

Halszkaraptor, the Thief of Halszka Osmolska

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/09

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Halszkaraptor)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Halszkaraptor, a relative of those monstrous raptors more akin to a duck or goose, which is actually far more terrifying. From the Late Cretaceous, this 2-foot dromaeosaur had numerous adaptations for fishing and a semi-aquatic existence, which sounds like a peaceful life. Because we all know people who fish to be the most chill and laid-back of folks, especially if they have a

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25:13

Geosternbergia, of George Sternberg

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/02

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Geosternbergia) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Geosternbergia, a pterosaur that really wants you to know it’s named after George Sternberg as its binomial name is Geosternbergia sternbergi. How much did the Sternberg estate pay for this, I wonder? From the Late Cretaceous, this 24-foot-wingspan pteradactyloid was thought for the longest time to be another species of Pteranodon, but now it’s generally regarded as being its

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20:10

Saurophaganax, the King of the Lizard Eaters

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/25

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/saurophaganax_maximus_by_atrox1-d4ff5qy_b2a7.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Saurophaganax, the biggest and baddest Jurassic predator that truly makes Allosaurus the “other lizard” that it’s so named. And by that, we means it makes Allosaurus its bitch. From the Late Jurassic, this 42-foot-long theropod might actually have been a giant Allosaurus species rather than its own, although the consensus is still contested

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19:48

Genyodectes, the Jaw Biter

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/18

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Genyodectes-maniraptora_be4c.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Genyodectes, a dinosaur no one’s heard of and no one cares about so therefore no one should complain when we assumedly and repeatedly mispronounce its name throughout the episode. From the Early Cretaceous, this 22-foot ceratosaurid was one of the first dinosaurs ever discovered in South America, but it certainly wouldn’t be the last. It seems these days

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29:51

Paleoparadoxia, the Ancient Enigma

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/11

(image source: https://a-z-animals.com/animals/paleoparadoxia/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Paleoparadoxia, a marine mammal with a pretty on-the-nose name in that it’s a paleontological paradox. At least in the enigma sense; we don’t think there was any time travel involved. From the Miocene epoch, this 12-foot desmostylian looked like it should have been able to walk on land, but was actually completely marine-bound due to being too heavy. I can relate. To the too

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