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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

27:24

Can I Trust the Polygraph Test?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/11

Rob and Tami discuss some of the challenges a betrayed spouse might go through when learning to love and trust their addict again. Tami shares her thoughts about polygraphs and why they’re not the end-all solution many betrayed spouses are hoping for. All of this and more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:55] My SA has been lying to his CSAT. What should I do to prepare for our CSAT session together? His birthday is also coming up. How can we still have a good time? [3:45] What do you need to

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31:56

I Can’t Undo the Past But This Is How I’m Going to...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/03/04

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami talk about focusing on your internal recovery first before seeking to make peace with your spouses. It’s important to face your truth, build on your recovery journey, and build emotional resilience to manage the day-to-day things that happen in life. TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] My SA husband confessed he felt aroused when he saw our nine-year old granddaughter wearing a bathing suit. Does that mean he is attracted to children? Or is it triggered from adult pornography he

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30:29

Addicts Can Change If They Are Willing To Do The Work

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/02/18

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami share from their own experience about recovery not being an absolute but a constant effort of working through your struggle. Growing honesty and owning up to your recovery every day is very important in order for change to happen and make a positive difference. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do you create a healthy sex plan? [2:40] Dr. Rob explains what sex and intimacy looks like within recovery. [5:00] Are there tips on how to regain trust and emotional sobriety so my

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28:29

Betrayed Spouses Shouldn’t Be Too Nice and Should...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/02/18

Dr. Rob and Tami answer this week’s questions that focus on how to deal with relapsing addicts coming out of treatment. Betrayed spouses shouldn’t accept too much from the recovering addict’s behavior. They need to take care of themselves first and need to think about their own future, assessing if they would be happier staying or leaving to focus on themselves. Everybody gets to choose. TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] In your experience, do you find people with porn addiction to have a tendency to relapse and

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28:52

What Does Good Couples Therapy Look Like?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/02/09

Dr. Rob and Tami understand that being with a sex addict for years can be hard to accept. They answer a question from a betrayed spouse who has been separated from her partner for over three years, and still sees no progress in his addiction despite him going to CSAT meetings. What should she do? Dr. Rob and Tami also answer a question on what good and healthy couples therapy looks like, and what they should do prior to going into a session in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My addict says

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31:46

Who Did My Husband Cheat On Me With? I Need to Know...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/02/09

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse that is having a hard time moving forward a year after her SA’s disclosure. She wants to know the names of the women he cheated on her with. Dr. Rob and Tami explore why knowing more answers does not give you the closure and healing you are seeking, what to do, and some of the best ways you can move forward in your marriage despite the hurt. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I have been in recovery for the past 10 months. [8:10] Every

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36:11

My Betrayed Partner Keeps Threatening Divorce

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/01/21

In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions around betrayal trauma and how to help your betrayed partner find safety. They invite you to read Dr. Rob’s books, listen to podcasts, join support groups and workshops to not only work on your recovery but find the right support group as well! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] It has been 10 months since I disclosed to my wife my use of porn and lies. She has tried to work things out with me but has been asking for a divorce back and forth. How do I know if this

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34:51

How Can an Addict in Denial Get Well?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/01/14

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you can help someone when they refuse to see themselves as an addict. Dr. Rob has unfortunately seen this happen with recovering addicts, who one day have a revelation that they’re not an addict, they’re just ‘sexually librated’. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the difference between casual porn use vs. when it’s a problem, and ho to handle shame and guilt when you’re on a path to recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My partner doesn’t think he’s a sex addict. He thinks he

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29:02

Sociopaths Don’t Have Empathy

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/01/06

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about healthy sexuality, working through triggers and grief, sociopaths and more. Seeking help and knowing when to walk away are important factors into your recovery. They’re also starting an online series specifically for porn addicts. Tune in to find out more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How would you describe healthy sexuality for singles who want to wait for marriage? [2:15] No one is required to have sex and in a certain circumstance. You get to do what is

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32:22

The 12-Step Program and How To Help Your Partners...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2022/01/04

In this week’s episode, Rob and Tami talk about the 12-step program, ambivalent love and how partners can support addicts through their own roller coaster of emotions during betrayal. Rob and Tami reiterate that only you can take care of yourself and get to control how you feel in any situation. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My boyfriend sexualizes strangers on Tinder. Is this behaviour healthy or normal? [1:10] Dr. Rob explains that not all people see the underlying issue and justify their behaviours. [4:10]

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26:26

How Do I Date Sober as a Sex Addict?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/12/22

Dr. Rob and Tami walk you through the steps you need to take to have healthy boundaries as a sex or love addict that’s going through the dating process. They also explain what intimacy looks like, and how you know you’re picking an open and healthy partner for you as you go through sober dating. Dr. Rob also shares when it’s a good idea to reveal to your new partner that you’re an addict in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] 22 months into recovery, what should I expect as a partner? [4:50]

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31:06

My Wife Got a Breast Reduction and I’m No Longer...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/12/22

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how to find intimacy again after being married to your partner for more than 30 years. They also share their thoughts on impatient programs and why an addict might come back worse than they were before. As a betrayed partner, there’s nothing wrong with loving someone who’s broken. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I got an STI from my cheating husband. There’s been very little change in his behavior. Should I stay or should I go? [6:05] You love someone that’s broken. There’s nothing

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31:26

I Keep Relapsing and I Keep Playing the Victim, How...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/12/03

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone in recovery who can’t stop himself from relapsing. He has been to outpatient help, and he’s in the process of losing his job and family, yet he can’t seem to stop. How can he really get the help he needs if he keeps reverting back to ‘default’? Dr. Rob and Tami share their tough love and also answer questions on how to stay in integrity and truthfulness, and how to set healthy boundaries with yourself. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do I be more honest? I’m

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28:31

What Does a Good Disclosure After Betrayal Look Like?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/12/03

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about victim shaming when an SA spouse has been acting out, what to do, and they also dive into what a good formal disclosure looks like. It’s highly important that you find a good therapist that can walk you through this process, and also understand what’s ethical and not ethical to ask on a polygraph test. They also offer advice on how to find a good sponsor, and so much more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:40] My CSAT recommends I do inpatient care. What should I be prepared for? [4:55]

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32:37

My Husband of 45 Years is a Sex Addict and A...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/12/03

Dr. Rob and Tami answer your questions on this week’s episode. What do you do when your partner’s CSAT doesn’t feel like you’re ready to receive a formal disclosure? How do you handle your husband’s addiction + his cross dressing tendencies? All of this and more on this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] How likely is reconciliation with my partner? I heard it’s only 25%? [5:20] Who are you in recovery for? You or for your partner? [7:00] What consistent behaviors can I do to prove to my spouse I

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28:23

Addicts Chase the Perception of Fun, but This is Not Fun

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/11/22

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about why affair partners don’t ever feel the same as ‘normal’ and ‘stable’ partners. You’re living in a fantasy world with your affair partner, and it can only end badly because you’re simply not living in the present. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the reason why addicts chase a high; they’re constantly chasing the illusion of fun and the price they pay is often in shame and guilt, which then continues their cycle. Find out more in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I

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33:03

Do Child Sexual Abuse Survivors End up With Sex Issues?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/11/22

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what happens after someone has been molested as a child, and some of the traumatizing effects it can have on a person in older life. They also talk about why addicts are constantly running away from home while simultaneously trying to create/seek one. TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] If a child has been molested, will they always end up with sex issues? [3:20] People who are molested often are not in environments where they can talk about it. [3:40] Sex offenders don’t harm healthy

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28:27

What’s the Difference Between a ‘Slip’ and a Relapse?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/11/03

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether it’s true that all addicts eventually relapse, they also talk about the difference between a slip and a relapse, and why relapses tend to happen in addiction. People in recovery can find joy and fun again when they’re living a sober life. It’s a myth that you’ll ‘become boring’ the moment you get sober. All this and more on today’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Does my SA really love me? Is there such a thing as restitution/amends? [6:45] I’ve been in recovery

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28:27

My Betrayed Spouse Wants Me to ‘Fix Things’. How Can I?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/10/21

Dr. Rob and Tami go a little bit deeper on why addicts seek intensity over meaning. They also offer insight into why a man goes from one night stand to one night stand and then ‘suddenly’ decides to give it all up for an 18 month long affair. Dr. Rob and Tami also understand the frustration betrayed partners have when it comes to their addict’s journey, and answers a question from a listener on how he can better support his betrayed partner. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My addict doesn’t want to have sex

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29:22

What is Intimacy When In Sex Addiction Recovery, Really?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/10/20

Dr. Rob and Tami dive into why a treatment center is sometimes more encompassing than going to an addiction therapist specialist in this week’s episode. What do you do when your spouse is still so hurt in her anger two years after being in recovery? And, as a betrayed spouse, will my addict ever experience intimacy? Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice, extra information, and hope on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My SA spouse keeps objectifying people in public. He says he’s not aware of this

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