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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

29:12

Can I Take Psychedelics to Cure My Addiction?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/10/11

Dr. Rob and Tami dive right into today’s burning questions. What do you do when your addict starts setting hard boundaries and threats to leave if the betrayed partner doesn’t follow through? Can psychedelics work towards bettering you as a person and your addiction? All these questions and more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Are sex offenders also sex addicts? [2:40] I’m afraid of pushing my partner’s boundaries. How do I get better at this? [6:30] How do I know if my addict is

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30:14

My Addict Still Hangs Out With His Enabler Friends

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/09/29

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a distressed betrayed spouse. Despite being sober for eight months, her addict is still hanging out with the same crowd. What does this mean? Is he strong enough to not act out again? She feels uneasy and Dr. Rob and Tami both agree on why. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How important is it for a sex addict to analyse their arousal template? [3:25] My addict has been sober for eight months but still socializes with a bad crowd. What do I do? [6:15] After discovery, I was

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31:39

What Do You Need to Do for Yourself?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/09/29

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question about being gaslit. If your addict is constantly making you feel like you’re in the wrong, you’re at fault and takes no responsibility for his own actions, his own addictions, then what are you getting out of the relationship? It’s important to take care of yourself first because there’s only so much you can give before you hit a breaking point. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband of 35 years does not feel guilty for cheating. Is this normal? [3:35] Addicts spend their

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29:43

Why Isn’t The CSAT Doing His Job?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/09/22

Dr. Rob and Tami address some questions from betrayed partners and talk about some of the frustrations that they are having. If you believe your addict’s CSAT isn’t doing a good job, then there’s nothing wrong with setting up a meeting to let them know personally what the addict has been up to, and how they’ve been treating you. Addicts lie. Addicts paint themselves as the victim all the time. If you don’t see progress with a CSAT, check in with them. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How do I communicate to my SA

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27:21

If He Wants Butt Stuff, Does That Mean He’s Gay?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/09/15

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions. Everything from betrayal, understanding whether your relationship was all a lie, and other tales of recovering from addiction. One female listener asked if he’s asking for specific sexual activities, is it an indicator that he is a gay man in hiding? Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts in this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I help my spouse with her feelings of betrayal? [2:35] Is my husband idolizing strangers when he is acting

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27:07

Will My Addict Ever Change?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/09/02

Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on prenup and post-nup agreements. Do they work? Are they a good indicator that the relationship is moving forward? Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about when it’s time to separate from an addict and focus on yourself, especially if he has crossed certain legal boundaries. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What are your thoughts on postnups for the addict and the betrayed spouse? [3:00] How do I have sex without disassoiating? I don’t know how to have sex while being emotionally

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31:40

My Betrayed Spouse Wants to Manage MY Money!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/08/31

Dr. Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions in this week’s episode. A listener writes in and asks if experiencing sex withdrawals after 13 days is normal, another is seeking advice and solace for being ridiculed by their siblings that they go to therapy, and Dr. Rob and Tami weigh in on what to do when a partner wants to manage all the finances, especially after a large betrayal. All this and more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I grew up in a dysfunctional household and my siblings are punishing

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35:32

My Addict Still Sleeps with His Ex-Wife!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/08/23

A listener writes in and asks Dr. Rob and Tami about what to do after finding out that her partner of seven years still sleeps with his ex-wife, and is unwilling to cut her off because she is still the mother of his kids. Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice on best steps forward, but if a partner is unwilling to put his recovery first and foremost to live a life of integrity, this is a bad sign that he’s still not ready for a relationship with you. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does a sex addict treat their

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32:00

How Can I Overcome Religious Shame While Recovering...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/08/13

A listener asks how they can overcome their religious shame, move forward in their addiction, and develop a sense of healthy sexuality. No matter what the religion might be, if you’ve grown up in a very conserative background, it can be incredibly hard to normalize sexual behaviors. You put sex addiction on top of it, it can be a very confusing space to navigate in. Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of the best ways to work through this shame while also respecting your sobriety in this

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29:12

Addicts Don’t Have Addictions, They Have Intimacy...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/08/06

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about the recovery community, the differences between sex addiciton and being a sex offender, and why addicts have intimacy disorders. Connection is scary for an addict, this is why they often seek external forces to escape and numb out. On your journey to recovery, it’s about uncovering your blocks to intimacy and re-learning how to connect with another human being in a healthy way again. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is a relapse and why is a recovery

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31:47

My Addict Wants to Leave! How Can I Help Him?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/08/02

Rob and Tami dive into sexual orientation and whether it's a byproduct of childhood abuse or not. Why do ‘straight’ married men cheat on their wives with gay men? What’s going on there? Rob and Tami also offer advice on what to do as the betrayed spouse when your addict is finally calling it quits and they want to leave the relationship. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do you distinguish between sex addiction and sexual orientation childhood truama issues? [1:25] Sexual orientation is defined before

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30:13

Did I Marry an Illusion of a Man or Did the Addiction...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/07/22

Rob and Tami first want to clear the air on how addicts are not bad people, they are broken people, but inherently they are not evil. This is a common misconception because of all the harm and destruction they’ve caused in people’s lives. It’s just a way for them to cope with their own insecurities and demons. Rob also answers the question on ‘who’ your addict truly is. A betrayed spouse doesn’t know which version to believe anymore and Rob offers some insight on what to expect next. TAKEAWAYS:

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29:15

He Got Caught, Now He Feels Remorse. What’s the Deal?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/07/16

Rob and Tami dive into how an addict’s brain works and why it can be frustrating as a betrayed spouse to see your addict lie and cheat for years, but only try to change after they get caught. Why does this happen? Why can’t they just do the right thing? Rob sheds some light on this and also answers some of your burning questions about addiction, intimacy, and finding a good sponsor. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Do addicts trust themselves? [2:05] During the first week of treatment, addicts go through a

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31:37

Why Do I Still Care After All the Hurt and Disrespect?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/07/01

Rob and Tami received an alarming question from a betrayed spouse who is also the sex addict’s accountability partner. Ouch! Save yourself the emotional and physical pain and get out of that position. An accountability partner is supposed to keep your addict accountable. You have a different role to play as a betrayed and hurt spouse. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can be so hard to stop loving someone who has repeatedly hurt you throughout your marriage. Why do you keep going back? What’s

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31:07

My Husband Is in Recovery, but He’s Still a Jerk!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/06/25

Rob and Tami discuss everything from conversion therapy, turning into a workaholic while in recovery, and so much more. Rob and Tami also talk about how to build an emotional connection again with your addict when he’s in recovery. If you feel like he’s emotionless, not empathetic, and uncaring, realize that it takes time for an addict to reconnect with themselves. They’ve been so closed off and have adopted unhealthy ways of coping for so long, that they don’t even know how to love you the way you

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32:48

In Recovery for 2 Years From Sex Addiction, but I...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/06/17

Rob and Tami talk about the tricky balance recovering sex addicts experience when they want to be in an intimate and caring relationship, without falling back into their addiction. Being in recovery and not having sex deprives us of our most basic desire, and that’s connection. As humans, we yearn for intimacy and closeness. We are meant to have a partner by our side, and here’s how you can do it in a healthy way without relapsing! TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] My SA husband doesn’t want to talk about his

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28:31

It’s Hard To See Anything Other Than the Hurt and...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/06/10

Rob and Tami talk about breaking the pattern of impulsive acts, discovering you’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t love you back as an addict, and so much more on this week’s episode! Dr. Rob has seen breakthroughs with couples who have been betrayed for years as well as people who’ve fully recovered from chem sex addiction, recovery IS IN the cards for you. Just keep making progress one day at a time! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Wouldn’t it just be easier to leave the addict? I don’t trust him

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30:46

My Parents Are Addicts and They Trigger Me. How Do I...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/06/03

Rob and Tami talk about how to deal with family conflict, especially if the family dynamics are unhealthy and riddled with addiction. Dr. Rob offers a different perspective on how you can forgive, and be grateful, for the caretakers in your life despite all of their shortcomings. Remember, addiction is a mental illness and your caretakers were just mentally ill. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I find myself feeling sad when I have feelings of joy. What’s going on? [3:50] My dad is a sex addict and my mom is a

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29:43

Addiction Is a 24/7 Process

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/05/27

Rob and Tami talk about betrayal in a marriage and how it takes the spouse a lot longer than you might think to ‘get over it’. It is frustrating seeing your significant other in so much pain, but the best way to help him or her overcome that hurt is through showing them day by day that you’re committed 100% in your recovery process and you are becoming a changed person. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I’ve been sober for a year and 8 months. Married for 28 years and still working on it. My wife is still angry

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30:50

Prodependence vs. Codependency: A Clarification from...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/05/27

Rob and Tami talk about prodependence and share why broken people seek other broken people. If you’re an emotional 4, anyone higher on the ‘healthy’ scale is going to seem too boring to you, or vice versa, they see you as someone with too much drama. You are not a victim for loving who you love. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dr. Rob, can you please clarify something in your book, Prodependence? [7:25] If you’re an emotional 4, you’re going to find other emotional 4s because emotional 8s are going to appear

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