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PODCAST

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes

Welcome to If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

comedy improv

All Episodes

1:10:48

Prenatal Pasta Sauce

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/11/04

This week LB, Niki and John advise opening your third eye (while keeping your first two closed, of course), and also discuss other important topics facing today's Sleepy Americans™, including if the primordial soup was the original wassail, why we've never seen a dracula with an eyepatch, the pervert's place in the community, oranges from Australia, Tumblr's new content guidelines, podracing, and somehow, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the

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12:18

Trailer

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/28

This is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a comedy podcast that we think you'll love. In this trailer (which is not sponsored by McDonald's) we talk about McDonald's, Carl Weathers, John getting fired, and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a

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47:45

The Royal You

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/28

Niki, LB and John are back and sleepier than ever, with John a little loopy from his vaccine cocktail and Niki more in need of medical attention than ever. Meanwhile, the gang shows off their knowledge of Scandinavian geography, LB and Niki compare sleep study results, John details his trip to the vaccine clinic, LB orders McDonald's live (not sponsored), and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying

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1:17:26

The Monster Times

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/21

Happy spooky season, Drivers! LB finally gets the scary episode they've wanted out of John and Niki, who discuss election fraud (not like that), the Lord Jesus, Vanilla Ice's birthday, LB's fear of rats, salt guns, Rambo facts, John's undying love for Tom Cruise, and his fear of what might happen if he doesn't close the garage door in time.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer

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1:12:41

Alexa, I’m Ready To Whac Off

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/14

Niki, LB and John perform a dark ritual to summon their first special guest, merritt k (twitter.com/merrittk), after which Niki has a "mayonnaise question," John tells a story about an attempted murder he survived as a child, we all chill with our homie Eduardo and merritt describes an escalating cavalcade of jpegs from the Hammacher Schlemmer website.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and

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1:13:53

The Hopping At Picnic Time

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/07

In this episode: the fishing cheating controversy, Niki's new plan for electoral democracy, LB's new plan for healthcare, and more. We made a lot of claims about Colton Burpo and chess on this episode so we're sorry if we said anything that was wrong. Please let us know if you can get us a line on John Cena's rates for sack racing assistance.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our

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1:10:45

The Ass Punt

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/07

HONK HONK! In this episode, Producer Jordo guides our hosts into a strange and fascinating world. A tiny world, a 1/24 scale world. Of truckers. JPEG-description fans rejoice and settle in for nearly a full hour of audio imagery. Also: Mad Libs, the bachelorette section, and literacy.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve

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1:24:42

PP Loan

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/07

What would the shared mind palace of our hosts look like? A mall, that's what. In this one, our three intrepid travelers decide what would go in their shared mental mall. How big is the Cheesecake Factory? How many pianos are there? Also: What is a "Rick Caruso podcast indulgence"? How would you spend PP Loan? What are you doing at the BDub3's? How many incorrect facts does LB say about their own religion? Listen and find out.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating

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1:09:16

The Double Punch

If You"re Driving, Close Your Eyes ·

2022/10/07

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. What happen if you reboot Wheel today? On the first ever episode of If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, hosts Niki, LB, and John talk about Spindrift, Mount Vernon, and the

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169 results

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