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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

26:01

Homo neanderthalensis, the Neanderthal

Paleo Bites ·

2022/11/15

(image source: http://bit.ly/3UqwgfD ) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Homo neanderthalensis, the archetypal caveman and our bulkier, hairier, and dumber cousins, not unlike my bulkier and hairier and dumber cousins down in Mississippi. From the Late Pleistocene, this 5.5 foot tall hominid never really made it that far in the evolutionary sense, lasting less than a million years and going extinct when the Ice Age ended. It’s all right, Neanderthals, not every creature is

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36:33

Erectopus, the Upright Foot

Paleo Bites ·

2022/11/08

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Erectopus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Erectopus, perhaps the worst name of any dinosaur ever, or maybe the best if you're twelve years old. From the Early Cretaceous, this 16-foot long allosaurid has an interesting backstory in regards to the recovery of its fossils, including rich private collectors and shady fossil dealers. The paleontological black market is really cutthroat, folks, so watch out. Want to further

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38:13

Koshisaurus, the Lizard of the Koshi Region

Paleo Bites ·

2022/11/01

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Koshisaurus/Koshisaurus_NT_899f.jpg)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Matt David Seivert discuss Koshisaurus, a dinosaur with very little known about it so this episode is basically a sneaky preview episode of Seivert’s other podcast Nerds ‘R Us. From the Early Cretaceous, this 14-foot hadrosaurid lived in Japan and thus we’re perfectly justified in our discussions about Kamen Rider and other stuff, because if I covered only this creature it’d

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26:25

Brontomerus, the Thunder Thighs

Paleo Bites ·

2022/10/25

(image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Brontomerus.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Brontomerus to round out Bronto Month, a real voluptuous dinosaur if the name is any indication, which dear God I hope it’s not as that would stir a lot of worrying things in me. From the Early Cretaceous, this 46-foot long camarasaurid sauropod could potentially gallop, climb mountains, and kick predatory dinosaurs like a horse based on its well-developed leg

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18:01

Brontotherium, the Thunder Beast

Paleo Bites ·

2022/10/18

(image source: https://bit.ly/3S8egF1) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-hosts the De Papier brothers from Matt’s other show The Writ Wit discuss Brontotherium, a creature almost certainly called Megacerops instead but we needed another genus for Bronto Month so we’ll use the outdated name. It’s not misinformation if we outright state its erroneousness! From the Late Eocene, this 16-foot perissodactyl roamed the American scrublands and rammed each other with their horns as fossil evidence seems to

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27:42

Brontosaurus, the Thunder Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2022/10/11

(image source: https://www.activewild.com/brontosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Brontosaurus, a real dinosaur of a dinosaur that wasn’t valid for a while until suddenly it was, kind of like the inverse of Pluto. From the Late Jurassic, this 70-foot diplodocid sauropod was a bit chunkier than Apatosaurus with a slightly thicker neck, but otherwise it was basically the same animal at the same time and place. And yet Dracorex and Stygimoloch are considered young

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29:59

Brontoscorpio, the Thunder Scorpion

Paleo Bites ·

2022/10/04

(image source: https://fossil.fandom.com/wiki/Brontoscorpio) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Brontoscorpio, a big fat nope of a creature and the first of our Paleo Bites Bronto Month! From the Early Devonian, this 3-foot arachnid was one of the earliest creatures to make its way onto land, ahead of the lobe-finned fish by several tens of millions of years. Sheesh, if these things were already up there, it makes the fish crawling onto land seem even stupider. Just stay

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16:06

Australotitan, the Southern Titan

Paleo Bites ·

2022/09/27

(image source: https://bbc.in/3Rc0j8G) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Australotitan, the biggest Australian land animal of all time that probably had venomous tail spines or exploding scales if modern Australian fauna is any indication. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 95-foot titanosaur lived alongside other local dinosaurs like Australovenator, Austroraptor, and Australopithecus… seems to be a real naming theme going on here. And for those about to message me that

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28:03

Tiktaalik, the Large Freshwater Fish

Paleo Bites ·

2022/09/20

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiktaalik by Zina Deretsky) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Tiktaalik, a real asshole that should have known what horrible things crawling onto land would eventually lead to for the world. From the Late Devonian, this 8-foot sarcopterygian has been the subject of many memes using this very image about how it’s personally responsible for all of human suffering, which in all honesty might just be a tad harsh. Wait, rent is

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32:49

Meraxes, the Great Dragon

Paleo Bites ·

2022/09/13

(image source: https://bit.ly/3RFXJbQ) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Meraxes, a dinosaur named after a dragon in A Song of Ice and Fire that lived about as long ago as George R. R. Martin released his last book. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 45-foot carcharodontosaurid theropod was merely one of a plethora of giant meat-eating dinosaurs in this time and place, although they probably didn’t live all at once, that’d be ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as Game of Thrones

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25:15

Koolasuchus, the Crocodile of Lesley Kool

Paleo Bites ·

2022/09/06

(image source: https://walkingwith.fandom.com/wiki/Koolasuchus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Koolasuchus, a giant amphibian from far later than when giant amphibians were cool, kind of like people today with mohawks or rollerblades. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 16-foot temnospondyl hung out in polar waters too cold for the crocodiles throughout the rest of the world, making it a Cool Crocodile, if you will. That’s where it got its name, surely. I’m sure Lesley Kool is

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22:24

Sciurumimus, the Squirrel Mimic

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/30

(image source: https://bit.ly/3QdUyqU) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Sciurumimus, a predator with a squirrel-like tail that was probably real cuddly if it didn’t have all those needley teeth and claws coming out of it. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot tetanuran theropod didn’t have buckteeth or stored nuts but was still sciurine enough for paleontologists to name it such, although depending on your belief on dinosaur genitalia it might have stored its nuts

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28:26

Afrovenator, the African Hunter

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/23

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Afrovenator) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Matt David Seivert discuss Afrovenator, a dinosaur that got its title of African Hunter stolen by Carcharodontosaurus, then Dinofelis, then lions, then poachers, then lions again because evil never wins. From the Mid Jurassic, this 25-foot megalosaurid prowled the heart of the continents just as they were splitting up, a messy breakup story if there ever was one. Don’t worry, they’re projected to get

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19:19

Megapiranha, the Giant Piranha

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/16

(image source: https://river-monsters.fandom.com/wiki/Megapiranha) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Megapiranha, a really freakin' big piranha. Duh. From the Late Miocene, this 3-foot serrasalmid fish was basically a B-movie monster in real life, although it’s still not nearly as horrifying as that one fish from the same river that swims up your urethra. And that one’s not prehistoric either, but in the modern Amazon, threatening unwary pissers even as you listen to this

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28:52

Suchomimus, the Crocodile Mimic

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/09

(image source: https://www.extinctanimals.org/suchomimus.htm) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Suchomimus, a dinosaur that despite its genus name’s suffix doesn’t look anything like the other ostrich dinos, almost like it’s in a completely different family or something. From the Early Cretaceous, this 36-foot spinosaurid didn’t have a sail like its family’s namesake nor a large forelimb claw like Baryonyx, but at least it was big! And hey, sometimes being big is all you need

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22:54

Zalambdalestes, the Lambda-Like Robber

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/02

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zalambdalestes) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Zalambdalestes, a furry little hopper with a long snout and a rat tail, like if a rabbit and a rat had a baby; a rabbrat, if you will. From the Late Cretaceous, this 7-inch eutherian mammal lived alongside Velociraptor and Protoceratops, meaning it was witness to that event where those two dinosaurs died mid-combat and got fossilized together. Why didn’t it try and save them,

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27:34

Fukuiraptor, the Thief of the Fukui Prefecture

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/26

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fukuiraptor) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Matt David Seivert discuss Fukuiraptor, a Japanese dinosaur with a name where the jokes write themselves, but it’d be silly and unprofessional for us to make those jokes. From the Early Cretaceous, this 16-foot megaraptoran theropod is an awesome dinosaur, and if you don’t agree, well, Fuku! …iraptor. What? I said it’d be silly and unprofessional to make those jokes, not that we wouldn’t do them! Have

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20:45

Glossopteris, the Tongue Fern

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/19

(image source: https://bit.ly/3nzXfXg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Glossopteris, an ancient tree that… wait, where are you going?! C’mon, not every episode can be about scary dinosaurs with big pointy teeth! From the Permian period, this 100-foot tall seed fern helped paleontologists first propose the idea of continental drift, due to being found all over the southern Gondwanan continents… yeah, you’ve already left, haven’t you? Eh, I don’t blame you, I’m just

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22:10

Thylacinus, the Tasmanian Tiger

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/12

(image source: Public domain photo from 1906. Suck it, copyright laws) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Thylacinus, the most recently extinct creature I’ll allow, as anything later would make this show far too depressing. From the Early Holocene, this 4-foot marsupial first evolved in the later parts of the Ice Age before dying an unceremonious death in a zoo in the 1930s. Ugh, it’s episodes like this that make you root for the COVID-19 virus. Want to further support the

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27:22

Megatherium, the Great Beast

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/05

(image source: https://www.thoughtco.com/megatherium-giant-sloth-1093238) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Megatherium, a creature whose full scientific name literally translates to “Great American Beast” but this isn’t 4th of July-related due to it not being that America, so sorry, USA-ians. From the Late Pleistocene, this 20-foot ground sloth dope slapped some Smilodon populator to death to keep said Smilodon populator from doing too much of their namesake

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320 results

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