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PODCAST

Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Dr. Marie Murphy

Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective. She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life, and interviews professionals with complementary expertise, such as family law attorneys, mediators, non-violent communication specialists, and more. In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective on our

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

25:12

52. Dealing with Other People's Opinions, Part Three

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/09/02

Are you seeking to free yourself from other people’s thoughts about your infidelity? If you’re having an affair, other people may cast a blanket of disapproval over your situation — and that can cause you to start forming the same negative opinions. But, do you really want to give someone that power over your beliefs and feelings? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, it’s common for people to seek approval from others about their decisions. But it doesn’t have to be that way. As Dr. Murphy says, you get

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30:50

51. Dealing with Other People's Opinions, Part Two

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/08/26

What do you want people to believe about you? Other people’s opinions can have a powerful impact on how you perceive yourself. Different people will have positive and negative opinions, but when they are not aligned with your own, it's easy to devalue yourself. As Dr. Marie Murphy says, many people conceptualize their opinions of what is right or wrong as being fundamentally correct — but this is not always valid. Although it’s common to desire the approval of other people, it’s important to avoid

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50:13

50. The Joys and Sorrows of Adultery with Mona Lisa

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/08/19

It’s easy to feel encapsulated in an adultery bubble. With all the stigma around infidelity, where can you go to speak about the feelings you have? Is there a place to escape judgment and shame? Mona Lisa has created a safe space for adulterers, like herself, to connect without fear. For Mona, infidelity is empowering and provides her with a sense of freedom — but it is not without pain and other difficult emotions. She knows other people are navigating the same feelings, and that’s why she believes

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22:47

49. In Defense of "New Relationship Energy"

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/08/12

New relationships carry a special energy, often referred to as the “honeymoon period.” But what happens after the excitement wears off? Is the relationship doomed — or can this energy spark a long-term bond? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, “new relationship energy” isn’t always a bad thing. While it’s important to recognize its existence and role in your relationship, it doesn't mean that the romance is over once this excitement wears off. So, how can you continue to build a sustainable relationship

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19:07

48. Forgiving Yourself

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/08/05

Do you feel stuck in a loop of self-loathing? Are there moments in your past that you feel helpless to change, so you end up re-playing them over and over again in your head? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, it’s important to stop blaming and shaming yourself and start releasing your own pain. While forgiving yourself doesn’t mean getting a free pass to abdicate any kind of responsibility, you can shift your focus to the more positive contributions that you want to make. This way, your past mistakes

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22:14

47. Being the “Other Person,” Part Three

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/07/29

Being the “other person” in an affair is complicated, to say the least. You fell in love with an amazing person, but are now stuck waiting for them to leave their long-term partner. With such difficult emotions at play, how can you choose the best path forward? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, it’s easy to obsess over your partner’s decisions when you’re the “other person” in an affair. However, it’s important to remember that you have ultimate control over your life — and the decisions you make in

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47:18

46. Dealing With Other People's Opinions, Part One

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/07/22

People have opinions about everything. However, when those opinions turn negative and become directed at you, it can feel extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes it might seem easier to try and avoid the discomfort by hiding your true desires or beliefs. But that response typically isn’t what’s best for you. According to Dr. Marie Murphy, embracing discomfort is sometimes the only way you can truly start feeling better. Doing the right thing for yourself will occasionally result in judgment from others —

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23:12

45. Being the "Other Person," Part Two

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/07/15

If you’ve ever been the “other person” in an affair, you’re probably familiar with how challenging that role can be. And, it can feel even more complicated when being the “other person” turns into a pattern. So, if you’ve found yourself in this position repeatedly and it’s not fulfilling your desires, what can you do to change your situation? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, sometimes being the “other person” can feel like a tragic curse that you can’t shake. However, if you want things to be

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42:53

44. Moving Beyond Blame with Karilyn Ivers

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/07/08

Relationships can be tricky to navigate under normal circumstances, but if your partner struggles with addiction, you’ll likely find yourself faced with additional challenges. Society’s biases toward addiction can make it difficult to talk about — especially if the only advice people give is that you should leave. But, if you’re not ready to end your relationship, how can you improve your situation and let go of the guilt and shame of staying in a difficult partnership? Certified Life Coach Karilyn

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29:22

43. Being the "Other Person," Part One

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/07/01

Being the “other person” in an affair can be exciting, but it also comes with its own unique challenges. You may sometimes feel like you’re stuck or powerless in your situation. And, because of the taboo nature of the relationship, you might not have anyone to talk to about your feelings besides your affair partner. So, how can you figure out what you really want from your relationship and start changing your circumstances today? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, you have more power over your situation

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50:45

42. The Mindset of Pleasure with Danielle Savory

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/06/24

How does the way you think affect your sex life? What causes the excitement of a new relationship to fade? And, can changing your mindset create more pleasure in your relationship and life? According to pleasure expert Danielle Savory, you can transform the way you experience your relationship simply by changing how you think. As she says, people in long-term relationships often unintentionally eliminate the things that create desire and make the relationship exciting — but it doesn’t have to be

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37:53

41. Clarifying What You Want in a Relationship

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/06/17

If you aren’t getting what you want out of your relationship, what can you do to make a change? Couples therapy is one option, but it doesn’t always work for every relationship. Fortunately, there are other ways of improving your relationship and satisfying your individual needs. According to Dr. Marie Murphy, there is no simple, one-size-fits-all solution — and no one but you can tell you what you need. As she says, you’ll have to decide for yourself what’s truly right for you. However, there are

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49:39

40. Blow Your House Down with Gina Frangello

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/06/10

When everyday life is chaotic, difficult, or unfulfilling, affairs can offer an escape from reality. However, the deception of an affair isn’t always limited to the lies we tell others — trying to escape reality can also be a way of deceiving ourselves. According to author Gina Frangello, nothing is really an escape. She understands how, at first, leading a double life can feel exciting and intoxicating. But, while it may initially seem like a neat compartmentalized part of your life, your affair

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44:39

39. Healing from Heartbreak with Dorothy Johnson

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/06/03

Heartbreak can be devastating. And, it’s not just the loss of the relationship itself that is so painful — there are also messy feelings involved with the practicalities of untangling your life from someone else’s. So how do you move forward in a healthy way? Is there a technique for transforming your pain into something better? According to Breakup Coach Dorothy Johnson, you can turn your pain into power with the right tools and perspectives. As she says, your internal beliefs are much stronger

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41:58

38. Sexuality, Religion, and Shame with Melissa Hite

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/05/27

Unfortunately, sexuality and shame frequently go hand-in-hand, and religion’s messages about sex may be partially to blame. Even if you aren’t religious, you can still be affected by the messages that have seeped into society — such as the ideas that masturbation is bad or pleasure is wrong. So, how can you overcome these problematic frameworks and rewire your relationship to sex? As a Sexual-Spiritual Advisor, Melissa Hite helps her clients reframe their sexual response cycles and embrace their

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22:13

37. Discomfort, Drama, and Infidelity

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/05/20

Wanting relief from uncomfortable feelings doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. In fact, it’s a natural, human response. However, it’s important to determine whether you’re actually dealing with your discomfort or simply avoiding it. As Dr. Marie Murphy says, the short-term satisfaction you find through avoiding uncomfortable feelings is typically outweighed by long-term consequences. But, many people aren’t taught how to deal with discomfort in a constructive way. That’s where Dr. Murphy

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42:05

36. Good Enough Sex with Dr. Barry McCarthy

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/05/13

What does it mean to have good sex? Has science uncovered the truth about what feeds desire? And, is there a way to redefine your understanding of sexuality and rekindle a positive sexual relationship with your partner? According to Dr. Barry McCarthy, sexuality consists of three components: intimacy, pleasure, and eroticism. For a healthy sexual relationship to exist, those components need to be balanced and approached with realistic expectations. So, how can you start having better sex today? Dr

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32:21

35. Changes and Choices in Relationships with Yael...

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/05/06

When a couple relocates for one person’s job, it can be difficult to adjust to the new circumstances. Yael Haklai-Neagu, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, knows from first-hand experience just how challenging that process can be. When she moved to the United States for her partner’s job 16 years ago, she had to overcome a number of difficulties — including the extra stress the relocation placed on her relationship. According to Yael, the individual who moves for their partner’s job (also

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48:32

34. Mindfulness, Music, and Relationships with Dr....

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/04/29

How can you lower your levels of anxiety, stress, and negativity? Is it possible to change how you feel by changing the way that you think? And, can you improve your relationships by learning how to be more present? According to Dr. Richard Gold, mindfulness and meditation are the keys to relieving your stress, boosting your mood, and even improving your relationships. He suggests that by changing how you think about your circumstances, you can affect psychological changes and form new pathways in

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27:28

33. How to Deal with Missing Your Affair Partner

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2021/04/22

Dealing with the loss of any relationship can be difficult, and the end of an affair is no different. However, because of the secretive and taboo nature of infidelity, navigating the emotional aftermath can be confusing and lonely — especially if there’s nowhere to turn for support. So, how can you manage that lingering sadness and find the right path forward? If you’re looking for a better way to deal with your emotions after an affair, Dr. Marie Murphy suggests that you begin by changing how you

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