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1:10:01

Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding - worst revenge plan ever

2020/09/21

An old villain from Mitch's past comes back to enact revenge by.... having him get married to his one true love? With a cast of Baywatchers this size, and a plot as dumb as it is, this has got to be one wild ride, right? Well.... Sato (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) comes back from season 2 of theBaywatch TV series, to get revenge against Mitch and Hobie for getting him arrested. That's all fine and good. The issue lies in how he decides to get it. He gets his girlfriend to haveFace-Off style surgery to

1:15:30

Coronasode 14 - Will they ever end?

2020/09/17

This week we dive into the Le Petit Huey/Starlight candy debate, a welcome to Patreon supporter Clauzy and his watch recommendations, Sam gives Jackie "the hook" and then takes on soap (again?), reviews of Phantasm II & III, Journey 2, Return to Oz, the final Tales of the Baywatch, and El Chupacabra. Check out Teen Samurai's YouTube channel for some rad music based on your favorite stinkers: Teen Samurai

59:28

The Last Dragon - Stinker Madness Rerun

2020/09/14

A flashback to 2016 when we were all so much less wildfired. It's a movie that we all gave a "do" on and an special Sam choice about obsession, music, and of course, karate. You'll enjoy this rerun if you missed it the first time, so enjoy!

1:30:00

National Treasure - The Pipe is Mightier than the Sword

2020/09/08

Nic Cage goes on a deep quest to prevent his own hiring decision from ruining his plans to get super-rich. Along the way he confuses us with poorly written treasure clues, crazy eyebrows, word-association and flaunting Jerry Bruckheimer's watch. National Treasure is arguably the most "blockbuster" movie ever made. It's filled with EVERY trick in the book for film-making that puts the butts in the movie seats. It's more crap that's ever been put in one burrito. The problem is that every single one

1:17:55

Templar Nation - needs to be a big deal

2020/08/31

A team of undeclared researchers go on a dig in the middle of the desert only to discover a secret tunnel that leads to America's greatest secret. But if they'd only gone through the IKEA, they could have saved a bunch of time.Truly bad film's greatest secret itself. Templar Nationis the true underappreciated and under served bad movie in the bad movie genre. While it should be on the same pedestals asThe Room,Birdemic,andFateful Findings,it sadly sits on Amazon Prime Video, buried in the midst of

1:12:02

Outcast - Winner of the worst wig award

2020/08/25

Two former Knights Templars (however the plural of that works) roam "The Far East" in a vague period of time bust up a usurpation of the kingdom by moping, doing opium, terrible battle plans and becoming Caribbean pirates. Tempyarr!!! What you want to come here for is the bad acting and the incredibly stupid character decisions. As one could predict, Hayden Christensen is not good. Surprisingly, he's far from the worst. Unsurprisingly, that award goes to Nic Coppola. Look, here's on set for about 3

1:07:57

Thank God it's Friday - Club Zoo needs a better bouncer

2020/08/17

It's disco fever time and the hottest club in LA manages to be one of the lamest clubs in LA at the same time. It's Jeff Goldblum, Donna Summer, Debra Winger and the Commodores giving us a 90 minute infomercial about disco life. While Sam manages to be correct that this film doesn't have a plot, he's wrong in that it isn't any fun. Sure, it's not going to be for everyone - pretty much if you won't even admit that there was any decent songs during the disco era (I say screw you) you're not going to

1:20:59

The Nest - The Bug-A-Whack Festival goes as expected

2020/08/10

Bugs, bugs, bugs!!! This movie is chock full o' bugs! Large bugs, small bugs, bugs as big as your head - hell bugs that are MADE of your head. Heads that are made of bugs. I got bugs under my skin and bugs on my brain. Hope you like bugs. The Nest falls into the "body horror" genre as far from being a body horror film as one can be. This should fall into the "itsJAWS but bugs are super cheap to work with" genre. Its just theJAWSplot but with bugs. Yes there is a smidgeon of body horror but its not

1:02:35

Condorman - Stinker Madness Rerun

2020/08/04

A likely candidate for favorite movie ever when you were 8 years old, this classic episode features the live action Disney superhero movie that lead the way to the MCU (no, no it did not). Condorman stars Michael Crawford, Oliver Reed, Barbara Carrera and James Hampton. Enjoy!

1:26:30

Artemis Fowl - Bad way to start the decade

2020/07/27

The faerie folk who may or may not be all leprechauns have been living peacefully in the center of earth (or Middle Earth as some may call it) while a smug little kid who needs to be punted says he wants to team up with them but ends up shooting all of them. Get to the Time Portal, Uter! Artermis Fowl is a giant piece of crap. With or without, the departures from the book series, this is a giant piece of crap. It's bad from top to bottom. Every single person failed at their job (with the exception

54:42

Coronasode #13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2020/07/24

This special episode we discuss the number 13, loads of Tales from The Baywatch, Stay Tuned, Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus, My Spy, Cut and Run, Sam takes on Email, and Jackie gives us her most entangled Spookie yet out of Romania. Have some gratuitous exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:12:21

Track of the Moon Beast - Brain clouds are better...

2020/07/20

Paul, the dubiously employed dirt digger, gets a case of moon brain causing him to become a "were-gorn" and eventually goes to critical mass all while his new girlfriend keeps him away from doctors and his buddy just wants him dead because its dinner-time. Track of the Moon Beast is iconic drive-in/MST3K type material. You're sadly not going to find any surprises here. Just imagine Joel, Crow and Tom sitting down and whatever you can imagine to happen on screen will likely happen. There's just

1:20:32

Girl in Gold Boots - Don't go to haunted house dance...

2020/07/13

In a stunning display of some of the worst dancing ever beheld by the eyes of civilization, Michelle really just wants to be the #1 Go-Go dancer in all the world. Standing in her way is two dudes who just want to kiss her at beaches and her own ability to dance like a flopping fish. This movie falls into a very strange category of recommendation. It's truly about as good as other MST3K classics such aSecret Agent, Super Dragon,The Incredibly StrangeCreatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up

1:03:56

Carry On Columbus - Britain's Worst Film is Way...

2020/07/06

Voted Britain's Worst Movie Ever (by some blokes who must not have a very deep pool to chose from) Carry On Columbus becomes our first foray into the Carry On franchise. I think we can all agree; it's funnier than ACTUAL Columbus. We've entered into this in a very unconventional way. We imagine most viewers of the Carry On franchise have a few of their higher quality films under their belt before watching this - which is obviously going to be inferior. So likely, in those viewing specifications

1:14:19

Tomboy - Stinker Madness Rerun

2020/06/30

Here comes a classic from our archives while we're away. Starring Betsy Russell, this is 80's schlock that rivals the stupidity of Teen Witch. It's completely offensive, chock full of boobs, blatant stupidity by the characters, and has one of the silliest endings of all time. Enjoy!

1:11:23

Coronasode #12 - Troll Orgy

2020/06/11

This coronasode we discuss Sam's new summer drink recipe, we ask if Joey and Chandler ruined America, a fan suggestion for Wacko, Sando takes on Global Economic Crisises and getting his lunch stolen, Troll 3, Contagion, Ready or Not, Blow the Man Down, Vast of Night and Jackie's got a turd of a Spookie out of Scotland.

1:11:15

The Last Shark - Quint knows explosions

2020/06/08

When you gotta remake aJaws movie, make sure to remakeJaws II, cause you really can't screw it up and here's exhibit A. Expect many exploding dummies, strange sequences and terrible models. In grand 70s/80s Italian film tradition, we've got a direct ripoff of both Quint fromJaws and the plot ofJaws II. In further grand tradition, we've got terrible voice-over, ridiculous action sequences, inept heroes, questionable film ethics, and nonsensical characters. But what really makesThe Last Shark shine

1:16:56

Coronasode - Nacho Vidal's bad day

2020/06/04

This week we call to hear from our POC listeners, Jackie earns a new title, Tacoman gets his origin, The Brougham's maiden voyage, Sando Takes on Manual Labor, heroin songs, Upload, The Good Boys, another look at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a Jackie Spookie from the land down under and Eyes Wide Shut bang-parties.

1:09:38

Graduation Day - You passed track, now die

2020/06/01

In a formula that you've seen one thousand times before, we get a themed slasher around a date, a plethora of red herrings and a telegraphed and an obvious murderer that makes for a fairly mundane time. The first thing one will notice aboutGraduation Dayis the decision to base the killings all around high school sports - while knowing absolutely nothing about high school sports. The second thing one will notice is who the killer is, within minutes of the movie starting. The third thing one will

1:05:26

Coronasode #10 - Sam can't find the bathroom

2020/05/28

This week we discuss Hump Day, a motorhome update, camping bathroom use, some epic level Listener Feedback, Stripped to Kill, The Lovebirds, stripper food, Sando takes on butts and Jackie debunks her own Spookie.

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