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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

36:40

Rape, Childhood Neglect, and Getting Stuck in the...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/05/14

Rob and Tami answer this week’s burning questions. Can you forgive an addict who has raped someone? This is a tough situation to be for anyone, but Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what it means to have a second chance. They also answer questions about childhood neglect, and why it’s so heartbreaking to see an addict with so much potential choose their addiction over their family/friends/their life. TAKEAWAYS: [0:50] Is it too late to see the good in an addict, even if they raped someone

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31:29

My Addict Has Become Paranoid and Is Collecting...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/05/07

Rob and Tami share why recovery is so important and that you cannot go through this journey alone. For many people who are in recovery, they have seen the long-lasting effects it has had on their life and it’s completely changed their whole life outlook and outcome. Rob and Tami also talk about the differences between addictive behavior and compulsive behavior, and why an addict might become paranoid after he's been ‘outed’ by a spouse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband has a new ‘best’ female friend

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29:49

An Addicts an Addict Until They Get Help.

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/04/29

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what to do when a trusted friend or family member is threatening to ‘out’ your addict. This is cruel behavior, but not everyone understands that addicts can recover. Unfortunately, you can not control what others do, only how you can react to it. Rob and Tami also share why it takes so long for addicts to develop intimacy, and how to overcome compulsive lying when in recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I told my sister that my husband is an addict. Big Mistake. She’s

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27:59

My Husband is Suicidal and in The Military. How Do I...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/04/22

Rob and Tami talk about when to call it quits in a marriage, even if you spent over 4 decades with your addict. Is your addict showing signs of improvement? Does he want to get better? Or does he keep lying? Rob and Tami also talk about the military’s stigma to mental health issues and how to help a member of the military that’s so obviously in pain with their addiction, depression, and thoughts of suicide. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband is tired of recovery. What do I do? [5:45] My husband is in

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32:33

He’s Still Going to Brothels, Is He Still Clean?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/04/15

Rob and Tami share their thoughts on some of this week's questions. Why does a man fall in love with a sex worker? And if he keeps going back to the brothel, but swears he hasn’t acted out, does that still count as him acting out his addiction? Rob and Tami explain why it’s important to set boundaries as the betrayed spouse, and stick to them when an addict starts to relapse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] I was sexually abused by my cousins and my brother, I’ve done work on myself, am I still a sex addict

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30:29

How Can I Heal My Addiction?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/04/08

Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it’s indifference. When they no longer care, that’s when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal’ an addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work? [3:50] Addicts don’t trust that people can soothe and comfort us. [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what wins

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32:34

What Are the Stages of Healing?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/04/02

Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions about addiction, building intimacy, and the steps needed to fully heal from your past traumas and wounds. If you don’t work on yourself, then you will forever be caught in an ‘addiction’ cycle where you just replace one drug for the next. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What’s the difference between how sex addicts fall in love vs. non-sex addicts? [2:35] What is avoidant attachment style? [4:50] Want something different? You have to take a step into

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27:54

I Don’t Know Who I Want More. My Wife or My Mistress?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/03/25

Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling to understand if he should choose his wife, or continue with the woman he cheated with. Many addicts are faced with this question, even men who are on their second or third marriage have struggled with this. Rob and Tami talk about how you can determine whether your marriage is worth saving or not after a terrible betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Sex addiction isn’t always about intimacy issues. How correct is this? [4:15] Can a sex addict

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31:11

Would a Therapist Ever Openly Lie to the Betrayed...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/03/18

Rob and Tami talk about how to give yourself realistic boundaries when you know your addiction is easy to access. They also go into talking about how addicts lie to therapists and how this can sometimes cloud their judgement and their opinions on the betrayed spouse but keep in mind, as the betrayed spouse, you are not to blame for your spouse’s addiction and poor behavior. The responsibility is on him/her to own it, work through it, and maintain it. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does someone cope with

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30:21

Addicts Are Responsible for Their Own Healing....

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/03/11

Rob and Tami dive right into why addicts refuse recovery and consciously walk away from a wonderful family and life they’ve built. It can be so tough as a spouse to witness this happening to you, but at the end of the day. It’s not you your addict is walking away from, it’s himself. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Why do some addicts do recovery, and others do not? [4:30] In therapy, the only person you can change is yourself. No one else can do it for you. [6:55] Recovery is a daily thing. [9:30] I want to

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28:41

I’m Obsessed with a Woman who Wants Nothing to Do...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/03/04

Rob and Tami discuss whether you should get an SA professional to do a formal disclosure with your partner or if it’s better to go with your regular therapist. They also dive into what to do if you have obsessive thoughts for a particular woman (who has already said no) and how you can move on from this obsessive loop. All this and more on today’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is erotic rage? [1:40] I’m getting out of an abusive relationship, but I miss them. What do I do? [4:10] Can any

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30:32

You Re-Build Trust Over Time By Taking Things Slow

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/02/25

Rob and Tami discuss whether it makes sense for a sex addict to invest in a dating coach, how to tell if your addict is really genuine in their feelings, and share how to have the right mindset when you’re going through a treatment program for the first time. Trust and intimacy take time to build and it’s important to trust the process and journey you’re going on. The one thing addicts hate is taking things slow, but that’s exactly what you need to do to build trust. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I

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34:15

Grief is a Process and so is Forgiveness.

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/02/18

Rob and Tami discuss what it means to grief and forgive when we’re going through this recovery process. The same is true for betrayed spouses who feel so hurt by the actions of their addict. They also answer questions on how to best handle when they’re addict is dodging the question or avoiding accountability, and what to do when an addict blames the spouse for their addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I go on a sex fast? [1:55] What does ‘regain intimacy’ look like? Dr. Rob explains. [3:35] My

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30:17

Is This a Sex Addiction or Does He Just Like To Hook Up?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/02/15

Rob and Tami go right into today’s questions. How can you tell whether someone is an addict vs. someone who likes to have affairs? Rob offers a very simple answer that might surprise you. Rob and Tami also shed some light why some addicts find it completely easy to lie to their loved ones, and also share strategies on what to do when you’re faced with temptation. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I prevent myself from watching porn on my work computer? [4:40] Addicts like to focus on all the things we’re

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29:57

I’m The Only Addict In My Family. Why Me?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/02/15

Rob and Tami go right into the community's questions this week as they cover topics like whether a spouse should see a CSAT, trying to navigate recovery alone, and if someone truly is capable of recovery without relapse. They also talk about some of the common myths between sex abuse and its correlation with addiction, and why someone might develop an addiction but their rest of their family seems to be ‘fine’. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I’m a recovering addict. I can’t remember any sex abuse as a child,

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31:59

He Cheated On Me, So Why Do I Still Miss That Jerk?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/01/28

Rob and Tami answer questions from their audience about sex addition, when it make sense to change CSATs, and they also explore what ‘sexual anorexia’ is. Addicts have a tendnacy to make their partners feel guilty about their sex lives, but it’s important to remember that healthy indivuidals use proactive communitation to grow together, and not tear your down. Keep following your boundaries. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Why do I feel so close to my SA partner when he is so distant? [2:25] Trauma shows up

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32:46

My Addict Husband Resents Me, but I still Love Him.

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/01/22

Rob and Tami answer questions on how betrayed spouses can best navigate their feelings of insecurity when they’ve found out their husband has an addiction. They also discuss the best ways to navigate a relapse from your husband and the resentment he might feel towards you. Rob and Tami also answer a question from a female sex addict on how to build intmiacy without the sex. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What do addicts need to do to better empathize with their partners? [3:15] I’m a female sex addict and

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32:59

Therapy May End, but Your Addiction Doesn’t

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/01/14

Rob and Tami have a discussion on how to best manage your triggers as you go through recovery. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on how you want to react to temptation, instead of being derailed. So much about life are things you can’t control, but you can choose to be a better person and make better, more intentional and more conscious decisions every single day! It does get better! TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] How do I handle my fears and my triggers? [1:20] Trust the process. Keep finding

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28:24

Is My ADHD the Reason Why I’m an Addict?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/01/07

Rob and Tami dive into ADHD and its connection with trauma and addiction. Dr. Rob understands it can feel good to pinpoint something you were ‘born with’ to your addiction, but it’s rarely that easy. Rob and Tami also share resources for spouses whose addict has chosen their addiction over their family. Looking for help? There are support groups for partners of addicts to help you vent, feel heard, and know that you’re not alone. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I’m a love addict and separated from my husband

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31:49

My Daughter Found Out About My Addiction and Now My...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2021/01/06

Rob and Tami answer some questions from betrayed spouses. It’s important to remember that addicts have a tendency to lie to try and protect their addiction as much as possible. Is what your addict saying the truth or a fragment of the truth? Rob and Tami also answer questions on how to rebuild your family, and trust, when you’ve been discovered or recently undergone a relapse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My SA husband doesn’t remember why he hired prostitutes. He doesn’t remember anything. Is that normal

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