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PODCAST

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me is a story-driven Dungeons & Dragons actual-play podcast following a chaotic band of adventurers; Malcius the flamboyant tiefling bard, Sefi the towering goliath fighter, Thormir the mischievous dwarven druid, and Todd the masked half-elf rogue; guided by their long-suffering Dungeon Master, Jeff. Blending comedy, heartfelt roleplay, and cinematic storytelling, the party stumbles through bandits, beans, mysteries, and magical disasters as they try (and often fail) to

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All Episodes

45:37

Episode 16: The Idiots and Their Beans

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/05/06

Episode 16 – “The Idiots and Their Beans” Back in Sestone, the party takes a moment to rest, reconnect, and reflect, but peace is a fragile thing. As strange gifts are unwrapped and unsettling questions arise, even the comfort of home can't keep the nightmares away. A bizarre magical discovery threatens to unravel everyone's patience… and possibly their sanity.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir: Nick MillerTodd: Bryce ShearerPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Royal

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1:11:19

Episode 15: No One Left Behind

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/04/29

Episode 15: No One Left BehindCornered in the dark tunnels beneath the monastery, the party faces their deadliest challenge yet - a monstrous carrion crawler lurking in the shadows. With magic and steel, they rally together, fighting not only for their own lives but for the freedom of every prisoner left on the island. As the sea roars against the cliffs and the last escape routes narrow, desperate choices must be made. Can they outwit the island’s horrors, save the villagers, and forge a path to

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55:34

Episode 14: The Weight of a Name

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/04/07

Episode 14: The Weight of a NameThe battle may be over, but the aftermath is just beginning. In the shadow of the rift, our heroes come face to face with their newfound powers-and the haunting whispers that accompany them. Malcius wrestles with imposter syndrome, Todd forms a strange new pact (and gains an imp with attitude), and the party is left wondering: are they truly the legendary "Unfated Ones" foretold in prophecy?As they attempt a daring rescue of imprisoned villagers and confront the

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2:56:36

Episode 13: The Unfated Ones

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/03/24

Deep beneath the ruined monastery, the party’s plan teeters on the edge of discovery. With Zaharel still under Malcius’s charm, the adventurers navigate treacherous tunnels, deceiving monstrous enforcers and dodging ancient threats in the shadows. But time is running out—and the rift waits.As Todd’s rat companion grows more restless, drawn to an unknown power pulsing just beyond reach, secrets begin to surface. Whispers of destiny, ancient magic, and fractured identity swirl in the dark.When

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58:00

Episode 12: Descent into Darkness

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/03/10

In this thrilling episode of You've Got to Be Critting Me, the party ventures deeper into the treacherous ruins of the monastery. When a mysterious druid, Zaharel, emerges from the shadows, alliances are questioned, and Malcius’s charm magic is put to the ultimate test.With each step, the heroes uncover darker secrets, from the enigmatic rift below to the looming threat of Guthber's sinister plans. As tensions rise and the clock ticks down on their charm spell, they must navigate slippery ledges,

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1:50

Episode 0: The Journey Begins

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/03/09

Welcome to You've Got To Be Critting Me!, a live play D&D podcast where chaos, laughter, and heartfelt moments collide!In this inaugural episode, meet our party of adventurers:🗡️ Sefi, the Goliath Fighter - An ex-conscripted soldier seeking the family taken from her.🎶 Malcius Sorrow, the Tiefling Bard - A charming musician on the run from his past.🌿 Thormir Moonsight, the Dwarf Druid - Scouring land and sea to avenge his fallen home.🧠 Todd Van Wyk, the Half-elf Rogue - An archaeologist and

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1:03:55

Episode 11: Light is the Weight of Wisdom

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/02/24

Trapped in the depths of the monastery’s ruins, our adventurers face their greatest enemy yet—puzzles. With spectral hauntings behind them and eerie statues ahead, Malcius, Sefi, Thormir, and Todd must unravel the mystery of a cryptic inscription, a locked lantern, and a glowing orb that definitely doesn’t want to be touched (looking at you, Todd). As frustration mounts and lightning damage stacks, will they crack the code, or will this dungeon claim them as its next set of statues?Tune in for

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1:25:25

Episode 10: Possession is Nine-Tenths of the Todd

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/02/10

A simple exploration turns into a haunting encounter as the party delves deeper into the monastery ruins. Between eerie whispers, floating bones, and a cryptic stone door, tensions rise as they uncover a long-forgotten tomb. But when curiosity gets the best of them, they quickly learn that some doors are better left closed... and some spirits aren’t ready to rest. With skeleton battles, risky puzzles, and an unfortunate possession, this episode is filled with chaos, mystery, and just a bit of

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1:22:56

Episode 9: The Curse of Common Sense

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/01/27

In this episode, the party delves deeper into the eerie ruins of Almore Island, uncovering unsettling mysteries and facing dangerous foes. With traps, moldy corpses, and a sinister discovery waiting around every corner, they’ll need to rely on wit, magic, and a bit of luck to survive. Will they find the missing villagers in time, or will the island's secrets prove too much to handle? Tune in for thrilling encounters, unexpected twists, and plenty of laughs!DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis

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52:49

Episode 8: Three Blind Mice

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/01/13

The party continues their journey through the eerie monastery, encountering unsettling visions and uncovering remnants of the past. From a tense standoff with giant rats to mysterious voices and the discovery of cryptic artifacts, their exploration takes a darker turn. With every step deeper into the monastery, the adventurers piece together more of the island’s secrets while facing the growing dangers lurking in the shadows.Tune in for an episode full of suspense, action, and the ever-present sense

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1:14:17

Episode 7: Math is Hard

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/12/30

As the party ventures further into the ominous monastery, they encounter unsettling horrors—a half-mutated man, a graveyard of rising skeletons, and the ever-looming threat of discovery. Tensions escalate when a thunderous spell reverberates through the island, culminating in the ominous tolling of a bell that signals danger on all sides. With every step, the adventurers uncover more about the island’s dark mysteries while battling to stay alive.Don’t miss this thrilling episode packed with eerie

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1:09:20

Episode 6: What About the Horses!?

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/12/16

The party sails back to Sestone with Gregor’s reclaimed goods in tow, ready to fulfill their deal. As they reflect on their recent adventures, discussions of strange dreams and lingering mysteries hint at unsettling connections. With new information and an ominous urgency, the party begins preparing for their next journey back to the island to uncover what lies ahead.Tune in for an episode of reflection, growing intrigue, and preparations for the challenges to come.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis

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55:22

Episode 5: Gnoll Rest for the Wicked

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/12/02

In this episode ofYou've Got to Be Critting Me, our adventurers find themselves navigating a smoke-filled cove as they plan a daring ambush on a gnoll crew. Tensions run high as the team attempts to balance stealth and strategy, only for chaos to erupt when battle breaks out. From critical hits to creative tactics, the party faces off against relentless foes in a fight that pushes their skills—and their luck—to the limit.Will they emerge victorious, or does danger still lurk in the haze? Tune in to

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1:12:24

Episode 4: Battling Bandits and Bad Dreams

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/11/18

In this episode of You've Got to Be Critting Me, strange dreams and lingering dangers haunt our adventurers. After a night of unsettling, vivid nightmares, the party awakens with a sense that something sinister is afoot. As they shake off the disturbing visions, they head to Almore island in search of the missing goods. As they approach the shoreline tensions rise as they encounter a suspicious figure. The group has to decide whether to engage or press on, with the mysteries of Almore island just

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50:33

Episode 3: Tentacled Tavern Terrors

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/11/04

The party dives deeper into Sestone’s mysteries, meeting a dockworker who shares unsettling rumors of missing townsfolk and ghostly sightings. But their night takes a dark turn back at the tavern when two monstrous, tentacled creatures crash into the kitchen. Forced into a fierce battle, the adventurers realize the dangers are far greater than they imagined and prepare for their next step: heading to the ominous island.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir: Nick

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51:35

Epsiode 2: The Tragedy of Rufus T. Boonesaw

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/10/21

In this episode, our adventurers find themselves in a local tavern, where the drinks are strong, and the rumors are stronger. As they send off Erin and prepare for their next steps, they dig into the mysteries surrounding the missing fishermen at the docks. With a potential lead on Almore Island, the party debates whether to question the families of the lost or head straight into the unknown. Tensions rise, drinks are downed, and an arm-wrestling challenge adds some unexpected fun to the night. Will

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52:47

Episode 1: Welcome to Sestone

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2024/10/07

In the very first episode of You've Got to Be Critting Me, our newly-formed adventuring party arrives in the quiet port town of Sestone, only to be thrust into chaos when a young man named Harold stumbles into town, horribly mutated with squid-like features. As the group scrambles to help him, they begin unraveling a mystery involving strange disappearances, dark magic, and eerie transformations. With the help of locals, including a mysterious scholar named Guthber, they begin to investigate the

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