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PODCAST

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me

"You"ve Got to Be Critting Me" is a lively and humor-filled D&D actual-play podcast that follows a group of quirky adventurers as they navigate a mysterious world filled with danger, awkward tavern encounters, and supernatural threats. Across the first few episodes, the team delves into a complex investigation involving strange mutations and missing townsfolk, all while wrestling with their own hilarious character dynamics. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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All Episodes

1:09:26

Episode 29: Mercy or Vengeance

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/11/03

The battle at the bandit camp reaches its breaking point as spells flare, blades clash, and tempers run hot. When one of the surviving bandits surrenders, the party finds themselves at odds, especially Todd and Malcius, whose clashing beliefs over justice and mercy threaten to tear the group apart. Should they let the survivor live to answer for his crimes, or finish what they started? With emotions running high and secrets unraveling, the line between hero and executioner grows dangerously thin.DM:

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1:10:12

Episode 28: Into the Bandit Camp

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/20

The party pushes deeper into the woods outside Beckinsdale and finally discovers the bandit camp behind the recent burglaries. Malcius tries to talk his way out, but blades are soon drawn. What begins as a tense standoff quickly erupts into chaos as Sefi wades into the fray, Todd and Thormir square off against ruthless raiders, and spells flash through the trees. Narrow escapes, bloodied blades, and unanswered questions set the stage for what’s still to come.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis

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0:59

One Year Anniversary Giveaway Announcement

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/11

A year ago, our party set out on a wild quest. Now, one year later, the adventure’s only just begun. Join the celebration (and maybe win some loot)! Check with us in the next few days to find out how to enter to win!DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir: Nick MillerTodd: Bryce ShearerPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Royal Joust" by Bardcore. Follow them on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple MusicAdditional DM elements by LoresmythJoin our Patreon!Buy our merch on our brand

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1:05:26

Episode 27: East? I Thought He Said 'Weast'

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/06

The party wakes at the Brave Lion, where breakfast brings more than just food, it brings reminders of last night’s chaos. With the mysterious tree now gone, they return to the Lion’s Den to settle damages, test Todd’s questionable “repair” skills, and confront the costs of their choices. But as gold is handed over and cracks are mended, the ceiling above still tells a different story, and new shadows begin to gather on the horizon.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir:

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6:11

Special Recap: Episodes 15-26

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/29

Need to catch up before diving into the next chapter? This special recap episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me covers everything from Episodes 15–26.Join Malcius, Sefi, Thormir, and Todd as they battle cavern-dwelling horrors, fight off gnolls alongside a vengeful one-tusked giant, stumble through burglary investigations, and unleash pure chaos with a bag of magic beans that sends a beanstalk crashing through the roof of an inn.The adventure crescendos in Beckinsdale, where every dead end leads to

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1:18:23

Episode 26: Thormir and the Beanstalk

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/22

A quiet night at the Lion’s Den turns into absolute chaos when Thormir plants one of Malcius’ mysterious beans. What sprouts is no ordinary garden variety tree, it’s a massive magical fruit tree that blasts straight through the tavern roof.Things go from bad to worse when Todd, already a little too deep into the drinks, grabs one of the glowing fruits and suddenly finds himself belching fire like a dragon. Thormir decides to join in, ending up super-charged with unnatural speed and stuffing 26

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1:17:22

Episode 25: Beans, Burglars, and Binding Shackles

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/08

The party continues their investigation into the string of burglaries plaguing the town. At the Dependable Depot, the group learns that weapons and healing potions were stolen in a meticulous break-in, raising suspicions about someone preparing for something larger. While questioning the shopkeepers, Todd discovers one of them secretly purchased a dangerous magical item, a set of golden shackles said to prevent teleportation and planar travel.Through some persuasion (and a little deception), Todd

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7:36

Special Recap: Episodes 1–14

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/30

New to You’ve Got to Be Critting Me and want to catch up fast?This special recap episode covers the story so far - from our party’s arrival in Setstone, to the horrors of Almore Island, to the whispers of the Far Realm itself.🎭 Meet our heroes:Malcius Sorrow - tiefling bard with flair (and questionable use of Thunderwave).Sefi - a towering goliath fighter who doesn’t hesitate to act.Thormir Moonsight - a dwarven druid, driven by vengeance and nature’s fury.Todd Van Wyk - a masked half-elf rogue

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1:05:01

Episode 24: Let’s Get Down to Business (Eventually)

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/25

After a chaotic night at Jimbo’s farm, the party regroups at the Lion’s Den for some much-needed rest… and a questionable number of breakfast beers. Thormir sharpens a femur into a makeshift weapon, Malcius gets magically freshened up, and Todd discovers he may not be the only one watching.The group brings their findings to the town guard, revealing what they saw through the portal and the growing threat of gnolls nearby. As the captain scrambles for reinforcements, the adventurers agree to assist

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1:00:54

Episode 23: New Cape, Who Dis?

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/11

The party wakes up after a harrowing night at Jimbo’s farm, where a mysterious giant escaped through a portal but not without promising to return. As Sefi contemplates her mortality and Malcius strums away in quiet reflection, the team regroups at the Lion’s Den for a hearty breakfast (with varying opinions on melons). But the calm doesn’t last long. A secret note appears under Todd’s bread, Thormir gets a new cape (and a new lease on flair), and Shalah, Todd’s impish companion, may have

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1:14:26

Episode 22: You Can't Handle the Tooth

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/07/28

A mysterious giant, a moonlit battlefield, and a very revealing tooth. The party finds themselves in a chaotic showdown as they fight to stop an unexpected escape. Thormir makes a shocking connection to his past and tries to keep the giant pinned with Moonbeam, and Sefi throws herself (literally) into grappling the impossible. Meanwhile, Malcius pulls the psychic strings with dissonant whispers, and Todd experiments with questionable weapon swaps mid-fight.Gnolls get scruffed, portals glow

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1:07:38

Episode 21: Traps, Trips, and Trouble

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/07/14

The party's farmyard stakeout finally kicks off! After a night of elaborate planning, questionable traps, and plenty of animal antics, the team faces off against a group of gnolls and a towering, rune-covered giant stepping through a mysterious portal. Chaos erupts as stealthy setups devolve into roars, tripping gnolls, and frantic improvisation. Will they stop the giant before he escapes? And what secrets do those glowing runes hold?Expect epic combat, farm-themed shenanigans, and plenty of "you've

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1:11:52

Episode 20: Jimbo was his Name-O

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/06/30

The party’s stay in Beckinsdale takes a surprising turn as they meet a mysterious figure named Jimbo at the job board, and he's got just the kind of odd quest they didn’t know they were looking for. Between emotional shopping sprees, cryptic hints, and suspicious new allies, our adventurers find themselves drawn deeper into the town's secrets. Will they keep their focus (or their gold)? Or will Jimbo’s pitch be too intriguing to resist?DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan

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49:31

Episode 19: The Gang Goes Shopping

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/06/16

After surviving a battle underground, the party heads to Beckinsdale and sets their sights on something far more dangerous: shopping. Todd gets mysterious with his money, Malcius seeks magical upgrades (and maybe a little flair), Thormir stocks up on natural remedies, and Sefi debates the merits of potion flavors. As the crew browses local wares, their packs get heavier, but so do the questions about what lies ahead.Who’s buying what? Can Todd keep a secret? And how long can a party stay out of

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1:24:05

Episode 18: Well, Well, Well...

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/06/03

The party returns to the well beneath Almore Island, determined to finish what they started. With rope in hand and tension high, they make the dangerous descent into the darkness once more.Navigating the familiar stone corridors, they prepare themselves for a confrontation with the creature they narrowly escaped before. But as they press deeper, they discover the island's dangers haven't diminished, and the stakes are higher than ever.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan

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52:33

Episode 17: Statue of Limitations

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/05/19

The party tries to enjoy a peaceful morning in town... until Malcius drops a bombshell over breakfast: a cursed statue version of himself, born from a magic bean, wants him dead. As they debate whether to smash it, sell it, or study it, tensions rise and secrets surface. With old ghosts stirred and new plans brewing, the group returns to the island and prepares to face the monster they once left behind.Magic, missteps, and miniature threats await in this chaotic and cathartic episode of You've Got

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45:37

Episode 16: The Idiots and Their Beans

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/05/06

Episode 16 – “The Idiots and Their Beans” Back in Sestone, the party takes a moment to rest, reconnect, and reflect, but peace is a fragile thing. As strange gifts are unwrapped and unsettling questions arise, even the comfort of home can't keep the nightmares away. A bizarre magical discovery threatens to unravel everyone's patience… and possibly their sanity.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir: Nick MillerTodd: Bryce ShearerPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Royal

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1:11:19

Episode 15: No One Left Behind

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/04/29

Episode 15: No One Left BehindCornered in the dark tunnels beneath the monastery, the party faces their deadliest challenge yet - a monstrous carrion crawler lurking in the shadows. With magic and steel, they rally together, fighting not only for their own lives but for the freedom of every prisoner left on the island. As the sea roars against the cliffs and the last escape routes narrow, desperate choices must be made. Can they outwit the island’s horrors, save the villagers, and forge a path to

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55:34

Episode 14: The Weight of a Name

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/04/07

Episode 14: The Weight of a NameThe battle may be over, but the aftermath is just beginning. In the shadow of the rift, our heroes come face to face with their newfound powers-and the haunting whispers that accompany them. Malcius wrestles with imposter syndrome, Todd forms a strange new pact (and gains an imp with attitude), and the party is left wondering: are they truly the legendary "Unfated Ones" foretold in prophecy?As they attempt a daring rescue of imprisoned villagers and confront the

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2:56:36

Episode 13: The Unfated Ones

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/03/24

Deep beneath the ruined monastery, the party’s plan teeters on the edge of discovery. With Zaharel still under Malcius’s charm, the adventurers navigate treacherous tunnels, deceiving monstrous enforcers and dodging ancient threats in the shadows. But time is running out—and the rift waits.As Todd’s rat companion grows more restless, drawn to an unknown power pulsing just beyond reach, secrets begin to surface. Whispers of destiny, ancient magic, and fractured identity swirl in the dark.When

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