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PODCAST

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me is a story-driven Dungeons & Dragons actual-play podcast following a chaotic band of adventurers; Malcius the flamboyant tiefling bard, Sefi the towering goliath fighter, Thormir the mischievous dwarven druid, and Todd the masked half-elf rogue; guided by their long-suffering Dungeon Master, Jeff. Blending comedy, heartfelt roleplay, and cinematic storytelling, the party stumbles through bandits, beans, mysteries, and magical disasters as they try (and often fail) to

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All Episodes

46:40

Parental Advisory - Episode 3: Cantrips? I thought...

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2026/04/06

Proll and his bandits make the mistake of standing in the party’s way, forcing Eric, Nyl, and C-Smooth into their first real fight. As the battle turns messy and the party scrambles to survive, they get their first taste of how dangerous the road to the caves really is, and what victory might cost.DM: Jeffery JordanEric the Cleric: Travis StewartC-Smooth: Cornelius Stewart IINyltra: Lynn StewartPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Hearthside Reels" by Bardcore. Follow them on YouTube, Spotify, and

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49:59

Parental Advisory - Episode 2: Bad Signs on the Trail

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2026/03/23

A strange job. An abandoned wagon. A trail full of bad signs. In Episode 2 of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me: Parental Advisory, Eric, Nyl, and C-Smooth press onward toward a mysterious cave system as odd encounters and mounting danger make it clear their first adventure will not be a simple one.DM: Jeffery JordanEric the Cleric: Travis StewartC-Smooth: Cornelius Stewart IINyltra: Lynn StewartPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Hearthside Reels" by Bardcore. Follow them on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple

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34:57

Parental Advisory - Episode 1: Pretend for Grownups

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2026/03/09

For this special episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me, Travis and Jeff welcome two brand-new players to the table for a one-shot built around the Heroes of the Borderlands starter set. What begins as a simple introduction to character sheets, spells, and class choices quickly turns into a funny, charming, and surprisingly wholesome dive into the joy of learning Dungeons & Dragons for the first time. More than just an adventure, this episode is a reminder that you do not need experience to

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1:04:37

Episode 34: They Wanted Us to Win

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2026/01/12

The Winter Lunar Festival continues, but the longer the party stays, the harder it becomes to ignore that something is deeply wrong.As night falls without warning, the music stops and a makeshift arena is revealed at the heart of the celebration. What begins as harmless festival entertainment quickly turns personal when Sefi signs up to fight under a false name, and Todd follows suit with an alias of his own. With betting encouraged, rules vaguely defined, and magic strictly forbidden, the party

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1:13:52

Episode 33: The Illusion of Home

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/12/29

The party finds itself deeper within Rory’s trial as the illusion around them grows increasingly convincing, and increasingly dangerous. What began as a familiar Winter Lunar Festival in Thormir’s homeland quickly reveals itself to be something far more unsettling: a version of the past where loss never came, loved ones still walk the streets, and joy comes far too easily.As Thormir returns to his family home and confirms the impossible truth, the group reunites to share disturbing discoveries

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1:14:13

Episode 32: The Winter Lunar Festival

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/12/15

The party awakens from Rory’s unsettling trial and steps into a world transformed. Snow covers the earth, the cold cuts to the bone, and a familiar fear settles over Thormir as he recognizes a place that should not exist. The Winter Lunar Festival is alive with music, color, and celebration, yet something in the air feels wrong, as if the world itself is holding its breath.Each hero senses that this strange vision carries a truth they are not yet ready to face. Malcius struggles against the biting

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1:26:25

Episode 31: Fun Guy, Yeah Right

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/12/01

The party finally begins their long-promised training with Rory, the enigmatic druid who’s been guiding Thormir’s connection to his mote. What starts as peaceful meditation (and Sefi’s ill-advised mushroom trip) quickly spirals into a chaotic, high-stakes battle as Rory pushes the group far beyond their comfort zones.Between booming blades, teleporting strikes, bardic marches, shape-shifting, spore clouds, and a glowing mote that seems to have a will of its own, the team is forced to confront both

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1:15:53

Episode 30: Do You Know the Mushroom Man?

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/11/17

After their brutal battle with the bandits, tensions simmer as the party hauls their prisoners back toward Beckinsdale, only for Thormir’s glowing mote to suddenly dart off the path, leading them into a mysterious spore-filled forest. There, they encounter Rory, a weathered dwarven druid wreathed in fungi who claims to be a guide across worlds. Inside his glowing mushroom cottage, the party meets Rory’s strange companion, Sebastian, and learns cryptic truths about their own motes, the nature of the

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1:09:26

Episode 29: Mercy or Vengeance

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/11/03

The battle at the bandit camp reaches its breaking point as spells flare, blades clash, and tempers run hot. When one of the surviving bandits surrenders, the party finds themselves at odds, especially Todd and Malcius, whose clashing beliefs over justice and mercy threaten to tear the group apart. Should they let the survivor live to answer for his crimes, or finish what they started? With emotions running high and secrets unraveling, the line between hero and executioner grows dangerously thin.DM:

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1:10:12

Episode 28: Into the Bandit Camp

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/20

The party pushes deeper into the woods outside Beckinsdale and finally discovers the bandit camp behind the recent burglaries. Malcius tries to talk his way out, but blades are soon drawn. What begins as a tense standoff quickly erupts into chaos as Sefi wades into the fray, Todd and Thormir square off against ruthless raiders, and spells flash through the trees. Narrow escapes, bloodied blades, and unanswered questions set the stage for what’s still to come.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis

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0:59

One Year Anniversary Giveaway Announcement

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/11

A year ago, our party set out on a wild quest. Now, one year later, the adventure’s only just begun. Join the celebration (and maybe win some loot)! Check with us in the next few days to find out how to enter to win!DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir: Nick MillerTodd: Bryce ShearerPodcast art by Ada HathTheme song "Royal Joust" by Bardcore. Follow them on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple MusicAdditional DM elements by LoresmythJoin our Patreon!Buy our merch on our brand

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1:05:26

Episode 27: East? I Thought He Said 'Weast'

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/10/06

The party wakes at the Brave Lion, where breakfast brings more than just food, it brings reminders of last night’s chaos. With the mysterious tree now gone, they return to the Lion’s Den to settle damages, test Todd’s questionable “repair” skills, and confront the costs of their choices. But as gold is handed over and cracks are mended, the ceiling above still tells a different story, and new shadows begin to gather on the horizon.DM: Jeffery JordanMalcius: Travis StewartSefi: Morgan GibsonThormir:

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6:11

Special Recap: Episodes 15-26

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/29

Need to catch up before diving into the next chapter? This special recap episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me covers everything from Episodes 15–26.Join Malcius, Sefi, Thormir, and Todd as they battle cavern-dwelling horrors, fight off gnolls alongside a vengeful one-tusked giant, stumble through burglary investigations, and unleash pure chaos with a bag of magic beans that sends a beanstalk crashing through the roof of an inn.The adventure crescendos in Beckinsdale, where every dead end leads to

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1:18:23

Episode 26: Thormir and the Beanstalk

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/22

A quiet night at the Lion’s Den turns into absolute chaos when Thormir plants one of Malcius’ mysterious beans. What sprouts is no ordinary garden variety tree, it’s a massive magical fruit tree that blasts straight through the tavern roof.Things go from bad to worse when Todd, already a little too deep into the drinks, grabs one of the glowing fruits and suddenly finds himself belching fire like a dragon. Thormir decides to join in, ending up super-charged with unnatural speed and stuffing 26

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1:17:22

Episode 25: Beans, Burglars, and Binding Shackles

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/09/08

The party continues their investigation into the string of burglaries plaguing the town. At the Dependable Depot, the group learns that weapons and healing potions were stolen in a meticulous break-in, raising suspicions about someone preparing for something larger. While questioning the shopkeepers, Todd discovers one of them secretly purchased a dangerous magical item, a set of golden shackles said to prevent teleportation and planar travel.Through some persuasion (and a little deception), Todd

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7:36

Special Recap: Episodes 1–14

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/30

New to You’ve Got to Be Critting Me and want to catch up fast?This special recap episode covers the story so far - from our party’s arrival in Setstone, to the horrors of Almore Island, to the whispers of the Far Realm itself.🎭 Meet our heroes:Malcius Sorrow - tiefling bard with flair (and questionable use of Thunderwave).Sefi - a towering goliath fighter who doesn’t hesitate to act.Thormir Moonsight - a dwarven druid, driven by vengeance and nature’s fury.Todd Van Wyk - a masked half-elf rogue

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1:05:01

Episode 24: Let’s Get Down to Business (Eventually)

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/25

After a chaotic night at Jimbo’s farm, the party regroups at the Lion’s Den for some much-needed rest… and a questionable number of breakfast beers. Thormir sharpens a femur into a makeshift weapon, Malcius gets magically freshened up, and Todd discovers he may not be the only one watching.The group brings their findings to the town guard, revealing what they saw through the portal and the growing threat of gnolls nearby. As the captain scrambles for reinforcements, the adventurers agree to assist

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1:00:54

Episode 23: New Cape, Who Dis?

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/08/11

The party wakes up after a harrowing night at Jimbo’s farm, where a mysterious giant escaped through a portal but not without promising to return. As Sefi contemplates her mortality and Malcius strums away in quiet reflection, the team regroups at the Lion’s Den for a hearty breakfast (with varying opinions on melons). But the calm doesn’t last long. A secret note appears under Todd’s bread, Thormir gets a new cape (and a new lease on flair), and Shalah, Todd’s impish companion, may have

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1:14:26

Episode 22: You Can't Handle the Tooth

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/07/28

A mysterious giant, a moonlit battlefield, and a very revealing tooth. The party finds themselves in a chaotic showdown as they fight to stop an unexpected escape. Thormir makes a shocking connection to his past and tries to keep the giant pinned with Moonbeam, and Sefi throws herself (literally) into grappling the impossible. Meanwhile, Malcius pulls the psychic strings with dissonant whispers, and Todd experiments with questionable weapon swaps mid-fight.Gnolls get scruffed, portals glow

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1:07:38

Episode 21: Traps, Trips, and Trouble

You"ve Got to Be Critting Me ·

2025/07/14

The party's farmyard stakeout finally kicks off! After a night of elaborate planning, questionable traps, and plenty of animal antics, the team faces off against a group of gnolls and a towering, rune-covered giant stepping through a mysterious portal. Chaos erupts as stealthy setups devolve into roars, tripping gnolls, and frantic improvisation. Will they stop the giant before he escapes? And what secrets do those glowing runes hold?Expect epic combat, farm-themed shenanigans, and plenty of "you've

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