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PODCAST

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems

Dr. Kristin & Dr. Laura

Welcome to But Why? — real talk on messy minds and messier systems. Hosted by two psychologists, Kristin and Laura, we dive deep into the psychology of human experience: from mental health and identity to power, culture, and the systems that shape our lives. Expect thoughtful conversations, critical questions, and honest reflections on how people—and the world—really work. No self-help platitudes. No easy answers. Just meaningful, accessible dialogue for curious minds. Topics we

society & culture life sciences

All Episodes

00:59:56

But Why Is Softness So Seductive? Part 2 | Wellness,...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/09/23

In Part 2 of our series on the alt-right pipeline for women, we explore how wellness aesthetics and therapeutic language become tools of discipline, not liberation. Kristin and Laura dissect the soft side of authoritarianism - how empowerment becomes obedience, rest becomes performance, and the internet whispers: “Shh, just be palatable.” ✨ This episode unpacks: The rise of the “soft girl era” and why it feels so good How language like “divine

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01:14:22

But Why Are Women Falling Down the Rabbit Hole? Part...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/09/16

In Part 1 of our three-part series, Kristin, Laura, and special guest Jess Britvich explore how women are being pulled into the alt-right — not with overt violence, but with pastel aesthetics, self-help promises, and weaponised femininity. Together, we explore:• How tradwife culture makes patriarchy look like wellness• Why the pipeline starts with fear, loneliness, and control• The role of aesthetics, algorithms, and “just asking questions”• What it

en

01:14:22

But Why Are Women Falling Down the Rabbit Hole? Part...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/09/16

In Part 1 of our three-part series, Kristin, Laura, and special guest Jess Britvich explore how women are being pulled into the alt-right — not with overt violence, but with pastel aesthetics, self-help promises, and weaponised femininity. Together, we explore:• How tradwife culture makes patriarchy look like wellness• Why the pipeline starts with fear, loneliness, and control• The role of aesthetics, algorithms, and “just asking questions”• What it

en

00:52:13

But Why Is My Brain So Overwhelmed? | The Psychology...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/07/16

Sometimes it's the spoon scraping the bowl. Or the tag on your shirt. Or the wind in your ears. And suddenly...it's all too much. In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the messy, invisible world of sensory stress and how it shapes daily life for many people (often neurodivergent). From autistic shutdowns to ADHD overstimulation, they explore why modern environments are hostile to our nervous systems, and what it means to live in a world not built for

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00:52:13

But Why Is My Brain So Overwhelmed? | The Psychology...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/07/16

Sometimes it's the spoon scraping the bowl. Or the tag on your shirt. Or the wind in your ears. And suddenly...it's all too much. In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the messy, invisible world of sensory stress and how it shapes daily life for many people (often neurodivergent). From autistic shutdowns to ADHD overstimulation, they explore why modern environments are hostile to our nervous systems, and what it means to live in a world not built for

en

01:08:18

But Why Are Men Fighting Gorillas? | Masculinity,...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/06/24

What do silverback gorillas, burnout, and barstool bravado have in common? More than you think. In this brilliantly bizarre episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by psychologist and burnout researcher Dr. Pete Olusoga to unpack why 100 men vs 1 gorilla became a cultural obsession — and what it reveals about masculinity, performance, and emotional repression. Together, they unpack:• The “alpha male” myth and its viral appeal• Why masculinity feels

en

01:08:18

But Why Are Men Fighting Gorillas? | Masculinity,...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/06/24

What do silverback gorillas, burnout, and barstool bravado have in common? More than you think. In this brilliantly bizarre episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by psychologist and burnout researcher Dr. Pete Olusoga to unpack why 100 men vs 1 gorilla became a cultural obsession — and what it reveals about masculinity, performance, and emotional repression. Together, they unpack:• The “alpha male” myth and its viral appeal• Why masculinity feels

en

01:03:28

But Why Are We Always Trying to Fix Ourselves? |...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/06/10

From sleep scores to step counts, even our joy is being tracked. But who is all this “self-improvement” really for? In this episode, Kristin and Laura ask what happens when being human stops being the goal and starts being a problem to fix. They unpack the rise of over-optimization, how capitalism convinced us we’re machines, and why even therapy isn’t safe from performance culture. Together, they explore:• The history of optimization — from factory

en

01:03:28

But Why Are We Always Trying to Fix Ourselves? |...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/06/10

From sleep scores to step counts, even our joy is being tracked. But who is all this “self-improvement” really for? In this episode, Kristin and Laura ask what happens when being human stops being the goal and starts being a problem to fix. They unpack the rise of over-optimization, how capitalism convinced us we’re machines, and why even therapy isn’t safe from performance culture. Together, they explore:• The history of optimization — from factory

en

01:18:35

But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity &...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/28

From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath? In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:• Why our brains go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn• The difference

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01:18:35

But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity &...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/28

From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath? In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:• Why our brains go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn• The difference

en

01:36:08

But Why Are Men Falling for This? | The Psychology of...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/13

In this special guest episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Oliver Niehaus to explore why so many men and boys are being pulled into the Manosphere. From red pill influencers to anti-intellectual rants and fragile masculinity, we unpack:• Why the manosphere sells grievance disguised as growth• How patriarchy harms men — and why they struggle to admit it• The role of loneliness, algorithms, and masculinity myths• The difference between accountability

en

01:36:08

But Why Are Men Falling for This? | The Psychology of...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/13

In this special guest episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Oliver Niehaus to explore why so many men and boys are being pulled into the Manosphere. From red pill influencers to anti-intellectual rants and fragile masculinity, we unpack:• Why the manosphere sells grievance disguised as growth• How patriarchy harms men — and why they struggle to admit it• The role of loneliness, algorithms, and masculinity myths• The difference between accountability

en

01:09:05

But Why Is Joy "Basic" for Women? | Gendered Taste,...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/06

In this thought-provoking episode, Kristin and Laura ask why women’s joy so often gets dismissed as “basic.” From Taylor Swift fandoms to fantasy novels, they unpack the deep psychological roots of how gendered taste is constructed—and why we feel guilty for what we love. They dive into:• Why "guilty pleasures" are a feminist issue• The Enlightenment origins of the gender binary• How cultural legitimacy is shaped by patriarchy• The impact of internalized

en

01:09:05

But Why Is Joy "Basic" for Women? | Gendered Taste,...

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/05/06

In this thought-provoking episode, Kristin and Laura ask why women’s joy so often gets dismissed as “basic.” From Taylor Swift fandoms to fantasy novels, they unpack the deep psychological roots of how gendered taste is constructed—and why we feel guilty for what we love. They dive into:• Why "guilty pleasures" are a feminist issue• The Enlightenment origins of the gender binary• How cultural legitimacy is shaped by patriarchy• The impact of internalized

en

01:10:05

Netflix's Adolescence: A Psychological Perspective

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/04/01

In this episode, we delve into the themes of Netflix's limited series 'Adolescence' from our perspectives as psychologists who often work with boys and young men in sports. We discuss the psychological implications of incel culture and the manosphere, the societal pressures faced by young men, and explore broader cultural narratives surrounding masculinity and relationships. We touch on the impact of parental influence on adolescent behavior, and the role

en

01:10:05

Netflix's Adolescence: A Psychological Perspective

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/04/01

In this episode, we delve into the themes of Netflix's limited series 'Adolescence' from our perspectives as psychologists who often work with boys and young men in sports. We discuss the psychological implications of incel culture and the manosphere, the societal pressures faced by young men, and explore broader cultural narratives surrounding masculinity and relationships. We touch on the impact of parental influence on adolescent behavior, and the role

en

00:58:01

Women's Sports: Breaking Barriers

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/03/18

In this episode, we delve into the complexities surrounding women's sports. We explore the historical barriers that have hindered women's participation in sports and the ongoing challenges in achieving equity and visibility for women's sports, emphasising how sports are often a tool of patriarchy in preventing women's progress. We end by reflecting on the importance of questioning assumptions and exploring the nuances of women's rights in sports and

en

00:58:01

Women's Sports: Breaking Barriers

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/03/18

In this episode, we delve into the complexities surrounding women's sports. We explore the historical barriers that have hindered women's participation in sports and the ongoing challenges in achieving equity and visibility for women's sports, emphasising how sports are often a tool of patriarchy in preventing women's progress. We end by reflecting on the importance of questioning assumptions and exploring the nuances of women's rights in sports and

en

01:10:47

Women's History: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems ·

2025/03/04

In this episode, we try to ground the ongoing backlash against women's rights in its historical context. After some chaotic 'small talk', we explore the cyclical nature of women's rights movements and the ongoing struggles against patriarchal systems, as well as the mental health implications of societal expectations placed on women. We end by reflecting on the current state of feminism and the need for continued advocacy and awareness. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

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