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PODCAST

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.This isn"t about forcing different sex drives to align. It"s about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

27:05

How & Why Your Non-verbal Communication Matters

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/08/11

Today's episode is all about non-verbal communication, it's role with authenticity and trust, and why it matters so much in romantic and sexual relationships (and all relationships, for that matter). Here's the link for the Hawaii retreat! Don't miss your chance to join us! https://www.kamahagar.com/retreat-page/ Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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18:39

Why Do I Have Low Desire? 10 Questions to Figure It Out

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/08/04

Even though nearly everyone will go through periods of low sexual desire in their lifetime, most people have no idea how common it is or that it's solve-able. Sadly, a lot of people feel like there is something wrong with them, or like they are broken. This episode will normalize what you're going through, plus give you 10 important questions to help you identify the root causes of your own low desire. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Dee...

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19:10

How To Stop Avoiding Your Own Desires & Figure Out...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/07/28

"Send me a text" Are you secretly scared of your own desires? I see this all the time in my practice – we avoid knowing what we truly want because we're terrified of disappointment. But here's the thing: your desires are there whether you acknowledge them or not, and avoiding them is just quitting in advance (there's no benefit). In this episode, I'm walking you through a powerful exercise that will help you uncover what you actually want (not what you think you should want). We're goin...

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24:31

When Touch Feels Off: Why It Happens & How to Fix It

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/07/21

"Send me a text" Have you ever been with someone you love, but their touch just felt... wrong? Or maybe your partner has told you that YOUR touch feels off, and you have no idea what you're doing wrong? I'm diving deep into this incredibly common issue that so many couples face but rarely talk about. First, I want you to know: you're not broken, and neither is your partner. This happens to normal humans with normal senses, and it's actually important information your body is giving you. I'm b...

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13:25

Spontaneous vs. Scheduled Sex: How Do We Find The...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/07/14

"Send me a text" It can be hard for couples to find good times to connect sexually. Busy lives or different sleep schedules are just some contributing factors that make finding time for sex especially challenging. Add to that an expectation that sex is "supposed to be spontaneous" and we have a recipe for frustration. Join me for an exploration of where the whole "thing" around spontaneity comes from, why you might like to de-bunk the myth that spontaneous = passionate, and how you can ...

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25:52

Are We Just Too Sexually Incompatible? How to Know.

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/07/07

If you're asking yourself whether you and your partner are just too sexually incompatible for your relationship to work, this episode is for you. (Tip: It's also for people you know who seem to be asking themselves this all the time. Please share it and you could save someone a lot of angst). Join me as we dive into the hidden issues underneath this question. If you or someone you know is asking this question, you know that it can take a lot of energy and really sap your joy. So let's f...

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45:24

What Really Turns Me On? With Danielle Harel, PhD

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/30

Don't miss this important (and fun) conversation with Danielle Harel, PhD, co-founder of the Somatica Institute. We talk all about discovering your deep turn-ons, how to know and ask for what you like, and why everyone's arousal pathway is different. We also flirt and laugh a lot while we demonstrate a mini-conversation to have with your partner. Grab the Somatica Institute's guide to Finding Your Hottest Sexual Movie (what turns you on) with this special link for podcast listeners: htt...

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17:24

How Do I Stop Faking Orgasms?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/23

Join me today as I walk through what's really underneath the tendency and temptation to fake orgasms, and how to stop. You'll learn the hidden costs of this habit to you and your relationship. You'll learn what it is actually all about and how to start creating the safety you need in order to have authentic pleasure, connection and communication. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://l...

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35:25

Helping Men Last Longer with Caitlin V

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/16

Premature ejaculation or "PE" is one of the most widespread challenges for men and couples that include men. There's no special pill being sold on TV. And while it's not quite that easy to find good help -- we got you! There ARE solutions that work way better than trying to think about baseball or frantically masturbating before a date. Join me for a fun and important conversation with Caitlin V, fellow sex coach, YouTube sensation and host of Good Sex on MAX and Discovery+. Our c...

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19:29

The Connection Between Self-Compassion & Great...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/09

It may be surprising, but how we treat ourselves is irrevocably linked to how happy we are in our connections with others. Tune in to this heartfelt episode for shortcuts on how to have a better relationship with yourself, first and foremost. You'll be amazed at how that will transform your relationships with everyone else (and your sex life!) Lit & Luscious Women's Retreat in Hawaii January 2026 is open for registration and early-bird discount! Come to Hawaii with me & co-host Kama H...

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26:40

Pitfalls of "Polarity:" 5 Rules to Avoid Harming Your...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/02

Applying the idea of "polarity" without full knowledge can actually undermine you and harm your sexual connection. So it's best to be informed. Some people act like the idea of "polarity" applied to relationships is some sort of universal truth, but the reality is that it's just a made-up concept that is really only helpful in. I’m going to break down what polarity actually is and the facts beneath the hype, so you can apply your brilliant critical-thinking mind to decide if you want to play ...

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25:50

Kind Boundaries & Building Secure Attachment: A Guide

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/26

This episode will walk you through how to have boundaries that feel great. Good boundaries feel like a big hug for you, rather than a barbed-wire fence to control others. We'll also cover why kind boundaries are critical to creating secure attachment. Don't miss this one! Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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19:27

Giving and Receiving Oral & Troubleshooting (Plus:...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/19

Today we're talking about common challenges & solutions for giving and receiving oral sex. Plus, since this is episode 69, I'm celebrating with some cautionary tales around 69, and I'll cover why so many people just don't like it (plus what to do instead). Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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15:50

Claim Your Agency or Create Helplessness: You Choose

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/12

If you're feeling like change is impossible, you may be falling into a sneaky self-undermining habit. Instead of imagining your worst beliefs are true, take a listen to this empowering episode. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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21:23

Redefining & Reclaiming The Tease

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/05

Ever wish you had more make out sessions with your partner(s)? Ever wish you felt 100% allowed to just flirt or kiss and then . . . stop? Do you ever wish you could get physical affection without feeling like you're on the hook for getting your partner to orgasm? If so, this episode is for you! It's also for anyone who notices their partner avoiding sex. And anyone who, on reflection, notices that they take flirtation and making out as a signal that their partner wants...

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26:42

Monogamy, Non-Monogamy & Choosing Your Relationship...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/28

Both monogamy and non-monogamy are valid choices, but a lot of people default into the modern-day societal norm without even fully discussing it or considering the options that best align with us. This episode provides an introduction to the different choices for relationship structures available. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to make it an intentional decision for you and your partner or partner. I also provide direct you to some resources that can really help. As a coach who ha...

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26:37

Big Picture Know-How For Great Sex & Relationships

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/21

This episode gives you the bird's-eye view of what we all need to know and understand in order to have our best sex life and best relationships. You might want a pencil and paper for this one! Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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26:01

Hidden Intimacy Challenges for Over-Achievers & What...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/14

I'm breaking down the special challenges that over-achievers tend to have with intimacy, sex, and relationships today. I'm also going to tell you exactly how to overcome those challenges. If you're a person who's afraid of failing in relationships and intimacy, or frustrated that other humans and our own bodies don't come with better manuals -- I've got you. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me ...

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26:16

Want Better Sex & Relationships? Practice This.

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/07

A lot of people want great relationships and sex lives. Not a lot of people are doing anything useful to get there. Today's episode will walk you through a super common trap most people are stuck in -- and show you how to get out of it. I will explain exactly what you need to start practicing to get what you want. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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13:34

Which Comes First for You: Physical or Emotional...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/31

People have different ways of getting to connection. Some people find emotional connection necessary before they feel safe to connect physically. Some people want physical intimacy in order to access emotional connection. If you are different than your partner in this, it can cause a lot of strife. This episode unpacks this common issue and helps you understand how to start solving it. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, plus learn how to work with me at https://laurajurg...

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