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PODCAST

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.This isn"t about forcing different sex drives to align. It"s about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

17:24

How Do I Stop Faking Orgasms?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/23

Join me today as I walk through what's really underneath the tendency and temptation to fake orgasms, and how to stop. You'll learn the hidden costs of this habit to you and your relationship. You'll learn what it is actually all about and how to start creating the safety you need in order to have authentic pleasure, connection and communication. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://l...

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35:25

Helping Men Last Longer with Caitlin V

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/16

Premature ejaculation or "PE" is one of the most widespread challenges for men and couples that include men. There's no special pill being sold on TV. And while it's not quite that easy to find good help -- we got you! There ARE solutions that work way better than trying to think about baseball or frantically masturbating before a date. Join me for a fun and important conversation with Caitlin V, fellow sex coach, YouTube sensation and host of Good Sex on MAX and Discovery+. Our c...

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19:29

The Connection Between Self-Compassion & Great...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/09

It may be surprising, but how we treat ourselves is irrevocably linked to how happy we are in our connections with others. Tune in to this heartfelt episode for shortcuts on how to have a better relationship with yourself, first and foremost. You'll be amazed at how that will transform your relationships with everyone else (and your sex life!) Lit & Luscious Women's Retreat in Hawaii January 2026 is open for registration and early-bird discount! Come to Hawaii with me & co-host Kama H...

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26:40

Pitfalls of "Polarity:" 5 Rules to Avoid Harming Your...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/06/02

Applying the idea of "polarity" without full knowledge can actually undermine you and harm your sexual connection. So it's best to be informed. Some people act like the idea of "polarity" applied to relationships is some sort of universal truth, but the reality is that it's just a made-up concept that is really only helpful in. I’m going to break down what polarity actually is and the facts beneath the hype, so you can apply your brilliant critical-thinking mind to decide if you want to play ...

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25:50

Kind Boundaries & Building Secure Attachment: A Guide

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/26

This episode will walk you through how to have boundaries that feel great. Good boundaries feel like a big hug for you, rather than a barbed-wire fence to control others. We'll also cover why kind boundaries are critical to creating secure attachment. Don't miss this one! Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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19:27

Giving and Receiving Oral & Troubleshooting (Plus:...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/19

Today we're talking about common challenges & solutions for giving and receiving oral sex. Plus, since this is episode 69, I'm celebrating with some cautionary tales around 69, and I'll cover why so many people just don't like it (plus what to do instead). Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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15:50

Claim Your Agency or Create Helplessness: You Choose

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/12

If you're feeling like change is impossible, you may be falling into a sneaky self-undermining habit. Instead of imagining your worst beliefs are true, take a listen to this empowering episode. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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21:23

Redefining & Reclaiming The Tease

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/05/05

Ever wish you had more make out sessions with your partner(s)? Ever wish you felt 100% allowed to just flirt or kiss and then . . . stop? Do you ever wish you could get physical affection without feeling like you're on the hook for getting your partner to orgasm? If so, this episode is for you! It's also for anyone who notices their partner avoiding sex. And anyone who, on reflection, notices that they take flirtation and making out as a signal that their partner wants...

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26:42

Monogamy, Non-Monogamy & Choosing Your Relationship...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/28

Both monogamy and non-monogamy are valid choices, but a lot of people default into the modern-day societal norm without even fully discussing it or considering the options that best align with us. This episode provides an introduction to the different choices for relationship structures available. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to make it an intentional decision for you and your partner or partner. I also provide direct you to some resources that can really help. As a coach who ha...

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26:37

Big Picture Know-How For Great Sex & Relationships

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/21

This episode gives you the bird's-eye view of what we all need to know and understand in order to have our best sex life and best relationships. You might want a pencil and paper for this one! Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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26:01

Hidden Intimacy Challenges for Over-Achievers & What...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/14

I'm breaking down the special challenges that over-achievers tend to have with intimacy, sex, and relationships today. I'm also going to tell you exactly how to overcome those challenges. If you're a person who's afraid of failing in relationships and intimacy, or frustrated that other humans and our own bodies don't come with better manuals -- I've got you. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me ...

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26:16

Want Better Sex & Relationships? Practice This.

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/04/07

A lot of people want great relationships and sex lives. Not a lot of people are doing anything useful to get there. Today's episode will walk you through a super common trap most people are stuck in -- and show you how to get out of it. I will explain exactly what you need to start practicing to get what you want. Get my free email newsletter with helpful tips, plus a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, and learn how to work with me at https://laurajurgens.com.

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13:34

Which Comes First for You: Physical or Emotional...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/31

People have different ways of getting to connection. Some people find emotional connection necessary before they feel safe to connect physically. Some people want physical intimacy in order to access emotional connection. If you are different than your partner in this, it can cause a lot of strife. This episode unpacks this common issue and helps you understand how to start solving it. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, plus learn how to work with me at https://laurajurg...

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17:28

Saying No Without Guilt in Relationships & Sex...and...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/24

Saying yes to things you don't want to do is not helping your relationships. It's not being "nice" either. Today's episode will help free you from guilt that keeps you from showing up authentically and saying no when you want to. Learn how and why your "no" can be a gift to others, and why it can really liberate your relationship from hidden...or not so hidden...resentments. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, plus learn how to work with me at https://laurajurge...

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20:26

Kissing: Challenges, Explorations & Tips

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/17

This episode dives into all things Kissing. We'll cover basic Do's and Don'ts, and unpack common concerns about this very common activity. Many couples communicate pretty poorly if at all about their desires and preferences around kissing, which makes it very hard to get what you want. I'll help you get free of that and understand how to improve your kissing situation, whether you want more kissing, less kissing, or different kissing. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, p...

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36:56

Christina & Brooke Share Wisdom from the Middle of...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/10

Sometimes at the end of the journey it can be hard to even remember what it was like to be in the middle. Listen in to my interview with a wonderful couple of humans, Christina and Brooke, who are currently working with me. They openly share how they started out disconnected with lots of resentment. They discuss what they've learned so far and how they feel now mid-way through the process of transforming their relationship. Anyone seeking better, more authentic, and stress-free intimacy will ...

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15:45

How People-Pleasing Kills Intimacy & What to Do About It

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/03

There are 3 things I really want you to know about people-pleasing and intimacy. When you're a people-pleaser, you'll often feel like you're doing things to make others happy or doing things out of obligation. You'll also often feel like you're not getting the appreciation you want, like you don't have space and time for yourself, and/or like you are just tired of people wanting stuff from you. There's often an underlying current of resentment you may or may not acknowledge. Here's the ...

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29:28

Three-somes & Group Sex: Fantasy, Reality & Avoiding...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/24

Lots of folks fantasize about threesomes or group sex, and some of us decide to try it for real. Both can be fun. This episode will guide you through how to have more fun with fantasy and how to make real-life group sex a good experience for everyone. Plus, I'll give you my best tips on how to find other partners and deal with the logistics of setting it up so everyone has a good time. If you're interested in threesomes, don't miss this one! Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn...

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34:47

Paths to Sexual Confidence: Real vs. Fake Confidence...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/17

A lot of people want more confidence but are afraid of fake confidence and arrogance. You’re right to be wary of that. It’s not helpful to be falsely confident or arrogant in intimate relationships and sexuality. Today we're going to talk about why, how to avoid fake confidence or arrogance, and how to build real confidence and empowerment instead. We'll talk about why it's the opposite of selfish. I'll also share the path to creating a deep, all-encompassing sense of worth and love-ability. ...

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38:40

Curing the Libido Mismatch Blues

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/10

If Libidio Mismatch is something you struggle with – you know it can be super hard on relationships. It is very stressful and disconnecting. If it feels like a big deal, it is. Research shows that most of our happiness is tied to how we feel about our relationships – so stress in a primary partnership is devastating to quality of life. It's smart to prioritize solving rifts like this above a lot of other things in your life, because it’s going to make the biggest difference to happiness and e...

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94 results

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