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PODCAST

Thot Topics

Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.

society & culture music commentary

All Episodes

01:37:53

Clocking Around the Christmas Tree!

Thot Topics ·

2024/12/25

This isn't really a Christmas episode because we recorded it like, over a week ago-- but Merry Christmas to you and yours all the same... You've heard of a one horse open sleigh... now get ready for TWO whore's open slay. That's right, we ain't hidin' it! This week, after a lovely girly catchup chat, we assess the BILLBOARD TOP 25 POPSTARS OF THE 21ST CENTURY list. We get a little heated about some of the inclusions, which is just perfect for this brisk holiday afternoon... TRY MAGIC MIND! 20% off

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21:27

No One Mourns The Thiccked! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/12/03

FULL EPISODE BEYOND THA PAYWALL AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS. $5/MONTH FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY SINGLE WEEK, AND PREMIUM EPS EVERY OTHER WEEK!Flopular... you're gonna be flopyouular... Welcome back to the Thot Topics glistening wintertime palace of holiday delights. This week, the girls are setting the table for a fancy feast of cunty proportions-- we hope you brought a bib, sis! After a little bit of good old fashioned GIRL TIME, we give our review of WICKED-- the good, the bad, the tragic and the

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01:12:18

Concealed Carrie Bradshaw!

Thot Topics ·

2024/12/03

Sabrina Carpenter? I barely know her!! HA! Welcome back to the Thot Topics Twisted Labyrinth where nothing is quite as it seems... if you're feeling turkeylicious this season, have we got the episode for you! This week, the girls catch up after a week apart: Cris delivers a field report from the mean streets of BAMF, Canada and Nick grapples with the everyday struggles of motherhood. Then, it's down to business: we discuss Sabrina Carpenter pantomiming blowjays on stage and whether it's good for pop

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01:14:12

The Great Impussinator!

Thot Topics ·

2024/11/03

You have left me very discheazed... you have left me... diseaseched... Discheezed to meet you? Is there anything here?Hey girl. Did you know that um... it doesn't matter if you love him? OR capital H-I-M? We're calling all Little Monsters who are pushing 30 to the stage to speak their truth and speak it loud. What's on the menu this week, you ask? Obviously DISEASE, but there's so much more... we picture a future with ADDISON RAE, and struggle to let HALSEY play for longer than 45 seconds. Luckily,

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01:25:01

Saeko Killers!

Thot Topics ·

2024/11/03

Turningjapanesewethinkwe'returningjapanesewereallythinkso This week in the Thot Topics Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Annex, the girls unpack several major violations of the international code of cunt. First, the BRAT REMIX ALBUM, the ancient demon KESHA, SAIKO and the call of BEING JAPANESE. But naturally, there's more hot and juicy goodness where that came from. We discuss becoming a Trader Joe's girl, the decline in movie theater etiquette, Terrifier 3, and whatever else touches our beautiful

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01:20:44

Six Freaks Magic Mountin'!

Thot Topics ·

2024/09/27

Young man! Your presence is requested in the Headmaster's office. And trust me-- you DON'T want to find out how he got THAT name...Love is in the air in the Thot Topics Studio tonight as the girls issue a transmission from the eve of Nick's wedding! We don't want to scare anyone, but it's time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, balloons. Naturally there IS business to attend to. We discuss SOPHIE's posthumous "album," Katy Perry's 143 as if there's anything to even say, and Lady Gaga's

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01:15:25

The Church of Naturday Saints!

Thot Topics ·

2024/09/07

Happy LUBEor Day You Patriotic SLUTS 💦💦💦😫 From the twisted mind of THOT TOPICS comes an all-new episode full of juicy, scrumptious goodness for ya nerve. EAT IT UP MAMA!We're back to business for the first time in a while so we do a little bit of girly catchup. Are we doing more than flirting with sobriety at this point? Who's gonna make the first move? Us? Or that tasty tasty MOCKTAIL? We recap Nick's bachelor party and ponder what it means to be a party girl in heart, but not in

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01:24:45

Do You Believe in Mewgic?!

Thot Topics ·

2024/08/23

Calling all birdwatchers! Are you watchin' these birds?!?!?This week, we join forces in the Plus Size Creator's Autonomous Zone against the powers that be: hater ass faggots in the Patreon exit surveys. Once that demon is purged from our spirit, it's down to business as usual. We take Raggedy Chappell to task over her complaints on TikTok about fans asking her for pictures. Is she cooked, or does she have a chance? Why is TikTok incompatible with pop stardom? Is privacy cringe? Or are gay guys the

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01:12:58

Thotline 7.5: Juan Missed Call!

Thot Topics ·

2024/08/12

We're back in the lounge to resolve more critical issues in the Thot Topics Jewniverse! We receive emergency transmissions from our beloved homosexual and female (and STRAIGHT MALE) listeners on matters of life, love, and the pursuit of pussyliciousness. What's on the menu, you ask? We discuss how to stave off BPD attachment tendencies, how to respectfully tell someone you no longer want to have sex with them, and whether it's worth it to live with your parents to get your coins up. Follow the girls

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25:11

Thotline 7: She-Mobile Unlimited! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/08/02

**PATRONS ONLY**Subscribe now at patreon.com/thottopics. Long time no talk, loca! What's it been giving girlfriend?! This week, we've opened the gilded gates of the Thot Topics Golfing Greens and Garden for the unwashed masses to speak directly to the girls. That's right bitch: for the first time since December, it's time for EVERYONE to get in on the girl's chat with a special hotline episode! And ohhhh boy, did our precious gay and gay-adjacent listeners deliver! We discuss everything under the

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01:13:18

Deploy All Kamaloids!

Thot Topics ·

2024/07/30

Bruh. BRUHHHHH. I don't know what the fuck is in the water this week but like 20 minutes of this episode somehow deleted itself. Should I kill myself? MAYBE!!! Anyway, MOST of an episode is here and I'm praying things will be back to normal this week lmfao. Here's what we got into: KAMALA 2024, the pressures of talking to teens when you feel like a teen inside, if it's a big deal that Gen Z and Gen Alpha can't read, and MORE! I'd keep writing but we recorded this so long ago I honestly don't

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01:25:18

My Katycat From Hell!

Thot Topics ·

2024/07/12

You've stumbled into the Katy Perry Apologists Anonymous meeting. Please find a seat and be prepared to share your story. Refreshments have been provided and are available on the far wall. May we see your peacock?This week is a really special one. Just honestly what the fuck guys. First, we unpack our fourth of july weekend for all its worth. These are NOT our cookies officer! Then, we review the brand new Katy Perry single "Woman's World," and wonder if Katy Perry knew that women are allowed to

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01:10:38

Goodbye Whorses!

Thot Topics ·

2024/06/27

Na na na na.... na na naaa na... hey, hey, hey... gay priiiiiiiideStrap in (or on!) for the unique and incomparable stylings of THOT TOPICS! This week, we're in rare form to discuss all manner of gay guy bullshit happening on the timeline-- we're really playing the hits on this one. Thank you to all of the brain damaged middle aged homos who contributed their valuable thoughts! The table is piled high with crucial documents of pride month behavior. First, we discuss the 17 year old insisting that

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01:19:12

Wide and Prejudiced!

Thot Topics ·

2024/06/01

Sometimes, the people who laugh the most, cry inside the hardest... they also have the biggest jiggliest boobs. 😥 RT if you criedWelcome to the Thot Topics podcast official Pride Month kickoff where we ask the question on everybody's lips (both sets!): Are YOU proud to be gay? We try our hand at "questions to ask an LGBT panelist", but before we do that, we air a few grievances around GETTING OLD and ALCOHOL AS A SOCIAL LUBRICANT. We're sipping from the fountain of youth this week y'all--

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11:42

On Second Thot - May 28, 2024 (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/05/28

Has anyone even TOLD you about our new weekly bonus show for paying sisters? ON SECOND THOT is our sexy little aftershow where put our hair in a pony, get cozy, and let the real freak shit fly. Each week, we select our definitive SLAYS OF THE DAY, FREAKS OF THE WEEK, and last but not least, discuss how God tested us over the last seven days. You too can enjoy these vital conversations on Patreon at patreon.com/thottopics for only 4 dollars a month-- PLUS the standard premium-only episode every other

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01:26:16

Sweat T-Shirt Contest!

Thot Topics ·

2024/05/09

Welcome to the Metropolitan Museum of Ass, Hair, and Titties. We'll kindly accept your donations up front, to support the continued growth of this vital field.We're BACK! And back in the New York GROOVE no less as we take on the many looks of the 2024 MET GALA, the theme of which was something about flowers or something? Hard to remember now girl. If you'd like to do a READ-ALONG with us, please enjoy your listening experience paired with photos from the good homosexuals at Vogue. Naturally, that's

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01:19:28

Anyway, Ni Hao!

Thot Topics ·

2024/04/25

Yeah I don't know what the fuck was in the giggle water this week but this is a particularly cracked out episode lmfaoWELCUM 2 THE JUNGLE! The girls return to discuss matters of utmost importance with international implications. As we pregame for the Nicki Minaj concert and spread our passports wet 'n' wide for entry to Gag City, we pay ten dollars to get in the ball and take a closer look at what the world is up to... First, we discuss the rates of LGBTness among Gen Z high schoolers, and the New

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11:42

Guncles and Gaggots! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/04/19

**PATRONS ONLY**Welcome to the Thot Topics Brewhouse, where children and dogs alike will be killed immediately upon entry. Can we offer you a Michelob Ultra draft? The girls return to the booth for a vital tribunal on all the issues facing a young woman in the world today: SSRIs, feline dental health, immune system support, desktop gaming, marijuana legislation, HIV that turns into AIDS, and so much more. But naturally that's not all: we also discuss the photo that sent all kinds of totally normal

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01:20:55

R.I.P. Blowjay Simpson!

Thot Topics ·

2024/04/13

The jury finds you in contempt of CUNT! Now it's time to SERVE!Welcome back to central booking at Thot Topics Regional Penitentiary. All fines will be processed to the window on your left, and visitation will be found to your right. Oh, you're here for a conjugal visit? Right this way, ma'am... This week, the girls convene on several matters of utmost importance-- sucking in your stomach, food safety, atomic habits, Joker 2, and so much more. We also do a quarter-year checkin on our most-streamed

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01:10:48

All Worm and No Play!

Thot Topics ·

2024/03/27

You better worm girl!We're BACK for a lovely special springtime episode. (But really, aren't they ALL special?) This is a girls chat of VITAL importance: we really put our thinking boobs on for this one! We discuss everything on God's Green, from LESBIANS to DUNE 2 to what may be the FINAL DAYS OF THE TIKTOK TOP 50. Do you love the way we work it? HEY LADIESSS!!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Back it up and dump it on

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