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PODCAST

After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

07:23

143. From Rock Bottom to Rising Strong: Hope on the...

After the Affair ·

2025/06/18

After betrayal, it’s easy to believe that your best days are behind you. That the pain you’re in now will always be part of you. But what if this isn’t the end of your story? What if it’s the beginning of something deeper, truer, and more aligned with who you really are?In this uplifting episode, I share the often untold truth about healing from infidelity: that it doesn’t just break you, it can build you. From rock bottom, we talk about what it means to rise strong. You’ll hear how emotional

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15:11

134. Betrayed and Ready to Give Up? Listen to this First

After the Affair ·

2025/04/16

There are moments when it all feels like too much, when the pain of betrayal, the weight of healing, or the sheer exhaustion of trying to hold it together leaves you questioning your strength.In those moments, the most important decision you can make is not to fight harder, or fix everything, or know exactly what to do. The most important decision is to not abandon yourself. In this episode, Luke offers a deeply grounded reminder: You don’t have to be fully healed to keep going. You don’t need all

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12:37

131. Healing Requires Uncertainty – Learning to Trust...

After the Affair ·

2025/03/26

We’re wired to crave certainty. Especially after betrayal, when everything familiar suddenly feels fragile, we reach for something solid, answers, guarantees, anything that promises safety.But here’s the truth: You don’t need certainty to heal. You need self-trust. In this episode, we explore how your relationship with uncertainty is the very foundation of growth, clarity, and transformation. Because while control might feel comforting, real peace comes from knowing you can handle the unknown, even

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13:10

129. You Don’t Have to Stay, Leave, or Forgive: You...

After the Affair ·

2025/03/12

After infidelity, it’s easy to feel like you have to do something, have to leave, have to stay and fix things, have to forgive to move on. Society, family, and even your own mind push you to believe there’s a “right” decision you must make.But here’s the truth: You don’t have to do anything. You only have to choose. In this episode, we break down the illusion of obligation, why so many people feel trapped in expectations about healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation, and how to shift from feeling

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14:10

126. Betrayal and The Male Ego: Rebuilding After the...

After the Affair ·

2025/02/19

Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust, it’s about identity. For many men, their sense of self is built on strength, control, and loyalty. But when infidelity happens, it doesn’t just hurt, it threatens everything they thought they knew about themselves.In this episode, I explore the ego’s role in betrayal recovery, why the pain runs so deep, and how to shift from ego-driven reactions (anger, control, blame) to true healing. If you’ve ever felt like infidelity shattered who you are, this

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11:12

123. Confirmation Bias: Are You Seeking What You Fear...

After the Affair ·

2025/01/29

Do you ever feel like the evidence for your worst fears is everywhere? Whether it’s comments on social media or your own inner dialogue, it can feel impossible to escape the idea that you’ll never heal, your relationship is doomed, or you’re simply unworthy of love.But here’s the truth: what you’re experiencing isn’t reality, it’s confirmation bias. In this episode, we’re breaking down how confirmation bias works, how it keeps you stuck in cycles of fear and self-doubt, and most importantly, how to

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22:09

122. You Have Built A Glass Wall: And It Is Keeping...

After the Affair ·

2025/01/22

In this episode of After the Affair, we explore a powerful metaphor, the “glass wall.” It’s the invisible barrier that betrayed partners often build after infidelity. From the outside, it looks like openness and connection, but from the inside, it’s a shield, keeping you emotionally safe but painfully disconnected.We’ll unpack how these walls form, how they evolve from solid brick to deceptive glass and the signs that you might still be behind one. Most importantly, we’ll discuss how to start

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59:02

121. Healing in the Aftermath: A Couple’s Journey...

After the Affair ·

2025/01/15

In this heartfelt episode, we sit down with “Alan” and “Ann” (pseudonyms to protect their privacy) as they candidly share their ongoing journey of healing after infidelity in their 39-year marriage. Their story highlights the complexity of betrayal, the challenges of rebuilding trust, and the resilience required to hold space for one another amidst profound pain. We delve into: The emotional fallout of infidelity and the layers of deception. How low self-esteem and secrecy played a role in Alan’s

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13:03

117. Dealing With The Online Comments Section After...

After the Affair ·

2024/12/18

The internet can feel like a war zone when you’re looking for answers after betrayal. Whether you’re the betrayed partner or the unfaithful one, scrolling through the comment section can quickly amplify your fears, doubts, and pain. But here’s the truth: those comments don’t define you. They reflect someone else’s pain, biases, and experiences, not your reality.In this episode, we explore: Why we’re drawn to online comments when we’re hurting. How confirmation bias makes the worst comments hit us

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14:40

112. Redefining Manhood: Purpose, Identity, and the...

After the Affair ·

2024/11/13

In this episode of After the Affair, we’re exploring a question that many men find themselves asking but few know how to answer: What does it mean to be a man today?As gender roles evolve and the traditional definitions of success and purpose shift, men are left to find new ways to build identity, self-worth, and connection. For some, these uncertainties can lead to choices like infidelity, decisions often rooted in a lack of fulfilment, identity confusion, or the need for external validation. Join

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14:21

111. It’s Over, But I’m Still Stuck: The Ghosts of...

After the Affair ·

2024/11/06

In the final part of our mini-series, we talk about something that many people don’t expect, how the imbalances created by infidelity can linger long after the relationship ends.Whether it’s guilt, shame, anger, or resentment, the emotional aftermath of infidelity doesn’t always disappear when the papers are signed, and the relationship is officially over. We’ll explore how the ‘ghost’ of the broken relationship continues to show up in your life, influencing how you see yourself, how you approach

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11:25

110. Why Can’t We Heal? When the Unfaithful Partner's...

After the Affair ·

2024/10/30

In the second part of our mini-series on imbalance after infidelity, we explore what happens when the unfaithful partner is doing everything ‘right’, apologising, attending therapy, being transparent, yet it still feels like nothing is changing.Why, despite their best efforts, does the relationship remain stuck? We’ll look at the emotional wall the betrayed partner builds, why it’s so hard to move forward even when the unfaithful partner is doing all they can, and how to navigate the frustration of

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12:39

109. You Cheated, So Why Am I the One Fixing Things?...

After the Affair ·

2024/10/23

In this episode of After the Affair, we dive into a frustrating dynamic that many betrayed partners face after infidelity, the unfair expectation that they should be the ones to fix the relationship.You didn’t break it, so why is it your job to pick up the pieces? We’ll explore the imbalance that happens when the betrayed partner is left carrying the emotional weight, expected to forgive and move forward while the unfaithful partner seems off the hook. This episode is the first part of a three-part

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15:41

108. Is Your Relationship Due for an Update?

After the Affair ·

2024/10/16

In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings explores how relationships, like technology, need regular updates to stay in sync. Just like your phone’s apps and software need upgrades to keep functioning smoothly, relationships also require personal growth and communication to thrive over time. If you and your partner aren’t growing together, you risk falling out of sync, feeling disconnected, and losing that emotional intimacy. Luke discusses why relationships tend to slow down or feel

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10:44

107. Why Relationship Statistics Are Wrong About You

After the Affair ·

2024/10/09

In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the topic of relationship statistics and why they don’t define you. While statistics can provide context, they don’t account for the unique dynamics, growth, and emotional complexities of each individual relationship. Luke explores the dangers of letting numbers dictate your relationship's fate and shares two real-life examples, one of a person who defied the odds and rebuilt trust after infidelity, and another who, despite

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26:05

104. Don't Heal - The Inverse Approach After Infidelity

After the Affair ·

2024/09/18

Welcome back to After the Affair with your host, Luke Shillings. In today’s episode, we're flipping the traditional approach to healing on its head. Instead of the typical steps to "heal" after betrayal, we're diving into something radical—the Inverse Approach. What if instead of chasing closure, security, and control, we did the opposite? What if we didn’t aim to heal in the conventional sense, but instead, embraced the uncertainty, pain, and unpredictability that comes with betrayal? Join Luke

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28:13

103. Why I Love Breaking the Rules of Infidelity:...

After the Affair ·

2024/09/11

In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them are not just wrong but harmful.He lists the top 34 most common Societal Expectation Statements and challenges each and every one! We often think of infidelity in black-and-white terms, assigning blame and passing judgement based on outdated norms and rigid stereotypes. But infidelity is far more complex than society tends to acknowledge. Luke unpacks

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24:07

101. Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About...

After the Affair ·

2024/08/28

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," we tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal. This episode dives deep into the insecurities that often lie beneath the surface, those parts of us that crave external validation, fear rejection, and struggle with identity. Luke explores how early experiences shape our self-worth,

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15:04

99. The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal

After the Affair ·

2024/08/14

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship.This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these wants can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership. Luke shares practical steps to identify, communicate, and navigate these desires, along with

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14:39

98. Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in...

After the Affair ·

2024/08/07

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity," we'll explore the challenging and often painful experience of trickle truth, also known as "drip feeding" the truth or "gradual disclosure." This episode delves into why trickle truth happens, its impact on both the betrayed and unfaithful partners and the emotional complexities involved. Luke shares listener stories and provides

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126 results

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