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PODCAST

Green Cows Don"t Fly

Writers B. and Jon are co-hosts of Green Cows Don"t Fly. Once upon a time they enlisted the help of A I to write two fantasy quest novels which are now available on Amazon here https://amzn.to/3MIZKoh But now in their new ground-breaking extravaganza: The None Show, they meet every week in the Green Room Café to talk about everything and anything and are always looking for suggestions for topics. So if you"d like to get involved in the general mayhem and madness then please do contact the show at:

comedy

All Episodes

20:01

The None Show Ep. 30 - At Our Convenience

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/09/15

This week sees the Green Cows hanging around toilets but not in a seedy way. Air Hand Dryers, Paper Towel Dispensers, Roller Towels and dropping sensitive electronic devices down the loo are on the menu. Also, hear how B. nearly ran over a soldier running beside a hedge in full camo gear - the soldier that is not B. Meanwhile, Jon recalls the early days of jumbo toilet roll selling and his shame of demonstrating their anti-pilfering benefits in the middle of a leading F1 car manufacturer's reception

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18:24

The None Show Ep. 29 - Too Old For Chuggers

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/09/08

This week Jon's reflecting that being outside the demographic of chuggers has its benefits. Pretending to be on his phone is no longer necessary. Meanwhile, B's misty-eyed about running... before her knees went. And as if that's not enough, they discuss the lost art of knowing all the neighbours in your street, grocery delivery drivers, cats, dogs and horse whisperers. You'll not want to miss it.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any

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22:44

The None Show Ep. 28 - Cramping Our Style

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/09/01

You know how it is. One minute you're broadcasting to your fan, the next you're racked with excruciating pain as vicious cramp strikes completely out of the blue. It happened to Jon mid-show. But Luckily B. was there to rally round with soothing guffaws of totally unsympathetic laughter. Add to this incident, much insightful discussion on motorway services, butterflies, amusement parks, council bins and golf catering... then this week... Green Cows are truly spoiling you.B. is available for

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23:35

The None Show Ep. 27 - Toblerone Lightsabers

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/08/25

It's quite possible B & Jon ought not to be allowed in front of mics. In this episode they muse it would be fun had lightsabers been made of Toblerone. In a duel, the loser would be the one whose lightsaber had been nibbled away, triangle-by-triangle, when getting too close to their opponent. And if that's not silly enough there are dreams about sinister posh gangster kids, footprints coming out of solid walls, not to mention joining the wrong queue at the ferry terminal.B. is available for

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24:29

The None Show Ep. 26 - Oppenheimer or Barbie -...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/08/18

B's in a quandary over Oppenheimer or Barbie and Jon's wondering when popcorn became the recognised accompaniment to UK cinema viewing. And what's become of the girl with a torch wearing a trough packed with mini ice creams and slurpy Kia Oras? Then there's the question of your kitchen gadgetry. - used daily or languishing at the back of a dark cupboard?B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an

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26:14

The None Show Ep. 25 - Is there anything...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/08/11

We're nothing if not diverse and in this week's episode we discuss: British service levels, motorway repairs, health and safety, soft top sportscars and not smoking. But not only that, in a podcasting first we introduce our new in-show feature: "Is there anything embarrassing in your drawer?" Honestly, the lengths we go to to entertain. It's another level.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an

en

22:55

The None Show Ep. 24 - Air Fresheners & Serving...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/08/04

In a packed show B and Jon begin with air fresheners before moving onto wine buffs. Of course that leads to serving suggestions on food packaging, daytime TV so-called fashion experts, button misalignment on clothes, the soap opera police drama wannabee trend and last but not least book reviews.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact

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26:37

The None Show Ep. 23 - Why Do Aliens Always Abduct...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/07/28

This week B.& Jon wrestle with the tricky concept of the birth of the Universe, before moving on to why Americans call herbs erbs? Add to this heady mix of un-fact-checked, questionable dodgy intellectualism, the concept of goldfish being able to watch EastEnders from inside their bowls, then you have a show to miss out on at you peril.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning

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27:54

The None Show - Ep 22. You say graffito, I say graffiti

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/07/21

Join B. & Jon in yet another wide-raging and rambling conversation. This time there is foody talk aplenty, discarded static caravans and jelly babies. But that's barely the half of it. Add in second hand trousers and going into hiding and the picture is complete. Or as complete as it's likely to be with the Green Cows..B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin

en

27:29

The None Show - Ep. 21 Accidents with Chilli,...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/07/14

This week B & Jon discuss chilli mishaps, mouth made music, electric fans, piano lessons, music students and six somewhat bizarre demises through the annals of history. Honestly, it's a veritable laugh-an-every-few-minutes-rollercoaster of an episode. You'd be crazy not to listen.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact her here:

en

23:31

The None Show Ep. 20 - What's The Plural of Daddy...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/07/07

In another packed show.B's been the target of a mass mosquito attack and she's not best pleased. Jon thinks it could be down to climate change as the UK's getting warmer with each passing year. What's the best song to sing when performing CPR? B knows someone who is unaware that water is necessary to cook pasta and Jon's boyhood failed attempts at kite-flying.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have

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18:23

The None Show Ep. 19 - Funeral Ads, World Travel &...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/06/30

This week Jon has a rant about the proliferation of funeral adverts. Seems there's an army of oldies out there in TV land relishing the prospect of ending their days as soon as possible. Also, what nut does it for you? Pistachio, Cashew or the plain and humble Peanut? And... say you were the reflection in the mirror and the reflection was actually you? Cue X Files music.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially

en

21:43

The None Show Ep. 18 - Hey! Joe Rogan, Roll That...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/06/23

B and Jon ponder Gloucester's Cheese Rolling 2023 and muse on why it's not fallen foul of 'Elf an' Safety'. But not only that, gasp as they improv a classic style WW2 movie right before your ears. And would you buy a palace or "get the men in" to fix up your current abode were you lucky enough to scoop a fortune on the Lottery?B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and

en

26:11

The None Show Ep. 17 - Inappropriate Golf Shorts &...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/06/16

Jon's been cutting a dash at the golf club with a pair of rather loud shorts that have caught the eye of the greens committee. Meanwhile, B's had a strange encounter with a creepy guy in Tesco. And if all that wasn't bad enough, why have more than 415 souls come to a sticky end in rural Midsomer?B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact

en

20:49

The None Show Ep. 16 - Builders Bums & Talking Parrots

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/06/09

You'd think discussion topics on the show couldn't get any more diverse, wouldn't you? But hold that thought - because this week its TV ad breaks full of sprightly OAPs only too keen to get in a queue and shuffle of this mortal coil. But not only that B. and Jon discuss builders bums and talking parrots, that actually don't... talk that is,B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning

en

22:02

The None Show Ep. 15 - Cars, Potholes, Dogs & Perms

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/06/02

Once again authors B and Jon have a plateful of waffle and they're happy to share it. Perms, potholes, dogs and cars are all grist to their mill as they take you through another bizarre stream of consciousness ramble. Confused? No need to be. Just think what a James Joyce podcast might be like.. B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact

en

19:01

The None Show Ep. 14 - Kettles, Replicators and...

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/05/26

No one can accuse the show of being samey. Once again, this week's episode delivers drivel in spades as B & Jon discuss noisy electric kettles, Star Trek replicator technology and impending execution. Before rounding it all off with an impromptu game of Dead Composer Play Your Cards Right.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact

en

20:18

The None Show - Ep. 13 - Spontaneous Combustion

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/05/19

Once again topics are wide-ranging. Starting with the unsettling phenomenon of spontaneous combustion, B. & Jon progress to discuss crop circles, first contact, and the recent UK Coronation. Jon finds himself having to mount a stout defence over the state of his kitchen worktops. And finally, would you accept a cup of tea in a house with a persistent and clinging unpleasant odour? No. Neither would they.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as

en

23:23

The None Show Ep. 12 - Between Trousers

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/05/12

This week we look at the phenomenon known as being "Between Trousers". Something that can affect us all when we least expect it. B. has been suffering just such a crisis lately. Meanwhile, Jon feels bank holidays should be on a Friday - not Monday. Is your glass half full or half empty? It's important to consider in the world of sales. Then there's a first as B. & Jon play the lottery live on air in the hope of scooping the rollover jackpot of £160 million pounds.B. is available for audiobook

en

22:01

The None Show Ep. 11 - An Uneasy Truce

Green Cows Don"t Fly ·

2023/05/05

There's an uneasy truce between B & Jon as the infamous "lost show incident" is still a sore point. But professionalism prevails and in another eclectic conversation they chew the cud over Star Trek, Top Gear, The worst cars they ever had, potholes and traffic cones.B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact her here:

en

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