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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

35:34

What if my Addict Partner and I Disagree About...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/06/02

This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like shame, pride, and a desire for autonomy, which can lead to avoidance and reactive recovery rather than p...

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38:57

How Long Should My Former Addict Partner Maintain...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/05/27

PBSE Podcast Episode 282 tackles the emotionally complex question many betrayed partners face: “How long should my former addict partner maintain sobriety and recovery before I consider getting back with him?” Rather than offering a simple timeline, it reframes the question to focus on the quality and consistency of change in both partners. The article underscores that while time matters, what matters more is whether the former addict has shown verifiable growth—emotionally, behaviorally, and

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41:17

As a Betrayed Partner, How Do I Stop Waiting Around...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/05/20

PBSE Podcast Episode 281, tackles the painful and familiar experience of betrayed partners who live in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the next betrayal to surface. Centering around a listener’s heartfelt submission, the article outlines the emotional toll of repeated trauma, especially in relationships where staggered disclosures have prolonged the hurt. Despite doing some recovery work, the listener still struggles with fear, mistrust, and a lack of emotional safety, highlighting the core

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33:11

As a Betrayed Partner, How do I Talk to my Teenage...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/05/13

In PBSE Episode 280, Mark & Steve address the complex challenge faced by betrayed partners—especially those healing from porn or sex addiction in their relationships—who want to guide their teenage children toward healthy sexuality. It begins by acknowledging the emotional burden and conflict many betrayed partners feel, especially when trying to teach their children something they themselves are still struggling to reclaim. Drawing from a listener’s heartfelt question, the hosts emphasize that

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41:22

Do you REALLY want Intimate CONNECTION or Not?

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/05/06

PBSE Podcast 279 confronts the painful contradiction many addicts face: a deep longing for intimate connection paired with a habitual avoidance of it. Through a heartfelt partner’s submission and personal reflections, Mark and Steve illustrate how addiction, as an intimacy disorder, fuels this cycle of wanting but not acting—of making promises without follow-through. The core issue often isn’t a lack of sincerity, but a profound disconnection from self, rooted in fear, shame, and survival-based

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35:44

How Do I Navigate the Dating World After My Marriage...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/04/28

In this PBSE episode (#278), Mark & Steve delve deeply into a critical topic for betrayed partners—After enduring the deep wounds of a marriage ending due to porn addiction, stepping back into the dating world requires tremendous courage, self-awareness, and intentional preparation. We encourage betrayed partners to first focus inward, engaging in compassionate self-analysis to better understand past relational dynamics. Exploring areas like intuition, self-trust, self-esteem, and emotional

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44:29

My Habit of “Pornifying” Everything has Ruined...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/04/22

PBSE Episode 277 addresses a deeply personal and often overlooked consequence of pornography addiction: the loss of enjoyment in media that was once shared and meaningful within a relationship. The authors respond to a listener's question about whether he and his partner can ever again enjoy media that has been “pornified” through his addiction. They explain how sexual addiction often extends beyond explicit content to include distorted sexualization of characters and media, leading to feelings

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38:52

Do I have to wait for the “Formal Amends” process...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/04/15

Episode 276 addresses a question often asked by partners of addicts in recovery: “Do I have to wait for the formal amends process before I see real change?” The authors explain that real transformation in recovery should not be postponed until Steps 8 and 9 of the 12-step model. They draw a clear distinction between a simple apology and the deeper process of making amends, emphasizing that true recovery begins with personal accountability, transparency, and a willingness to face difficult truths—not

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39:31

How Can He “Look Past” My Body & Be Aroused by Real...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/04/08

This PBSE episode (275), inspired by a listener’s vulnerable question, dives deep into the emotional complexity of intimacy in long-term relationships—particularly when one partner has struggled with pornography addiction. The woman asks how her husband can look “past” her aging body and be genuinely aroused by real love. Her question reveals the pain of feeling invisible or undesired and touches on the widespread cultural belief that sexual attraction is rigid and solely tied to youth or physical

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37:22

Sex Isn't Mutually Pleasurable in our Relationship....

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/04/01

This PBSE Podcast Episode 274, centers on a partner’s heartfelt account of feeling objectified and emotionally disconnected during sex with her spouse, who is in recovery from porn addiction. Though he has given up porn and masturbation, their intimacy remains one-sided, leaving her feeling like a replacement for his addiction rather than a true partner in connection. Mark and Steve explore how sobriety alone isn’t enough—emotional growth, mindfulness, and a complete rewiring of sexual expectations

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40:47

My Addict Partner Keeps saying “Sorry” & He’s...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/25

In this episode (273) of the PBSE podcast, hosts Mark and Steve respond to a heartfelt message from a betrayed partner whose addict spouse keeps saying he’s “sorry” and that he’s “trying,” yet still fails to meet her emotional needs. The conversation highlights the profound frustration and exhaustion that many partners feel as they repeatedly express their pain and needs, only to be met with minimal awareness or inconsistent effort. The hosts emphasize that while an addict may be sincere in their

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35:25

My Addict Partner has “Backed Off” from His Recovery....

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/18

In Episode 272, Mark & Steve focus in on how porn and sex addiction recovery goes beyond mere sobriety; it requires ongoing emotional growth, accountability, and engagement to rebuild trust in a relationship. Many betrayed partners of addicts feel heightened anxiety when their spouse steps back from recovery efforts, fearing a return to old behaviors or an emotional disconnect. True recovery is not just about avoiding addictive behaviors but about healing the underlying patterns that led to

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32:45

Recovery is My Choice, So I don’t Need Her Help...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/11

In this PBSE Episode 271, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery is not an individual journey—it affects relationships, families, and even future generations. While addicts may believe they can navigate healing alone, true recovery requires transparency, accountability, and a willingness to rebuild trust through consistent actions, not just words. When a partner has been betrayed, expecting them to trust blindly without verification is both unrealistic and dismissive of their pain. Recovery must

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39:41

My Partner FINALLY Admitted to His Porn Addiction,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/04

In Episode 270, Mark & Steve respond to a submission and questions by a betrayed Partner. When a partner admits to a porn or sex addiction but fails to take meaningful steps toward recovery, the betrayed partner is left in a painful cycle of hope and disappointment. While honesty is an essential first step, it is meaningless without action, and waiting for change that never comes can be emotionally exhausting. Many betrayed partners find themselves questioning whether they are expecting too

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35:40

I know my partner is positively changing, BUT how can...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/25

This episode (#269) explores the profound challenges faced by partners who struggle to remain in relationships after uncovering their loved one's history of addiction and betrayal. Drawing from insights shared by Mark and Steve on the PBSE Podcast, it delves into the emotional aftermath of betrayal trauma, including feelings of disgust, mistrust, and identity crises. The episode highlights how such revelations can shatter the foundation of trust, leaving partners questioning their judgment and

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41:12

What Is All This Recovery & Healing Work For? Is It...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/18

This PBSE episode #268, we talk about how recovery is an intensive and transformative journey that goes beyond breaking free from addiction and trauma—it is about rediscovering authenticity, self-worth, and emotional resilience. The process involves patience, self-compassion, and an openness to growth, allowing individuals to step into a life that is vibrant and unshackled from past wounds. Through recovery, people transition from survival mode, where they expend energy on hiding, escaping, or

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41:38

Since getting into Recovery, my Porn/Sex Addicted...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/11

When a porn/sex addict enters recovery, their personality can shift drastically, often surprising their partner. Many addicts who once seemed pleasant, passive, or easygoing suddenly become irritable, defensive, or even aggressive. This shift is largely due to the withdrawal process, in which they must face emotions they have long avoided through addiction. Many addicts began using their addiction as an emotional escape at a young age, leading to stunted emotional development. When they remove their

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36:24

Is My Partner a Sex Addict or Just Getting Back at...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/04

In Episode 266, Mark & Steve respond to a raw and heart-felt submission by a betrayed partner. They explore the complexities of sex addiction and betrayal trauma, addressing whether compulsive sexual behaviors stem from addiction or are simply acts of revenge in a relationship. It highlights the secrecy, justification, and emotional dysfunction that often accompany addiction, emphasizing that acting out is rarely just about sex but more about numbing emotional distress. The unpredictability of

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40:26

As a Porn/Sex Addict, does, “I Want to Get Clean for...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/28

In Episode 265, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery from porn and sex addiction often begins with external motivators, such as wanting to “get clean for her” or save a relationship. These external pressures serve as a crucial starting point, especially when addicts feel incapable of self-driven change. However, while these motivations may bring someone to the recovery process, they alone are insufficient for long-term success. Sustained recovery requires a shift toward internal motivation, where

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43:56

My Porn/Sex Addict Partner Put Me Through Hell! Now...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/21

In episode 264, Mark & Steve discuss how reconciling with a partner who has struggled with porn or sex addiction is a deeply personal and challenging decision that requires a thorough assessment of their recovery progress and the betrayed partner’s own emotional readiness. The trauma of betrayal can leave partners feeling devastated and uncertain about the future, making it crucial to carefully consider whether the addict’s changes are genuine and sustainable. True recovery is not just about

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