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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

42:38

My Mother & Friends Think I'm Naive & Stupid for...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/09/28

(Episode 352) A betrayed partner wrote to us because, although her addict partner has recently become more proactive in recovery, she worries that her mother and friends now see her as weak, naive, or stupid for staying. Her mother previously left an addicted husband and later built a stable relationship, while her friends have traditionally held a strong “if he treats you badly, leave” position. That history creates enormous pressure, but another person’s path doesn't have to become hers

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44:17

He Spent Decades Secretly Lusting—Now He Says Other...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/09/22

(Episode 351) A betrayed partner wrote to us about her husband’s roughly 33-year history of hidden lust addiction and a specific sexual fixation involving women’s bodies that remained secret throughout their 15-year relationship. Since D-Day about five months ago, he has thrown himself into recovery—attending meetings, working with a sponsor and therapist, completing disclosure, doing daily check-ins, eliminating old acting-out outlets, and practicing “custody of the eyes.” Yet what troubles his

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42:26

"I Choose You" Means Nothing If His Eyes and Actions...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/09/16

(Episode 350) For a betrayed partner, few things are more painful than hearing, “I choose you,” while continuing to discover that her partner’s eyes, attention, sexuality, and actions are still being directed toward other women. In this episode, we address the experience of a partner who believed her addict partner was genuinely recovering from pornography and sex addiction. They studied recovery together, discussed scanning and objectification, practiced check-ins, and talked repeatedly about what

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41:08

His Relapses Hurt, but Ongoing Lies and Manipulation...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/09/08

(Episode 349) Relapse in pornography or sex addiction absolutely matters, but it is often not the most fundamental threat to a relationship. The deeper crisis is what happens when relapse is followed by secrecy, lying, minimizing, withholding, or manipulation of the betrayed partner’s reality. Addiction thrives in secrecy and avoidance, which is why genuine recovery must involve much more than simply stopping pornography, masturbation, or other acting-out behaviors. Sobriety without honesty can

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44:18

Is it My Job to Educate My Addict Partner about My...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/08/31

(Episode 348) A betrayed partner who has a history of neglect, abuse, people-pleasing, or self-abandonment may find it especially difficult to identify and defend her own wants, needs, and boundaries after betrayal. She may feel compelled to logically justify every boundary, educate her addict partner about betrayal trauma, remind him to work recovery, and provide affection even when she does not genuinely feel safe or connected. But recovery requires a healthier division of responsibility. While

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43:21

Can my Partner with 2 Decades of Porn Use & Years of...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/08/25

In Episode 347, a betrayed partner who recently ended a three-year relationship asks whether her former partner can genuinely recover after more than two decades of compulsive pornography use, high-risk sexual behaviors, drug-fueled acting out, and extensive secrecy and deception. Her central concern is not merely whether he can stop acting out, but whether someone who has spent years lying, denying, withholding, and creating an alternate sexual reality can ever become trustworthy. We explain that

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39:17

If He Doesn't Think Porn Is Bad, Can He Still Truly...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/08/17

In Episode 346, a betrayed partner wonders whether her husband can genuinely recover from pornography addiction when he admits that lying, hiding, gaslighting, and hurting her are wrong but still insists that pornography itself is not “bad.” While we believe there are very substantial reasons to view pornography as harmful, we also believe that turning recovery into a debate about morality can actually become a distraction. An addict can endlessly argue research, compare himself to others, minimize

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42:33

My Addiction Shattered My Wife; She Wants a Divorce,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/08/11

In episode 345, a couple is facing the enormous aftermath of pornography addiction, sexual betrayal, deception, failed disclosure, and trickle truth. The husband reports that he is now 18 months sober, has become rigorously honest and transparent, participates in therapy and 12-step recovery, and is working to sit with his wife's pain without defensiveness. Yet his wife's trauma remains intense. She has maintained a boundary of no physical contact for approximately 18 months, frequently

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38:04

After his Gaslighting, Betrayal and Integrity Abuse,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/08/03

Episode 344—Long-term betrayal and integrity abuse can severely disrupt a betrayed partner’s ability to trust her own perceptions. After repeatedly sensing that something was wrong, being told she was mistaken, and later discovering that her intuition had been accurate, she may become intensely hypervigilant. When a new concern arises—such as inappropriate boundaries with a coworker—she may feel certain that more occurred while simultaneously questioning whether her nervous system is simply

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41:38

He's Honest About Relapses, But His Spiraling Shame...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/07/31

The partner in this situation (Episode 343) recognizes that her husband’s honesty about two recent relapses represents meaningful progress after years of pornography use, self-gratification, betrayal, and deception. However, the aftermath of those relapses remains deeply damaging. He spirals into shame, discouragement, and self-condemnation, creating a heavy emotional atmosphere in the home and leaving her feeling responsible for stabilizing him while she is also trying to process her own grief and

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37:46

Why Do I Keep Lying to My Partner About the Stupidest...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/07/21

PBSE, Episode 342—Lying in addiction can take many forms, including outright denial, omission, minimization, exaggeration, deflection, gaslighting, and carefully constructed half-truths. Even when the subject of the lie appears trivial, the impact on a betrayed partner can be enormous because each new deception reinforces the message that reality is still being hidden and that she must remain vigilant to discover the truth. Repeated dishonesty is not merely a bad habit; it can become a form of

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38:09

From Shame and Survival to Honesty and Wholeness—Is...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/07/13

A person who has struggled with addiction for many years may begin to believe that he is uniquely broken and incapable of lasting change. Repeated relapses, betrayal, damaged relationships, spiritual conflict, and overwhelming shame can make recovery feel possible for others but not for him. Yet the return of addiction does not necessarily prove hopelessness. It often reveals that recovery has focused too heavily on stopping behaviors without fully addressing the underlying trauma, attachment

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37:46

When His Recovery Journey Is Destroying Her Healing...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/07/06

In this episode (340), we respond to a deeply painful submission from a betrayed partner who is trying to determine whether she can stay in a marriage where her husband’s recovery journey seems to be destroying her own healing journey. She discovered in 2024 that her husband had a long history of pornography addiction, alcoholism, escapism, attempted infidelity, trickle truths, and repeated broken promises. At the same time, she has been carrying an overwhelming personal load: mothering three

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48:15

Sexualized Media, Movies & Other Content—Can They...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/06/29

In this episode (339), we explore whether sexualized media, movies with nudity, provocative social media, and other triggering content can ever be considered “safe” again in true recovery from pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. The question comes from a betrayed partner who wonders why sex addiction is sometimes treated differently from chemical addictions, where sobriety usually means avoiding the substance and the people, places, and cues connected to use. We acknowledge that

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38:45

When Porn Addiction Evolves into AI Fantasy Using the...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/06/23

In this episode (338), we explore a new but increasingly common form of betrayal: porn addiction escalating into AI-generated sexual fantasy, including the use of a partner’s image or likeness as the “character” in altered images, videos, or written sexual scenarios. The betrayed partner who wrote in described a long marriage marked by hidden pornography, years of sexual disconnection, fantasy-based online behavior, and now AI-created sexual content involving her own image. We make it clear that

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42:01

What to Do When an Addict Uses Recovery to Avoid...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/06/15

This episode (#337) addresses the painful experience of a betrayed partner whose husband claims he is “in recovery” after a relapse, but continues to severely lack empathy, respond defensively, withdraw emotionally, and use recovery language as an excuse to avoid caring about her pain. We make it clear that asking about his recovery, needing reassurance, and wanting emotional support are not “games” or unreasonable demands; they are baseline needs in a coupleship damaged by betrayal. When an addict

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41:51

Betrayal Trauma, Childhood Trauma & My Own...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/06/09

This episode (336) explores the painful and complicated reality of a young betrayed partner who is trying to recover from betrayal trauma while also carrying childhood trauma and her own history with porn/sex addiction. We begin by validating the sheer complexity of her situation and making clear that she is not crazy, cursed, or hopelessly broken. When betrayal trauma, early trauma, and addiction collide, each one can intensify the others, making the internal experience feel overwhelming and

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42:07

Healthy Sexuality or Pornified Performance?...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/06/01

In this episode (335), we respond to a courageous submission from a betrayed partner who is navigating early recovery with her partner after multiple discovery days. Both partners have trauma histories, both are in individual therapy, and both are trying to understand what healthy sexual intimacy can look like after porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and past sexual coping patterns. Her questions center on lingerie, fantasies, kinks, dressing up, and whether these elements can ever be part of

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42:36

Am I REALLY Recovering—Or Just Using My Partner...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/05/25

In Episode 334, we respond to a submission from a man in early recovery who discovered, with honesty and concern, that he may be relying on his partner sexually in order to avoid relapse. His partner discovered his porn addiction, he disclosed much of what had happened, and both of them are now trying to work their own recovery. He recognizes that his brain has been deeply affected by addiction, especially when he is in public and finds himself battling objectification and scanning. He also

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44:05

"Why Do Intrusive Mental Images Still Hit Me—Even...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2026/05/18

In this episode (#333), we address a question from a betrayed partner who is about three years into sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing with her partner. Although he has been sober, involved in 12-step recovery, working with a sponsor, and the couple has gone through formal therapeutic disclosure, she still experiences intrusive mental images connected to his past acting out. We explain that these images are not evidence that she is failing in her healing. They are trauma responses

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135 results

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