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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

39:19

My Partner says He Only Has Eyes for Me—but He’s...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/14

In this PBSE episode (#302), Mark & Steve respond to a betrayed partner who faces an all-too-common form of "double-dealing." When a partner says “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” but secretly consumes porn featuring people who look nothing like you—who are NOT you—the contradiction is deeply painful. It undermines trust, triggers feelings of rejection, and cuts to the core of self-worth. This isn’t just about “boys being boys” — it’s a betrayal of the exclusivity and

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45:25

How Does a Porn/Sex Addict Coercing His Partner into...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/07

This episode of the PBSE Podcast (#301) centers on the question, “How does a porn/sex addict coercing his partner into acting out fantasies impact them both?” Mark and Steve begin by acknowledging the devastating reality of such coercion and the way it violates the original commitment of exclusivity and mutual respect that every relationship is meant to hold. They describe how many addicts enter marriage hiding a “secret sexual basement,” carrying unspoken behaviors and fantasies from their

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46:50

When Touch Feels Like Pressure: Breaking Free from...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/30

Episode 300 highlights the raw submission of a betrayed partner struggling with a husband who pressures her sexually despite her clear “not yet.” He gawked, grabbed, and dismissed her boundaries while excusing his behavior as a “high sex drive.” His minimization left her doubting herself, wondering if she was the problem. This dynamic illustrates how gaslighting erodes self-trust and places partners in a painful double bind: desiring genuine intimacy but being bombarded by objectification and

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46:18

Big Gestures, Broken Trust—Living in the Cycle of...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/23

In this episode (#299), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner’s story of exhaustion after five years of broken promises from her addict spouse. Despite his grand gestures—weekly check-ins, new hobbies, and podcast listening—he repeatedly relapses and becomes defensive when confronted. This cycle leaves her hyper-vigilant, carrying the weight of the household, and feeling unseen and dismissed. The hosts emphasize that her pain and misery are valid and reflect the natural toll of betrayal

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35:23

As a Recovering Porn & Sex Addict—What Is Keeping Me...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/16

In this powerful PBSE conversation (Episode 298), we respond to a listener who vulnerably asked whether he is staying in his marriage out of love—or out of fear and obligation. Three and a half months into the space between Discovery Day and full therapeutic disclosure, he wonders if he can truly love his wife, or if he is staying simply because of the kids, his reputation, or fear of being alone. Mark and Steve normalize these questions and share how fear-based thinking dominates the early stages

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38:12

"Everyone Thinks He’s Great . . . But They Don’t...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/09

In Episode 297, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a porn/sex addict in active recovery. He describes an ongoing situation that is very difficult for his betrayed partner and shows a great deal of genuine concern for her. Here's the issue—compliments by friends, family and others, aimed at an addict in recovery, can create painful triggers for betrayed partners, who know both the admirable qualities others see and the secret story of betrayal they carry. For partners,

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41:14

When Loving Him Means Losing Me—Do I Stay or Go?!

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/02

When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also highlighting how charm without change is manipulation and emotional abuse.We examine the addict’s cycle of

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47:55

My Partner uses Porn to Punish Me for Not Losing...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/26

This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true love cannot coexist with manipulation, blame, and objectification.On the husband’s side, recovery requires

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40:05

Healing for Betrayed Partners with a Sexually Abusive...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/19

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: The Impact of a Sexually Abusive Childhood on a Betrayed Partner (Part 1)Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

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36:02

The Impact of a Sexually Abusive Childhood on a...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/15

In Episode 293, Mark ands Steve address how childhood sexual abuse is a form of complex trauma that imprints deeply on a survivor’s understanding of love, trust, and sexuality. It often distorts sexual norms, blurs boundaries between consent and compliance, and creates lasting confusion around intimacy. Survivors may develop insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—and struggle with either extreme sexual avoidance or sexualized attempts to gain connection and worth. These

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37:55

I Keep Finding Myself Hurt In Relationships with...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/05

This episode (#292) explores the repeated heartbreak many betrayed partners experience when they unknowingly enter relationships with porn or sex addicts, offering both empathy and practical strategies for breaking the cycle. It begins by affirming that betrayal is never the betrayed partner’s fault, highlighting how addicts often hide their behaviors through manipulation, secrecy, and even self-denial. The emotional devastation of discovering such betrayal—especially after believing a partner

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40:26

Advice for Young Adults Balancing Mental Health,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/07/29

In response to a powerful message from an 18-year-old listener, Mark and Steve devote this episode to young adults balancing school, mental health, and porn addiction. They applaud the listener’s maturity and self-awareness and use his story as a springboard to discuss the foundational concepts of being “accountable” and “responsible.” They emphasize that healing begins with personal ownership and the ability to respond intentionally to life’s challenges, even in the face of ADHD, depression, or

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42:22

Can I Have a Healthy Relationship with my Addict...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/07/21

Episode 290 of the PBSE Podcast explores a powerful question submitted by a betrayed partner whose addict husband is in active recovery but refuses to discuss his past. The discussion centers on what real intimacy requires—emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the willingness to be known. While many addicts hold back due to fear, shame, or cultural conditioning, we unpack how these barriers undermine authentic connection in relationships. Intimacy is described as a process of “emotional

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37:29

My Betrayed Partner regularly Screams & Lashes Out ....

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/07/14

This episode tackles the heartfelt question of a recovering porn addict whose wife frequently screams, lashes out, and accuses him of lying—despite his efforts at sobriety and support. We emphasize that these outbursts often stem from deep, layered trauma, especially when relapse reopens old wounds. Recovery is not just about avoiding porn; it's about understanding and owning the devastating emotional impact the betrayal has had, and proactively working to create safety and restore trust.We

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38:13

My Porn/Sex Addicted Partner tells me I just need to...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/07/07

In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery, tells her that she’s overreacting and simply needs to “get over it.” We unpack the damaging impact of

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33:26

My Addict Partner Keeps going Through Cycles of...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/07/01

PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep trauma. In her desperation for reassurance, she finds herself compulsively seeking emotional details,

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40:08

I'm Staying Away from Porn, But I Want to FEEL...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/06/20

PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view that acknowledges sexuality as a core part of being human, emphasizing that true recovery doesn't

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38:44

Performance Anxiety” is Creating a WALL Between Me &...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/06/16

In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially when performance was once their only perceived value in the relationship. For betrayed partners, these

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39:33

My Addict Partner is Now Identifying as “Polyamorous”...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/06/09

In Episode 284 of the PBSE podcast, we dive into the harrowing story of a woman navigating her husband’s sudden shift from sex addiction recovery to identifying as polyamorous. After years of pain, betrayal, and dedicated recovery work, she’s now facing a radical alteration in the foundation of their relationship. Her husband demands acceptance of his new identity, while she grapples with whether this is a genuine expression of self or a veiled escape from the demands of sobriety and

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35:34

What if my Addict Partner and I Disagree About...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/06/02

This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like shame, pride, and a desire for autonomy, which can lead to avoidance and reactive recovery rather than p...

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