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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

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All Episodes

00:01:30

Men Are Back

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/06/11

When you need a tire changed or a refrigerator moved to the second floor, who do you call? You call a man! Men are back, and are finally done with putting their hair up in mouse ears and going with you to the mall. Don’t be asking men to tell you which sheets they think are the softest. They have no idea – none - and anything they say is just to make you feel better. Men are no longer impressed by things like Kamala's bunions, so quit asking. And if a man brings a bag of Pork Rinds to your

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00:01:29

Brooklyn Bridge

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/06/06

The Mexican Navy is looking for a new navigator after somebody over there tried to drive their one hundred fifty-foot-tall boat underneath the one hundred thirty-foot tall Brooklyn Bridge. Not a good look! Pealed the top right off right in front of where congressman lady Sandy Cortez stays, and supposedly gets her laundry done. Hear what came next with Otis. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:30

Inside Out

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/06/02

You know that trick where you turn your socks inside out to get another couple of days out of them? Well, that’s what the donkey party bosses have in mind for Kamala. Just turn the lady in the pant suit inside out for another go at the controls, and do it fast before Sandy Cortez de Putanasa gets it all. But what's the difference? Aren’t you tired of complaining yet? I know I am. Imagine how much more we could get done around here if everybody put down the dopey little signs and walking around

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00:01:30

What Men Want

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/05/30

What Do Men Really Want, aside from the usual stuff like getting to wipe your nose on your sleeve or maybe a good stool softener. Men are simple organisms who still think they can play Wipe Out on the steering wheel. But know other stuff too like what a woman is. Hell, men are experts in that. They know today’s modern girl isn’t looking for any fluff. Fang Fang isn’t up all-night waiting for that box of Christmas pajamas with the bunny feet and tail. It comes down to one thing: “What would Roy

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00:01:30

Mud Pies in Space

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/05/16

If you've been getting your powdered Margarita mix from China, I think I'd be making other arrangements. Orange man has changed all this so we don’t forget how to make our own essential fixins. We shouldn't have to rely on China for medicine, memory foam and dead flashlights. “But, Oh Uncle Otis, everything’s gone global now!” Well not everything – mudpies is still a local thing - good clean fun that comes right out of the back yard for free. Mud pies exist for one reason: to give you something

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00:01:29

Steaks in Cages

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/05/12

If you’re even thinking about stuffing a T-bone down your shorts at the Walmart think again. Due to shrinkage (used to be called stealing but that was too real) they’re now keeping the steaks in little wire cages to keep your grubby mitts from stuffing Mr. Roast down your pants and heading for the parking lot. If you’re keeping score, this all started with locking up the deodorant and toothpaste - now it’s on to the Veal of Fortune. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Dented Can

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/05/02

It all makes sense when you think of Kamala as the dented can on the store shelf. Poor little dented can, it’s sad that nobody wants it anymore being all smushed and caved in. Pushed aside for the shiny new can, the one with the fresh AOC label, except that one’s about to be banned for all the fake coloring in it. Of course, there is one color you don’t have to worry about. Right, it’s Orange! Nothing phony - Orange is different, and it won’t make you sick. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Tanks Alot Kamala

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/05/01

Kamala is about to open the doors to her new Think Tank! “We’ll think about anything for a price,” giggled Kamala. It’s like the self-licking ice cream cone of bad ideas, but there it is anyway. Tanks Alot Kamala is mostly particle board and sounds like a cry for help that no one hears. It even has its own flush handle built right into the tank for when things get messy. Let’s check the ingredients: “May contain bull-corn. Has no wow factor. Could cause white winter itch." So what can you

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00:01:29

OTIS OPENS YOUR MAIL

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/04/21

Otis gets a lot of prison mail. But when the weather’s nice, he likes to walk around the neighborhood to see what everybody else got in the mail. You can learn a lot about your neighbors by going through their mail. Take this nice lady for example. Dear Ms. Jones, Oh look, it’s from the free clinic. It was fun seeing you again this week - red and irritated - well that’s not going to clear up. Oh here’s a birthday card from somebody named Boom Boom Willie. Probably met down at the community pool

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00:01:29

Class Clown

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/04/17

Congressman-lady Jasmine Crockett really likes being the only botanical in government. But don’t be fooled by all the flowery words. Jasmine knows nothing pays off faster than class clown when you need to get noticed, before that AOC gets it all. Remember the circus business is nothing new for Jasmine! Throw in a pair of hoop earrings and a couple of media stink bombs and you’ll get ‘em talking. Then just sit back and let the cameras do all the work. This shake down isn’t going to stop anytime

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00:01:29

Crawfish Are Not Fish

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/04/16

Everybody knows, crawfish are not fish. Never have been. Try putting crawfish in the microwave and you’ll see what I mean. The stuff in there runs out all over the place, gets all over the floor and everything. Meat doesn’t do that. You can do better. Look, a million flies can’t be wrong. Even Greenland doesn’t allow crawfish, wonder why? Ask the medical examiner. They know crawfish are like sticker burs. You’re not dealing with a bag of frozen peas here. Crawfish are pre-historic, and

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00:01:29

Being Chuck Schumer

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/04/15

The only thing more dangerous than being Chuck Schumer right now is being Chuck Schumer driving a red Tesla. That would be a bowel-curdling trigger event over at Camp TransAntifa, the Nottingham Forrest of the pumps and pearls fellas with an itch for firebombing. I know it’s getting harder to score this stuff. But Orange man doesn’t care. He’s sending Tesla firebombers to the pen for 20 big ones. But don’t write him off yet, Chuck is like cat pee. You’ll never get the smell out. Hear Podcast ~

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00:01:29

Incinerated Persons

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/03/07

Don’t be looking for a Mother’s Day card in Wisconsin. “Mother’s Day cards don’t say mother anymore,” said Governor Shagnasty. In Wisconsin, Mother has been changed to “Incinerated Persons” – wait, is that right? By the way, now that Orange man has declared English the official language of America, when someone tells you “no worries” – you can just say, “hey speak English!” Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Over Easy

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/27

The barnyard is buzzing this week over the high cost of eggs. Somebody gave the chickens the flu, probably caught it at the gym like everybody else. But what you really need to worry about is egg smuggling. There coming across the border from everywhere, Smuggling eggs can get messy. Stuffing a dozen or so down your shorts to cross “over easy” in El Paso works fine, until you sit down. Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:28

Throw Me a Line

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/24

USA sent fifty million dollars in condoms to Gaza. Found out later they decided to make condom bombs instead with all their free rubbers. Come on now, this is too easy. Let’s say you’re the runt of the litter and someone gives you fifty million dollars’ worth of free rubbers. You could go find a nice girl to share a bag of pork rinds with, or, make a condom bomb to blow up the One Hour Martinizing store up the street. I know what I would do – and I’m not thinking dry cleaning. D'Otis explains

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00:01:29

Orange Sunrise

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/13

ORANGE SUNRISE Thanks to the new Orange sunrise over Washington, a system-wide peristalsis has begun, moving the waste and waste by-products from the gut of government. In its place, luxury, prosperity and of course endless boogie! Can you dig it. But as always, Donkey Darkness is on the rise working to stop common sense before it breaks out. Better to maintain the rot for the next wave of pajama-wielding protesters daydreaming of the day they’ll get to throw their deadly avocado toast at

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00:01:29

Trump Dance

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/04

TRUMP DANCE It’s a dance. It’s a movement. No wait, it’s the Trump Shuffle, and all the kids are doing it. How low can you go? Just put your bottom on a swivel and leave your pronouns at the door! The Trump Shuffle is ground zero in the land of a thousand dances. But you won’t see it on The View. Oh hell no. They’re still worried it’ll give you the Monkey Pox or something – you filthy pig! Look, it’s OK to celebrate, but you better hurry. The Trump Dance is a limited time offer. The

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00:01:29

Honor Snacks

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/02

The Honor Snacks man finally went back around to check on his snack box after the Biden White House cleared out. Naturally it came in light, again. The little bedwetters had their grubby little mitts on the Captains Wafers but never left the fifty cents in the slot. So much for Donkey people and the Honor Snacks idea. One of them even stuck a note down the slot about how oppressed people shouldn’t have to pay and everyone else should be ashamed for asking. You can learn a lot from a box of

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00:01:29

Biden Library Tour part 1

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/22

In our special preview of the new Biden Library, we'll discover what you'll see once you’ve passed through the giant 2-story bottle of hand sanitizer built right into the entrance to this historic and bothered place. Yes. the Biden Library is a living monument to the big cheese! Visitors will see his actual beach chair, permanently indented with the presidential butt cheeks, where Joey spent 40% of his time as president. That’s right next to the Statue of Lethargy where you get a close up look at

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00:01:29

Greenland

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/17

GreenlandOrange Man says it's time for us to go ahead and take Greenland’s stuff. That’s right. Everything they’ve got is about to be ours! This is so simple. Why didn’t anybody think of taking Greenland’s stuff before? Whatever it is – just fork it over! Look, we’ll pay ‘em back, for their stuff, and here's a great way we can start: Let's put The Biden Library right there in Greenland! It needs a home anyway and nobody else is asking. Just imagine the tourist business. Everybody will

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