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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

53:57

Betrayal Brain with Debbie McRae

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/04/17

Debbie McRae and Tami tackle ‘betrayal brain’, the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner’s control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked. TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped. [4:50] Warning signs of betrayal brain. [5:46] Four areas of the brain are affected by betrayal. [10:45]

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59:59

Supporting Your Partner Through Their Recovery Is Not...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/04/10

Dr. Rob and Tami tackle hard questions about sex and intimacy in the wake of betrayal. They cover the role of a spouse in supporting their partner ‘for better and for worse”, how to set boundaries that take care of you first, and addressing the trauma and intrusive thoughts that often come after disclosure. TAKEAWAYS: [:20] Where do personal responsibility and societal norms come into play? [7:27] A spouse’s job is to take care of themselves. [12:30] How can I deal with my trauma and intrusive

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56:24

Honor Your Boundaries So You Aren’t Betraying Yourself

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/04/03

Therapist Erin Snow shares insights into addiction, betrayal, boundaries and healing. She underscores the impact of addiction in the workplace, the importance of setting boundaries after betrayal, the realities of weaponizing sex in a partnership, and why betrayed partners often pursue safety seeking behaviors during healing. TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] How addiction manifests in the workplace. [5:17] My husband is SA genetic – is nature or nurture going to win out? [9:45] The intimacy disorder

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59:46

When the Betraying Partner is in Recovery Limbo with...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/03/27

Therapist Debbie McRae discusses options for the betrayed partner when the betraying partner is stalling or not fully in recovery. She offers tactics for partners who are stuck in the cycle of fear and uncertainty and are ready to regain control in healthy ways while seeking safety after betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] Common recovery limbo scenarios and what each one means. [4:33] Recovery limbo happens when the betraying partner won’t take responsibility for their behavior. [7:25] Seven signs

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53:27

Should I Stay or Leave?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/03/20

Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the importance of combining sex and drug addictions in treatment and recovery, the danger of staying stuck in the rage phase, and who you have control over in healing and recovery (it’s you and only you!). TAKEAWAYS: [:55] Does ‘vanilla’ porn really affect our relationship? I don’t believe it’s hurting my partner. [5:53] What are the major differences between sex addiction treatment/recovery and drug addiction treatment/recovery? [12:25]

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55:10

How Can I Rebuild Trust?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/03/13

Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the challenges of rebuilding trust in a betrayed relationship and the importance of focusing on what you can do as a betrayed partner instead of focusing on what your addict partner can’t or shouldn’t do. TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] My reluctant, betrayed spouse has been gone for a year. How can I approach them about my behavior? [6:43] I feel like I’m seeing the world through a different lens in recovery. Is this typical? [10:33] How can I better

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57:24

Defining and Meeting Needs and Wants

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/03/06

This week’s conversation features The Shoeless Therapist Matt Wheeler. He answers questions about needs and wants, the role of sex in meeting relationship needs, and what partners can do to feel more securely attached to each other. TAKEAWAYS: [1:24] Is disclosure always necessary? [3:43] People in recovery often aren’t aware of what their needs truly are. [6:42] What happens when we neglect our own needs in favor of others? [9:36] Babies understand that making demands develops love. [11:05]

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01:02:41

Recovery On the Spectrum

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/02/27

In this week’s Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss answers participant questions about spectrum disorders, personality disorders, honest therapeutic disclosure, and the importance of involving qualified professionals in diagnosis and recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:08] What are the key differences between the compulsion of a sex addict and OCD? [6:08] The danger of self-diagnosing personality and mood disorders. [11:51] Is the treatment the same for hypersexuality and sex addiction? [16:50] How can my

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47:53

Attachment Theory and Addiction Recovery

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/02/20

In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships. TAKEAWAYS: [:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery. [1:58] The history and research of attachment theory. [7:02] Emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity

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49:25

Dopamine Dysregulation in Sex/Porn Addiction

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/02/13

In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of sex and pornography, and how these addictions create dysregulation in the dopamine rewards system. Scott and Tami also answer participant questions about the difference between habits and addictions and timelines in recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] The dopamine system craves rewards and pleasure. [3:41] The danger of manipulating the dopamine system with addictions. [6:13] Sexual fantasy delivers a high that is much cheaper than drugs,

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39:48

Building a Better Higher Power Relationship with Mark...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/02/06

Mark Anthony Lord joins Tami to discuss the value of building a better Higher Power relationship, and why that can be a key to lasting recovery. He shares his personal addiction recovery experience, the joy he feels from being alive today, and how he was led to create the 12-Step Church. TAKEAWAYS: [1:32] Sex and drugs recovery was the impetus for Mark’s spiritual path. [4:47] Learning how to forgive is a critical component of effective healing. [6:45] Church can be a place of gathering,

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01:01:19

Handling Triggers and Fetishes with Erin Snow

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/01/30

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person’s sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner. TAKEAWAYS: [:56] My husband’s fantasy about my sister underlines his addiction to non-consenting victims. [4:00] All

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57:25

Why is Porn So Addictive?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/01/23

In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of pornography, and why it's such a hard "drug" to quit. Scott and Tami then answer participant questions about porn addiction and recovery support for both the addict and the partner. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Porn, written porn, and ‘not porn’ – all from a porn addict’s perspective. [2:47] What makes so appealing porn to addicts? [4:20] The two elements of pornography that make it highly addictive. [12:45] What is happening inside your

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57:34

Navigating the Pain Field

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/01/16

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami discuss and answer questions about building confidence in recovery. They describe the coping strategies and layers of hurt that can be found on the pain field, and the four things that have to happen in order for a partner to successfully stay on the pain field in order to work toward recovery and healing. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on February 21, 2024. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] The pain field is a place where both partners are speaking a

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57:11

Identifying and Stopping the Gaslighting with Debbie...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2025/01/09

Debbie McRae takes on a word that she hears daily in her practice – gaslighting. Why do sex and porn addicts gaslight, and what can their partners do about it? This webinar covers what exactly gaslighting is, what purpose it serves, what it might sound like, and what you can do about it. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Gaslighting is a term that Debbie McRae hears every single day in her practice. [1:21] Simple and clinical definitions of gaslighting and common dialogue used in gaslighting. [5:13]

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58:16

How Can I Prevent Relapse?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2024/12/26

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss some of the most common questions about relapse, including triggers, timing, and mental health considerations. They also address questions about fairness in affairs, the role of grief in recovery and healing, and when it’s time to stop worrying about your partner and start loving yourself. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My partner started dating after our divorce, and now we are back together. Was she cheating? [8:15] Resources for couples who don’t know how to move beyond the pain.

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52:32

Triggers for Addicts and Partners

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2024/12/19

Every recovering addict has to face their triggers at some point. Triggers that are handled in a healthy way don’t result in regrettable behaviors, while unmanaged triggers can lead to additional pain and loss of trust. Seeking Integrity’s Scott Brassart joins Tami for a conversation about the nature of triggers and the options that addicts have when dealing with them. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on December 20, 2023. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] What are triggers? What happens

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59:28

Setting Internal Boundaries

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2024/12/12

Boundaries can be one of the hardest areas in recovery for both the addict and their partner. Addicts and their partners only have one thing in their control during recovery – themselves. Setting up both internal and external boundaries is key to a successful recovery journey. In this online webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses internal boundaries. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] Common boundary mistakes that are setting recovering couples up to fail. [2:10] What safety boundaries are (and aren’t).

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01:01:53

Am I Really Ready to Forgive?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2024/12/05

Forgiveness is a long and winding process. Like grief, it takes many forms and cannot be rushed or demanded. Betrayed partners can choose to offer forgiveness on their own timelines. Dr. Rob and Tami explore the steps of forgiveness, the timeline of returning intimacy, and what it takes for an addict to truly hit rock bottom and start to make real change. TAKEAWAYS: [:28] What is a good indicator that a betrayed spouse is ready to start working on forgiveness? [6:06] What is your motivation

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46:38

How and Why to Apologize with Jon Taylor

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2024/11/27

An apology is a starting point, a basic human relationship skill, and an essential component of healing. In this twice-monthly Rocking Relationships in Recovery webinar, host Jon Taylor, Utah Therapist (CSAT), discusses how and why to effectively apologize. TAKEAWAYS: [3:08] Executed well, an apology can be a powerful change for a person issuing the apology. [4:06] John shares the first big fight he and his spouse had in their marriage. [6:41] Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the first step, then asking

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