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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that’s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:44

#294 - The Shit We Do When We're Drunk

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/11/18

Make bad decisions. End of story. Well, there’s more actually. See, we all know that It’s difficult to think clearly when gazing through the glowing lens of beer goggles. Because when everything in your periphery is enhanced by fuzzy Glamour Shot lighting, the miscalculation alarm can be severely compromised when your weaker senses are enticed. Suddenly, casting caution to the wind makes perfect sense, and you are down because you’ve just unlocked the jailed trap star who runs the city. That

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02:43

#293 - Getting Socks as a Gift

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/11/11

There’s not a damn thing wrong with socks. Hell, life without them just wouldn’t be as cozy. In fact, I can’t say that there’s a more soothing sensation than pulling up a brand spankin’ new pair of cotton fluffiness over the feet. It’s a reward for those soldiers, a way of thanking them for taking a pounding and being the trusted vehicles that get you from point P to point Q. Did you know that your feet are among the heaviest producers of sweat in the body, and socks are there to soak all that up

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02:56

#292 - Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/11/04

Everyone loves being told they are wonderful. That simple sound of adulation flowing off another person’s tongue can have the most pleasing chemical rush on the brain, pushing the dopamine swiftly to the receptors, instantly unlocking any tension while lifting the corners of the mouth towards the stars, loosening the jaw, and warming the refrigerated heart. Even the prickliest of Ebeneezers loves to hear how wonderful he is, though you know he’s likely to shrug off the compliment as a waste of air

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02:37

#291 - Let's Taco Bout It

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/10/28

Who doesn’t love tacos? I mean, this juggernaut of Mexican culture easily rivals the hamburger when competing for most delectable item in the food pyramid. And whether you like your fillings grilled, deep fried, or sauteed, there is only herding the ingredients into a tortilla and wrapping that baby up to convert your hand into a flavor shovel of extreme awesomeness! Think about it. Tuesday would be Bluesday if not for the amazing taco. And not just because the two are alphabetically compatible,

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02:50

#290 - Wookies

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/10/14

The brain needs oxygen so the body yawns. And upon rising from the pillow one overcast morn, there was a gurgled effect and a peculiar pitch out of the mouth that seeded my core with suspicion. Oddly, it resembled an anxious Chewbacca sending a ‘let’s get the fuck outta here’ to his not so trusted friend Han Solo who invariably induces motion sickness from the erratic movement of dodging asteroids to the smell of burnt Wookie dingleberries from laser beam near misses. I panicked. Had some strange

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02:52

#289 - Problem Solving is Easy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/10/08

I’ve got a secret for anyone paying attention. So long as you’re alive, you’re always going to be dealing with complications on some level. Yes, sometimes more than others, but there is no avoiding the hard cold fact that there will never be a day when you don’t have to generate a solution of some sort. It’s true. You’ll never be challenge free at any point in your life. And as you resolve things, there will inevitably be fresh obstacles to overcome. That’s actually not a secret at all. Finding

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02:44

#288 - Father Time Is Undefeated

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/09/30

No matter how well you take care of your body, gravity will eventually pull you back to earth to be reclaimed by the soil. And although very smart people on this planet have developed stunning scientific methods to prolong the everlasting blink, when your train is whistling into the station, you’ll need to politely disembark to clear space for new passengers. This is the end of the line--no pill, no surgery--no more birthdays. But you can’t be mad. Being atop the food chain doesn’t mean you live

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02:59

#287 - Boogers Are Influential

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/09/23

The finger reaches into the hole. And why not? Although this appendage often sits idle, like an old motor, it is a tool best maintained with regular use. And as the subconscious wanders into aimless thought while tediously inching through rush hour traffic, the instinct directs the fingernail toward an accessible area of the anatomy in need of grooming. Sure, this exercise serves some low-level maintenance to the nostril, but at the same time there is an element of achievement in withdrawing that

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02:46

#286 - Urine Love

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/09/16

Discussing urine sounds disgusting. Afterall, what we’re referring to is liquid waste that is excreted from your body. And it’s generally yellow. If you’ve taken your vitamins, that is. But when you really break it down, it’s just water that regulated your system so that it functions optimally. And the facts are that urine is about 95 percent clean. So clean that some people drink it. And are proud of it. Let’s not get into why, but the question must be asked--what is this fascination with

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02:55

#285 - Exercise the Demons

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/09/09

I’m going to be the voice of reason right now by telling you that you gotta get your cardio in. That’s just how it is. You see, the reason we have bodies at all is because gravity pulls matter toward the earth and your muscles have developed into what they are today because of that resistance which forces you to battle against that incessant tug. Honor your space suit. You are consciousness in this rare form for an allotted time and then it’s over. On to another manifestation of energy. So, get it

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02:42

#284 - Cursing is Liberating

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/09/02

When venom is coursing through your embroiled veins, it feels good to let out an exultant fuck. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find any single word in the English language so versatile. Call us unrefined, but when you have such an effective expression that is so interchangeable simply by the tone and cadence with which it is spit, why reach into that bag of expletives for anything else? With fuck as the signature example, swear words can be some of the most impactful of all expressions—the

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03:17

#283 - The Purse Purse

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/08/26

Ladies, you’ve got it all figured out. All Hell could be breaking loose, but so long as you’re armed with that imperative satchel that keeps your vitals accessible, you’ll always be ready for the world. This is your most necessary accessory, accentuating the confidence that proves you’re an irreplaceable bad ass. And one purse is not enough. Only one cannot ensure your command of any room’s attention. Because with reasons and seasons in constant flux, your ability to adjust to any given outing is

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02:44

#282 - Father Time is Undefeated

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/08/19

No matter how well you take care of your body, gravity will eventually pull you back to earth to be reclaimed by the soil. And although very smart people on this planet have developed stunning scientific methods to prolong the everlasting blink, when your train is whistling into the station, you’ll need to politely disembark to clear space for new passengers. This is the end of the line--no pill, no surgery--no more birthdays. But you can’t be mad. Being atop the food chain doesn’t mean you live

en

03:22

#281 - I Share That Sediment

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/08/12

We all know the 10-second rule. When you drop a piece of food, if you pick it up within ten seconds you have beaten the decomposition clock, essentially rescuing the item from the armies of crazed little germs that lie in waiting for food fumbles. In your mind’s eye, these microscopic creatures are blood thirsty vampires, lurching, smothering it with toxic juices and dripping fangs, rendering your Funyun a potential risk to your body’s wellness. Your taste buds, however, may not excuse your

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03:07

#280 - The Drunchies

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/08/05

Remember that movie where the guy is dying of thirst in the desert, and he keeps thinking that he sees water up ahead, but it’s only a mirage? Well, that is what your brain is doing when it tells you that if you drink more alcohol, you’ll feel better. And be more amazing. And be a more amazing singer. You know how it works; the progression casually begins on Friday happy hour with a beer and a shot just to take the edge off, a reward for the tempest of horseshit you weathered all week. Then things

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02:41

#279 - The Tao of Pho

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/07/29

Back before the millennium, there was a Tao of everything. There was a book called The Tao Of Pooh, and even a movie called The Tao Of Steve. Never had the West been so interested in Eastern culture as America fused the secrets of the Orient with other crazes of the modern era. Suddenly, trends like Kung Fu and Kawasaki were riding shotgun with Mullets and the Macarena. Many faded, and others have stayed. No need to explain which. But somewhere along the silk road to culinary exploration, we really

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03:13

#278 - Leaving Las Vegas

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/07/22

Leaving Las Vegas is like coming down off cocaine. It sucks. Well, probably because you are coming down off cocaine. Because there’s nothing fun about returning to your mild-mannered desk job after getting a taste of what it’s like to be a rock star. In fact, no one ever said, “Thank God that’s over, now I get to go back to my accounting firm.” Ok, maybe someone did say that. Like, an accountant who unexpectedly got fast tracked into a frenzied post-Spearmint Rhino bacchanal. And it scared him

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02:47

#277 - What a Title!

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/07/15

Alexander the Great, what a fucking name! But how much do you actually know about him? Sure, he was a successful conqueror and all, but how successful do you have to be in your lifetime, or how many asses do you have to whoop, to deserve the title “the Great”? I mean, a guy can call himself that all day long, but for other people to do it and do it for a couple thousand years and counting, he has got to be one hugantinormous gangsterlicious Championshipism. And I say “guy” because women aren’t

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03:00

#276 - Your GPS Lied To You

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/07/08

The tragic miscalculation of digital driving directions can be the cause of great stress. Because when you’re lost, everything appears foreign. Your surroundings are unfamiliar, you find yourself flustered and exposed. This is a dark and confusing place where suddenly every turn, every sidewalk, and every streetlight look identical. Your sense of security vanishes, leaving you vulnerable and frightened, the anxiety heightened. You feel betrayed by the soothing, relatable personality inside of your

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02:40

#275 - Dropped Calls Are Life-Changing

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/07/01

“I can hear you; can you hear me?” This is the sound of modern frustration. “Hello? I’m here, are you there?” Dumb question, right? I mean, yes, they are obviously still there, having not spontaneously combusted into a pile of ash or vaporized into a pool of bong water. You’re both very much in the same place you were when the cell phone went silent. Your body remains in its physical form wherever that was before the call blipped out, stranding you in the void of disconnect. But suddenly you have

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313 results

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