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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that’s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:56

#314 - The Word Perfect

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/04/21

Have you ever heard the phrase for lack of a better word? It means that you’re searching your vocabulary to find the most applicable language that best represents what you’re trying to convey. Sometimes you don’t have the exact word, but by using this phrase, you make it known that your intention is to communicate your thoughts effectively. And it’s totally cool. Because it is understood by the person with whom you’re interacting that although you don’t currently have the best articulation, you are

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03:01

#313 - Your GPS Lied to You

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/04/14

The tragic miscalculation of digital driving directions can be the cause of great stress. Because when you’re lost, everything appears foreign. Your surroundings are unfamiliar, you find yourself flustered and exposed. This is a dark and confusing place where suddenly every turn, every sidewalk, and every streetlight look identical. Your sense of security vanishes, leaving you vulnerable and frightened, the anxiety heightened. You feel betrayed by the soothing, relatable personality inside of your

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02:41

#312 - Dogtism

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/03/31

Autism is not funny. If you’re poking at a human being, that is. But if it’s an animal (or an insect, or a fish, etc.), you have the license to say whatever you want because the concept seems ridiculous. It’s not an official veterinary diagnosis. Cannabis experiences the same plight, in that, if there’s little scientific data to back up your claims of medical efficacy, they are generally shrugged off as unsubstantiated. So, no one can accuse me of making fun of something that’s not a matter of

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02:46

#311 - The Triumphant Return of the Mustache

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/03/24

Since the first Caribbean pirate washed down his minnow stew with peppercorn spiced rum, the mouth mane has stood as a solid sign of masculinity. However, as hair trends wane and wax, the last thirty years or so have not been friendly to the man stache. Like, if you donned a thick one and a person caught a glimpse in their periphery, they might do a double take, curiously considering if they’d just witnessed a caterpillar nesting under a stranger’s nose. But the moustache is cool again. Now, this

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03:11

#310 - I Miss Guitar Hero

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/03/17

Let’s face reality. The world is a much less rocking place now that a landfill somewhere is stacked with obsolete Guitar controllers. It’s kind of sad that gone are the days when all you had to do was turn on the television, throw a strap around the neck, and instantaneously morph into an imaginary rock god. With a backflip of the head, an involuntary scrunch of the face, and one long, high-pitched lick on the plastic fretboard, there was no denying that you were meant to headline MSG. That’s

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02:51

#309 - Grease is the Word

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/03/10

Have you ever heard a dude say that he would still bed Mary Anne from Gilligan’s Island, even if she’s currently 110 years old? Well, the same goes for Sandy in Grease. In fact, if those rambunctious teenaged gearheads hadn’t soiled her white blouse, she might have remained a virgin. In my mind, she always will be. Youth is eternal in film. Because while Kenickie’s Roman hands and Russian fingers were exploring the back seat of the 1939 Packard with Rizzo, Danny was tuning up Greased Lightnin’

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02:43

#308 - My WiFi Divorced Me

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/03/03

The union of marriage is a sanctimonious institution that has effectively been the glue that has bound our species for millennia. Without that legal commitment, which has basically stood as a contract between two people to agree to love each other til death do them part, we’d be an eight-billion-person planet full of nothing but singles ready to mingle. That’s a scary thought. And we all know that uninterrupted love to the very end is fairly unrealistic, but that’s why you’ve gotta lock that

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02:55

#307 - Black Licorice is Vile

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/02/24

I think it is the devil’s candy. Call me broken, but when the thought of black licorice enters my thoughts, I immediately picture the odd fuck from Lemony Snickets hiding a sinister grin behind his outreached hand that is gripping black licorice like it’s a bouquet of dying flowers. Or that miserable pedophile in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang who goes Richter when out sniffing for children. Is there one single redeeming quality about black licorice other than the fact that it is candy? At least that’s

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02:44

#306 - Two to Tango

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/02/17

We’ve all heard that it takes two to tango. But have you ever known anyone who ever tried tangoing? No, you haven’t. Is tangoing even a word? Everyone has tried to Limbo, but even though these two world renowned dances sound like they could be kissing cousins, their originations came from opposite sides of the world and have very little in common. In fact, tangoing appears to be a hell of a lot more difficult. Not that I’ve ever attempted it. Nor has anyone you and I know. To limbo, it’s all

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02:47

#305 - Traffic Magic

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/02/10

The moment your automobile doors are shut with the driveshaft engaged; the contest is underway. Regardless of who is behind the wheel of other vehicles competing for space on the road, your primary objective is to circumvent them to save precious minutes enroute to your destination. And although the unidentified drivers against whom you jockey for position are often good people in your own neighborhood, they have now become faceless adversaries crowding the track. Like the butts of cigarettes,

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02:47

#304 - Marry The Ketchup

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/02/03

Anyone who’s ever worked in a restaurant knows that when you have two half-empty bottles of the world’s most popular condiment, you pour one into the other to make one of them appear fresh and new while the other gets tossed. It’s called marrying the ketchup. That’s a figurative term. But what if we made it literal? Because let’s face it, there are a lot of people on this planet who are unhappily married. And if they could run off with a bottle of ketchup to a tropical island for a glorious

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02:48

#303 - Dragon Ass

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/01/27

Dragon ass should not be confused with dragging ass. Dragging ass is something we all do when our energy is low, especially in the moments upon waking before the requisite black brewed stimulant sparks the body’s motor that consumes fuel and burps exhaust. We all know that feeling of lethargy. For so many of us, the first thirty minutes of the day is like boot camp. And if you happen to find yourself in a bizarre situation where that previously mentioned human gasoline called coffee is not

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02:31

#302 -The Happiest Place on Earth

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/01/13

If you missed going to Disneyland as a kid, there’s a part of you that feels like you got Jipped. Maybe your parents provided a solid upbringing, but if you never felt those nervous butterflies before crossing the threshold into the imaginarium where animation blends with real life, you may be more likely to compensate with unhealthy methods of coping in adulthood. Cannabis is no exception. There just is no more imperative bucket list item for a youth. I mean, even if your only highlight was

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02:55

#301 - Worrying About the Wrong Shit

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2025/01/06

If you think about it, much of your precious time is spent future tripping over things that have never happened, or most likely will never happen. Because in your mind, living with concern is a necessary means to survival, oftentimes spent devising some sort of escape strategy, calculating the risk of il-preparation. You even commiserate at times, stricken with worry over ‘what if’ and ‘when’. But should the calamity actually take place, it will never affect your space. Now, you may be thinking

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03:16

#300 - Joint Effort

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/12/30

Friendship, it’s potentially the most imperative virtue in life. Because without some form of reflective exchange with another living animal, it’s nearly impossible to apply meaning to our existence. In fact, since our great grandfather times a hundred Erg the Nomad wandered the plains foraging for mushrooms and crunchy insects wiggling under Woolley Mammoth dung, knowing that another bone-wielding human had your hairy back has always been what keeps us going. Be it a person or a pet, we need to

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02:42

#299 - Tacky Khaki

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/12/23

Khaki is a baby boomer color. They used to be into safaris. You see, fifty years ago they were the ultimate adventure, which is why these dust-colored outfits are made with waterproof panels and leftover mosquito net that blend with the Serengeti. Now, I’m not making fun of all boomers, just the one’s filling the gas tank to the Chevy Avalanche and grabbing a stick of jerky on their way to a jungle cruise. With all those pockets and hooks on their cargo pants and shirts, they think capturing that

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02:38

#298 - Sex is Like Baseball

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/12/16

To be great at America’s favorite pastime, you only need to succeed three out of every ten attempts. We’re talking about getting hits in baseball here, not getting lucky between the sheets. However, for you men out there, the numbers are pretty much the same. For every ten times you try, if you get action three out of those, you’re doing better than most of your neighbors. Unless, of course, you live next to a college dormitory. Or a retirement community. Sorry for the visual. One reason why

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02:48

#297 - Wetting the Bed

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/12/09

I know, you’re wondering if this is a topic that really needs to be discussed. Or can we just bundle it up and toss it in the washing machine, pretending it never happened. And my response is that it does need to be discussed for two reasons. The first being because it’s good to create healthy discourse about things you are normally too embarrassed to bring into public view. And two, because we’ve all peed the sheets. No one is ever proud of this unfortunate mishap, but it’s ok, everyone knows you

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03:05

#296 - Your Time is Now

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/12/02

Humans have been walking upright for nearly 200 million years. The average life span of a Neanderthal was 32 years. The number of people that have existed over this course of time is, well, a shitload. And through all of that, you are here now. The fact that you are reading this now is proof. Yes, your imagination can do wonderous things but transcend the physical plane of time is not one of them. You have consciousness and you have the body to transport it through this reality, which means you

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03:01

#295 - Pinky Swears Are Binding

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/11/25

Yes, pinky swears are a lighthearted agreement rarely enforced, but we all know that there exists a code with the intention of not being broken. Because in this sue happy world of painful litigation, if we don’t respect the sanctimony of a real deal, then why agree to it in the first place? Locking pinkies is a silly way to execute blood brotherhood without the pricks. And I’m not referring to the kind of pricks who drive BMWs, but the kind you make on your finger by poking it with a needle to draw

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313 results

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