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PODCAST

The SelfWork Podcast

Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 30 years, TEDx speaker, and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or that it somehow suggests you can't fix your own problems. My team is very honored that nine years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question as well as interviews

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All Episodes

39:39

440 SelfWork: Raising Good Humans: A Conversation...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/04/04

One of the hardest tasks we take on as humans is raising children.Many of us do a pretty good job of raising children. But many of us don't. Sadly, our kids are often left to become adults themselves and bear the scars of our anger, our addictions, or our neglect. And if they don't do something differently than we did, they can perpetuate the problem.Raising children poorly can then be passed on. It's called transgenerational trauma. And it's very real.Hunter Clarke-Fields didn't

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27:17

436 SelfWork: Seven Steps to Work Through Disappointment

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/03/07

Today on SelfWork, the focus is on how to work through disappointment.John Crowley, my friend and incredible production engineer, chose this episode as one of his "second time around" favorites to present to you in my absence. My immense gratitude to him for taking the wheel!What are the seven steps to work through disappointment? Here they are!Grieve first.Start getting perspective right off the bat.Consider and acknowledge what your own part was or is in creating the disappointment

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22:47

435 SelfWork: When "Home" Was Chaos

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/02/28

How are you supposed to live a normal life when "home" was chaos? That's the topic of today's SelfWork. and it's triggered by a very frank email from a listener whose kept his chaos secret for many years.We can tend to keep secret the fact that home was chaos – you can fear being judged for it, even though you didn’t cause it. Please heed a trigger warning; the story is hard to hear. And if there was significant trauma in your own childhood, then please listen

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24:29

430 SelfWork: What Was Your "Job" In Your Family?

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/01/24

What was your "job" in your family?Most of us love to take tests like the Enneagram or the Myers/Briggs to find out what the test might have to say about our personality style or our strengths and vulnerabilities. But something you might also gravitate to – in thinking about what’s called your family of origin – or the family you grew up in – is talking about the roles each of the children played in the family - or what was your "job" in your family. The six most commonly agreed upon

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23:58

429 SelfWork: Seven Good Reasons to Stop Therapy

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/01/17

What are seven good reasons to stop therapy? That's the focus of this week's SelfWork!It’s often a very moving moment when you leave therapy. Here’s someone that you’ve trusted and confided in for weeks or months – or sometimes even years. And it’s time to walk out of their office and do without that resource. As I like to say, it’s my job to do myself out of a job. And I celebrate with people I’ve worked with when they leave to hopefully use the skills learned, and enjoy the feelings of

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23:04

427 SelfWork: The Horrors of Marital Rape

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2025/01/03

We’re talking about sexual abuse today – to be more specific, the horrors of marital rape. Please if you have any kind of history of abuse which many of you I’m sure do – please listen cautiously as the facts of the case could be highly triggering for you. For international abuse hotlines please click here.You may have heard about the French woman, Gisèle Pelicot, who was the victim of multiple rapes – by multiple men including her husband – while drugged. This occurred over several years. All men

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40:05

426 SelfWork: You Only Die Once: A Conversation with...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/12/27

You Only Die Once, written by positive psychologist Jodi Wellman, has this very important message - being aware of your last moment can help you live this one more fully.She's a devout believer in not wasting the time you have, not spending this moment in dread or apathy. Statistically speaking, we're given four thousand Mondays in our lifetime to live. So savoring those moments, realizing that every minute of every day holds meaning, is vital to your happiness.Both in her book, You Only Die

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23:30

425 SelfWork: Six Steps Out of Loneliness

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/12/20

Today we’re going to talk about loneliness – and how one article I read drew some conclusions about it that made a lot of sense to me. One major point – we can’t or shouldn’t harken back to older times and think we need to create those now. That’s not the answer. Cell phones, virtual meetings or classes, working from home, pandemic hangover – none of that is going to go away. We’re not suddenly going to help a neighbor raise a barn or birth a baby. So we’ve got to understand there’s no going back

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23:35

423 SelfWork: The Gifts of Saying No

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/12/06

What are the gifts of saying no?The word that’s often used to talk about this is ‘boundary.’ Do you have trouble saying no? Or can you identify the how, when, where, and why to say no? Or put another way, when to say yes? We’ll focus on how much of your decision-making is affected by depression or anxiety, or even personality disorders that have a huge bearing on how you decide to say no.Our voicemail today is from a young woman whose mother is highly volatile at home – but who can be quite loving

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29:38

421 SelfWork: How Couples Therapy Began: A...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/11/22

In this episode we learn exactly how couples therapy began.When you’re called “the couple from hell” by your own therapist, that’s something to think about. But Harville Hendrix and his wife of several decades, Helen Hunt, took that all in stride. They're the authors of the book “Getting the Love You Want” which sold millions of copies and put them, when it was published in 1988, on the top of the world of relational or couples therapy.In this intriguing interview, they talk about how working

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24:55

419 SelfWork: Questions About Depression, Therapy,...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/11/08

Today I'm answering your questions about depression, therapy, and manipulative moms.So, it's a grab bag of topics! Whether you're a SelfWork listener or you've read something I've written... somehow my work has reached you. And I love getting your questions!More specifically, we'll discuss what's called anhedonia in depression, or losing the enjoyment or meaning in activities that you've always enjoyed. We'll also touch on entering therapy for the first time or

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46:22

418 SelfWork: Step Into Your Inner Power: A...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/11/01

This special episode of SelfWork will guide you to step into your inner power as we talk with author and personal branding expert... Jessica Zweig.I usually don’t have spiritual authors or leaders on SelfWork – not because I don’t believe in the importance of spirituality – but I’ve always kept my own spiritual beliefs more private from my work.This time, Ashley Stahl - who not only has been on SelfWork as a guest, but has hosted for me – introduced me to our guest today. So I got very interested

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25:21

414 SelfWork: How to Find Your Purpose

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/10/04

Today I want to talk about how to find your purpose.One of the things I’ve been most grateful for in my life has been the sense of purpose that my work and my family have given me. And yet I know that many people don’t know what their sense of purpose is.I’m going to hope this episode helps you begin to find your purpose. The mantra of SelfWork is “what you can do about it” – and so I’ll offer specific steps for you to explore.Our listener email is from a woman from France and her comments to me

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25:13

406 SelfWork: How to Grieve A Parent's Death

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/08/09

How do you grieve a parent's death?Even older adults have told me they feel "orphaned" after both of their parents die. So imagine what can happen when a parent dies when a child is young. There are all kinds of reasons for that child to feel as if their life will never be the same - that the loss makes it impossible to recover their innocence or contentment.Today we'll hear from a listener who's describing this very dynamic. So much of what happens to a child depends on the

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38:49

403 SelfWork: Thriving with Anxiety: A Conversation...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/07/19

How do you thrive with anxiety? Dr. David Rosemarin is our guest today who talks specifically about how to understand your anxiety as something that can help you thrive - when you work with it, and not against it.David is the director of the Spirituality and Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital. And he's an associate professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He studies the relevance of spirituality to mental health. His own research has identified

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22:05

402 SelfWork: The Lasting Impact of Trauma

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/07/12

Today we're focusing on the lasting impact of trauma. Many of us are quite good - or efficient is perhaps a better word – at avoiding and denying and building a façade that’s rock solid around you… that no one would guess that trauma had every occurred in your life. Or how it could be affecting you now.I have a story for you that will illustrate how easily it can be affecting you in ways that you don't recognize... until you do. And healing from trauma can occur, perhaps slowly, but it's

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34:36

399 SelfWork: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/06/21

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a fast-growing therapeutic model that I wanted you here at SelfWork to know more about. So, I reached out to Dr. Diana Hill who's an expert on the technique and a firm believer/practitioner in what it has to offer. ACT seems to offer safety and structure, which of course is vital in therapy. I found her to be very real, approachable, and caring as she explains how ACT can help you see how commitment to your core values and staying in the present are so

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25:52

395 SelfWork: Why Don't You Talk About Your Struggle...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/05/24

Why don't you talk about your struggle with depression?You may have lots of reasons, or excuses, or justifications. But I found out by reading the responses on (what I'm honored to say) is a viral TEDx talk, "How to recognize perfectly hidden depression", that so many of us need to know that this struggle is common - and doesn't have to be hidden.Some of those reasons are: "It came on so gradually, I didn't notice," or, "I don't trust doctors," or

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27:54

394 SelfWork: Do You Feel Guilty For Not Doing...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/05/17

Do you feel guilty for not doing enough? Many people do... the problem is known as productivity guilt. But as always, there's something you can do about it.Today on SelfWork Dr. Margaret offers nine helpful reminders that can guide you away from this guilt, so that you can stay on task and realize your goals.Here they are:One: Attaining goals isn't immediate. It takes time. Two: You can't avoid risk. Three: Your belief in yourself will wax and wane. Four: Life is a process not a

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39:51

393 SelfWork: How To Manifest Your Goals: A...

The SelfWork Podcast ·

2024/05/10

Manifestation has been widely dismissed as self-involved, materialistic phooey. Now, James R. Doty, MD—a Stanford neurosurgeon, New York Times bestselling author, and Dalai Lama collaborator—reveals that manifestation is rooted in science.Throughout his latest book, Mind Magic. Dr. Doty unveils his six-part plan for harnessing your mind’s power to change your brain structure and reclaim your agency. He grounds you in practices for neurological transformation by strategically targeting your

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