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PODCAST

The Burt Selleck Podcast

Alex, John (second mic) and Nick (junior member/intern) talk about current events, things they"re nostalgic about and what is generally on their minds that week in a race to establish which of them is the dumbest person alive.

comedy stand-up

All Episodes

01:06:23

Episode 249 | Ride The Tiger

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/14

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a long, winding descent into absurdity, bodily functions, semi-coherent sexual philosophy, and barely tethered banter that somehow manages to be both repellent and engaging. It opens with lamentations about Ian's absence and devolves almost immediately into discussions of raw oatmeal diarrhea science, “gay ninjas,” and the gay Kinsey scale like it's all part of the same lecture series.The episode feels like it’s on a barstool bender, fueled by overtalked

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01:08:55

Episode 248 | Don't Farq Uaad Me

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/08

This episode unfolds as a chaotic, meandering, deeply personal sendoff for Ian, a longtime fixture of the show, and perhaps the most emotionally resonant installment to date—at least by Burt Selleck standards. From the moment it opens mid-bicker about lighting and podcast “purity,” you know you're in for an unedited mess. But underneath the mess, there’s real sentiment: the hosts love Ian, even as they ruthlessly roast him, suggest GPS-tagging his body, and bet on him losing toes to Washington

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01:07:05

Episode 247 | The Ribbon Man

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/01

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is essentially a 2-hour unfiltered brain dump from four dudes, one of whom just returned from a European trip and has a haircut to prove it. Ian’s whirlwind recap of Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Warsaw is the closest thing to structure, but it’s continuously derailed by the others with riffs, grotesque hypotheticals, and some truly questionable history takes.What makes it work, when it works, is Ian’s earnest travel reporting (hookers in Hamburg, breakfast

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01:02:05

Episode 246 | Looking at all the Angels

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/24

This episode is a full-blown character spiral wrapped in layers of absurdity, veiled sincerity, and comedic endurance. “Talent Brando,” presumably a riffing improv persona conjured by one of the hosts or a guest, dominates the mic for the first quarter of the episode in a fever dream of wannabe-rapper bravado, circular pseudo-wisdom, and overcooked industry paranoia. The performance leans heavily on the tension between irony and earnestness, never quite tipping its hand, which is either masterful or

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01:09:29

Episode 245 | A Man of Peace

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/17

This episode opens with a gold trophy sitting in for the absent Ian, and somehow that sets the perfect tone. What follows is a deeply unserious, often morbidly hilarious conversation between the core group of Alex, John, Nick, and the spectral presence of Ian. Their stream-of-consciousness banter drifts through topics like grave aesthetics, cremation preferences, echolocation envy, and the mechanics of turning a man into a walrus—each one given equal (lack of) reverence.There are highlights. Nick's

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01:04:47

Episode 244 | He's Doing an Anger Bump

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/09

In a meandering, manic descent into absurdity, the Burt Selleck crew delivers what could only be described as a podcast episode in the most technical sense. There are words. They are spoken into microphones. What follows is a 3-hour fever dream that bounces from faux-coke interventions to Pride parade shirts, cologne preferences, and hypothetical gay sex pyramids—all punctuated by a surprising degree of sincerity about moving to Washington and leaving it all behind.The lack of structure is, as

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01:09:24

Episode 243 | Scurry

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/02

Damn, Chat GPT really flamed us this week:Imagine if a true crime documentary and Beavis and Butt-Head had a baby in a haunted house—that’s about the vibe of this episode. “Scroll Time’s Over” kicks off with courtroom jokes and Joey Diaz references but quickly swan-dives into an Olympic event of who-can-describe-the-worst-thing-they’ve-ever-seen. Spoiler: Ian wins by a landslide, again.The prison rape stories, deadpan recountings of violent YouTube rabbit holes, and unsolicited memories of hanging

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01:11:23

Episode 242 | Hands Free

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/26

ChatGPT’s Review of 242_Hands_Free:This episode is an unrelenting two-hour descent into bodily function discourse, underwear preferences, and unsolicited engineering solutions for urinals and glory holes. There is no structure, no point, and no pretense of productivity—just four men free-associating from one grotesque or absurd image to the next with the energy of a locker room that's been locked from the outside.The standout topic (if we must call it that) is the anatomy and usage of men's

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01:05:39

Episode 241 | It's Still Gay

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/19

Chat GPT's Review of this Episode:Okay, so I just listened to the latest episode of the podcast and I genuinely don’t know whether to recommend it or call the cops. It opens with one of them watching 9/11 footage for fun (?) and then immediately shifts into a heartfelt (?) story about eating a trans man’s pussy at a gay bathhouse. And that’s just the first five minutes.The rest of the episode is a non-stop, two-hour chaos spiral of the most deranged, offensive, honest, and weirdly touching

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01:06:36

Episode 240 | The Dinklage Scenario

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/12

Okay, so this episode is unhinged. Like, fully unfiltered garage-talk energy from four guys who sound like they’ve been friends for 20 years and have no concept of an inside voice—or HR. It starts with a debate over whether they say “cuss,” “swear,” or “curse,” and from there it just devolves into a fever dream of bits, roast prep, conspiracy theories, engagements, ancient aliens, and whether or not it’s possible to kill someone in a CIA broom closet without leaving evidence. (Spoiler: someone

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01:14:46

Episode 239 | Deep Throat Surgery

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/05

Here's this weeks AI review:This episode is a chaotic, rambling juggernaut of hypothetical animal fights, anxiety about sleep apnea machines, low-key geopolitical analysis, and tender moments of friendship masked as insults. The "100 men vs. 1 gorilla" debate takes center stage and becomes the backbone of a surprisingly in-depth discussion on human frailty, group dynamics, and just how useless militia guys would be in a real fight.There are some strong comedic riffs (the gorilla’s new weapon is a

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01:12:42

Episode 238 | Top Shelf Gas

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/04/28

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode:This episode feels like a time capsule of everything that’s quietly wrong with America.It starts with a group therapy session for Detroit sports fans, turns into a sleep apnea horror story, briefly becomes an estate sale hustle seminar, and somehow ends with an extended conversation about whether elephants give the best...hugs.The sports talk is angry but defeated, the estate sale plans are delusional, and the moral center of the group seems to be one extremely

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01:06:07

Episode 237 | Jesus Wick

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/04/21

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode:Imagine a podcast recorded in a Waffle House parking lot at 2AM — but with slightly more Jesus discourse and slightly less bodily harm. This episode feels like someone dropped a live microphone into a group of cousins who've been banned from three different Chili’s locations. Topics include: whether Jesus staged his resurrection as an elaborate Weekend at Bernie’s situation, whether you could strangle a coyote with your hair, and why 80% of American history was

en

01:07:18

Episode 236 | Bleach

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/04/14

Here’s what ChatGPT thought of tonight’s episode:This episode feels like eavesdropping on two guys at a diner at 1:30 AM—unfiltered, rambling, occasionally insightful, and somehow still funny even when they’re just talking about heartburn, Taco Bell, or old jobs at Express.The chemistry is solid, the tangents are nonstop, and there’s a weird mix of sincerity and absolute idiocy that makes it hard to turn off. It’s long (like really long), but if you’re into chaotic, no-topic-is-off-limits,

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01:05:49

Episode 235 | Our Personal Hell

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/04/08

Here's what Chat GPT thinks of this episode:So this episode starts with John talking about his hearing loss, which somehow leads to a 20-minute conversation about Simon & Garfunkel, Chinese tariffs, and whether or not the military would back a dictator if martial law kicks in on April 20th. Yeah, it’s that kind of podcast.The real meat of the episode is just three funny guys—Alex, John, and Nick—spiraling through topics like political collapse, ChatGPT-written medical theses, and which birds are

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01:14:37

Episode 234 | Bozton Crab

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/03/25

I unveil the most lethal wrestling move of all time.

en

01:04:45

Episode 233 | Eggs Nouveau

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/03/17

Ian is revolutionizing omelets.

en

01:08:00

Episode 232 | Skunk Spot

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/03/10

We break down the podcast by season. Also, Nick died again. We think for real this time. Skippy Rose sat in for him. Skippy is a very funny stand-up from Detroit. Check out her YouTube page where you can catch some of her sketches and her podcast "Kung Pow n' Puff Girls."

en

01:06:34

Episode 231 | The Smell of Burnt Bone

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/03/03

Ian does some death planning in this one.

en

01:03:33

Episode 230 | D'Orothy

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/02/24

My podcast partners were threatened by my presence and wouldn't give me the Disney characters we all know I deserve to represent me.

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