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PODCAST

The Burt Selleck Podcast

Alex, John (second mic) and Nick (junior member/intern) talk about current events, things they"re nostalgic about and what is generally on their minds that week in a race to establish which of them is the dumbest person alive.

comedy stand-up

All Episodes

01:03:23

Episode 279 | I Didn't Kiss Him Yet

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/03/23

This week, the guys spiral from casual studio chatter into a full-blown philosophical free-for-all—covering everything from dark matter and God’s “big bang habits” to whether religion is comforting, dangerous, or just wildly misunderstood. Along the way, they take swings at famous intellectuals, question belief systems, and somehow land on the idea that maybe the universe is just one long, confusing experiment.Things take a turn into classic Burt Selleck chaos with bits about mafia “kiss of death”

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01:03:09

Episode 278 | Michael A. Jordan

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/03/16

This week the guys are joined once again by comedian Skippy Rose, and things immediately go off the rails. What starts as a heated debate about the movie Sinners turns into a full-blown argument about art, symbolism in movies, and whether Hollywood is making great films or just pretending to be deep.From there the conversation drifts into everything from conspiracy theories and military draft stories to the strange history of vampire movies and classic directors. Along the way they break down old

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01:03:21

Episode 277 | Crows Before Bros

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/03/09

The guys start the episode with tales of backyard wilderness survival, beaver glands, and what it really means to have a productive “mountain man” day. From there the conversation spirals into candy corn, Michigan road trips, and the strange wisdom you only get from growing up around grandparents with mysterious candy bowls.Along the way they discuss strange animal behavior, terrifying owls, crows working with wolves, and the kind of chaotic wildlife encounters that make you rethink how safe your

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01:07:52

Episode 276 | The Pickleacle

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/03/02

Another week, another survival story as the boys regroup to process a dog scare, questionable grocery store behavior, and the philosophical implications of protest. Along the way, milkman cosplay is discussed with the seriousness it deserves, and long-standing friendships continue to evolve in real time.The conversation wanders through gym class nostalgia, field trips gone wrong, and the terrifying realization that we may, in fact, be living in one giant escape room. Somewhere in the middle of it

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01:04:48

Episode 275 | Morbidly Obtuse

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/02/23

Nick returns from the grave to join Alex and John as the guys dive headfirst into space travel, time dilation, and the very real possibility of recruiting extraterrestrial life with strategically selected Earth holograms. What begins as a discussion about Project Hail Mary quickly turns into a full-blown interstellar outreach program.Elsewhere, the crew debates the point of space exploration, the ethics of sending AI instead of humans, and whether Olympic bobsledders are just sprinters who found a

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57:01

Episode 274 | Private Opening

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/02/17

Nick’s gone, the room is quiet, and somehow the show still starts. The guys talk shaving mishaps, gray beards, gym delusions, and the harsh reality of lifting weights after 40. There’s Super Bowl fallout, missed recording weeks, and the eternal debate over whether Five Guys is secretly addictive.Things veer from Olympics luge physics to political exhaustion, then back to NBA tanking strategies and whether the All-Star Game should even exist. There’s also a nostalgic detour into concerts, Neil Young

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01:04:57

Episode 273 | I Cry When I Kill

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/02/03

This episode starts in chaos and never really recovers. Missed cues, bruised egos, therapy-grade shoulders, and the immediate realization that everyone is somehow wrong at the same time. Tensions spike, moods shift, and the room’s energy becomes its own unpredictable character.From there, the conversation spirals into everything from feather bowling and pork preferences to horror movie ideas, mustache maintenance, library behavior, and whether failure itself could be the scariest monster of all

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01:10:30

Episode 272 | Absorbing Your Own Power

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/01/29

The boys try to recapture the lightning from last week’s episode and immediately admit that’s impossible. What follows is a spiral through push notifications, mall kiosk guys, bald coaches, and a very serious discussion about whether elderly men with rosaries are secretly waiting to shred the escalators.Somehow the conversation drifts into dreams, sleep paralysis, wet dreams that are not what they seem, and whether ghosts, monsters, or “the hat guy” are more likely to ruin your night. There’s also a

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01:07:08

Episode 271 | The Sad Clown

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/01/22

Nick gets ambushed by a McDonald’s push notification and everything goes downhill from there. Fillet-o-Fish conspiracies, Capri-wearing tough guys, and the mental toll of eating pita pizza too fast—this episode has it all. Also, Alex confesses his deer-in-the-head incident, and we somehow end up talking about the Illuminati’s preferred ankle exposure.Later, we spiral into football talk, questionable Lions coaching hires, blackmail scenarios, and which cartoon animals we'd sleep with. Eventually

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55:19

Episode 270 | Killed By A Toy

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/01/13

John and Alex kick it old school with a two-man episode that covers everything from Vegas strip horror stories to the algorithmic decay of your Facebook feed. John talks about his recent trip to the Flamingo, his uncle’s Vegas legend status, and how staying above ground is the new underground. Alex proposes a trade: Rhode Island for Puerto Rico. Seems fair.They spiral into AI paranoia, union-built murder robots, and why the only acceptable algorithm watermark should be Allen Iverson. There’s also

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01:06:16

Episode 269 | Conscious Pilot

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2026/01/05

This week gets weird fast. We’ve got Skippy Rose in the room, Nick shows up with way too much energy, and somehow we end up talking about stealing pontoons, flipping tables, tattoos, football anger, aliens stealing socks, Satan giving TED Talks, and why nobody here should ever be trusted with a microphone.Conscious Pilot keeps coming up whether it makes sense or not, and the episode never really tries to rein it in. No one finishes a thought. Everyone interrupts. Topics dissolve immediately. The

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01:05:44

Episode 268 | The Bustometer

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/12/29

This one-hour episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a grimy, funny, totally undisciplined mess—in other words, exactly what fans expect. It opens mid-conversation and dives headfirst into a heady mix of lemonhead consumption strategies, hyper-specific butt talk, bizarre sports science, and group therapy for Detroit Lions fans.The episode’s standout moment? The invention of the Bustometer—a ghost-hunting, cum-detecting suppository that somehow becomes a 10-minute conversation about NFL performance

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01:03:34

Episode 267 | Foockey

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/12/23

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a meandering, unfiltered group therapy session masquerading as a football postmortem. The guys open with an absurd riff on abandoning sports for surrealist art, then pivot to a wildly unstructured but emotionally sincere autopsy of the Detroit Lions' season. It’s part football barroom brawl, part late-night existential crisis, peppered with jokes about smirking Mona Lisas, civil engineering as "moderately gay," and bone density testing as a scouting

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01:03:04

Episode 266 | Welcome Back Ian

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/12/16

The latest episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is, in a word, an unhinged rollercoaster. Clocking in at an absurd sprawl of bodily-function banter, Detroit pizza discourse, digressions about gloryhole etiquette, and a surprise (and actually impressive) original theme song, this episode throws structure to the wind and leans fully into the show's guiding principle: “if it breaks, we lean in.”Ian’s return is treated with mock fanfare and genuine joy, including a shockingly catchy musical number that

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01:03:23

Episode 265 | Neither the Time, Nor the Inclination

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/12/08

This episode is The Burt Selleck Podcast at its most unhinged and, frankly, its most itself. It opens with the gang arguing about whether Alex “nudged” or “kicked” his dog — a debate that somehow spirals into childhood animal cruelty confessions, the Bikini Bottom Holocaust, and an unexpectedly thorough lecture on perch sizes. The tonal whiplash is almost impressive.Mid-show, the guys pitch a Civil War video game reimagined as a chaotic gay Hunger Games, complete with popper cannonballs. This

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01:00:03

Episode 264 | International Dodgeball Federation

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/12/01

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling exercise in absurdity, contradiction, and relentless riffing—a 90-minute meander through toilet-brain sports talk, dodgeball-based geopolitical allegories, and that old chestnut: Hitler’s micro penis. The boys, as ever, swerve between high-concept satire and middle-school locker room banter, stopping just long enough to half-sincerely debate toaster slots and the acoustics of bodily functions.Structurally, there’s none. You’re either on this

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01:01:41

Episode 263 | Christmas Musk

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/11/24

There’s a moment about 45 minutes into this episode where a casual discussion about gay NFL positions—yes, really—suddenly blossoms into an earnest, semi-informed argument about the taxonomies of monkeys, followed by a detour into Native American tribal politics, and eventually lands on whether cougars should be stabbed on sight. That’s the kind of ride you’re on with this one: no seatbelt, no map, just three to four unfiltered Midwestern comics pissing into the wind of cultural relevance.The

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01:02:00

Episode 262 | Eldente

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/11/18

This one’s pure, unfiltered Burt Selleck chaos: two guys rambling through politics, bodily decay, conspiracy theories, Alien lore, college nostalgia, and whatever stray thought wandered into the room. It’s a hangout episode in the truest sense, which is both its charm and its biggest flaw.The standout thread is Nick’s mysterious detainment, which they treat with the emotional gravity of someone misplacing their vape. It’s funny, bleak, and somehow still affectionate. The real highlight, though, is

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01:03:36

Episode 261 | Pimpled Mousse

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/11/04

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling, chaotic rollercoaster through injured necks, steroid shots, Detroit Lions heartbreak, improvised bank robberies, Red Dead Redemption ambitions, and passionate arguments about alien linguistics and NFL salary caps. It's absurd in all the right ways, even when it’s wildly incoherent.The real charm lies in the chemistry among the hosts. Their ability to pivot from a riff about muscle relaxers to a dead-serious breakdown of Detroit's offensive

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01:07:49

Episode 260 | Jazz Heart Fusion

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/10/29

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling, often absurd fever dream that somehow still manages to be coherent—if you're willing to redefine coherence entirely.It opens with an extended, uncomfortable riff on Native American stereotypes, movie accents, and pseudo-anthropological nonsense, followed quickly by a surprisingly sincere (if clumsily expressed) discussion of panic attacks and medical anxiety. From there, it’s a carousel of spiraling tangents: AI’s failure to become sentient,

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280 results

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