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PODCAST

The Burt Selleck Podcast

Alex, John (second mic) and Nick (junior member/intern) talk about current events, things they"re nostalgic about and what is generally on their minds that week in a race to establish which of them is the dumbest person alive.

comedy stand-up

All Episodes

01:07:49

Episode 260 | Jazz Heart Fusion

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/10/29

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling, often absurd fever dream that somehow still manages to be coherent—if you're willing to redefine coherence entirely.It opens with an extended, uncomfortable riff on Native American stereotypes, movie accents, and pseudo-anthropological nonsense, followed quickly by a surprisingly sincere (if clumsily expressed) discussion of panic attacks and medical anxiety. From there, it’s a carousel of spiraling tangents: AI’s failure to become sentient,

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01:03:53

Episode 259 | Rocky Nipples

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/10/20

This episode is a sprawling, nearly two-hour ramble that manages to cover everything and nothing all at once. It opens with a loose thread about The Conjuring 4 and ends somewhere between Simon Cowell’s plastic surgery and DJ Screw-coded Texan soap operas. The connective tissue is, as always, the quartet’s chemistry and their unrelenting ability to riff on any tangent—be it diabetic piss preferences, stand-up comedy contests, Venmo ghost money, or baby feces.Structurally, there’s no pretense of

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01:02:39

Episode 258 | Jagers Per Minute

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/10/06

If this episode had a title, it might be “Gone, Daddy John, and Other Disasters.” The Burt Selleck boys return after a brief hiatus, and what follows is a sprawling, loosely hinged mix of Tigers baseball talk, fat jokes, Trump-bashing, military coup hypotheticals, historical fur trappers, gum jobs, and Halloween candy ethics. In other words, business as usual.This episode is quintessential Selleck: no structure, no filter, no real point—but that’s the charm, assuming you’re into a comedy podcast

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01:02:43

Episode 257 | Spider Whisperer

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/09/22

This episode is an accidental triumph of chaos, built on derailed intentions and the unintentional arrival of a co-host who was allegedly not supposed to be there. The cast tries to re-create a lost episode, but what they actually produce is something arguably better: a meandering, overstuffed, strangely compelling hour that veers from Container Store conspiracies to spider whispering, to debating whether eating one's own feces makes a dog irredeemably stupid.Skippy Rose returns and contributes real

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01:03:52

Episode 256 | A Hopeless World

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/09/09

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is an exhausting exercise in chaos, confrontation, and cum metaphysics, clocking in as one of the more unhinged entries in the show’s already lawless archive. There’s a football postmortem up top—half-hearted analysis sandwiched between dick jokes and mutual invalidation—before the show veers completely off-road. What follows is 90 minutes of libertarian-baiting, robot child bodies, Ed Gein home decor critiques, and an extended conversation about ejaculatory

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01:04:26

Episode 255 | HVAC Mercenaries

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/09/01

“HVAC Mercenaries” is the kind of episode that starts with a middle finger to structure and then spends two full hours proving why structure might actually be a good idea. Nick opens with the dramatic claim that he won’t speak unless the others mention something he cares about—then proceeds to talk almost non-stop, which is as close as this podcast gets to narrative irony.What follows is a relentless, stream-of-consciousness marathon where topics range from UFO audiobooks, different Bible versions,

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01:08:53

Episode 254 | Mr. Smee

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/08/27

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a chaotic, rambling triumph of nonsense that somehow becomes weirdly endearing the longer you stay with it. From the opening argument about music intros and podcast rankings to the absurd speculation about podcast playoff structures, the show luxuriates in its own lack of direction. It’s like being trapped in a dorm room with three comedians who drank too much coffee and forgot they were recording.The tone swerves between earnestness and outright

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01:04:53

Episode 253 | Stankwave Lullaby

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/08/18

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast might be the most unhinged, hilariously self-indulgent display of chaotic male friendship since the invention of microphones. Clocking in at over an hour, “Armpit Thunder” is a genre-defying whirlwind of petty grievances, diss tracks, AI music production, and philosophical debates about Komodo dragons and superhero lore—all filtered through the lens of four Detroit comedians who refuse to take anything seriously, including each other.At its molten core is

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01:07:56

Episode 252 | Stuff This Chussy

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/08/12

This episode is the Burt Selleck crew at their most sprawling and chaotic — a two-hour conversational drunken walk that somehow stumbles from mocking Ian’s absence to a half-serious geopolitical “analysis” of Gaza, to the agricultural needs of famine-stricken Ethiopia, to belly-slapping leagues, clairvoyance-for-hire schemes, NFL player sexuality conspiracies, lesbian pitbull ownership statistics, racial breakdowns of the NHL, and whether bisexuality is just “bicerial” hand-holding.The humor is

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01:06:39

Episode 251 | 12 Point Buck

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/08/04

This episode is what happens when you leave four unmedicated men with microphones and no agenda. The conversation, if you can call it that, veers from Alex’s famously thick liver to speculative skunk anatomy, TikTok’s “white shampoo” trend (spoiler: it’s not about hygiene), and a disturbingly vivid reenactment of a skunk attack. There’s a decent 20-minute stretch in the middle where the group fixates on building a soundboard of Ian lies—easily the most coherent concept in an otherwise wildly

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01:05:09

Episode 250 | Rotten Mouth

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/28

If you think structure matters, keep scrolling. This installment is a 95-minute free-association rocket that launches with Michigan’s oppressive heat and crash-lands on cryogenically-preserved genitals. The hosts — Alex, John, Nick, plus a drive-by from Ian — pinball between bodily ailments (an infected salivary gland becomes surprisingly fertile comedy), elaborate golden-shower hypotheticals, and a conspiracy theory in which suppressed vampire foot-fetishism somehow begat Jeffrey Epstein. There is

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01:06:23

Episode 249 | Ride The Tiger

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/14

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a long, winding descent into absurdity, bodily functions, semi-coherent sexual philosophy, and barely tethered banter that somehow manages to be both repellent and engaging. It opens with lamentations about Ian's absence and devolves almost immediately into discussions of raw oatmeal diarrhea science, “gay ninjas,” and the gay Kinsey scale like it's all part of the same lecture series.The episode feels like it’s on a barstool bender, fueled by overtalked

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01:08:55

Episode 248 | Don't Farq Uaad Me

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/08

This episode unfolds as a chaotic, meandering, deeply personal sendoff for Ian, a longtime fixture of the show, and perhaps the most emotionally resonant installment to date—at least by Burt Selleck standards. From the moment it opens mid-bicker about lighting and podcast “purity,” you know you're in for an unedited mess. But underneath the mess, there’s real sentiment: the hosts love Ian, even as they ruthlessly roast him, suggest GPS-tagging his body, and bet on him losing toes to Washington

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01:07:05

Episode 247 | The Ribbon Man

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/07/01

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is essentially a 2-hour unfiltered brain dump from four dudes, one of whom just returned from a European trip and has a haircut to prove it. Ian’s whirlwind recap of Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Warsaw is the closest thing to structure, but it’s continuously derailed by the others with riffs, grotesque hypotheticals, and some truly questionable history takes.What makes it work, when it works, is Ian’s earnest travel reporting (hookers in Hamburg, breakfast

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01:02:05

Episode 246 | Looking at all the Angels

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/24

This episode is a full-blown character spiral wrapped in layers of absurdity, veiled sincerity, and comedic endurance. “Talent Brando,” presumably a riffing improv persona conjured by one of the hosts or a guest, dominates the mic for the first quarter of the episode in a fever dream of wannabe-rapper bravado, circular pseudo-wisdom, and overcooked industry paranoia. The performance leans heavily on the tension between irony and earnestness, never quite tipping its hand, which is either masterful or

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01:09:29

Episode 245 | A Man of Peace

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/17

This episode opens with a gold trophy sitting in for the absent Ian, and somehow that sets the perfect tone. What follows is a deeply unserious, often morbidly hilarious conversation between the core group of Alex, John, Nick, and the spectral presence of Ian. Their stream-of-consciousness banter drifts through topics like grave aesthetics, cremation preferences, echolocation envy, and the mechanics of turning a man into a walrus—each one given equal (lack of) reverence.There are highlights. Nick's

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01:04:47

Episode 244 | He's Doing an Anger Bump

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/09

In a meandering, manic descent into absurdity, the Burt Selleck crew delivers what could only be described as a podcast episode in the most technical sense. There are words. They are spoken into microphones. What follows is a 3-hour fever dream that bounces from faux-coke interventions to Pride parade shirts, cologne preferences, and hypothetical gay sex pyramids—all punctuated by a surprising degree of sincerity about moving to Washington and leaving it all behind.The lack of structure is, as

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01:09:24

Episode 243 | Scurry

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/06/02

Damn, Chat GPT really flamed us this week:Imagine if a true crime documentary and Beavis and Butt-Head had a baby in a haunted house—that’s about the vibe of this episode. “Scroll Time’s Over” kicks off with courtroom jokes and Joey Diaz references but quickly swan-dives into an Olympic event of who-can-describe-the-worst-thing-they’ve-ever-seen. Spoiler: Ian wins by a landslide, again.The prison rape stories, deadpan recountings of violent YouTube rabbit holes, and unsolicited memories of hanging

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01:11:23

Episode 242 | Hands Free

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/26

ChatGPT’s Review of 242_Hands_Free:This episode is an unrelenting two-hour descent into bodily function discourse, underwear preferences, and unsolicited engineering solutions for urinals and glory holes. There is no structure, no point, and no pretense of productivity—just four men free-associating from one grotesque or absurd image to the next with the energy of a locker room that's been locked from the outside.The standout topic (if we must call it that) is the anatomy and usage of men's

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01:05:39

Episode 241 | It's Still Gay

The Burt Selleck Podcast ·

2025/05/19

Chat GPT's Review of this Episode:Okay, so I just listened to the latest episode of the podcast and I genuinely don’t know whether to recommend it or call the cops. It opens with one of them watching 9/11 footage for fun (?) and then immediately shifts into a heartfelt (?) story about eating a trans man’s pussy at a gay bathhouse. And that’s just the first five minutes.The rest of the episode is a non-stop, two-hour chaos spiral of the most deranged, offensive, honest, and weirdly touching

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