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PODCAST

I Woke Up This Gay

I WOKE UP THIS GAY-A podcast by Stuart Merrill, LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist and public speaker on diversity.The miracle of diversity we devoted our lives to create is under threat.In "I WOKE UP THIS GAY" I recall our LGBTQ+ history and my 50+ years of experiences as an out gay man, activist, advocate and lobbyist. During that time I worked for various U.S. intelligence agencies, various news organizations and eventually as a professional LGBTQ+ rights lobbyist. I need help raising

history politics

All Episodes

31:20

19. The Heathens on the Lake

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/06/29

In this episode I recall how my family earned the nickname "The Heathens on the Lake." We were the only no practicing Mormons on Salem Lake in Utah Valley, the sanctimonious sanctum sanctorum of Mormon religiosity. I also discuss my family's surprising reaction to my being gay. Our very religious Mormon grandparents were born in rural Utah in the late 1890s and they were fine with me being gay. My parents were born in the 1920s and they were also fine. My siblings' reactions,

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38:16

18. I Prefer Cis With an S

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/05/02

In this episode I remember my painful and at times rather humorous psychological journey surviving child abuse. I started life as a happy and very flamboyant little boy who enjoyed playing dress up with his mummy's cloths once in a while. When I turned 12 my Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life to fulfill their spiritual duty and beat the queer out of me. I bribed myself to survive by promising myself I would never forget how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I swore someday I would

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21:01

17. Sisyphus In Stilettos

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/03/04

In this episode I recall the memorable and exceedingly enjoyable months I shared an apartment with the splendid, the singularly spectacular legendary superstar Candis Cayne. The Princess Diana of drag. Although they rarely get the credit for it, the drag queens were the first to start the fight for LGBTQ+ rights in America, and the last to reap the benefits. Hell, they are still fighting. While many in the LGBTQ+ community sit back and enjoy our entitled lives, the drag queens, transsexuals and

en-US

20:31

16. A Sleaze Ball in Sydney

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/12/21

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in

en-US

22:26

10.2 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 2

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/12/21

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in

en-US

20:24

15. It Was Just Fags, Who Cares?

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/11/08

The age of death and AIDS was finally over. I had always imagined a huge celebration, like when we won World War II, but there wasn't so much as a whimper. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares? In the first six years of the AIDS crisis not one single dollar was spent for research, or a cure in America because It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?In the first few weeks of the AIDS crisis when there were only 2000 dead Dr. Matilda Krim pleaded with her good friend President Ronald Reagan to

en-US

18:33

14. My Parents Were The Mormon Barbie & Ken

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/07/26

At the age of 12 I was an effeminate spoiled child born into a prominent Mormon family. Using the voice of the terrified, confused child I was, I describe what it felt like when my Mormon Bishop commanded my Scout Master and older brother to "beat the queer out of me."Grown men were suddenly beating me and calling me a "faggot," but I still had no idea what that was. After 5 years of violent child abuse I finally found my unique way to say "fuck you" to the Mormon God.Support

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24:56

13. My Insidious, Self-Reflexive Racism

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/05/20

Until Americans of all races are able to admit our inner most insidious racist thoughts and sit down and openly discuss them with each other we're stuck.I'm an old white man, who happens to be gay, but I've come to realize I'm an insidious racist against old white men. Imagine the existential conundrum I find myself in, I'm an insidious racist against myself.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

28:04

12. Generation Miracle

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2023/03/17

Recently I was asked to give an address to some middle school students in Oregon City about the importance of embracing diversity. I shared with them our nation's history of hate speech, turning into discrimination and violence against the LGBTQ+ and against all marginalized communities in our society. I also told them my own personal experiences as the victim, the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence.When I look at this generation what I see is the miracle, a miracle I and

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23:24

11. Nils

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/11/25

Nils was a symphony in gravitas. Of all my departed friends I will always miss Nils the most. In this episode I recall our last week together on Fire Island and the discussion of our favorite novel "Damian," by Herman Hess.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

21:11

10.1 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 1

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/10/18

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in

en-US

25:42

9. Cache Valley

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/06/01

Early Mormon history of my polygamist Mormon Family who first settled Cache Valley in Northern Utah and southern Idaho. I recall some of my fondest childhood memories in the lovely little Norman Rockwell community of Preston, Idaho, the town of Napolean Dynamite fame, which is literally built over the mass grave of the worst Native American Massacre in our nation's history, the Bear River Massacre. There was also a congressional investigation into the continued practice of polygamy in my family

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22:17

8. Tell Your Story

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/05/13

How do you make privileged, heterosexual, white Americans understand what it feels like to watch a man beaten to death and know there was no place to go for prevention, protection, justice, or even to report the crime, because the armed policeman who stood beside me, he saw it too, but refused to stop it because gay lives didn't matter?Racial minorities in America understand what that feels like. Our transgender friends today certainly understand what that feels like.I believe the best way to

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29:14

7. The Indestructible Collective Consciousness of Queers

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/05/07

I had to reluctantly leave my wonderful gay life in Berlin Germany and return to America at the same time I discovered I was HIV+. I remember the joys and sorrows of gay life in America during the AIDS crisis.I was Princess Diana's personal waiter for her dress auction at Christie's in New York and remember how the "People's Princess' changed America's view of AIDS.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

20:17

6. Comrade Minister

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/05/02

While working for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, (RFE/RL,) I accidentally kidney punched my political hero, President Jimmy Carter, at a symposium in Kazakhstan. Upon returning to the RFE/RL offices in Munich, Germany I discovered our newly appointed Director, Kevin Klose (who would go on to run National Public Radio,) was conducting a witch hunt to "thin the radios out of all the fags."Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

18:15

5. Empty Chairs At Empty Tables

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/04/24

We, America's gay children of the 70s and 80s, had started off with such promise and so much hope. We honestly convinced ourselves we would be the generation who gave the world gay rights. Instead, we became the generation obliterated by AIDS.When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia, but his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen, I vowed to join the struggle and became an activist.Reagan and his Press Secretary openly joked about fags dying of AIDS, as did most American's

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35:12

4. Oh My Heck! There's a Gosh Darn Faggot In Our...

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/04/18

Growing up in a prominent Mormon family, this episode chronicles my journey from being the victim of church ordered child abuse, to cure my homosexuality, to gay rights activist taking on the Mormon Church and my family.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

40:14

3. Top Secret

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/04/10

Working with the KGB on the behest of U.S. intelligence agencies, I became the FIRST OUT GAY American allowed to keep my TOP SECRET security clearance after coming out, only to be ultimately betrayed by the intensely homophobic U.S. intelligence agencies.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

17:50

2. An Interesting Life

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/04/04

As a child my beloved aunt asked me to decide what kind of life I wanted to create for myself. I wanted an interesting life and became a gay rights activist and lobbyist. "Interesting lives are hard, hard and lonely." She explained.Fifty years later she asked "So, how was it? Do you regret your choice? Its been hard and lonely. I know. I've been watching, but I've been so proud of you, but tell me. Tell me in your own words..."Support this podcast at —

en-US

25:36

1. Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2022/03/29

The untold story of the gay hero of the 1991 revolution that ended communism in Russia who was assassinated by the KGB because he was an out gay man and because Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

en-US

40 results

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