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PODCAST

I Woke Up This Gay

I WOKE UP THIS GAY-A podcast by Stuart Merrill, LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist and public speaker on diversity.The miracle of diversity we devoted our lives to create is under threat.In "I WOKE UP THIS GAY" I recall our LGBTQ+ history and my 50+ years of experiences as an out gay man, activist, advocate and lobbyist. During that time I worked for various U.S. intelligence agencies, various news organizations and eventually as a professional LGBTQ+ rights lobbyist. I need help raising

history politics

All Episodes

19:42

37. Fascism for Dummies, Part One.

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/11/01

I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler's first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying. What I'm most scared of is that time when one system of government starts to crumble and before the next system of government is fully in place to replace it. It's during the in-between time when liberals and minorities start getting arrested and then disappear, economies collapse,

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22:07

36. War Ravaged Portland

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/10/10

Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact).This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were demonstrating against the military occupation of placid Portland. Of course he edited out the truth, the

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27:53

35. I Want to Recruit You

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/09/27

What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care.Instead of hiding we followed the teachings of Harvey Milk and America's great civil rights heroes. We came out loud and proud. Why?Support

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40:18

34. Momma Kerfuffle, Part Two

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/09/06

In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an

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40:57

33. Momma Kerfuffle, Part One

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/08/23

In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an

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52:09

32. Conversation With A. Wolf, Part 2

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/08/02

In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it's like being transgender in today's America.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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49:54

31. Conversation with A. Wolf, Part 1

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/07/19

My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self.I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better understand the trans experience this and the following episode are without a doubt can't miss

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7:30

Celebrate Diverse America

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/07/04

"TODAY WE ARE ALL AMERICANS" Abraham LincolnCelebrate the true, wonderfully diverse America I love and am so proud to be a part of.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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23:16

30. Beyond The Jello Brick Road

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/05/10

LIVE from Gilead, our new Trumptastic American dystopia. Where chaos reigns and Fox New still complains.This is my humorous take on Trump and his MAGAmaniacs at the 100 day mark of Trump's presidency. Most importantly, the demonstrations are working. So, let's keep it up.We got this if we continue to REACH OUT to each other, SPEAK OUT FOR each and work together as a community to help ourselves and all Trump's other victims.We're QUEER. We've survived much worse than this. We

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18:55

29. Miss Information Votaire

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/03/26

In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts.Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oregon, an opportunity stand up and speak out for our trans, nonbinary and drag community now when they need

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46:22

28. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part Two

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/02/07

This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man. I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.At the

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47:36

27. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part One

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2025/02/01

I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man. I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.At the age

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20:26

26. Bring Love Back

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/12/18

When I realized Trump had won the election I hugged my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. It felt like I had let him down. “What do we do now?" I asked.He answered, "Even in the depths of hatred we can always bring love back." Bring love back means; share safety with those who seek it. Find boundaries for those who need them and raise gratitude from the smallest of places. If we all proudly live our lives out loud and treat everyone around us with kindness, love and respect, especially

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34:15

25. Meds for 'Mo's

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/12/06

In this episode I recall lobbying the US Congress and the Utah State Legislature to pay for HIV meds. Mormon homosexuals on the downlow and the tragically large population of LGBTQ+ kids living on Utah's streets were often not tested for HIV until they had full blown AIDS. They urgently needed HIV medication to stay alive, but there was no funding to pay for it. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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24:27

24. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part Two

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/11/01

If I was going to be successful as a liberal lobbyist in America's most conservative state asking Mormons for money to save the lives of a bunch of people with AIDS. I needed to do a serious anthropological study of how Utah's bizarre, freakishly repressed society thinks and more importantly how they communicate.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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23:49

23. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part One

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/10/21

Returning to live in Utah in my 40s was, well differnt. Trying to be true to myself in the ultra-conformist, freakishly bizarre pseudo reality of Utah was as challenging as it was lonely. I began working as a lobbyist, asking the Utah State Legislature for money to pay for HIV medication. I studied FOX news and BYUTV to learn how to effectively communicate in America's most conservative state, oh yeah and I got run over by a Mormon soccer mom on meth. Support this podcast at —

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4:30

Terrifying Future Past

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/10/17

HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOUTrump says he will use the military and get rough with Americans who disagree with him. What will it take to get your attention? What will it take for you to understand he is talking about you.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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33:13

22. Utahpian Soviet Zionist Republic, USZR

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/09/16

In this episode I compare Mormonism to Communism and it's the most fun I've ever had writing. I explain everything you always wanted to know about Mormonism, including a few secrets the Mormons would rather you didn't know.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

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24:49

21. Mir (Peace)

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/08/26

Once I finally escaped Utah my life just blossomed. For the next 20 years one amazing opportunity after another just fell in my lap. I was a double agent spying on the KGB for the Americans in Munich, Berlin and Moscow. Then I then moved to NYC and found my dream job in the news industry, traveling throughout Europe, Africa and Austral-Asia, but while living in Sydney it all came to an abrupt end. Suddenly, I found myself unemployed, sick with chronic fatigue as a result of my HIV medication, and

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50:46

20. AIDS Crisis/Project 2025

I Woke Up This Gay ·

2024/07/25

If you only ever listen to one of my podcasts, please let it be this one, especially young people. We are on the cusp of losing everything old fags like me worked our entire lives to create for you, the next generations. So please listen.In this episode I recall during the tragedies of the AIDS crisis we had no choice but to fight for our rights while fighting for our very lives.Princess Diana, through one simple gesture of basic human decency, jolted the world's conscience by playing with a

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