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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

31:00

My Addict’s Therapist Blames Me for His Wrong Doings!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/12/29

Rob and Tami explain in depth what a betrayed spouse is going through during the first year and a half after a reveal, and what a person in recovery can do about it. They also answer listener questions about porn addiction since the age of 10, and what to do when a CSAT therapist sides with the addict and not with the betrayed spouse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My wife hates me. When will it stop? [2:25] Dr. Rob explains why it’s important for betrayed spouses to find a place to vent outside of your home

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31:43

Why Does My Addict Keep Threatening Divorce?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/12/17

Rob and Tami share how you can rebuild trust and how to recover from intense trauma and abuse. They also answer how you can discover what your true emotional needs are and how to express them in a healthy way to a partner, and what to do if your addict threatens to leave you in this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How can I rebuild trust again? [2:25] First, create strong boundaries for yourself. [3:35] How can the betrayed spouse heal, especially when the addict chooses to not go into

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32:29

Can Betrayed Spouses be Addicts Too?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/12/10

Rob and Tami talk about codependency and why the term actually shames betrayed partners, not supports them. They also dive into some of the misconceptions people have about the partners of addicts. In this week’s episode, they share how you can find a therapist that understands you and what you’re going through, and not shames you. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is it a good sign my addict is apologizing or is this a manipulation tactic? [2:15] Dr. Rob, are you offering partner meetings? [3:50] Can

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35:04

Temptation is Everywhere, but You Can Manage It

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/12/03

Rob and Tami discuss how to best manage your addiction when the outside world is so tempting. It’s easy to fall into traps and feel like you ‘deserve it’, but your actions have consequences and they not only hurt the people you love, but they’re hurting you too. Find out in this week’s episode how to manage the outside world without feeling like you’re just taking on the whole world. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I’m not sure about my CSAT therapist yet. What questions should I be asking her? [8:00] Have

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29:29

My Sex Addict has Sex with Everyone But Me

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/11/26

Rob and Tami discuss what goes into the mind of an addict when they have a close bond or relationship with their partner, yet strays and look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs. They also discuss how a spouse can explore sex again after a betrayal, and so much more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How can I get my sex addict to stop threatening divorce? [3:35] Why is my sex addict not interested in sex with me? [6:20] Addicts are afraid of intimacy, they don’t want to be vulnerable

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29:07

My Addict Blames Me For His Recovery Journey

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/11/19

Rob and Tami get some really insightful questions this week. They answer everything from if it makes sense to get a pet to help with trauma and recovery, when enough is enough and it’s time to walk away, and how to be healthy adults and think about the future of your children and grandchildren. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can an affair lead onto a more serious sex addiction? [1:45] Is he an addict or just a jerk? [4:25] I think my best friend is a sex addict. What do I do? [6:30] My husband still talks to

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31:00

I Want to Meet The Women My Husband Cheated on Me With

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/11/12

Rob and Tami dive right into how a betrayed spouse can work with their addict during times of close quarters and covid, how should a CSAT therapist interact with a betrayed spouse and addict, and whether or not a betrayed spouse should meet with her husband’s past affair partners. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Is there a way to co-exist without feeling triggered? [3:00] Would talking to a lawyer about our marriage be helpful or hurtful? [5:10] I feel like my partner is blaming me, when I call him out on

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30:01

When Is It Time To Stop Loving Your Addict and Move on?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/11/05

Rob and Tami answer questions about when it makes sense to keep fighting for a relationship with your addict vs. walking away for good. It can be a hard journey filled with grief, but you have every right to be angry and upset about the betrayal they’ve done to you. In this week’s episode, your hosts discuss how you can best manage this pain. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I’m a betrayed spouse that wants to stay together. My partner thinks it’ll be easier to walk away. What do I do? [4:05] My husband has

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32:13

You Can’t Fix Your Partner. You Can Only Work on Your...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/10/23

Rob and Tami discuss how to best keep boundaries with your mother, how to work through betrayal as a betrayed spouse in a way that encourages your addict to be honest with you, and Rob explains how sexuality works and why you might be attracted to men vs. not. TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How can I communicate my boundaries without making it into a threat? [7:25] There’s three rules you want to keep in mind when you want to make it work and there’s been a betrayal in the relationship. Dr. Rob explains.

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31:25

When Should We Tell Family About Our Addictions?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/10/15

Rob and Tami dive into whether you can rewire your sexual tastes after being exposed to hardcore porn. They also discuss how to have a successful open relationship (when you’re not an addict) and so much more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Can I rewire my sexual tastes? [6:10] I don’t think I can handle my partner relapsing. What can I do? [10:45] How can we have a successful open relationship? [13:45] Should addicts reveal their addiction to their family members? [18:00] I stumbled

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31:43

Should There Be Anonymity in Recovery?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/10/08

Rob and Tami answer the community’s questions and cover topics like having empathy in the betrayed partner, creating healthy love boundaries, and why men seem to cheat more than women do. Rob and Tami also discuss whether there should be anonymity in recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My husband has been emotionally distant with me after he cheated on me. What’s going on? [3:50] How to create boundaries as a love addict? [6:15] Should I keep reading books about codependency? [9:25] How can I

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29:00

Can a Sex Addict Still Maintain Female Friendships?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/09/24

Rob and Tami discuss what sobriety looks like when it comes to food and sex addiction, how it differs from alcohol and drug addiction, and dive into whether a sex addict can have a polyamorous relationship, what’s considered healthy sex, and so much more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I know if I have the right sponsor? [3:45] I have vivid sexual dreams. Is this normal? [6:25] My husband has cheated on dating apps but not with people in his working/personal life. Should he still

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31:03

Do What Your Sponsor Says: Unless You Commit, There...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/09/17

Rob and Tami discuss the differences between an exhibitionist vs. a sex offender. They also share free ways to get mental health resources and how to get treatment for your addiction when you don’t have the financial means to do so. Do not give up hope! There are a lot of places like Rob and Tami’s facility that help addicts for little to no cost. All these questions answered and more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Am I an exhibitionist or a sex offender? [3:35] Why is there such denial

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29:32

What’s the Difference Between Having a Sexual...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/09/10

Rob and Tami dive right into some important key topics. They discuss the difference between narcissism and sociopathic tendencies, what to do if an addict is acting distanced, whether or not workgroup recovery programs actually trigger addicts; not make them better, and so much more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My husband relapsed! How can I set better boundaries? [3:00] How can I connect intimately with my husband again? [4:50] Do addicts have sociopathic traits? [6:40] Can workgroup recovery programs be

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29:33

Can a Polyamorous Couple Go Back To Polyamory After a...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/09/03

Rob and Tami dive into the differences between narcissism and psychopathic behavior, how to stop being triggered by sexual images in the media, what to do if a partner in a polyamorous couple struggles with sex addiction, and even cover what to do if you discover your partner is a pedophile. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I can’t find a good support group. Any recommendations? [3:10] Can sex addicts also stop being verbally abusive? [5:35] What’s the difference between narcissism and psychopathic tendencies

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31:08

Good Therapist Tell You What You Don’t Want to Hear

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/08/27

Rob and Tami dive straight into how to find a good CSAT therapist, what the qualities of a good therapist are, what to do if you find yourself acting out, and answer some questions on how betrayed spouses can better understand their feelings of anger and hate towards their addict. This and so much more on today’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I tried sexual abstinence but I ended up breaking all the rules. How can I stop? [4:10] Should you date while in recovery? [6:50] Does porn change who you’re

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30:56

If There Is No Cure to Addiction, Then What’s the Point?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/08/20

Rob and Tami cover whether there is a big difference between sex addiction vs. heroin addiction. They also share why it’s not a good idea to have your friend be your sponsor, and they answer a very important question about addiction: If you can't be cured, then what's the point to all of this? TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] How can I keep my spouse more engaged with my recovery? [2:45] Is sex addiction just as difficult as a heroin addiction? [13:00] How can you advocate for yourself and set boundaries

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31:46

Why Would You Have Sex With Someone You Don’t Trust?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/08/13

Rob and Tami dive into and answer some of your questions this week. They discuss the difference between sex addiction and dissociative disorders, whether someone has a ‘true’ sex addiction or if it’s just validation, and if you should still go to a marriage counselor even if you know the relationship is over. This and so much more on today’s podcast! TAKEAWAYS: [0:40] The connection between sex/love addiction and dissociative disorders. [4:00] Do I have a sex addiction or am I just seeking

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30:31

Partners Are Ambivalent for a Year or More After a...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/08/06

Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions! They talk about ways an addict can reduce or help their partner through some of their emotional triggers after a betrayal, how someone can become clean from meth and sex, and so much more. Remember, addicts often want to block out all the bad stuff and focus on the good, and treatment is about helping people surrender to how vulnerable they really are. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] How long should couples wait to do couple’s counseling after a discovery?

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29:23

What Do You Do If an Addict Breaks Boundaries?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2020/07/30

Rob shares why he decided to become a therapist and help people. He also talks about how to best establish boundaries with your addict, and what to do if those boundaries get broken. He and Tami also answer questions about sucide, recovery being a process, and where to find a good therapist that won’t make the betrayed spouse feel guilty for staying. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Did Rob always know he wanted to become a therapist? [4:25] I don’t have a purpose. How can I find it? Is this common among

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