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1:25:35

Druids - When do the druids show up?

2019/09/30

Christopher Lambert dons the worst hair we've ever seen and leads an uprising against the Romans only to ultimately accomplishing nothing and dies off screen. There's nothing good about this film. Zzzz....Oh I'm sorry. You caught me napping after watchingDruids. What did I miss? Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing? Ok. I'll move on to something else. Seriously, this movie sucks. Even for fans of Lambert's nonsense. Nothing happens. It's such a crappyBraveheartknock-off but fails in that it the world

1:45:18

Black Dog - The best bad truckin' movie ever

2019/09/23

Patrick Swayze says Dalton was a weiner and gifts us the pyschopathic, blood-lusting, and man of the road - Jack Cruise. Along the way Meatloaf delivers his best, but still manages to get Asahi Guy murdered and bankrupts his own villainy scheme before it gets started. Lets just get this out of the way - Black Dog is fantastic and is one of the few shining examples of perfectly bad in every way. Every bit of it is inept from the music, the casting, the script, the acting, the directing and the

1:41:26

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - or How To Save the World

2019/09/16

Shabadoo, Boogaloo Shrimp and a cast of break dancers team-up with Golan and Globus, pump out a movie in a handful of months and leave us with one of the most important and culturally infamous bad movies of all time. Hope you like break-dancing! Let's face it - this movie stinks and rules. There's so little happening but no one notices because it's masked by CONSTANT break dancing. It's wall-to-wall. There might be more more dance/musical numbers in this thanCaberet andChicago andGrease combined

1:17:07

The Adventures of Pluto Nash - "Adventures" is a...

2019/09/03

The biggest flop in Hollywood history visits the podcast, eats all our food, backups the sewer system and kidnaps our children and then quietly makes us forget that any of it ever happened. Will it be worse thanThe Love Guru? Nope. The weird thing aboutPluto Nash is that is just nothing. It doesn't make you angry. The jokes aren't groan-worthy. The plot doesn't cause your eyes to roll so hard they pop out. It's just a bunch of nothing. There may not be another movie that has ever made us feel so

1:24:39

Angel has Fallen - The Last Banning?

2019/08/26

Banning comes back once again to save the President once again from an assassination attempt where not everything is not as it seems once again. It's the number one movie in America, but is it enough to keep the Banning franchise alive? Make no mistake, Banning 3's plot statement above is the same as the other two but this film is a departure from the other two. Where the other two are a thin plot stuff around ludicrous action scenes and Banning eating the flesh of his enemies, this one mostly has

1:13:46

Hobbs and Shaw - 2/3 full of Bald Bros or 1/3 empty...

2019/08/19

The bald bros are back minus the biggest bald bro, so the bald bro stock is down! The 2/3 of the bald bros are forced to team-up to stop Thanos from killing everyone while learning about super-powered villains, love and friendship and forget about family, Vin Diesel and cars. While there is a myriad of problems with Universal's fingers in their big franchise (of which there is many fingers) the team behind the action do a great job. This film is shot well, very well choreographed, has some

1:30:44

Convoy - So...where are we going, anyways?

2019/08/12

All of the truckers team up to drive down the road hauling goods and.... freedom? Let's try that again. A bunch of cops chase a bunch of truckers down the highway because of their flagrant....trucking? Ok, ok, ok. Got it - Truckers Truck! Seriously the plot ofConvoy is one of the most dubious we've ever reviewed. One might argue that about 20 minutes of the movie actually has a plot of outrunning the law who wants to kill a fellow trucker because of abuse of power and racism, but that plot lasts

1:36:54

Prom Night II - Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Plot

2019/08/05

Well hello, Mary Lou. So good of you to drop in and see me. Wait what are you doing??? Why do you have the powers of all the X-Men combined? Are you like an evil ghost Rogue? How do you work and what is your reason for existence???? Argghghgghghg.....gurgle, gurgle. The above is a perfect summation of what each character should be asking the spooky-ghost or spooky-demon or spooky-ghost-demon that is Mary Lou, a 1950s prom queen who got burnt up like Freddy and lives in a suitcase for 30 years only

1:21:44

Dark Angel - Addicted to Human Crack!

2019/07/25

Dolph disguises a buddy-cop movie as an terminator movie. Inside you'll learn that the most deadliest weapon in space are compact discs and all aliens have male-pattern-baldness. Dark Angel AKAI Come in Peace is absolutely bananas. It's so full of action sequences, explosions, aliens chasing each other, one-liners, and a crazy plot where people's brains are drugs in space. It's riddled with buddy-cop cliches, the new partner that does this by the book, an ex-girlfriend that also works in the same

1:38:00

Breaker! Breaker! - What's your 20 on the Pickle Park?

2019/07/15

Chuck Norris launches his career by kicking lots of people in the chest and calling in his truckin' buddies to run a town over - yes the entire town. It's about as weird movie as you can get and hilarious throughout. Come on back, big rigger! Now you can probably guess how much trucking vs. karate there is in the film and how silly the the combo of the two working together looks on screen. So let's go past that and talk solely about the villainy. The plot revolves around this town that has gone off

1:34:17

Voyage of the Rock Aliens - Countdown to Music Videos

2019/07/08

The 80's eats far too much pixi-dust and barfs out the worst of it right into our faces. It's Pia Zedora showing off why a millionaire had to pay for her to act and Craig Scheffer giving poopy face for 90 minutes. If you want to make sure you've seen the worst musical, you can't miss this pile of no talent. The deal withVoyage of the Rock Aliensis that it's a failed project before it even gets started. Originally it was supposed to be more likeUHF instead it's more likeGrease 2. You've got Pia

1:37:21

Peacekeeper - Dolph can't die, literally

2019/07/01

Dolph grabs onto a couple of nukes and uses them to turn his shirt into a sleeveless job. It'sThe Rock all over again with better acting, better stunts and better action sequences - and it still stinks. We won't dig too much into the plot here because it's legit justThe Rock within a missile silo. What we want to talk about is the incredible amount of stinker staples delivered. There's no sploding chopper but there's pretty much everything else. Dolph's 1-liners and overflowing from his cup and

1:35:29

Steele Justice - Dance of the 3-Step

2019/06/24

The toughest of the tough guys teams up with a 15-28 year old kid to take down the entire Black Tiger gang using only every gun from the 80's and sweet guitar riffs. No one can touch this guy - mostly because he's covered in sweat and their hands just slip off. When it comes to butt movies, Steele Justice is possibly the most butt. Imagine every 80's tough guy staple and you've got it here. Epic guitar riff score, training montages, sweaty chest hair, perms, headbands, pastel sweaters, cut-off

1:30:45

Love Potion No. 9 - Gary is the hero

2019/06/17

Once again, the 80s/90s rom-com genre falls into that horrible disgusting trap of "if you think about this very much you'll want to wash your eyes out with soap" because very unforgivable things happen to the people around the main characters. Both of the people on the cover belong in jail. There is a serious warning content-wise here but this needs to be said - Love Potion No. 9 is about 1 thing - rape. It steers very clear of the song where it turns the drinker into a raging boner, this love

1:43:36

Diggstown - The Greatest Trick the Devil Pulled

2019/06/10

Diggstown delivers the ultimate sleight-of-hand hustle to the viewer, by tricking everyone into thinking this is a great "con-job" movie. Look over here, guys and don't pay attention to the paper-thin plot and how the big con is just betting on unsanctioned boxing. Let's just get this out of the way - this isn't a TERRIBLE movie, but it's pretty crummy stacked next to how good its telling us it is. The whole thing is a giant ruse. Maybe someone can take that as a sign of how well edited it is, but

1:36:48

Pass Thru - The Ditch Folk are Taking Over

2019/06/03

The Breen goes down one of his strangest rabbit holes (which is saying a lot) yet when he plays an AI from the future who has to come to Earth and clean up mankind. Neil is starting to frighten us. Pass Thru is what happens with a director's typical 4th movie. Neil spends far too much of the film "honing his craft" and using up precious film space so that he can practice how to use camera's. So unfortunately, Pass Thru isn't crammed full of nonsense; where Fateful Findings is 100% bananas, this is

1:22:02

Gas-s-s-s! - or - The Baby Boomers are hypocrites

2019/05/28

When you cut in some psychedelia in the editing booth, your film isn't psychedelic, you just have a movie pile. Gas-s-s-s! misses the mark by about a mile, unless your goal was to one day have proof that the Baby Boomers were completely up their own asses and should never talk about other generations again. The setup of the film is an interesting idea with the apocalypse coming and the meek inheriting the Earth - with one major problem, the meek are anyone under 25 and goosed on pot, free love and

1:26:20

The Jackie is Gone so Sam can Talk about MCU and Star...

2019/05/20

While Jackie is away the boys come out to say stupid things. Sam and Justin give a deep slap across Endgame's face, a thorough look at the current state of the Star Wars universe, some mild Game of Thrones talk and reviews of Bumblebee, The Concorde Affaire '79 and Sorceress. We discuss the problems with time travel, the snap undo, Cap made out with his daughter, Capt. Chrome serves no purpose, the benefits of George Lucas, how light speed sucks, how to close the too many doors you've opened in

1:34:51

Men of War - It's batshit, literally

2019/05/13

Sometimes a studio puts too much talent behind a terribly stupid movie. Sometimes there's some subtle social commentary that sneaks into the script and then has the competency behind the camera to accurately capture those topics. Then you have action guys who just like to blow everything up. Welcome to Men of War. I absolutely adore this movie. It suffers from the Idiot Plot, yet has some level of emotion behind everything it tries to achieve. It's like a mashup of Forrest Gump/Platoon and Deadly

1:23:38

Bubba Ho-Tep - The plot has left the building

2019/05/06

Elvis and JFK team up to take down a butt-sucking undead SOB in a nursing home. OR Elvis ends up in a horrible nursing home and struggles to find a reason to keep living. Pick one. You can't have both without muddying up the other. While Bubba Ho-Tep should absolutely be praised for accomplishing what it does on only $500,000, it must also be dissed for its non-budget related flaws. Chiefly its duality but also in its production. If you read the back story on this movie, you'll learn that they had

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