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1:04:16

Black Christmas - A real family Xmas, if you're a psycho

2016/12/20

When you've been stuck in an attic, are literally yellow, and forced to be your mom's sperm donor for your whole life, you're probably going to have some issues. So pick up your pokey objects and take some eyeballs out in the name of Santa! The problem here is that this film, while somewhat entertaining, is just too generic and blasé. It's a slasher with fairly little imagination. When you come into a slasher film, you're here for one thing - ridiculous death scenes. This film does NOT have that

24:53:34

Prelude to Black Christmas

2016/12/16

Jingle jingle and egg nog hangover ahoy! It's that magical time for awful crappy holiday movies and Jackie's dialed up a slasher with a special Xmas message; don't ever remake a classic film with a bunch of day-player bimbos. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Nine Deaths of the Ninja -Mill Creek - B-Movie Blast 50 Pack Hundra - Amazon/Epix Missing in Action - YouTube/TubiTV The Wild Card - Good Xmas/Bad Xmas Eternia - He-Man/She-Ra Xmas Special Hobo with a Shotgun Town Kazook - Star Wars

1:33:30

3000 Miles to Graceland - How to ruin Elvis

2016/12/13

Two A-Listers make us question their entire career in what appears to be a metaphorical hang-down contest of who is the tougher guy that gets weekly manicures and follicle treatments. It's Costner vs Russell in full Elvis tradition....the tradition of dying on a toilet. 3000 Miles to Graceland is one of the most inaccurate titles ever. See this map:http://obeattie.github.io/gmaps-radius/?lat=53.484652&lng=-99.643463&z=3&u=mi&r=3000. That is 3000 Miles from Graceland (Elvis' house)

27:51

Prelude to 3000 Miles to Graceland

2016/12/09

Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more. Casual Do's and Don'ts Murder Weapon (1989) Future Hunters - Part of the Mill Creek Sci-Fi Invasion Pack The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell

1:02:45

ThanksKilling - Damn the Pilgrims!

2016/11/29

While we're too late for Thanksgiving, it's never too late for a movie about an ancient Native American curse that manifests itself in the form of a very dirty mouthed killer turkey. When you have 0 money and you accomplish what was done here gives us a tip of our hats but a wag of the finger too. ThanksKilling deserves to be congratulated. It's a better film in all standpoints than the majority of films that cost 0 dollars to make and better than even a majority of films by The Asylum or any

28:02

Prelude to Thankskilling

2016/11/25

Whether we're late on our Thanksgiving episode or not, we're still going to enjoy a delightful little film about a killer turkey enacting revenge upon all white people for the horrors put upon the Native Americans. Sounds plausible... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Judge Dredd - Netflix Hard Target 2 - Netflix Santo vs las Mujeres Vampiro - (Samson vs the Vampire Women) MST3K, YouTube The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? Turkey vs Pig Olive vs Cranberry Regular Mashed Potatoes vs

1:12:20

Deuces Wild - A new low in tough guys

2016/11/22

If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life. This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less going for it. Truly. Its unviewable. EvenA Star is Born or Mortal Kombat: Annhilation orGrumpy Cat's

31:06

Prelude to Deuces Wild

2016/11/19

Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Golden Child - Starz The Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - Netflix Dirty Grandpa - EPIX Wild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight? Kevin Bacon vs Stephen Dorff

1:09:55

88 Minutes - Call Campus Security, Pacino is a pervert

2016/11/15

Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers. Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious. But he's not exactly Lawrence Olivier. And this film is a highlight of how bad he is. His hair is

32:22

Prelude to 88 Minutes

2016/11/11

A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Serpent's Lair - Amazon Prime The Howling VI - Amazon Prime Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - Rent from take your pick The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - the

1:04:25

Blood Freak

2016/11/07

This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it. Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films

20:14:01

Prelude to Blood Freak

2016/11/04

In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family. Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, Love Actually Justin - Condorman,Batman, Fight Club Sam - Rambo II, Encino Man, The A-Team,

1:07:52

Order of the Black Eagle

2016/10/31

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one. Let's get right out there and say that Order of the Black Eagle and Unmasking the Idol are two of the funnest films we've had the pleasure of discussing on this show. They REALLY need to be re-release as a dual pack on Blu-Ray. As much fun as we had with

33:12:00

Prelude to Order of the Black Eagle

2016/10/28

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands. Movies Discussed Shin Gojira A Tribute to Hastings, Your Entertainment Superstore Jackie shares tales of working there, Sam tells us about a little known side-effect of shopping there, and Justin remembers finding Pieces, America 3000 and the biggest

1:02:00

Condorman - the fondue of Disney films

2016/10/24

Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo! The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind the Condorman comic book frachise. Woody foolishly stumbles into a Soviet defection mission for the CIA

34:41

Prelude to Condorman

2016/10/21

Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward asCondorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Death Wish II - EPIX Death Wish III - TUBITV Troll - EPIX and Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Emo-Man -You gain powers based on your emotional state, ie angry you get hulky, peaceful you get zenlike, sad you can shoot water

1:21:01

American Ninja 2: Attack of the Ninja Clones

2016/10/17

Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back fromAmerican Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep. In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of

31:37

Prelude to American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

2016/10/15

It's time to finish off our Ninja-threepeat with a follow up to ourAmerican Ninjaepisode in which Michael Dudikoff dons the role of Pvt. Joe Armstrong, teams up with Curtis Jackson and fights hordes and hordes of random ninja. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Wave - Netflix Knock Knock - Amazon Prime Malibu Beach - Amazon Prime Wild Card - Who'd win in a Knife Fight? Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump

1:16:15

Unmasking the Idol - Like a golden Buddha filled with...

2016/10/03

Worth Keeter's first Duncan Jax film is one of the film-world's must undiscovered gems. It's a glorious romp of all things awesome. If you like any fun film ever, thenUnmasking the Idol is right up you're alley. It's banana's in the best manner. SomehowUnmasking the Idolhas gone under the radar since its debut 30 years ago. Only 88 user ratings exist on IMDB(including the rating we gave). Host of Stinker Madness, Justin, has it as his 10th favorite bad movie of all time. That is enough right there

27:26

Prelude to Unmasking the Idol

2016/09/30

A little known film from 1986 that features untold amounts of ninjas, treasure, espionage, ninjas, 3-wheeler's, a baboon, a bad-ass Ford Ranger, and so many balloons comes to the show. This is one movie you won't want to miss. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The 5th Wave - Starz London Has Fallen - Netflix The Wild Card - Who Wins in a Knife Fight Boon (Unmasking the Idol) vs. Clyde (Every Which Way But Loose)

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