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PODCAST

Thot Topics

Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.

society & culture music commentary

All Episodes

07:34

Cowboy Cooter! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/03/21

**PATRONS ONLY** Four goddamn American dollars get you access to full-length bonus episodes AND... new surprises coming soon :)Hold onto your whorses because it's time for another riveting episode of THOT TOPICS! We're back after losing or breaking literally every single piece of recording equipment we owned and are ready to begin a new chapter of excellence in inbreastigative reporting. This week, the girls discuss the Nickelodeon sex pest documentary QUIET ON SET and pick out a bra to throw on

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01:15:20

The Summer I Turned Pussy!

Thot Topics ·

2024/03/04

The block is hot-- and we're about to turn it into the Summer of 69! (If you catch our drift...)Welcome back to the Thot Topics Studios where we are prepared to begin a new chapter of our happy little lives. We begin with a lengthy girly little chitchat about the simple joys of our young sprightly bouncy lives. We also reluctantly check in on the current season of Drag Race and the state of whale sex. Later on, we enter a ruthless battle of wits by answering famous questions from ARE YOU

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15:51

The Skeet Escape! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/02/26

**PATRONS ONLY** Subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com/thottopics.Wooohoo... YEEEEEEEEEEhoo!!!!! It's a leap year and you know what that means: there's one more day 'til the rent is due, pookie! Now, PUMP THE BEAT! First, we do a little bit of girly chitchat-- the weather was beautiful and the vibes were ERRATIC to say the least, so there was much to be discussed. What masculine traits are displayed in gay guys? Is there such thing as an Indian elephant? All will be revealed in the fullness of

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01:25:19

Slut Pop Memphis!

Thot Topics ·

2024/02/18

Hold on to your cloaca, cuz it's gonna be a bumpy ride!! We convene to discuss the state of The Bimbo: is her time finally over? Have the powers of the bimbo fallen into the wrong hands, exploited for her comically large breasts for TikTok cred? WHO can be trusted with the pure heart of the Bimbo... and how many must die... Naturally that's NOT all: we "review" Kim Petras's new uhh project SLUT POP MIAMI; and get to the bottom of the Ayesha Erotica situation. We really speak our minds about

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01:37:29

Megan's Law and Order!

Thot Topics ·

2024/02/01

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially slaynous. In Boystown Chicago, the medicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as Thot Topics. These are their stories. We're back in business-- silly us, we were standing on it the whole time! We use our journalistic skills to unpack the Nicki Minaj vs Megan Thee Stallion situation. Using the latest technological advancements in forensic science, we get to the

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36:45

Anatomy of a Doll! (Exxxtended Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/01/25

**FULL EPISODE FOR PATRONS ONLY** PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Polizia! Help! I've been Margot ROBBED! We'd like to thank God, the Academy, and most importantly Dr. Pepper for their unwavering support in the making of this podcast. We simply couldn't have done it without you. We know we're supposed to wrap it up, but we also need to express our gratitude to this week's topics: BLUE LIVES, AAVE, BARBIE, FEMINISM, THE POD, THE BUGS, DOORDASH, THE 96TH ACADEMY AWARDS AND ITS DECORATED NOMINEES,

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07:46

Thot 'N' Cold! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2024/01/19

**PATRONS ONLY** BRRR! It's cold in here! Must! be! Thot Topics in the ATmosphere! I SAID BRRRRR!!! Welcome one and all to the Thot Topics Plus-Sized Situation Room where several key talking points simply MUST be discussed for the good of our great nation. First, we circle back on corporate speak in the workplace: can we jump on a call and get crunktina? THEN, it's a rapidfire round. HAIR: Who's got it? Who wants it? Who's losing it? Who's growing it? All is revealed. (Especially our

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01:23:51

The Top in the Striped Pajamas!

Thot Topics ·

2024/01/05

LADIES AND GENTLEMEEENNN WELCOME TO GYPSY ROSE NIGHT AT TAO SPONSORED BY CASAMIGOS TEQUILAAAAAAAAA!!!! EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW It's time to be a WHORE in twenty twenty FOUR! In our first episode of the new year, we get straight to business. That's right: we're talking about CONDOMS. Is there such a thing as "safe sex"? How much is too much when it comes to CUM, HUH? Also: we celebrate the return of Gypsy Rose Blanchard to polite society and

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01:39:29

Cockwatchers (UNLOCKED!)

Thot Topics ·

2023/12/23

Non-paying girls... we're taking a Christmas sabbatical to truly give our hearts to the Reason For The Season, but in the meantime, PLEASE enjoy this episode from beyond the paywall... talk to you soon girly! Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis! But

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08:56

Pink Friday Gworls! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)...

Thot Topics ·

2023/12/17

**PATRONS ONLY** FULL AXXXESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS These bitches fuck E V E R Y B O D Y We're truly tickled to welcome back the talents of the one and only Zach Langley Chi Chi to the Thot Topics Plus Size Creators Regional Headquarters! We've called an emergency conference to discuss what is perhaps the year's most critical event: the release of Nicki Minaj's PINK FRIDAY 2. This is the most in-depth coverage on the subject you're going to find anywhere, lovingly crafted by the industry's

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01:28:06

Thotline 6: She.T. Phone Home!

Thot Topics ·

2023/12/08

It's 10 P.M... do you know where your sistas are? Right here silly! Welcome back to the hotline wing of the Thot Topics Megaplex, where we're convening to settle the nation's most pressing questions. We take voicemails from our beloved listeners-- women and gay guys and all in between-- and do our best to set them on the path to suckcess. And we've got some VERY interesting dilemmas this time around: What's the easiest sport to learn about so you can be relatable to straight men? How do you control

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08:16

Cockwatchers! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/11/30

**PATRONS ONLY** THROW AN UNEMPLOYED HO A BONE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis! But it's not all doomington and gloomington sweetheart. It's Spotify Wrapped Day, so we do each of our Top 10 countdowns to share the biggest

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01:31:55

Osama Been Laden!

Thot Topics ·

2023/11/21

More like Tate McGay... more like... Bate... McSlay... Uhhh We're BACK! And we came on this bitch mad as hell... things are changing in the Thot Topics Universe and it's NOT LOOKING GOOD, BITCH! After a little bit of career ranting and general sisterly catch-up, we segue into the hawtest topics of the week. First, we diagnose the Tate McRae situation: is she the real megadiva servalicious giver? Or is it nothing more than a hair show?! Plus, how do you really *tell* if a pop star is a STAR or just

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11:42

Splendor in the Ass! (feat. Morgan) [Preview]

Thot Topics ·

2023/11/13

**PATRONS ONLY** JOIN THE CLURB AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS. Pass the cranberry sauce and open wide cuz this ain't your mother's Thanksgiving hoe! We hope you left room for dessert! Oooooooh! We're joined in the house of merry-making by returning guest and sista of the pod Morgan to discuss all things turkeylicious and festive. We recognize it's a little early but we were really in the Giving mood, okayyy?? We discuss our holiday wishlists, Dula Peep's new single, "Taylor's Version," the psychology

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01:15:50

Puerto Freako!

Thot Topics ·

2023/11/07

BEND THAT ASS OVER! LET THAT COOCHIE BREATHE! SHAKE THAT ASS BITCH! HANDS ON YA KNEES! We're back in the booth and better than ever-- as we enjoy some lovely iced cafecitos and prepare for a night out on the town, we turn to the good people at Billboard to take another look at the TikTok Top 50. A LOT has changed since our last check-in on the chart. Naturally, we do what we do best and take a delicate rectal thermometer to the culture and spoiler alert: IT'S HOT! Naturally, that's not all: we

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16:41

The Bottom in Me! (Extended Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/10/26

**FULL EPISODE AVAIL FOR PATRONS. SORRY, WE MISSED A PAID WEEK AND HAVE TO GIVE THE PAYING GIRLS SUMTHIN. JOIN IN!** One Naysha Lopez, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all... We're back after an accidental week off so we're giving the reins over to the girls at home to decide what absolutely NEEDS to be settled once and for all. We talk about The Pick-Me's Dilemma, Britney's memoir THE WOMAN IN ME, whether you would feel some type of way if your top made less money than you,

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05:21

The Israel Housewives Rejewnion! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/10/14

**PATRONS ONLY** Join the frontline in the 100 Year Idgaf War on Patreon. Bitches must be Jewish cuz they pockets israelite... We must be thinking outside the bun because we're living HaMás! We heard there's a situation in the middle east. Not to worry-- we're on our way. Period. We attempt to explain what's going on in Gaza to the breast of our abilities. Can't promise it'll be cogent whatsoever but we have a lot of dumb gay guys to address! Naturally, that's not all: we take to the Thot Topics

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01:40:32

Good Girls Go Chad!

Thot Topics ·

2023/10/07

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." -Deuteronomy 23:1 We tried being good... but sometimes a girl needs to let her hair down and let LOOSE! As a cold lace front sets in on the beautiful city of Chicago, the girls settle in for a fireside chat of cosmic proportions, discussing everything from gym memberships to apartment hunting to the Roman Empire to fear to death to Rihanna! It's a big juicy one so get those teef ready! We answer some leftover listener

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10:01

All Scat and No Cattle! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/30

**PATRONS ONLY** Get up in the exclusivest Thot Topicsest Clurb on the planet on Patreon. For $4/month, you get access to every exxxclusive episode! PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS This week, the girls have smeared coconut baby oil on their breasts to send a powerful message about consent. The message? It's simple: {motorboating noises} We're back to discuss all the happenings of our precious young lives. From feeling immune to emotional music, to weight loss, to our inevitable 26th birthdays, we're feeling

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01:20:11

Troy Savants (feat. Sydney) [UNLOCKED!]

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/23

Happy Birthday Sydney! We're unlocking her previously paywalled genius in honor of National Sydney Day and the new Troye Sivan single too... get into the festivities girl! This is the hand that gives... and this is the hand that's taking it... We're back and joined by the honorable Judge Sydney in the courtroom of the mind's eye, AKA the newly expanded Thot Topics Plus-Sized Creators Studio. There's MUCH to discuss and many beers to drink before we have to start our intermittent fast-- so let's get

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