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PODCAST

After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

15:44

97. Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face

After the Affair ·

2024/07/31

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity. What happens when we're confronted with the reality of limited time? How do our priorities shift, and what truths come to light? Join Luke as he explores how the awareness of mortality can bring clarity to

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22:31

95. Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family...

After the Affair ·

2024/07/17

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)," we explore how the therapeutic approach of IFS can help both betrayed and unfaithful partners understand and heal from the pain of infidelity. Join Luke as he delves into the concept of internal parts, how they influence our emotions and behaviours, and practical steps to foster self-compassion and personal growth. Key Topics

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22:04

94. Lover vs. Provider: Exploring the Complexities of...

After the Affair ·

2024/07/10

Luke explains how individuals might be drawn to different partners for various reasons and how these dynamics can influence infidelity.Through multiple theoretical lenses, including sociocultural, psychological, feminist, economic, and humanistic perspectives, this episode offers a comprehensive understanding of why people might prioritize different aspects of relationships. Key Points Discussed: Introduction to the "Lover vs. Provider" theory and its evolutionary roots. How the theory applies to

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21:21

90. The Neuroscience of Trust and Betrayal

After the Affair ·

2024/06/12

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal.Understanding these processes can be crucial in healing from infidelity and building stronger relationships. Join us as we explore how our brains process trust, the impact of betrayal, and practical strategies to foster healing and resilience. Key Topics Covered: The brain regions involved in trust and betrayal: the limbic system, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex. The role of

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24:33

89. I Bet You Have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: How...

After the Affair ·

2024/06/05

Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many people might not even realise they're struggling with: unhealthy coping mechanisms. After experiencing the emotional upheaval of infidelity, it's easy to fall into habits that seem helpful in the moment but actually hinder your healing process. In this episode, we'll explore: What coping mechanisms are and why they are important for your

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14:10

87. The Power of Compersion: What Polyamory can teach...

After the Affair ·

2024/05/22

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights that can aid in healing from infidelity. Polyamorous relationships, known for their emphasis on open communication, emotional intelligence, and the unique concept of compersion, offer profound lessons for monogamous couples recovering from betrayal.Join Luke as he explores: The definition and history of polyamory Psychological perspectives on managing

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21:02

86. Why Affairs Don't Last

After the Affair ·

2024/05/15

Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impacts of secrecy and isolation that define and often doom such relationships. What You'll Learn: The Reality of Affairs: Understand the statistical

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26:34

85. Instructions Not Included: Why You Suck at...

After the Affair ·

2024/05/08

Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Essentials: Discover the art of effective communication, from active listening to avoiding common pitfalls like assumptions and passive aggression. Setting

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13:24

82. Growth After Betrayal: Universal Truths

After the Affair ·

2024/04/17

In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound strength and resilience. Join me as I explore the universal truths that guide us through our most challenging times, offering insights and strategies to help

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20:53

79. Betrayal Unpacked: Two Ways to Heal

After the Affair ·

2024/03/27

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelings by breaking them down into manageable parts, as well as the power of focusing on other areas of life to build resilience before facing the tough stuff

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20:14

75. 8 Steps to Healing part 2: Rebuilding and Renewal

After the Affair ·

2024/02/28

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity.Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing journey, where we begin to reconstruct our lives and visions for the future. Step 5: Rebuilding Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships,

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18:43

74. 8 Steps to Healing part 1: Laying the Foundations

After the Affair ·

2024/02/21

In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately,

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13:12

73. The Empathy Challenge: Conflict After Infidelity

After the Affair ·

2024/02/14

In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings. He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding. With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to misunderstandings in our closest relationships. Drawing on personal anecdotes and a down-to-earth approach, he challenges listeners to adopt an

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50:25

72. How to Get Over Your Ex: With Breakup Coach Dorothy

After the Affair ·

2024/02/07

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity. Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward. We delve into the complexities of betrayal, understanding the identity change experienced and the challenging concepts of desire and attachment in the aftermath of

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25:00

71. Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile...

After the Affair ·

2024/01/31

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity. Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential component for true reconciliation or if it's possible to find peace and understanding without it. Join me as we examine the nuances of rebuilding trust,

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17:29

70. The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us...

After the Affair ·

2024/01/24

In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the

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55:45

69. Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with...

After the Affair ·

2024/01/17

Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a betrayal. It's not just about getting back in the saddle; it's about enjoying the ride and finding deeper connections along the way. In "Intimacy After

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16:13

68. Reward or Punishment: Rewriting Our Reward System...

After the Affair ·

2024/01/10

Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for rewards and aversion to discomfort. Discover why betrayal feels so intensely painful and learn how this relates to the fundamental workings of our brain's

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12:12

67. Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the...

After the Affair ·

2024/01/03

In "Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative," Join me Luke Shillings as I explore the transformative journey of redefining failure in relationships post-infidelity. This episode delves into the emotional stages of recovery, the power of effective communication, and turning painful experiences into opportunities for growth. I invite you to reframe your perspective on setbacks, embrace self-compassion, and find strength in your healing journey. Join me for an insightful exploration of

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04:58

66. Farewell 2023: A Year of Recovery, Resilience,...

After the Affair ·

2023/12/27

Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also offers encouragement and hope as we step into 2024. In This Episode: The Journey of 2023: Revisiting episodes like 'The Motivational Triad,' 'Confidence

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