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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

43:56

My Porn/Sex Addict Partner Put Me Through Hell! Now...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/21

In episode 264, Mark & Steve discuss how reconciling with a partner who has struggled with porn or sex addiction is a deeply personal and challenging decision that requires a thorough assessment of their recovery progress and the betrayed partner’s own emotional readiness. The trauma of betrayal can leave partners feeling devastated and uncertain about the future, making it crucial to carefully consider whether the addict’s changes are genuine and sustainable. True recovery is not just about

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30:15

As the Betrayed Partner of a Porn/Sex Addict, How Do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/14

In Episode 263, Mark & Steve address the devastating impact of betrayal within relationships affected by porn or sex addiction, focusing on the pivotal question, How do I know when I know enough? It discusses the catastrophic effects of betrayal trauma, which shatters trust, devastates intimacy, and leaves partners questioning the foundation of their relationships. The process of recovery is explored through the lens of both betrayed and betraying partners, emphasizing the importance of

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37:50

Defensiveness Is KILLING Our Relationship - WHAT Do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/07

In Episode 262, Mark & Steve examine the pervasive issue of defensiveness in relationships, particularly in the context of porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma. They explain how defensiveness arises from fear, shame, and unresolved trauma, creating cycles of conflict that block emotional connection. The betrayed partner’s reactions, often rooted in pain and self-preservation, can trigger defensive responses in the addict in recovery, escalating the divide. By shifting focus from being “right”

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39:41

Why Do Addicts Have Such a HARD Time Being HONEST?!...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/31

In Episode 261, Mark & Steve discuss how porn and sex addicts often face tremendous challenges with honesty due to a combination of shame, fear, and deeply ingrained survival mechanisms. These barriers drive dishonesty, which erodes trust, isolates the addict, and prevents authentic connection. Partners, in turn, feel the sting of ongoing deceit even more deeply than the betrayal of the addictive behavior itself, leaving relationships fractured and intimacy impossible. The podcast highlights

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40:12

How Do I Get to Find Happiness Again When My Addict...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/23

Episode 260 explores the emotional challenges faced by partners of individuals struggling with addiction, focusing on reclaiming happiness and self-worth despite the heartbreak of repeated relapses. It begins by addressing the toll betrayal takes on trust and identity, emphasizing the need for partners to step away from old coping mechanisms and prioritize their emotional well-being. The concept of radical acceptance is introduced as a transformative tool, helping partners embrace the reality of

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41:11

The Powerful Potential of “Consideration” in Recovery...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/17

The inspiration for Episode 259 comes from a heartfelt submission we received from a betrayed partner. Her words encapsulate a struggle that many couples in recovery face. She wrote:"It has been 18 months since D-Day, and my husband has been sober for six months. Recently, he went on a work trip, which already triggered a lot of anxiety for me. While he was there, I received a receipt for a movie he watched that contained nudity and sexual content. Even though I trust that he skipped the

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40:40

Are You Fighting the Right War: Working Within the...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/10

In relationships and personal growth, conflicts often become fixated on facts—what happened, what didn’t, and who’s to blame—while neglecting the deeper emotional needs driving these disputes. Facts feel safer and easier to articulate, offering a shield against vulnerability. However, this focus on logistics often leads to surface-level arguments that fail to address the real issues, leaving partners feeling misunderstood and disconnected. Beneath every disagreement lies an unmet emotional need,

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40:54

My Addict Partner has Certain Philias, Fetishes &...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/03

In Episode 257, Mark & Steve respond to submissions by two different partners in betrayal trauma healing. Navigating the complexities of philias, fetishes, and taboo behaviors in the context of addiction and recovery can be challenging for both addicts and their partners. These behaviors often stem from factors such as exposure to pornography, trauma, or unique life experiences that shape an individual’s arousal template over time. The escalation of pornography use into increasingly taboo

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41:06

Why Do I Go Silent As the Partner of A Sex Addict,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/26

In Episode 256, Mark & Steve talk raw and real to the partners of porn/sex addicts whose authentic voices have been "silenced." Silence often becomes a way of life for partners of sex addicts, rooted in past experiences, family dynamics, and cultural norms that discourage authentic self-expression. Many learn early on that their needs don’t matter or that speaking up leads to rejection or conflict. This pattern is exacerbated in relationships with addicts, where manipulation,

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35:07

My Partner Relapses, says He’s Sorry, does Better for...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/19

In Episode 255, we talk about one of the most common stories we hear: a partner stuck in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of addiction and betrayal, trying desperately to keep the relationship afloat. We received an emotional, raw submission from a listener—“Heartbroken and Exhausted Wife”—who articulated her pain, frustration, and fatigue so clearly that her words resonate as a voice for countless others in similar situations.Her journey reflects years of enduring her husband’s addiction to pornography

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37:46

Sex in Our Marriage has Always Been “Broken.” How do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/12

In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These include—the horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of

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44:13

I use Porn to Learn How to Please my Partner. That’s...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/05

With Episode 253, we just crossed the “One Million Downloads” threshold! And we’re in 204 Countries/Territories worldwide! Thank you to all of our PBSE listeners across the planet! None of this is possible without YOU!In this episode, we address a betrayed partner's questions about the role of pornography in a relationship. Here's what she submitted—Hello, I know you talk about how porn isn’t healthy or true intimacy, but what happens when your partner says they use porn to better learn

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41:01

As a Betrayed Partner, How do I Live “Empowered”...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/10/29

In Episode 252, we talk about how our “Culture of Empowerment” at D2C came about; our PASSION for PARTNERS finding their EMPOWERMENT . . . (and addicts of course, but this episode is about partners)The seeming BLARING CONTRADICTION of a betrayed partner “owning her side of the street”!—Betrayed partners find themselves in a variety of situations—The addict partner is not engaged in recovery at allThe addict partner is kind of half-in-half outThe addict partner is working it hard and consistent, but

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37:53

Unless my Partner is “Diagnosed” as an “Addict,” his...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/10/22

In Episode 251, Mark & Steve respond to a submission by a betrayed partner who is a regular PBSE listener. She describes a long-term, ongoing situation with her partner who struggles with porn use. In the beginning of their relationship, they both agreed that his porn use would not be considered, "cheating." But then a number of years into their relationship, she happened across an online account of his and actually witnessed first-hand the porn he was viewing. It was so shocking to

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37:27

COLLABORATING as a Couple in the HARD Struggle of...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/10/15

This is PBSE's 250th Episode! Our deepest gratitude goes out to our global audience of listeners!!! YOU all make this possible! THANK YOU!After reviewing the last several months of PBSE Episodes, we have tackled a LOT of HEAVY topics! For this 250th episode, we want to focus on all of the hopeful, optimistic, positive reasons WHY we all do the CRAZY hard work of betrayal trauma healing and addiction recovery. To illustrate just how "worth it" this can all be, here's a comment

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41:07

My Addict Partner Only Engages in “Shallow...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/10/08

In Episode 249, Mark & Steve respond in detail to a situation and quesiton submitted by the betrayed spouse of porn/sex addict. Here are her words—My husband is very closed off with me. He doesn't tell me important things about his life, family, or what really happens in his 12-Step recovery meetings. It's like I have to know the answer and ask specific questions to get him to talk to me with any sort of detail. I know he used to do this to hide his pornography use and affairs. But

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36:44

How does a Betrayed Partner Navigate the News that...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/10/01

In episode 248, Mark & Steve tackle an extremely intense and heart-breaking submission by a betrayed partner. Here's what she submitted—I have listened to many of your podcast episodes. An area I wish you would do an episode on is how is a spouse to handle it when your porn addicted/SA husband comes home and discloses (not the first time in our marriage) that he has been acting out for several years and contracted an STD. How am I supposed to forgive and get past that? I can’t see ever

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33:32

Does My Addict Partner’s “Need” for Sex every 4 days...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/09/24

In this episode, number 247, Mark & Steve discuss a situation and questions submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. She does a great job presenting a balanced description of their situation, while also being very direct, vulnerable and authentic. Her addict partner has struggled with porn addiction nearly his whole life and when all the "trickle truths" started coming out, it nearly finished off their marriage. But, they both got into therapy and did a lot of hard work

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37:11

What Do “Independence” & “Interdependence” Look Like...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/09/17

In episode 246, we explore the concept of interdependence in the context of recovery from betrayal trauma and porn addiction. Interdependence, often mentioned but not always fully understood, is a critical aspect of healing and moving forward in a relationship after the discovery of a partner’s addiction. Many betrayed spouses struggle with defining what interdependence looks and feels like, particularly as they navigate the complexities of their partner's ongoing recovery and behavior. Today,

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34:55

With His History of Dishonesty, Should I Just Trust...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/09/10

In Episode 245, Mark & Steve respond to an all–too–common, legitimate struggle faced by the betrayed partners of sex/porn addicts. Here's a submission from a partner—My husband is starting a new position within his company where he will be working very closely with this woman. She is highly attractive, and the only female in the male dominated company they work in. He has admitted a few times that “_______” is beautiful, smart and is going to go far in the company. While I have never been

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