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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

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All Episodes

40:47

My Addict Partner Keeps saying “Sorry” & He’s...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/25

In this episode (273) of the PBSE podcast, hosts Mark and Steve respond to a heartfelt message from a betrayed partner whose addict spouse keeps saying he’s “sorry” and that he’s “trying,” yet still fails to meet her emotional needs. The conversation highlights the profound frustration and exhaustion that many partners feel as they repeatedly express their pain and needs, only to be met with minimal awareness or inconsistent effort. The hosts emphasize that while an addict may be sincere in their

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35:25

My Addict Partner has “Backed Off” from His Recovery....

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/18

In Episode 272, Mark & Steve focus in on how porn and sex addiction recovery goes beyond mere sobriety; it requires ongoing emotional growth, accountability, and engagement to rebuild trust in a relationship. Many betrayed partners of addicts feel heightened anxiety when their spouse steps back from recovery efforts, fearing a return to old behaviors or an emotional disconnect. True recovery is not just about avoiding addictive behaviors but about healing the underlying patterns that led to

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32:45

Recovery is My Choice, So I don’t Need Her Help...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/11

In this PBSE Episode 271, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery is not an individual journey—it affects relationships, families, and even future generations. While addicts may believe they can navigate healing alone, true recovery requires transparency, accountability, and a willingness to rebuild trust through consistent actions, not just words. When a partner has been betrayed, expecting them to trust blindly without verification is both unrealistic and dismissive of their pain. Recovery must

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39:41

My Partner FINALLY Admitted to His Porn Addiction,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/03/04

In Episode 270, Mark & Steve respond to a submission and questions by a betrayed Partner. When a partner admits to a porn or sex addiction but fails to take meaningful steps toward recovery, the betrayed partner is left in a painful cycle of hope and disappointment. While honesty is an essential first step, it is meaningless without action, and waiting for change that never comes can be emotionally exhausting. Many betrayed partners find themselves questioning whether they are expecting too

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35:40

I know my partner is positively changing, BUT how can...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/25

This episode (#269) explores the profound challenges faced by partners who struggle to remain in relationships after uncovering their loved one's history of addiction and betrayal. Drawing from insights shared by Mark and Steve on the PBSE Podcast, it delves into the emotional aftermath of betrayal trauma, including feelings of disgust, mistrust, and identity crises. The episode highlights how such revelations can shatter the foundation of trust, leaving partners questioning their judgment and

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41:12

What Is All This Recovery & Healing Work For? Is It...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/18

This PBSE episode #268, we talk about how recovery is an intensive and transformative journey that goes beyond breaking free from addiction and trauma—it is about rediscovering authenticity, self-worth, and emotional resilience. The process involves patience, self-compassion, and an openness to growth, allowing individuals to step into a life that is vibrant and unshackled from past wounds. Through recovery, people transition from survival mode, where they expend energy on hiding, escaping, or

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41:38

Since getting into Recovery, my Porn/Sex Addicted...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/11

When a porn/sex addict enters recovery, their personality can shift drastically, often surprising their partner. Many addicts who once seemed pleasant, passive, or easygoing suddenly become irritable, defensive, or even aggressive. This shift is largely due to the withdrawal process, in which they must face emotions they have long avoided through addiction. Many addicts began using their addiction as an emotional escape at a young age, leading to stunted emotional development. When they remove their

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36:24

Is My Partner a Sex Addict or Just Getting Back at...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/02/04

In Episode 266, Mark & Steve respond to a raw and heart-felt submission by a betrayed partner. They explore the complexities of sex addiction and betrayal trauma, addressing whether compulsive sexual behaviors stem from addiction or are simply acts of revenge in a relationship. It highlights the secrecy, justification, and emotional dysfunction that often accompany addiction, emphasizing that acting out is rarely just about sex but more about numbing emotional distress. The unpredictability of

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40:26

As a Porn/Sex Addict, does, “I Want to Get Clean for...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/28

In Episode 265, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery from porn and sex addiction often begins with external motivators, such as wanting to “get clean for her” or save a relationship. These external pressures serve as a crucial starting point, especially when addicts feel incapable of self-driven change. However, while these motivations may bring someone to the recovery process, they alone are insufficient for long-term success. Sustained recovery requires a shift toward internal motivation, where

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43:56

My Porn/Sex Addict Partner Put Me Through Hell! Now...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/21

In episode 264, Mark & Steve discuss how reconciling with a partner who has struggled with porn or sex addiction is a deeply personal and challenging decision that requires a thorough assessment of their recovery progress and the betrayed partner’s own emotional readiness. The trauma of betrayal can leave partners feeling devastated and uncertain about the future, making it crucial to carefully consider whether the addict’s changes are genuine and sustainable. True recovery is not just about

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30:15

As the Betrayed Partner of a Porn/Sex Addict, How Do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/14

In Episode 263, Mark & Steve address the devastating impact of betrayal within relationships affected by porn or sex addiction, focusing on the pivotal question, How do I know when I know enough? It discusses the catastrophic effects of betrayal trauma, which shatters trust, devastates intimacy, and leaves partners questioning the foundation of their relationships. The process of recovery is explored through the lens of both betrayed and betraying partners, emphasizing the importance of

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37:50

Defensiveness Is KILLING Our Relationship - WHAT Do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/01/07

In Episode 262, Mark & Steve examine the pervasive issue of defensiveness in relationships, particularly in the context of porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma. They explain how defensiveness arises from fear, shame, and unresolved trauma, creating cycles of conflict that block emotional connection. The betrayed partner’s reactions, often rooted in pain and self-preservation, can trigger defensive responses in the addict in recovery, escalating the divide. By shifting focus from being “right”

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39:41

Why Do Addicts Have Such a HARD Time Being HONEST?!...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/31

In Episode 261, Mark & Steve discuss how porn and sex addicts often face tremendous challenges with honesty due to a combination of shame, fear, and deeply ingrained survival mechanisms. These barriers drive dishonesty, which erodes trust, isolates the addict, and prevents authentic connection. Partners, in turn, feel the sting of ongoing deceit even more deeply than the betrayal of the addictive behavior itself, leaving relationships fractured and intimacy impossible. The podcast highlights

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40:12

How Do I Get to Find Happiness Again When My Addict...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/23

Episode 260 explores the emotional challenges faced by partners of individuals struggling with addiction, focusing on reclaiming happiness and self-worth despite the heartbreak of repeated relapses. It begins by addressing the toll betrayal takes on trust and identity, emphasizing the need for partners to step away from old coping mechanisms and prioritize their emotional well-being. The concept of radical acceptance is introduced as a transformative tool, helping partners embrace the reality of

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41:11

The Powerful Potential of “Consideration” in Recovery...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/17

The inspiration for Episode 259 comes from a heartfelt submission we received from a betrayed partner. Her words encapsulate a struggle that many couples in recovery face. She wrote:"It has been 18 months since D-Day, and my husband has been sober for six months. Recently, he went on a work trip, which already triggered a lot of anxiety for me. While he was there, I received a receipt for a movie he watched that contained nudity and sexual content. Even though I trust that he skipped the

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40:40

Are You Fighting the Right War: Working Within the...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/10

In relationships and personal growth, conflicts often become fixated on facts—what happened, what didn’t, and who’s to blame—while neglecting the deeper emotional needs driving these disputes. Facts feel safer and easier to articulate, offering a shield against vulnerability. However, this focus on logistics often leads to surface-level arguments that fail to address the real issues, leaving partners feeling misunderstood and disconnected. Beneath every disagreement lies an unmet emotional need,

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40:54

My Addict Partner has Certain Philias, Fetishes &...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/12/03

In Episode 257, Mark & Steve respond to submissions by two different partners in betrayal trauma healing. Navigating the complexities of philias, fetishes, and taboo behaviors in the context of addiction and recovery can be challenging for both addicts and their partners. These behaviors often stem from factors such as exposure to pornography, trauma, or unique life experiences that shape an individual’s arousal template over time. The escalation of pornography use into increasingly taboo

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41:06

Why Do I Go Silent As the Partner of A Sex Addict,...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/26

In Episode 256, Mark & Steve talk raw and real to the partners of porn/sex addicts whose authentic voices have been "silenced." Silence often becomes a way of life for partners of sex addicts, rooted in past experiences, family dynamics, and cultural norms that discourage authentic self-expression. Many learn early on that their needs don’t matter or that speaking up leads to rejection or conflict. This pattern is exacerbated in relationships with addicts, where manipulation,

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35:07

My Partner Relapses, says He’s Sorry, does Better for...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/19

In Episode 255, we talk about one of the most common stories we hear: a partner stuck in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of addiction and betrayal, trying desperately to keep the relationship afloat. We received an emotional, raw submission from a listener—“Heartbroken and Exhausted Wife”—who articulated her pain, frustration, and fatigue so clearly that her words resonate as a voice for countless others in similar situations.Her journey reflects years of enduring her husband’s addiction to pornography

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37:46

Sex in Our Marriage has Always Been “Broken.” How do...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/11/12

In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These include—the horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of

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