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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

48:23

Face the Devastation You Have Heaped Upon Your...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/12/30

In episode #313, we address a hard but necessary truth: addicts cannot change what they refuse to see. Using two deeply moving submissions from betrayed partners, we illustrate how years of porn use, dishonesty, staggered disclosure, and fake recovery create devastating emotional, psychological, relational, and financial consequences. These stories highlight partners who are not “impatient” or “unforgiving,” but who are reaching the end of their capacity after living in chronically unsafe

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35:43

My Partner is in Recovery. Should we let the past go...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/12/23

Episode 312—Many couples in recovery assume that progress means focusing only on the future, but this mindset often overlooks the deep losses created by addiction and betrayal. Partners may grieve the relationship they thought they had, the years marked by deception, and the emotional safety that was taken from them without consent. When grief is minimized or avoided—often in the name of “positivity”—partners can feel unseen and pressured to suppress their pain, recreating the emotional neglect that

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34:59

After Years of Porn Use, Will I Ever See My Partner...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/12/16

In this episode (#311), we respond to a vulnerable question from an addict early in recovery who wonders whether years of porn use have permanently damaged his ability to see his wife as the most attractive person in his life. He worries that neurological “chemical bonding” to porn images and body types means he will always be more attached to fantasy than to his real partner—and that his wife may be committing to a lifetime of being second-best. We affirm that pornography does significantly impact

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45:44

When are Specific Details about an Addict's Behavior...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/12/09

This episode (#310) examines one of the most complex issues couples face after sexual betrayal: determining which details about an addict’s behavior genuinely help the betrayed partner heal, and which unintentionally deepen her trauma. When discovery occurs, a partner’s neurological fight-flight-freeze system activates, compelling her to search for every possible detail to regain safety. Drawing directly from Dr. Minwalla’s concept of Integrity Abuse Disorder, we explain how the addict’s secret

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43:40

What is "Integrity Abuse" and How does it Impact the...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/12/02

In Episode 309, Mark & Steve address a PBSE listener's questions about "Integrity abuse," which is a relational pattern where one partner chronically violates core commitments—honesty, transparency, fidelity, emotional responsibility, and safety—through secrecy, deceit, manipulation, and strategic omission. Unlike overt emotional or verbal abuse, integrity abuse often operates quietly, making it harder to recognize and name. It creates a manufactured version of reality in which

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37:19

Why My Body Shuts Down: Understanding Sexual Trauma...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/11/25

This episode (#308) focuses on a partner whose body has completely shut down sexually after decades of betrayal, manipulation, and sexual violation—including being touched while unconscious. We explain how her body has not suddenly changed since disclosure; it has been adapting for years to a marriage that was unsafe long before she understood why. This long-term exposure to deception and boundary-breaking creates what we call “complex trauma shaping,” where the nervous system rewires itself to

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46:03

How Do We Discover/Recover Healthy Sexual Intimacy...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/11/18

In episode 307, Mark & Steve respond to an all-too-common history and situation submitted by a betrayed partner. Healthy sexual intimacy after betrayal cannot simply return to what it once was; it must be rebuilt on a new foundation of authenticity and safety. Because pornography shapes the brain and rewires arousal patterns, couples often find themselves questioning what’s real, what’s healthy, and whether desire is rooted in connection or in old fantasy. Many partners struggle to trust, and

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45:11

Is my Partner a clinical "Narcissist" or does he just...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/11/11

This episode (#306) addresses a common but painful question from betrayed partners: “Is my spouse a narcissist, or just showing narcissistic tendencies?” Mark and Steve explain that while the term “narcissist” has become a cultural buzzword, true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is rare and defined by a complete absence of empathy. In contrast, addicts in denial often appear narcissistic because they’re reacting defensively from fear and shame. Their hurtful behaviors—blame-shifting,

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48:38

My Porn Addicted Partner uses photos of Family &...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/11/03

This episode (#305) opens with a raw letter from a betrayed partner who discovered her husband had been using social media photos of women they both knew—friends, clients, even family—to fuel his sexual fantasies. Her anguish—“How could he ever love me if he could do this?”—captures the emotional devastation of betrayal trauma. We discuss how porn and sex addiction warp the brain’s functioning, turning sexual stimulation into a survival need. When addiction takes over the limbic brain, logic,

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39:39

In a Relationship Filled with Betrayal—How Can I...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/28

In Episode 304, Mark and Steve address a powerful letter from a partner whose relationship began in betrayal—her husband secretly continued sexual involvement with his ex while dating her and later maintained years of hidden pornography use. Despite countless promises to quit, he lied, relapsed, and gaslighted her, leaving her emotionally and physically wrecked. They affirm that what she’s experiencing is genuine betrayal trauma, not overreaction, describing how chronic deceit and emotional abuse

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43:49

What does ACTUAL Accountability look like for a...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/20

In PBSE Episode 303, Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner's questions about what real accountability looks like for a recovering porn/sex addict. Real accountability in porn and sex addiction recovery is far more than saying “I’m sorry.” It’s a deep, ongoing process of taking full ownership of one’s actions, beginning with radical honesty toward oneself and others. Addicts must stop minimizing, rationalizing, or blaming others, and instead acknowledge the full scope of their behavior

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39:19

My Partner says He Only Has Eyes for Me—but He’s...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/14

In this PBSE episode (#302), Mark & Steve respond to a betrayed partner who faces an all-too-common form of "double-dealing." When a partner says “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” but secretly consumes porn featuring people who look nothing like you—who are NOT you—the contradiction is deeply painful. It undermines trust, triggers feelings of rejection, and cuts to the core of self-worth. This isn’t just about “boys being boys” — it’s a betrayal of the exclusivity and

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45:25

How Does a Porn/Sex Addict Coercing His Partner into...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/10/07

This episode of the PBSE Podcast (#301) centers on the question, “How does a porn/sex addict coercing his partner into acting out fantasies impact them both?” Mark and Steve begin by acknowledging the devastating reality of such coercion and the way it violates the original commitment of exclusivity and mutual respect that every relationship is meant to hold. They describe how many addicts enter marriage hiding a “secret sexual basement,” carrying unspoken behaviors and fantasies from their

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46:50

When Touch Feels Like Pressure: Breaking Free from...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/30

Episode 300 highlights the raw submission of a betrayed partner struggling with a husband who pressures her sexually despite her clear “not yet.” He gawked, grabbed, and dismissed her boundaries while excusing his behavior as a “high sex drive.” His minimization left her doubting herself, wondering if she was the problem. This dynamic illustrates how gaslighting erodes self-trust and places partners in a painful double bind: desiring genuine intimacy but being bombarded by objectification and

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46:18

Big Gestures, Broken Trust—Living in the Cycle of...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/23

In this episode (#299), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner’s story of exhaustion after five years of broken promises from her addict spouse. Despite his grand gestures—weekly check-ins, new hobbies, and podcast listening—he repeatedly relapses and becomes defensive when confronted. This cycle leaves her hyper-vigilant, carrying the weight of the household, and feeling unseen and dismissed. The hosts emphasize that her pain and misery are valid and reflect the natural toll of betrayal

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35:23

As a Recovering Porn & Sex Addict—What Is Keeping Me...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/16

In this powerful PBSE conversation (Episode 298), we respond to a listener who vulnerably asked whether he is staying in his marriage out of love—or out of fear and obligation. Three and a half months into the space between Discovery Day and full therapeutic disclosure, he wonders if he can truly love his wife, or if he is staying simply because of the kids, his reputation, or fear of being alone. Mark and Steve normalize these questions and share how fear-based thinking dominates the early stages

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38:12

"Everyone Thinks He’s Great . . . But They Don’t...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/09

In Episode 297, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a porn/sex addict in active recovery. He describes an ongoing situation that is very difficult for his betrayed partner and shows a great deal of genuine concern for her. Here's the issue—compliments by friends, family and others, aimed at an addict in recovery, can create painful triggers for betrayed partners, who know both the admirable qualities others see and the secret story of betrayal they carry. For partners,

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41:14

When Loving Him Means Losing Me—Do I Stay or Go?!

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/09/02

When a partner reaches the heartbreaking point of saying, “I love him, but I feel I’m losing myself,” the question of staying or leaving becomes urgent. After 21 years of repeated betrayal, secrecy, and broken promises, one woman wonders how long she can endure the cycle. This PBSE episode (#296) unpacks that struggle, emphasizing that being lured back by charm is not weakness but love—and also highlighting how charm without change is manipulation and emotional abuse.We examine the addict’s cycle of

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47:55

My Partner uses Porn to Punish Me for Not Losing...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/26

This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true love cannot coexist with manipulation, blame, and objectification.On the husband’s side, recovery requires

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40:05

Healing for Betrayed Partners with a Sexually Abusive...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2025/08/19

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: The Impact of a Sexually Abusive Childhood on a Betrayed Partner (Part 1)Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

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96 results

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