x

75% of people globally want unbiased news (Pew Research) but are concerned they're not getting that.

Get balanced coverage with Symby. See how stories are covered across diverse outlets and spot when one side covers a story the other skips.

PODCAST

Umpire Pants

Are umpire pants the best pants ever? Mary says yes, her son Bill says no. They also argue about almost everything else.

comedy

All Episodes

00:48:16

Episode 208: The Gumby’s Not a Thing

Umpire Pants ·

2021/08/23

Bill is here by phone this week. Podcast recommendation: Crime Travels. We don’t know how to launder money, but we’ll figure it out. We need to come up with a family scam. The USA is like a carnival midway. Bill has another timely review - Pinocchio, the movie and the book. Mary is the Queen of Rant and Rave. Mary had a call with a very serious King County employee. We falsely accuse Mary of saying fustrating. Jaw and Toe update from Bill. Mary has a story about a cat. Kelley’s Hint List

en

00:29:58

Episode 207: My Favorite Song is Jaws

Umpire Pants ·

2021/08/15

It’s another 2/3 Episode, y’all, Bill is out, but old steady Kelley is here! We’ve had a hot smoky week, and being stuck inside for just a few days has gotten to us! Kelley gives two sides to getting unsolicited comments from strangers. We get distracted by bees on the 11th floor balcony. Is a clusterfuck like an orgy, and did our grandma participate? Mary takes the critic’s side, on this week’s Reviews of Cooking Recipes segment! Did Mary go to the Beef, It’s What’s for dinner opera? There are

en

00:23:43

Episode 206: The Sarcastic Raves

Umpire Pants ·

2021/08/09

We’re live on scene camping this week and the crows are yelling, folks! Mary isn’t here, but we have a segment from her. Bill’s piss-toe is back, baybee! Camping without a fire and cooking while camping. We play Seattle Times Rant and Rave – which one did Mary write? What is your camping treat? Email us! Growing up with a toy store in the family. Bold chipmunks and weird stuff in your shoes. It was a short boi, see you next week! Umpire Pants Out!

en

00:48:53

Episode 205: Parts that Fell Off of Dad

Umpire Pants ·

2021/08/03

This is the second of a double header, and it shows! Bill has MORE than three reasons he likes Kelley. Mary made muffins with real sugar and it’s the talk of the town. Should Bill get a fancy Seth Rogan gravity bong? Yes, listeners, he should. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Roshomon. Mary declares if certain movies are considered Movies or Films…and her definition of a film is interesting! Bill thinks people need to stop going to the first Starbucks and start going to the first Costco. Mary’s Wheel

en

00:40:30

Episode 204: It’s Medium Boy Summer

Umpire Pants ·

2021/07/25

We’re back together, and we have a new table! Mary took a re-con mission to Skippers, and didn’t really elaborate on that story. Mary has been volunteering. Bill is officially endorsing Popeye’s Chicken. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Dolly Parton. Please listen to Cash on the Barrelhead on the break today. What does your husband prefer you wear? Chef Boyardee Lasagna? Let’s make Bill try it. Mary has to RIDE in a car for four hours and is complaining. Mary’s Shitlist of the Week: Poor toe art.

en

00:44:05

Episode 203: Oops No Titles!

Umpire Pants ·

2021/07/19

I didn’t pick a title this week, gosh darn-it, I forgot! But I’m not re-listening to find one, so you’ll have to survive with my half-hearted Oops All Berries reference, but I assure you, you’ll be fine. XOXO -Kelley It’s a Mary and Kelley Ep, but Bill will call in for a bit in the second half. We are announcing Medium Boy Summer, our episodes are going to be 45 minutes until the weather gets bad again. Kelley was a full grown adult before she knew the sport is called badminton not badmitton

en

00:37:15

Episode 202: His Hair Was Hat

Umpire Pants ·

2021/07/12

We’ve taken our new equipment on the road! This episode was recording outside during a family camping trip, and we took advantage of our situation and smoked a joint, so don’t get your hopes up on content. Kelley tells the tale getting trapped in a parking garage with Herman. Mary proposes a top-ten drinking episode compilation. Bill watched the Towering Inferno, so he has a timely review! Second run movies. We take a break and don’t really re-group. Kelley tries to re-light a joint about 100

en

01:04:14

Episode 201: RERUN ALERT! Ep 148 Medicine Woman You Fart

Umpire Pants ·

2021/07/06

Mary went to Portland, and Kelley and Bill decided to record remotely. The only problem was, Kelley couldn't find a decent headset, and the recording sounded too terrible to release. So please enjoy this trip down memory lane, with Episode 148 from one year ago this week.

en

01:02:27

Episode 200: Butt to Butt with All Your Bros

Umpire Pants ·

2021/06/28

It’s Episode 200, and we discuss our Skippers plan! Elivira was in the Groundlings. Kelley’s an old lady now. The robots probably won’t take our jobs if we demand living wages. Mary has a new term for Man Caves: Bro Hole. Mary is judging your couch. We do a taste test of corn muffins. Reviews from a Skippers. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Wikipedia page for the Polari language. Is James Beard named that because he has a beard? We discuss ice cream truck songs, Turkey in the Straw, and remember

en

00:53:14

Episode 199: Mom’s Canning Pizza’s at her House

Umpire Pants ·

2021/06/21

Mary brought three reasons she likes Bill! And Kelley is still unclear about what #1 is. Kelley has three reasons she likes Bill too, but it’s not as fun because she was hoping Mary would forget and look bad. Pizza talk with Doug and Jim! Assless Chaps Update. Mary has a Pants Stance, and no surprises here, she’s being a pain in the ass about it. Mary returned some stuff for Kelley. We share stories of shoplifting. Max the Dog update: Happy Boy. What weird food have you found in bed? The

en

01:01:26

Episode 198: Pat Sadjack

Umpire Pants ·

2021/06/13

We’re back in person, and getting a cat update, live with Emmet and Cisco! Producer Felix is here to check up on up. Getting up early and late sunny nights. Is Bill the most cantankerous one in Harbor Freight? Is Kelley the older sibling now? Bill is back on his old man bullshit, and refurbishing his Weber grill. Bill brings a sincere list of reasons he likes Mary this week, did she do the same, as promised? We have new portable equipment now, so we can start planning our Skippers trip. Bill has

en

00:41:50

Episode 197: Best of - Pants Stance (Pandemic Supercut)

Umpire Pants ·

2021/06/07

Well, we tried, we failed, we learned nothing along the way, and we are still mad at each other. Enjoy this weeks-long journey through the pandemic, where Mary refuses to join the herd and wear comfortable pants, Kelley desperately tries to convince her to, and Bill is just sort of amused by how it all plays out.

en

01:06:02

Episode 196: Just Plain Good Cheese

Umpire Pants ·

2021/05/31

Umpire Pants is fully vaccinated and back in person! Our dad knows what’s up with pants, even though out mom ever figured it out during the pandemic. Mary still can’t think of three reasons she likes Bill. Mary has some money saving tips. Mary is annoyed by her new cats, and we talk about cats for a bit too long. The Mariners are terrible, and have been forever, and Bill wants to talk about it. Oh Word? Kelley talks about some names that have confused her. A case of mistaken identity. Reviews

en

00:53:50

Episode 195: Re-Pizzas

Umpire Pants ·

2021/05/24

Kelley’s keeping Bill on his toes with false-starts today. Big news! Mary got new cats! And they’ve got some seriously Seattle names. New tattoos. We’re recording in person next week you guys!!! We have some minor tech issues, but carry on. Volcano talk and Twitter weirdos. Oh Word! Which regional term do you use? More pet talk, but it’s hose weather, so give us a break. Bill’s song pick of the week: Surfing on a Rocket by Air. We come right back from the break with a call from listener

en

00:55:55

Episode 194: I’m talking about Max Turds

Umpire Pants ·

2021/05/17

Mary wants to apologize about last week’s show. Mary and Bill are intermittent fasting and it’s going pretty well. Kelley completed an 8-week dumbbell workout, and recommends trying it if you’re interested. People are acting like idiots and causing a gas shortage. Is Mary being reckless, with her headphones in, walking downtown? Mary tried to give Kelley cabbage instead of cauliflower, and boy was something stinky! Mary is trying a tomato plant on her balcony, stay tuned to see if it gets fruit!

en

00:46:17

Episode 193: Was it the Puce or Was it the Pants?

Umpire Pants ·

2021/05/10

This record was a real late boy! Bill is rocking the giant glasses, giant phone case look. Mary spins a confusing tale of sarsaparilla. Follow-up to Fair Talk, what should we enter in the State Fair? We get our first caller – listener Bruce has a deal for Mary! Mary can’t comprehend keeping Kleenex in the back window of a car. Car talk. Max the dog has neighborhood friends. Mary sent Kelley a weird photo today. Puce Pants Pants Stance: We’re Done. Mary’s Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Recipes

en

01:00:37

Episode 192: We’ll Have to Destroy This Episode, so...

Umpire Pants ·

2021/05/03

Mary wants to start the show mid-argument, so let’s go! We’ve messed up Mother’s day with our vaccine schedules. We’re not saving Mary if she joins a cult. Ween update! Mary wants us to all enter something in the fair, and boy are we excited! Bill’s jaw pain is better! Kelley turns down a dinner date. Bill’s exciting for camping season, and we talk about car tents. Is Kelley having a midlife crisis, or did she just dye her hair and start a new hobby the same week? We get a Pants Stance and

en

01:03:24

Episode 191: If We Get Kicked Out of Skippers We Get...

Umpire Pants ·

2021/04/25

It’s Episode Pants! Kelley got a vaccine appointment closer to home, so she’s not going the Super Mall. Why does Costco sell bear spray here? Mary has tales of self checkout. Good packaging alert – Crutchfield! Styrofoam cooler ban in Washington State and a possible cooler hack. Bill’s worried his UW sweatshirt is giving people the wrong idea. We have an exciting stair update guys! Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Friday Night Dinner (that’s two Umpire Pants recommendations for this show, now guys).

en

00:53:38

Episode 190: Give Them a Donut Then Give Them the Shaft

Umpire Pants ·

2021/04/19

It’s spring cleaning time, and Mary is throwing hers on the street. We’ve got some more vaccine appointments, folks, so we’re getting jacked for hugs. Bill goes scrappin’ and gets a new grill, what a dude! Remember Betty’s Burgers in Seattle? Excessive packaging is infuriating, and Bill reiterates that he’s a teriyaki whale who doesn’t like styrofoam. Pressure Cooker of the Week: Bluetooth headphones. Reviews of Cooking Recipes: Pizza. Nextdoor Update: Intense wildlife edition. Pants Stance:

en

01:01:15

Episode 189: Circle Math

Umpire Pants ·

2021/04/12

Kelley bleeps herself right off the bat today, rather than risk using an offensive term. (The video game Kelley referenced was Diablo III guys, but I’m sure you could tell from her description.) Do we need a weed tolerance break? Stair Update: 19! How do we feel about Hulk Hogan? We’re scared of him, okay? Mary has beef with Spotify and it’s causing multi-day fights in her household. Mary is back with her Fully Vaccinated Adventures and a trip to her favorite bar. Pants Stance? Mary hates

en

278 results

Similar Podcasts

射後不理＃爽就好了

咪咪 & 淳淳

Therapy Gecko

iHeartPodcasts

百靈果 News

Bailingguo News

Old Time Radio Comedy

solgoodmedia.com

The Hard Yarns Podcast

Cameron Branch and Daniel Delby