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PODCAST

Thot Topics

Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.

society & culture music commentary

All Episodes

07:31

Gyal vs. Wild AKA The Girls Go to Rainforest Cafe...

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/18

**PATRONS ONLY** SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS WELCUM 2 THE JUNGLE BABY! To celebrate our 150th freakin' episode, we do a little bit of GORILLA podcasting and bring our white asses to the TRUE Ape Escape: The Rainforest Cafe! Swaddled in the lush acoustics of the jaguars, toucans, chimps and elephants, we do what we do best and share our truest feelings over some questionable cuisine. We involved our sisters in the celebration by soliciting topics and questions from listeners

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01:36:40

Insane Clown Pussy!

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/16

And the Nookie Tight Nookie Clean Award goes to... We're back and wetter than ever! The girls convene at the top of the charts to take the cultural temperature through the top 15 of Billboard's new TikTok Top 50. We share our official stance on Christianity and make am embarrassing admission about Taylor Swift. SkeeYee! Of course that's not all gworlfriend! We do a little chit-chattington about anti-semitic coworkers, Doja Cat and Nicki's VMA performance, and soooo much more. The give has

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02:20:00

New Millennium Broadz! (feat. Alex Kazemi) [UNLOCKED]

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/11

In honor of our sister Alex Kazemi's pub week, we're unlocking our double-long extra thick and juicy interview for all our divas to enjoy <3 Get your copy of New Millennium Boyz, out tomorrow, Sept. 12 2023! THANK U GOD 4 ALL THIS POD We're joined in the atrium of the Thot Topics Literary Institute & Creative Learning Center by novelist and good-time gal ALEX KAZEMI, author of the forthcoming New Millennium Boyz! Lots of spoilers ahead so listen with caution (and with your tits out!) We talk

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06:56

New Millennium Broadz! (feat. Alex Kazemi) [Preview]

Thot Topics ·

2023/09/05

**PATRONS ONLY** GET FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS THANK U GOD 4 ALL THIS POD We're joined in the atrium of the Thot Topics Literary Institute & Creative Learning Center by novelist and good-time gal ALEX KAZEMI, author of the forthcoming New Millennium Boyz! Lots of spoilers ahead so listen with caution (and with your tits out!) We talk about pop music's middle class, the dying art of celebrity, the R-word, weird ketchup, huffing household products, men only capable of being "gay"

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01:12:09

Let’s Get Biblical!

Thot Topics ·

2023/08/26

It's time to crack open the oldest and boldest book in history. On the first day, God said "Let them give cunt!" We are back to address the rumors, the drama and conflamma-- but that's not even the most important thing. We also play a few good old fashioned rounds of the Noah's Ark game, in which we decide who is allowed on the boat to God's New World, and who is most definitely not invited. Did it give Leviticus sweetie? We also present our bold new vision for public transportation across our

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06:19

Men in Blackface! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/08/15

**PATRONS ONLY** Subscribe on Patreon for full uncut raw access. Trust us when we say this one's worth the four dollars... We're back with a newly expanded soundboard and a newly inflated fucking RACK and we're ready to take in the news. Owww! First, we ask the audience some pertinent questions about Steamworks and do a little bit of oversharing as a group. Then, we turn to former president Barack "Misdemeanor" Obama and analyze new findings regarding his potential faggotry. All signs point to

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01:27:11

Lizzo’s Big Fat Humongous Giant Plus-Sized Bananarama!

Thot Topics ·

2023/08/06

Bad news y'all we figured how to make a soundboard Pardon Nick's weird gross sick voice, but we are back in the booth for an emergency transmission on all things big, huge, gargantuan, ginormous, and whaleish! We take Lizzo's accusers to task and address the haters head-on: would these "dancers" have a job without Lizzo? Does it sound kinda fun to eat a nana out the na-na? Should pop stars have HR coordinators? LET'S SETTLE THIS: SUMO STYLE! THEN, we talk about Doja's new single and the difference

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10:24

Box Office Bombshells! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/07/27

**PREVIEW. PATRONS ONLY. SUB FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS** We're about to turn Hiroshima into HiroSHEma, OKAYYY???? Welcome back to our Barbieful Dark Twisted Fantasy-- we reconvene in the sweltering heat of Chicago summa to let our brains cook and let the takes fly like the free birds they are. We have a LOT of ground to cover this evening folks: we discuss our rapturous experience at Beyonce's Renaissance tour, and review Greta Gerwig's billion dollar BARBIE. Spoilers

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01:17:22

Asparteens Pt. 1: The Big Girl’s Dilemma!

Thot Topics ·

2023/07/24

They feed us poison (Vegetables) / So we take their "cures" (Wellbutrin XR) / While they suppress our medicine (Diet Dr Pepper) Live from the top of the food pyramid, it's Thot Topics! We pregame for the Beyonce concert by once again talking about our inability to feed ourselves properly, but there's so much more TEXTURE to it this time. We also review a big weekend of new music, from Ice Spice to Slayyyter to NewJeans to Britney. Join us in a few days for our super deluxe BARBIE review and

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06:26

Troy Savants! (feat. Sydney) [Preview]

Thot Topics ·

2023/07/15

**PATRONS ONLY** SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS This is the hand that gives... and this is the hand that's taking it... We're back and joined by the honorable Judge Sydney in the courtroom of the mind's eye, AKA the newly expanded Thot Topics Plus-Sized Creators Studio. There's MUCH to discuss and many beers to drink before we have to start our intermittent fast-- so let's get crackin'! We talk about vaping, racist middle schoolers, Skai Jackson, Shane Dawson, Disney Channel

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01:23:16

Over-The-Shoulder Ijbolder Holders!

Thot Topics ·

2023/07/06

We the ijbol, in order to form a more perfect union, find these justices in contempt of CUNT! Ready to hear the wind whistle through the skulls of two gay guys as they attempt to form a cogent opinion about politics? This week, the girls unpack the week's big Supreme Court decisions. We heard the jury was hung so we HAD to investigate. Gay websites and gay wedding cakes, affirmative cracktion, and student loan debt are picked apart and snacked on. Naturally that's not all-- we predict

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10:15

Ghetto Gaggin’ AKA Happy Meat Week! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/06/27

*PATRONS ONLY! SUBSCRIBE TO THE THOT TOPICS PATREON FOR ACCESS TO THE FULL 2 HOUR EPISODE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS* Get in faggot we're going to Arby's! This week, the girls convene unda da sea to discuss all things sub-marine and on dry land! For starters, we cover all the new music that's come out since we last had a girly little chitchat: Kim Petras's "debut album" FEED THE BEAST, the Barbie soundtrack, and quite a few more hits and misses. And that's not all: what the fuck is going on with

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01:49:46

The Great Aslaykening! (feat. CuteAnon)

Thot Topics ·

2023/06/13

Live from the deep slayyyte, Chris from CuteAnon joins us in the studio and we have a total caBALL! I'm just a mole, sir! I'll keep it real and say that this is just some good old fashioned gay guys talking over a couple of cold ones. Isn't this what you came for!? With a little help from Truth or Drink, we really get to know each other in a wet and wild way. Pillow fight!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Take us to

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04:05

(Preview) Gay Little Monkey Hour #7: I Hate You Fat...

Thot Topics ·

2023/06/09

**PREVIEW ONLY. FULL 2-HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA ON PATREON!** Welcome to the jungle baby!!! We're finally back in (monkey) business and ready to swing from tree to tree! This week, we come to you bearing a double-length episode that's all about FAME, CELEBRITY, STAR POWER, and FUN!! First, we review the new HBO series THE IDOL: is Lily-Rose Depp a good actress? Would that "I'm Just a Freak" song be a hit? Isn't it kind of gross to smoke a cig in the SAUNA? Things get heated... Then, we execute a brutal and

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02:08:47

Thotline 5: Opening the Malebox!

Thot Topics ·

2023/05/26

You already know what time it is! We asked the Thot Topics community to pick up the phone and buss open their inner worlds-- and boy did they deliver! Over the course of this double-long extra thick episode, we hear the homosexual and female voices of listeners like YOU and get to the bottom of everyone's most pressing issues. How can you get gay guys to ogle you to make your girlfriend jealous? When everything seems to be going just fine and you're still unhappy, what's a hoe to do? Do

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09:14

A Parent’s Guide to Serving Cunt! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/05/19

**PATRONS ONLY** We return to the booth with clear minds and open hearts, ready to do a little bit of Matty Healing. Love WINS! This week, we have a big girls' cocktail powwow to discuss Taylor Swift's pivot to NAZISM after fraternizing with KNOWN PORN WATCHER The 1975's Matty Healy. What does this mean for Taylor? Is being a porn star empowering or degrading to these people? What are Inuit people? Nick gives Cris a crash course in Cum Town/Red Scare history. Next, we discuss Kim Petras's Sports

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02:18:13

Miss Jewniverse AKA Genie in a Butthole!

Thot Topics ·

2023/05/11

Pretty hurts... and ugly kills 💔 RT if u cry everytime... We're back! This week, the girls take to the stage and channel their poise, beauty, grace, and tact to see how well they'd fare in the face of the Top 25 most commonly asked Miss Universe interview questions. From role models to world peace, we put our heads (and breasts) together to find an answer that will please the judges. But that's not all: we wonder what the fuck is going on with movies right now, pop a fat bottle of

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01:56:46

The Mother-Briggs Test!

Thot Topics ·

2023/04/24

It was a slow news week AGAIN (let's fucking look alive people!!) so we decide to turn to the world of social science to discover what sort of surprises lay in wait. Brought to you by THEE original diva-doll Isabel Myers-Briggs, this episode features the girls diving deep into their sick and twisted psyches to find out which of the 16 personalities describe them best. Could we be E for Extra Juicy, or I for Ignant? Could we be S for Sexy, or N for... Nevermind Could we be T for Titillating, or F for

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01:51:38

Tits Out for Toyotathon!

Thot Topics ·

2023/04/08

Not a lot of topics this week... we went in with a game plan I swear! This week, we convene for a wine-drunk Girls' Summit and discuss everything that's on our sick and twisted minds. Honestly, what DON'T we cover? The difference between people who come out in high school vs college, the Super Mario Movie, this spring's new and very off vibe, being more famous than Bob the Drag Queen, being clockable, using hotness to get ahead in the world, PUSSY HOLE BY DJ NASTY, and SOOO much more. We get

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20:11

Kuntsugi (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/03/30

**PATRONS ONLY!!** Subscribe for full backdoor access. I mean backstage access. Or do I? Hey girl! Did you know that uhm. There's a tunnel under ocean boulevard?? Believe it or not we thought we were going to have time to talk about the TikTok ban and school shooters LOL! This week, we deliver the definitive two-hour-long deep dive into Lana Del Rey's new album. In a track by track evaluation, we assess the good, the bad, and the fugly: and deliver some takes that we really think you're gonna

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