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PODCAST

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you"re struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We"ve been there. We"ll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you"re married to an addict—we KNOW

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

37:00

Is it My Responsibility to Make My Porn Addicted...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/09/03

In Episode 244, Mark & Steve address the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict who submitted the following to PBSE—As a partner of an addict, what can I do to help my partner feel more supported during his recovery, so that he may feel more comfortable telling me the truth??? Time and time again, I have caught him in lies or omissions and it’s eating away at the trust in our relationship. Most recently, we engaged in physical intimacy and I could tell IMMEDIATELY that he had been looking at porn

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37:37

My Porn Addicted Partner has ADHD. He Insists I MUST...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/08/27

In Episode 243, Mark & Steve address a very important issue submitted to PBSE by a listener who is the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. This question especially resonated with Mark as he himself, along with a number of his children and many of his extended family, have suffered with the challenges of mental illness and related diagnosed issues like ADHD. Here's the submission by a PBSE listener—My husband and I have been friends for close to 20 years, in a relationship for 7 years,

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36:29

“Men will Just be Men—Live with it?” REALLY?!

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/08/20

In this PBSE episode (#242), Mark & Steve respond to an incredibly vulnerable, painful submission by a PBSE listener. Her submission starts out with—I was happy to have found your podcast after my partner’s reluctant disclosure last month. After experiencing what can only be described as one of the most intensely painful experiences of my life, I navigated my way to one of your episodes about betrayal trauma and it immediately eased my mind and provided me a much-needed sense of validation. I

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38:39

How Can I Support my Partner (who I Betrayed) so She...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/08/13

In Episode 241, Mark & Steve respond to a porn/sex addict in recovery who is facing an extremely difficult situation with his betrayed partner. Here's what he submitted through the PBSE contact form—Hey, my wife is one of the .01% of wives who expects me to be absolutely perfect. I don’t know what to do? I’ve been focusing on being serene. Learning from every mistake I make. I’m 16 ish months sober. And in full recovery. Each step of the way, I’m reminded how I’m a screw up. That the score

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30:04

What are the differences and similarities between...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/08/06

In Episode 240, Mark and Steve address an important issue submitted by a male betrayed partner. Here's his submission—How do male betrayed partners process betrayal trauma differently than women? What are the difficulties male partners have when trying to heal the relationship with their betrayer? Are there any differences in recovery and repair between male betrayed/female sex addict vs female betrayed/male sex addict? I have been attending 12 steps for codependents for sex addicts, and have

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35:28

A Close Friend Matches My Addict Husband’s Past...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/07/30

This episode, # 239, is in response to a very common and very painful, frustrating and limiting situation submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict—My husband is currently in recovery, and I am unfortunately still in the depths of betrayal trauma. Unfortunately in the early discovery days (there have been 3 major ones over 20 years) I dug for the most amount of detail surrounding my husband’s outlets possible. At the time I did not know how damaging this would be for us both. I didn’t

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31:42

For an Addict Seeking to Overcome “Public Scanning,”...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/07/23

Episode 238 comes in response to a request from a long-time PBSE listener. Here's her submission—Can you talk about the "3 second rule" and why it’s not an ok rule?! Many people talk about it and/or say they’ve read, heard, or had addicts, partners, therapists, suggest this rule. I love the way you’ve described what crap that is because an addict's mind doesn’t need 3 seconds to go to addiction thoughts. I can’t recall if you’ve ever talked about it on PBSE. I think maybe, but on

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33:14

My Addict Partner was Doing Well in Recovery. Then...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/07/16

In this Episode 237, Mark and Steve get passionate in responding to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's what she shared—In My partners and I are now 12 months into our journey and I have been doing really well for the most part. I had been feeling like I was really getting on top of my betrayal and processing everything that happened. I felt as though my partner was also doing well, we had been communicating well and he had stopped masturbating and looking at porn and speaking

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35:49

Why is Knowledge of Horrific Abuse in the Porn...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/07/09

In this episode, # 236, the betrayed partner of a porn addict writes a very raw and vulnerable message to PBSE with some deeply poignant, hard-hitting questions. Here's what we received from her—Hey Mark and Steve, my partner was 4 years porn-free and then relapsed, using porn intermittently for about 8 months before I caught him. He says he's serious now and willing to make an effort. Your podcast has been very helpful for both of us in the weeks since the discovery.My question is this:

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32:47

I’ve Disclosed my Sexual Addiction history to my...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/07/02

In Episode 235, a PBSE listener writes in to ask Mark & Steve for guidance on how to best support his partner going forward. The couple were together off and on for 11 years and then married for the last 10 years. During the entire span of 21 years, he has struggled with sex/porn addiction and alcohol abuse. Recently, he got serious about getting into recovery, for both his alcohol dependency and his sex/porn addiction. As an essential part of his recovery and her healing, under the direction of

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40:01

HOW Does an Addict Get to Real, Lasting SEXUAL &...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/06/25

Episode 234 comes in response to TWO situations/questions sent to PBSE by porn/sex addicts in recovery. Here’s a brief overview of each—The first has been addicted to porn since he was 14 and is now well into his adult years. He was in a relationship for 3 years before disclosing his addiction. In his own words he says—Since then I have lied about recovery; was in active addiction while supposedly practicing recovery; gaslit, verbally and psychologically abused my partner for years. I lied in...

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32:37

What’s the Point in Staying with a Porn/Sex Addict?...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/06/18

In Episode 233, Mark & Steve respond to a very heart-felt submission from a betrayed partner, who asks some very hard questions about her relationship with a partner who is a porn/sex addict in recovery. Here's what she submitted to PBSE—Hi Mark and Steve, I’m feeling a lot of apathy in my marriage and I don’t understand the point in staying. I’ve been with my husband for two years and married for less than six months. We have been separated for two weeks now because he has kept relapsing

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33:02

The PBSE/Dare to Connect Approach vs 12-Step Support...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/06/11

In PBSE Episode 232, Mark & Steve respond to a listener's experience and questions with regard to the approach to Betrayal Trauma healing that PBSE and Dare to Connect take, vs. the experience in 12-Step groups. Here's what the partner of a porn/sex addict submitted to PBSE—Is it me or are the approaches of partner-oriented 12-step fellowships the opposite of the recovery approach taken in PBSE podcasts? The podcasts are all about connection and boundaries. The partner’s 12-step fellowshi...

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32:28

Because He’s a Sex Addict—even in Real Recovery—I...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/06/04

Episode 231 comes in response to a very raw and real submission by a PBSE listener who is the partner of a sex addict. Here's what she vulnerably expressed—I’m the partner of a sex/porn addict who has a 3-4 year history of lying about being in “recovery.” Even to sponsors, men groups & therapists. My experience has always been my discovery, never his disclosure, and death by a thousand cuts over the years. He states he is now “taking his recovery seriously.” That’s to be seen. I’m not wri...

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38:57

What Does “Real Restitution” for Serious Betrayal in...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/05/28

In Episode 230, the betrayed parter of a porn/sex addict submitted her situation and some questions to PBSE surrounding the CRITICAL issue of "restitution." Here's how she expressed it—Over the course of our 25 year long marriage, my husband had two emotional affairs, a decade and a half long porn addiction and a 2 year long physical and emotional affair with a coworker. I was completely blindsided—no inklings or gut feelings. It has been brutal but we are working hard to heal. He has

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37:13

Do I Have to Accept that my Addict Partner, even in...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/05/21

In Episode 229, Mark & Steve answer some very TOUGH questions asked by a partner seeking to heal from the betrayal trauma caused by her porn/sex addicted partner. Here's what she sent in to PBSE:Do I just have to accept he can never be faithful? That an addict will always be an addict so he will always have to fight the want of others? There will always be temptation but recovery means being able to face it and not let it overpower? I don't want that. I don't want urges and

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37:20

As a Partner, I’m Falling and Drowning—HOW DO I STOP!...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/05/14

In Episode 228, Mark & Steve get SUPER passionate talking to the partners of porn/sex addicts! Over the past several weeks, PBSE has received a number of heart-wrenching submissions by listeners who are partners falling and drowning in the overwhelming intensity of betrayal trauma and being in a relationship with a porn/sex addict. Unfortunately, in all of these submissions, the porn/sex addicted partner is choosing to come at the whole issue with one or more of the following—denial,

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36:26

I Need My Sex Addict Partner be “all-in” with...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/05/07

In Episode 227, Mark & Steve respond to an amazing submission from a PBSE listener who is facing an incredibly hard, overwhelming and toxic situation in her relationship with her sex/porn addict partner. One of the things that was so impressive about her submission is how balanced and reasonable she was in describing her partner and the situation. She did NOT "throw him under the bus," but simply stated what has been happening and the impact it has and is having on her. Because the

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39:21

How Can I Share my Authentic Feelings when my Addict...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/04/30

In Episode 226, a PBSE listener asks a very common question about her interactions with her porn/sex addicted partner:Hello, I just recently started listening to your podcast and I was wondering if you have, or if you could talk about, how to approach communicating our authentic feelings when our porn addict partner also struggles with depression … I'm always too scared to be fully transparent with him about what I'm feeling because I worry it will make him spiral to a very dark place … I

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36:44

Can Porn/Sex Addicts be Habitual Liars—even about...

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE ·

2024/04/23

Episode 225 comes from a heart-felt submission by the partner of a porn/sex addict. She reports that he is in solid, serious recovery, but he just can't find a way to become consistently honest! Here's part of what she submitted—It's just a default position (lying) that he takes to everything, whether about his addiction history or about nothing at all. I understand that this is part of their recovery journey, but I can't take it anymore and I am thinking of divorce… if they are

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